Please advise me

[EmmaNZ]

I need advice re my 4 yr old dd. She has been attending a really fantastic kindergarten which I love. It is where her older brother attended before we started home schooling (she started before he left). It really is the most beautiful kindy, and I have been very happy with it.

 

The thing is she seems unhappy. I have had issues with her behaviour - minor things like pushing, being stubborn, talking back. She is also having nightmares. I think there are friendship issues at the kindergarten which have started affecting her self esteem. Also, because we are all at home (ds 5, 2 and 5 months plus myself) and I think she feels like she's missing out.

 

I cannot decide whether to stop taking her or not. If we were starting out now I would not send her because she's happy at home and we're happy to have her. My almost 3 year old will not be starting. The dynamics have changed since we started homeschooling, and I no longer feel kindy is so important. But friends and the kindy teachers are telling me she is fine when she's there, that this is a developmental issue, and basically that it's a good thing for her to work things out on her own.

 

Please help me decide what to do!!

[Julie in CA]

I need advice re my 4 yr old dd. She has been attending a really fantastic kindergarten which I love. It is where her older brother attended before we started home schooling (she started before he left). It really is the most beautiful kindy, and I have been very happy with it.

 

The thing is she seems unhappy. I have had issues with her behaviour - minor things like pushing, being stubborn, talking back. She is also having nightmares. I think there are friendship issues at the kindergarten which have started affecting her self esteem. Also, because we are all at home (ds 5, 2 and 5 months plus myself) and I think she feels like she's missing out.

 

I cannot decide whether to stop taking her or not. If we were starting out now I would not send her because she's happy at home and we're happy to have her. My almost 3 year old will not be starting. The dynamics have changed since we started homeschooling, and I no longer feel kindy is so important. But friends and the kindy teachers are telling me she is fine when she's there, that this is a developmental issue, and basically that it's a good thing for her to work things out on her own.

 

Please help me decide what to do!!

 

Well, I can see many positives about bringing her home.

*She thinks she's missing out

*She's clearly started having some emotional/behavioral issues that you can work on with her only if you're near her

*Whatever is causing the nightmares would hopefully no longer be an issue

* (you didn't mention this, but...)If it's a private kindergarten, you could save a few bucks. :D

 

On the other hand, I can see absolutely no negatives in bringing her home.

My decision would be easy. :001_smile:

[Giraffe]

I don't know if you can swing this or not with your other littles, but can you make an unannounced visit to her class and observe, without her seeing you if possible, how things are going for yourself? Peek through the door and just watch how she's interacting (or not) with the other kids, the teacher, etc. See if you can catch some of the "recess" or playground time as well. The teachers may be missing something that's happening on the playground or in the room that you might see. Or she might be right as rain and it really is just a developmental stage. Only you know your daughter and what's ok for her.

[myfatherslily]

Others will have wiser suggestions and more experience, but I don't see this as a right or wrong decision. I don't think you can make a bad choice either way:)

 

If it was me, I wouldn't hesitate to bring her home. What do you want?

[JudoMom]

I need advice re my 4 yr old dd. She has been attending a really fantastic kindergarten which I love. It is where her older brother attended before we started home schooling (she started before he left). It really is the most beautiful kindy, and I have been very happy with it.

 

The thing is she seems unhappy. I have had issues with her behaviour - minor things like pushing, being stubborn, talking back. She is also having nightmares. I think there are friendship issues at the kindergarten which have started affecting her self esteem. Also, because we are all at home (ds 5, 2 and 5 months plus myself) and I think she feels like she's missing out.

 

I cannot decide whether to stop taking her or not. If we were starting out now I would not send her because she's happy at home and we're happy to have her. My almost 3 year old will not be starting. The dynamics have changed since we started homeschooling, and I no longer feel kindy is so important. But friends and the kindy teachers are telling me she is fine when she's there, that this is a developmental issue, and basically that it's a good thing for her to work things out on her own.

 

Please help me decide what to do!!

 

 

I would bring her home. You've listed some great reasons to bring her home. Do you have a list of reasons why she should stay?

[Hedgehog]

Having had a child have problems at two kindergartens, I would advise you to listen to your dd and follow your gut instinct, wherever that takes you. I only wish I'd done that for my son; we might have avoided a lot of heartache. It's perfectly possible for the kindergarten workers not to be telling you everything, or not to be noticing any issues.

 

I guess I'm not the most impartial of people when it comes to HSing! - but if it was me in this situation, I would find it much easier to have them all at home if only from a logistical viewpoint. The taking and fetching of kids to and from school always seemed to me such a waste of time! JMO!

[Sophia]

I put my (now 5) 3 y.o. in preschool because I thought he would enjoy it.

 

His first day I asked him if he liked it.

He said it was ok except for the drips.

What drips? It wasn't raining...

 

"The drips falling from my eyes because I miss you!"

 

Sigh...I ended up bringing him home at the semester break.

He hated leaving us.

Your dd may be feeling the same way...left out from the fun that's happening at home.

I know my younger dc prefer being with their older sibs over anyone else.

Edited November 2, 2010 by Sophia
Forgot to finish!

[tricia]

I apologize in advance if I seem forward. But, YOU did ask for advice.:001_smile: I have a 4 year old daughter as well. She loves, loves, loves being involved in the lives everyday with all of her many siblings. The feelings of being left out may well be affecting her and that's not a good thing. She very well could be fine when at school because she is in the midst of activity and children and all that. But there is no one in the world that can replace the home and family in the life of a child. Especially one so young. Maybe talk to her about coming home and see what she says. Some children that young act out their feelings rather than discuss them because they normally don't have the intelligence to do so.

 

On another note, I am an extremely avid promoter of homeschooling, family, togetherness, etc. and so my first advice of course would be she is better off at home. From what I understand from your post she is the only one being sent off to school which could further irritate her on the inside and she struggles with the feelings that may come with that and on top of that unable to express how she feels other than acting out. My bet is, if her behaviour changed right after putting her in school then that most likely is the cause you should be looking into. Whether or not you pull her out I think that that could very well be what is troubling. Perhaps there are ways you can work with her if you want her to stay in. But that I suppose is a whole other conversation. At any rate, I wish you the best both for your daughter and your family.

[Joy at Home]

While *I* would bring her home in a heartbeat, I don't know what your long-term goals are for your kiddos. Do you plan on homeschooling them next year and after? If you're planning on keeping dd home next year, why not pull her out now? She's obviously having issues, internal conflict, etc. Despite what friends and teacher says, I see no value in having her work through it for the sake of working through it.

 

Good luck whatever you choose,

Lisa

[kathkath]

I would try to get to the bottom of it with the teachers and then bring her home. By this point they should LOVE LOVE LOVE school. Unless there are problems of some sort (learning problems, serious social problems, teacher problems), kids should LOVE kindy and 1st grade. IMO it is abnormal to not love it. (FWIW I taught PS 1st grade for 8 years and in my experience, if teachers are doing a decent job, there is no reason for a child not to be absolutely ecstatic about school.) The beginning of the year is understandable, as is returning after long breaks. Tough Mondays are occasionally a problem with shy children, but other than that I see red flags.

[Chris in VA]

I'd take what you love about that k class and try to do some of it at home. Is it bright and cheery, with lots of beautiful activities? Then set up similar centers at home. Is it full of music? Then plan some sweet fingerplay/music time. Are they learning thru hands-on fun? Then ditch any K workbooks (or minimize them) and go for the hands-on stuff. Is it fostering independence? Then try some Montessori rug works or a few workboxes. Is it social time with a fantastic playground? Then park days would be right up your alley. Is it teachers that are kind and knowledgeable about young children? Then you've got 'em beat already, 'cause you know your dd best of all.

 

I'd bring her home.

[EmmaNZ]

Thank you all so much for the support. I think I know in my heart that she needs to come home. It worries me when the 'experts' tell you things like children over 3 benefit from being in a nursery; that children need to learn how to deal with other people etc etc. For some reason it makes me second-guess myself, and worry that I can't provide for her best at home. Doesn't that sound ridiculous when it's written it down, but there you go!

[Sophia]

Thank you all so much for the support. I think I know in my heart that she needs to come home. It worries me when the 'experts' tell you things like children over 3 benefit from being in a nursery; that children need to learn how to deal with other people etc etc. For some reason it makes me second-guess myself, and worry that I can't provide for her best at home. Doesn't that sound ridiculous when it's written it down, but there you go!

 

Emma, it's not ridiculous because every single parent on this board has second guessed herself at some point.

Remember, YOU are the expert when it comes to your child.

Call in the doctors and other professionals for consultations when you must, but always listen to your mommy gut.

[Deb in NZ]

Emma,

 

Is there a playcentre near you? If so, you could attend weekly with all your dc, giving your dd the benefits of the "kindy" experience without missing out on family time.

 

My dc did attend kindy, but I know many HS/ing families near me usually are "playcentre" families as they can attend with all their dc. Playcentre is for dc birth-age 6, but our local playcentre is open to HS/ing families bringing older siblings.

 

With us, ds#2 began kindy 2 weeks before I began HS/ing ds#1. Dd was at PS at that time. I did not bring all my dc home to learn until ds#2 finished kindy & dd finished year 6. That was 8 years ago now. Dd & ds#1 never went back to PS, but instead each began polytech at age 16. Ds#2 has decided to begin PS in Feb. for highschool.

 

Kindy is good, but not necessary & in your case playcentre may be better for your family.

 

Note----kindy in NZ is not the same as kindergarten in the States. NZ kindy is more like a developmental preschool.

 

JMHO,