Theoretical Allergy Question

[Osmosis Mom]

Not trying to sound controversial here, just trying to have a discussion.

 

What's reasonable behaviour or how would you proceed if your child was allergic to *tons* of foods including contact-allergies? Meaning that if anybody had eaten of the allergens such as wheat, chocolate, nuts, smelt, what not, what not, and that person touched something without washing off then your child would have a severe reaction, what would you and how far would you expect other people (and their kids and toddlers) to take action? In a coop fx. with 60 other kids and 30 adults?

 

I guess to me I would wait till my child was old enough to thoroughly understand the allergy so I wouldn't impose too much on others nor put the child in danger even if it meant keeping her from social situations.

[Willow]

I attended all big events with dd (anaphylatic) and all food events until she was old enough to understand and inject herself (about 11 years for the injecting)

 

This was one reason we homeschooled.

 

However i did also tell people and ask them to ask their kids not to share food with mine.

 

You cannot simply stay at home, not good for you or your kid, but I didn't do big co-ops etc, only little groups.

 

ETA. Kids with contact allergens should wear gloves (of a type they are not allergic to!) in group situations. Other kids should be reminded to wash hands after eating.

[lovetobehome]

In our co-op, we have a peanut allergic kid. We have a NO PEANUT policy at co-op to protect that child. No one brings peanut products to co-op, it is just too dangerous, and I think it is the least we can do. It isn't my child, but I am perfectly happy to make a slight accommodation for anyone unfortunate enough to have severe allergies. I mean, small thing for us to go w/o peanut for one meal. BIG thing for them to have to deal with every time they eat anywhere outside of home.

My daughter has an egg allergy, and while it might seem insignificant to others, it is very real for us. She has had unexplained accidental ingestions, from someone mishandling food or utensils. She gets violently ill. Because of how forcefully ill she gets, she developed an allergy related eating phobia where she would not eat ANYTHING except about 4 foods. She would starve herself before eating, to the point of almost collapsing. This is at age 7. She was so terrified of getting something contaminated with egg, and it became irrational. You can explain until you are blue in the face, and she is still terrified. Please, do what you can to make life easier for the child (and family) in your surroundings. What that child lives with is much harder than you probably realize.

ETA---also, be aware the child feels very isolated and like an outsider already. The family in our group homeschools BECAUSE of the allergy. They often feel like they are 'bad' because of the allergy. They don't understand why they 'deserved' the allergy and others don't have to deal with it. It is just a really painful thing for a little child to have to deal with all the time. Think how many things they are excluded from....birthday parties, sleepovers, etc. If your group can help this child feel supported, loved, cared for, and valued, and SAFE, all just by avoiding the allergen, it would be a real blessing to them, I am sure. The fear they live with is very real.

Edited October 18, 2010 by lovetobehome

[justasque]

I wouldn't expect anyone else to be responsible for dealing with a reaction except me (and possibly a close trusted friend). Thus, I would not drop off. I would expect others to make an effort to remember, but I'd realize that they would not be perfect at it, especially the kids, so I'd assume it was ultimately my responsibility, and I'd extend grace to anyone who made a mistake about it.

 

Honestly, for me it's a miracle I can dig up something for our lunchboxes on co-op day, and breakfast is on the run in the car. I have so few brain cells after loading the car with all our homework, library books, things I have to give to other people, etc., so to combine what my kid will willingly eat with what we have on hand to make a lunch is a feat in itself; adding someone else's food yes's and no's would likely not be done with 100% accuracy. Would I *want* to succeed, yes. Would I be perfect, no.

[patchfire]

I wouldn't expect anyone else to be responsible for dealing with a reaction except me (and possibly a close trusted friend). Thus, I would not drop off. I would expect others to make an effort to remember, but I'd realize that they would not be perfect at it, especially the kids, so I'd assume it was ultimately my responsibility, and I'd extend grace to anyone who made a mistake about it.

 

:iagree:

[Osmosis Mom]

I like to think I am also a somewhat sensitive person. My own dd has (had?) a potentially fatal nut allergy and has had a few bad reactions fx. when eating chocolate. She had a few years where she abstained from tons of things, so I do understand. I was very conscious of what we would give her and I did have very caring friends -still have- who would go out of their way to provide her with an alternate sweet or something so she wouldn't miss out.

 

However we are talking not just food allergies, but contact allergies. Which means that any one of us eating whatever "regular" pasta or cheese-sandwich could put that child in fatal danger. That's scary to me. I don't know the specifics of how she reacts, but I am just wary of the level of scrutiny everyone must have as to where they eat and their post-meal hygiene. Which is why I am wondering if I as a mother would bring my child to such a setting before she for sure knew better than to bring her hands to her hand or nose or even wear a mouth-mask if the spores are transmitted via air?

[bairnmama]

I have a friend with just such a child. He is not yet 3 yrs old and is one that will pick up anything and still put it in his mouth. He also reacts severely to simple contact with anything nut related and must be gluten free. She has 2 other boys with similar (but not so severe) allergies and just started homeschooling this year. In order to feel safe with her son around food, she started her own homeschool support group that meets once a week with only close friends/family from our church. There are about 5 families and every.single.one of them is in their 1st year of homeschooling... mostly Kers. She just did not feel comfortable joining an already established group that included food in their meetings and not being able to totally protect her youngest son.

[Daisy]

My friend eventually dropped out of our co-op because of her daughter's severe contact allergies. I miss her.

 

She really did everything she could do to protect her daughter. Didn't come to parties with food. Came late, hopefully after everyone was done eating, but it was almost impossible to avoid every scenario. She just reached a point where the stress wasn't worth it.

 

BTW, our church is completely a peanut-free zone so that this child and a few others don't have to worry so much about it.

 

While I think it is the parent's responsibility, I would hope that most people would willingly sacrifice a little so that a child could participate.

[rafiki]

.

[Kates]

My son and I are both celiac, and if he gets even a trace of gluten on his hands or it touches his food, he's seriously ill within an hour. He and I both react to airborne gluten (such as walking into a bakery, which we just plain don't do anymore - even when friends we're with, do.)

 

Honestly, I didn't drop him off ANYWHERE until I knew that he was old enough to keep himself safe (he's now in 9th grade). We didn't eat at other people's houses, unless they asked me about safety methods and I knew it was a situation we had some control over. His co op teachers knew, so that they could just make it a rule that everyone had to wash their hands before they came to class (they blamed it on cold and flu season, then just kept it going), but other than a few trusted friends and his teachers, we don't consider it anyone else's responsibility to keep him safe. That's his job, and mine.

 

If a kid is doing something like rubbing their hands on him right after eating a sandwich, or eating messily right next to (or over) where he's sitting or eating, something like that, I'll gently say something like "he's really allergic to that, so I'm going to have him come help me over there until you're done. After you clean up he can come play again." If it's a kid his age, he'll just explain he can't have __________ (whatever they're offering him) and life goes on.

 

It's hard with a young kid though - and honestly, I don't think that parents can expect everyone to keep their kid safe from everything but water. I don't think the kid should be a hermit or anything, but there does come a time when the parents need to look for social situations that aren't based around food, even if they have to plan those events themselves. Shorter events (so the kids don't get hungry) or events where they provide the food (and let the parents know to tell them before having their children bring something else) may be in order.

[FO4UR]

I have a ds who reacts like that. We don't drop him off at places unless we are in a different part of the building (like church) and can be easily reached in case of emergency. I talk to the adult in charge and express the importance of getting me ASAP if *anything* seems off about my ds. One symptom that he's having a mild reaction is hyperactivity/loss of impulse control/LOUD and continuous talking....many people pass that off as a behavior issue, and *that* is the scary part for me (that people would miss the fact that his face is all red he's and having trouble breathing b/c he's acting out).

 

If I were teaching in a co-op and there was a child with severe life-threatening allergies, a requirement for that child staying w/o a parent MUST be that the child has a prescribed epi-pen and that an adult in the room with the child knows how to use it - at all times - NO exceptions. Better yet, I'd ask that a parent stay close by...in the same building.

 

As the parent of an allergic child, I would hope other parents would avoid the allergen foods for that one morning a week. I don't count on that though.

[Wyndie]

My children are all touch-allergic to multiple foods. In co-op, their teachers just ask the kids to wash their hands before coming to class. No problem for any of them. My son has all his own painting supplies so there's no worry of contamination from hands on paintbrushes. Piano teacher has my daughter wipe down the piano keys when she first gets in class.

 

I did not leave the co-op area for the first 2 years. I gave all the teachers my cell number and sat in the parking lot to be there if needed. This year I can leave b/c one of the teachers took it upon herself to teach all the other teachers how to use an epipen. My son is also old enough to inject himself and advocate for himself. I only leave my son; I stay in the parking lot as long as my daughter is there b/c she is not yet old enough to inject herself and her teacher prefers it.

 

I do not think it's unreasonable to ask others to wash their hands to keep my kids safe. Last year one of the classes were pretty large so I took in wipes and all the kids wiped their hands at the door and it was good enough. My kids ALL know not to touch other kids clothing or bodies b/c of the possibility of food contamination.

 

I tried to hide for years but it was not fair to any of us. Having a co-op who is understanding of our needs is a God-send. On the other hand, we do not expect people to take drastic measures for our safety. I train my children to take care of themselves and I generally do not leave them alone just in case. ;)

[sbgrace]

My son is nut anaphylactic. We don't know how sensitive as his anaphylaxis was with ingestion but the food only contained trace of his nut allergens.

 

I don't leave him anywhere without me or a person who knows anaphylaxis and how to use an epi pen. Family and close friends don't serve nuts when we are present and wash hands. Outside of that we avoid food related events which does limit us. Our coop didn't have food and I was glad for that. Food is more of an issue in churches it seems. I've had teachers pick nuts out of food and try to feed it to my son because all the other kids were eating. He's old enough now to know not to eat anything offered.

 

So the child in question is contact reactive to dairy and wheat? That would be scary. Still, unless she's going to remain in her home 100% of the time every single place she goes has the potential to harm her. That's a stress for her parent I'm sure but the alternative is complete isolation and that's just not healthy. I certainly don't think it's unreasonable to ask people to wash their hands and eat in a certain area? Is that what is being asked? That's pretty simple. To avoid bringing gluten and dairy things would be harder but certainly not impossible for that single (weekly) time I'd think. It would be most difficult for people like us who have different severe allergies (nut, sesame, and egg among others) so the alternatives are limited but I would still do it willingly. I feel for the family.

[Starr]

Not trying to sound controversial here, just trying to have a discussion.

 

What's reasonable behaviour or how would you proceed if your child was allergic to *tons* of foods including contact-allergies? Meaning that if anybody had eaten of the allergens such as wheat, chocolate, nuts, smelt, what not, what not, and that person touched something without washing off then your child would have a severe reaction, what would you and how far would you expect other people (and their kids and toddlers) to take action? In a coop fx. with 60 other kids and 30 adults?

 

I guess to me I would wait till my child was old enough to thoroughly understand the allergy so I wouldn't impose too much on others nor put the child in danger even if it meant keeping her from social situations.

 

100 people are just too many to count on. You could set up a regular snack/lunch time and place for everyone but I would still expect a parent to be present until the child is old enough to use the epi pen.

 

As a school nurse I was sitting at a lunch table with a child that had severe allergies and he touched something he was allergic to. I would not have thought it possible. I gave him his epi pen and his allergist finally figured out who touched what before they touched him.His parents taught him how to function in a world that could cause him harm from a very young age. They never acted sorry for him but just treated it matter of factly.

 

Other friends didn't take their kids to activities that included food until they were older or with just another family group. They went to art classes at the museum or something like that.

 

With a young child I think a smaller group would be much easier to manage.

[Mom0012]

Not trying to sound controversial here, just trying to have a discussion.

 

What's reasonable behaviour or how would you proceed if your child was allergic to *tons* of foods including contact-allergies? Meaning that if anybody had eaten of the allergens such as wheat, chocolate, nuts, smelt, what not, what not, and that person touched something without washing off then your child would have a severe reaction, what would you and how far would you expect other people (and their kids and toddlers) to take action? In a coop fx. with 60 other kids and 30 adults?

 

I guess to me I would wait till my child was old enough to thoroughly understand the allergy so I wouldn't impose too much on others nor put the child in danger even if it meant keeping her from social situations.

 

My son has a ton of allergies. If he had a severe reaction upon contact, I would not bring him into situations where he would be eating with other children for his own safety.

 

Lisa

[Mom0012]

In our co-op, we have a peanut allergic kid. We have a NO PEANUT policy at co-op to protect that child. No one brings peanut products to co-op, it is just too dangerous, and I think it is the least we can do. It isn't my child, but I am perfectly happy to make a slight accommodation for anyone unfortunate enough to have severe allergies. I mean, small thing for us to go w/o peanut for one meal. BIG thing for them to have to deal with every time they eat anywhere outside of home.

My daughter has an egg allergy, and while it might seem insignificant to others, it is very real for us. She has had unexplained accidental ingestions, from someone mishandling food or utensils. She gets violently ill. Because of how forcefully ill she gets, she developed an allergy related eating phobia where she would not eat ANYTHING except about 4 foods. She would starve herself before eating, to the point of almost collapsing. This is at age 7. She was so terrified of getting something contaminated with egg, and it became irrational. You can explain until you are blue in the face, and she is still terrified. Please, do what you can to make life easier for the child (and family) in your surroundings. What that child lives with is much harder than you probably realize.

ETA---also, be aware the child feels very isolated and like an outsider already. The family in our group homeschools BECAUSE of the allergy. They often feel like they are 'bad' because of the allergy. They don't understand why they 'deserved' the allergy and others don't have to deal with it. It is just a really painful thing for a little child to have to deal with all the time. Think how many things they are excluded from....birthday parties, sleepovers, etc. If your group can help this child feel supported, loved, cared for, and valued, and SAFE, all just by avoiding the allergen, it would be a real blessing to them, I am sure. The fear they live with is very real.

 

You said your coop is peanut free because there is a child with a peanut allergy. Why aren't they egg-free for your daughter? This always annoys me immensely. There are so many people that seem to feel the peanut allergy is the only one that matters. We have a number of children in our homeschool group that are severely allergic to milk as well as others who are allergic to peanuts. My son is allergic to all nuts as well as peanuts, fish and shellfish and he is gluten free as well.

 

Every time we have an event that involves food, we are asked to make sure not to bring peanut products. What about the 3 children who are severely allergic to milk? Nope, that allergy isn't important. We actually had a field trip to an ice cream store and a pizza party.

 

I don't expect people to work around my child's allergies. I think there are too many different allergies for people to make accommodations for all of them. But, I do think that unless there is a systemic contact allergy (which is very rare), everyone should just be responsible for their own child. Either that or be prepared to accommodate every allergy in the group.

 

Lisa

[Osmosis Mom]

The child is elementary school age which to me would mean she should know not to put her hands to her nose and mouth, no? The child is allergic to everything, I just mentioned a few things, but it is something like 6-8 things. The eating situation itself is controlled as those with specific allergies sit at one particular table (and there are no mean kids so this is not my point). It is not a drop off situation.

[snickelfritz]

As the parent of an allergic child, I would hope other parents would avoid the allergen foods for that one morning a week. I don't count on that though.

 

But, she's talking about gluten. How many people without gluten allergies could actually, reliably, tell you what products don't contain any gluten? And if you count the allergies I've seen talked about....how many non-allergenic people could really come up with a breakfast for their family that doesn't include: milk, eggs, or gluten? The nuts is a little easier to avoid.

 

Even if people were willing to buy different food products (a budget issue for some), would you really be able to trust that they didn't make an honest mistake?

 

I think you could outlaw food completely for some functions, so that you can try for an allergy-free zone occasionally. With all the toddler, it might be hard to do that for every activity. And you can require handwashing as they come in.

 

ETA: I'm not comparing one person's budget issue to a child's life-threatening allergy. I'm just saying I don't think it's feasible to expect over 100 kids to REALIABLY eat allergen-free foods for breakfast and lunch so that a child avoids the possibility of contact with the allergen.

Edited October 18, 2010 by snickelfritz

[Wyndie]

What that child lives with is much harder than you probably realize.

ETA---also, be aware the child feels very isolated and like an outsider already. The family in our group homeschools BECAUSE of the allergy. They often feel like they are 'bad' because of the allergy. They don't understand why they 'deserved' the allergy and others don't have to deal with it. It is just a really painful thing for a little child to have to deal with all the time. Think how many things they are excluded from....birthday parties, sleepovers, etc. If your group can help this child feel supported, loved, cared for, and valued, and SAFE, all just by avoiding the allergen, it would be a real blessing to them, I am sure. The fear they live with is very real.

 

I was just rereading this thread and wanted to say thank you for pointing this out. My children have extreme fear that they have to overcome every time they walk out the door of our house. Shoot, *I* have extreme fear every time we walk out of the house!!! The act of kindness the co-op shows us by accommodating us is a salve on the fear they live with every moment. It is the ONE safe place outside of our house, that they can be assured that not only do the adults have their well-being in mind, but the other children do too. Even our (very understanding) church does not provide us with that peace of mind.

 

We have taken the kids to a stress reduction therapy. Their stress is off the charts...even the 5 year old. Because they know that every second they are outside of this house, they are at risk of touching something that can kill them. NOT an easy thing to live with when you're a grown up... you can imagine how much harder it is for kids.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

our homeschool group isn't close to being that big-we have one gluten free family and one family with a child with a nut allergy-so whenever we know these families will be attending we don't bring anything with nuts-and the gluten free family has older kids so they basicly know what they can/can't have....easier to do in a small group--totally understand it---scary situation.....

[lovetobehome]

You said your coop is peanut free because there is a child with a peanut allergy. Why aren't they egg-free for your daughter? This always annoys me immensely. There are so many people that seem to feel the peanut allergy is the only one that matters. We have a number of children in our homeschool group that are severely allergic to milk as well as others who are allergic to peanuts. My son is allergic to all nuts as well as peanuts, fish and shellfish and he is gluten free as well.

 

Every time we have an event that involves food, we are asked to make sure not to bring peanut products. What about the 3 children who are severely allergic to milk? Nope, that allergy isn't important. We actually had a field trip to an ice cream store and a pizza party.

 

I don't expect people to work around my child's allergies. I think there are too many different allergies for people to make accommodations for all of them. But, I do think that unless there is a systemic contact allergy (which is very rare), everyone should just be responsible for their own child. Either that or be prepared to accommodate every allergy in the group.

 

Lisa

 

Thank you, it is nice that someone would think of that for my little girl. My daughter seems to be safe as long as she does not eat eggs or anything that touched them. I take ALL her food to every function. I am sure if I asked, they would make it egg free, but I don't see a need. Her allergy is not so severe as the peanut allergy is for the other child. As long as I bring her food, and I feed her in a clean spot, we have never had problems.

It has been harder at church where we have lots of group meals and events. People have been kind enough to inform me of what is egg free, but we have had several accidents where people used an ingredient they thought would be ok and it wasn't. My friend made 'egg-free' crabcakes for my daughter, but didn't realize (or mention) that she had used mayo in them. Mayo has egg. The result was my DD got extremely ill. Same thing with pizza, and one time someone made Rice Krispy treats and told me it was just RK, butter, marshmallows. Well, what she didnt tell me was she ran out of marshmallows so she used marshmellow cream from a jar which is made mostly of egg. She didn't know that, but I would have! I just wished she would have mentioned it, but she thought it irrelevant. My daughter got violently ill. Sometimes people tell me something has no egg, then when I push for exactly what is in it, they say "well there was just one egg in the whole batch!" EEEK!

We no longer trust people's cooking or their word when it comes to food. Even restaurants have failed us when we have been super careful in explaining. People try, but unless you live with it, you do not understand it. After dealing with this for years, and therapy for it, we just decided the best and safest thing to do is to take her food with us everywhere. I take pieces of cake with us to birthday parties, cookies to other events when there is a snack. I try hard to have something always ready to take with us for her. It really is sad, for her. I hate that she has so much anxiety over eating. But, I can't blame her.