I'm a mess. My younger son got cut from his soccer team.

[unsinkable]

I could see myself getting really "redneck" on that coach. Momma bear would come out blazing. Even if it doesn't get your ds back on the team, I would raise HELL with the coach and then even higher up. I would tell them what you told us about them being a team with integrity. I would also take the newsletter welcoming every player back and shove it in their faces. I would honesty blow up. I am so sorry this is happening to your ds!

 

I've been thinking all night that I am going to write the director and say that DH and I want to meet face to face and I will be bringing that newletter. I will also be bringing a copy of the email the director sent me saying that DS was "all set" for next year.

[Pretty in Pink]

:crying: I'm so sorry that this has happened to your ds. I hope you guys can find another organization or activity that he can enjoy.

[unsinkable]

My dh also recommends writing a letter to the newspaper for the editorial page (or whatever your paper calls it). Bad advertisement can do a lot and bring to light the hypocritical coach.

 

I would do it if I could w/o it looking like sour grapes.

[unsinkable]

We can send a posse.

 

WTMamaBear Posse

 

(with a snivelling snotface mascot)

[unsinkable]

This is what I was thinking too. I'm not sure anyone mentioned this yet, but my honest feeling is that even if you can get your point across with the director, I personally wouldn't want my kid on a team with THAT coach or in an organization that would do such a thing. It's one thing if there had been a tryout but there wasn't. This is ridiculous.

 

I hope you can find a good replacement for him. Also, if it was my child, I would tell him exactly why I wasn't fighting to get him back on the team. While this is awful on one side, it's a great teaching moment about people and how we have a choice in how we react. Do we throw a fit and stomp our feet? Or do we calmly assess the situation and make a wise move? I honestly think the wise move in this situation would be to walk away.

 

And then I'd tell EVERYONE I know NOT to send their kid into that league! ;)

 

DH and I have been talking about just what you wrote -- how he isn't the man we thought he was and how we wouldn't want DS with him b/c we can't trust him.

 

In early July, DS and I went to a soccer practice about a half hour early to play frisbee and when the coach pulled in, DS went up to his car to help carry the equipment.

 

The coach snapped at him, "What do you think you're doing with that frisbee?" It was so strangely antagonistic that DS was floored and stood there with his mouth hanging open so I said that we were throwing around and had planned on stopping as soon as a teammate (or coach) got there.

 

Then the coach said, "Well, then, oh. Keep playing. Far be it from me to interupt family time."

 

So we did b/c it was still 20 minutes til practice but as soon as the first teammate got there, Danny went over to the coach with him.

 

At the time I brushed it off but now I am wondering if this all has been in the works for a while.

[unsinkable]

:crying: I'm so sorry that this has happened to your ds. I hope you guys can find another organization or activity that he can enjoy.

 

Thank you

 

I am hopeful that he'll really enjoy some of the new things we are trying to get going.

[simka2]

Thanks and thanks to your DH.

 

Here the soccer season just ended in Aug. so the coach has seen DS all year.

 

The way the organization does "tryouts" is to have a prospective player who isn't on the team come to practices thru the month of July so the coach can get a good look at the player w/o pressuring the player. DS told me that no new players ever practiced with them so the coach must have seen these players elsewhere. There are also kids in the org. playing "up" who want to come back down. So that is why there are no traditional tyrouts. Does that make sense?

 

 

Actually, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense...but that is the soccer club's fault...not yours :glare:.

 

I know that many might disagree with this, but we have better luck with bigger club's...and competetive soccer leagues. The bigger they are the more hard and fast the rules have to be...hope that made sense.

 

If I had to make the decision my ds wouldn't be under this coach, that said...I know my dh would be the voice of reason, we would meet with the director, and if something could be worked out we would talk to our son about what he wants to do. At 12...he is old enough, with you guys being very present, to push through a difficult situation.

[asta]

Just call me Kali the destroyer of Worlds: I have a habit of 'taking down' institutions like that soccer club. Yes, plural.

 

I put kid into what was supposed to be the "best developmental soccer club in town" once. (developmental, as in, they were supposed to be TEACHING) It turned out to be a HUGE sum of money that was really a four part nightmare. Groups A-D. 'A' were the kids the coaches had known from birth, 'B' slightly later, 'C' and 'D' anyone after.

 

You got training according to your group, with the highest level and most attention starting with A. Intermixing was not encouraged because, well, you wouldn't want to 'waste the talent' of the 'A' players by forcing them to play with the 'D' players. No one ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, the C and D players would never GET any better if they weren't allowed to play with, much less LOOK at the players with a higher natural skillset!

 

At the end of the season, I organized the other D parents, pulled my kid, and brought that club to its knees. The club had to totally reorganize the following season and ended up firing their director.

 

Kid moved to a desperately poor inner-city club after that. It probably wasn't very gracious of me, but when the "mean club" came to play, right before kick-off I told "our" boys that the other team was the one that had mistreated their "brother". It was kinda ugly. And our boys won the game, which was rather humiliating for the other team, as they were 'the best' in the city. Oh, and they suddenly noticed kid. Jerks.

 

I'm kinda that way when I see discrimination in all areas, though...

 

 

a

Edited September 12, 2010 by asta

[unsinkable]

Actually, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense...but that is the soccer club's fault...not yours :glare:.

 

I was hoping I was explaining it well enough for you to understand. ;) Glad I did!

 

I know that many might disagree with this, but we have better luck with bigger club's...and competetive soccer leagues. The bigger they are the more hard and fast the rules have to be...hope that made sense.

 

If I had to make the decision my ds wouldn't be under this coach, that said...I know my dh would be the voice of reason, we would meet with the director, and if something could be worked out we would talk to our son about what he wants to do. At 12...he is old enough, with you guys being very present, to push through a difficult situation.

 

We're working out our strategy about meeting w/the director.

[unsinkable]

Just call me Kali the destroyer of Worlds: I have a habit of 'taking down' institutions like that soccer club. Yes, plural.

 

I put kid into what was supposed to be the "best developmental soccer club in town" once. (developmental, as in, they were supposed to be TEACHING) It turned out to be a HUGE sum of money that was really a four part nightmare. Groups A-D. 'A' were the kids the coaches had known from birth, 'B' slightly later, 'C' and 'D' anyone after.

 

You got training according to your group, with the highest level and most attention starting with A. Intermixing was not encouraged because, well, you wouldn't want to 'waste the talent' of the 'A' players by forcing them to play with the 'D' players. No one ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, the C and D players would never GET any better if they weren't allowed to play with, much less LOOK at the players with a higher natural skillset!

 

At the end of the season, I organized the other D parents, pulled my kid, and brought that club to its knees. The club had to totally reorganize the following season and ended up firing their director.

 

Kid moved to a desperately poor inner-city club after that. It probably wasn't very gracious of me, but when the "mean club" came to play, right before kick-off I told "our" boys that the other team was the one that had mistreated their "brother". It was kinda ugly. And our boys won the game, which was rather humiliating for them, as the other team was the best in the city. Oh, and they suddenly noticed kid. Jerks.

 

I'm kinda that way when I see discrimination in all areas, though...

 

 

a

 

The funny this is --- these guys were supposed to be the good guys. They are an organization that was put together to get back to soccer for kids with good, safe coaches and no BS.

 

Yah, right.

 

I like your story, asta.

[Tammyla]

:grouphug: How heartbreaking for you. Let us know how the meeting goes. That just stinks for your ds.

[Trish]

Reading the OP's post does make me want to cry for her poor DS. Why do things have to be so cruel at this age? Yes, in highschool there are "tryouts" and only so many can make it.

 

But why have an experience that is so positive, only to turn it around into such a HUGE negative? Why is it so darn important to "take it up a notch?"

 

That's what travel teams are for.

[RanchGirl]

Thanks and thanks to your DH.

 

Here the soccer season just ended in Aug. so the coach has seen DS all year.

 

The way the organization does "tryouts" is to have a prospective player who isn't on the team come to practices thru the month of July so the coach can get a good look at the player w/o pressuring the player. DS told me that no new players ever practiced with them so the coach must have seen these players elsewhere. There are also kids in the org. playing "up" who want to come back down. So that is why there are no traditional tyrouts. Does that make sense?

 

I don't get this AT ALL. Either they have a try out process or they don't, they don't pull in ringers and have surprise cuts. How totally unfair!

 

It sounds like either they're complete a$$holes with no clue about how to run a soccer club, OR there is some other reason they want your son off the team and they are too cowardly to tell you. To be honest, that was my first thought when you said the coach originally warned you this "might" happen, just because I've never heard of this type of "cut".

 

IF they really have decided they want a competitive team instead of the "everyone is welcome back", rec league style team, the appropriate thing to do would be to form a new team with fair tryout procedures and let the kids who want to, tryout. Not remove players randomly from the current team! The remaining players on the old team would have to find more kids to play to form a team, but it would still be more appropriate.

 

Our traveling teams all have annual tryouts and they bring in outside evaluators to rank the kids on the various skills so there is no hint of bias. I never realized that I should be thankful that they are running things so fairly, I guess I just took it for granted!

[tex-mex]

:grouphug: I am so sorry for you and yours ds. This kind of situation is what has always had me apprehensive in regards to organized sports, especially ones that are more competitive or travel-teams. I wish for you both as smooth a transition to not being on the team as possible. Also, have you spoken with the director to ask about their "everyone is welcome back" policy that seems to have an asterisk next to it? I would personally want to know why this coach is allowed to bypass the organization's policy.[/QUOTE]

 

I want to. Either DH or I will or we'll write a letter.

 

We're still kind of in shock.

I'm confused. I can understand the cut if it is a club traveling team. I have had friends whose kids were headhunted (out of state) to be in such a club team. But if it is like AYSO... everyone plays. Why the cut if the policy stands? You need to be asking questions.

[unsinkable]

:grouphug: How heartbreaking for you. Let us know how the meeting goes. That just stinks for your ds.

 

Thanks. It probably won't be til next week b/c DH has a busy work week coming up.

[unsinkable]

Reading the OP's post does make me want to cry for her poor DS. Why do things have to be so cruel at this age? Yes, in highschool there are "tryouts" and only so many can make it.

 

But why have an experience that is so positive, only to turn it around into such a HUGE negative? Why is it so darn important to "take it up a notch?"

 

That's what travel teams are for.

 

This is a travel team but they still had the philosophy of everyone welcome back. I thought they were committed to developing the players they had but I guess I am wrong.

[unsinkable]

I don't get this AT ALL. Either they have a try out process or they don't, they don't pull in ringers and have surprise cuts. How totally unfair!

 

It sounds like either they're complete a$$holes with no clue about how to run a soccer club, OR there is some other reason they want your son off the team and they are too cowardly to tell you. To be honest, that was my first thought when you said the coach originally warned you this "might" happen, just because I've never heard of this type of "cut".

 

I've wondered that myself. We're not sure how many other kids (if any) were cut. B/c in July the coach said DS was one of the ones at the bottom.

 

IF they really have decided they want a competitive team instead of the "everyone is welcome back", rec league style team, the appropriate thing to do would be to form a new team with fair tryout procedures and let the kids who want to, tryout. Not remove players randomly from the current team! The remaining players on the old team would have to find more kids to play to form a team, but it would still be more appropriate.

 

Our traveling teams all have annual tryouts and they bring in outside evaluators to rank the kids on the various skills so there is no hint of bias. I never realized that I should be thankful that they are running things so fairly, I guess I just took it for granted!

 

This sounds great. We wish they'd do this with sports around here.

[unsinkable]

I'm confused. I can understand the cut if it is a club traveling team. I have had friends whose kids were headhunted (out of state) to be in such a club team. But if it is like AYSO... everyone plays. Why the cut if the policy stands? You need to be asking questions.

 

I feel just like you. I want to know if this coach has special dispensation to do what he wants or if the newletter is just PR BS.

[justasque]

The other question to ask is were there enough kids cut from the team to possibly make up another team? Yes, you would need a coach, etc., but a "JV" team can be a great "feeder" team for the existing team, and thus perhaps worth their effort to coordinate. Or of course you could be independent (pros and cons there). Is your team affiliated with a national group? If so, what are *their* rules for how things should be handled? I'm OK with cuts if the process is clear in advance, but this situation seems oddly handled.

[unsinkable]

I appreciate everyone's responses and sympathy!

 

I feel like I have no one to turn to IRL, especially on the team. I don't want it to get back to DS and I've seen it enough with hockey that a cut kid/family becomes a pariah. It's as if people are afraid to associate with you or don't care to associate with you. Unless you have really good friends on the team (which we don't, even tho we were trying), people just move on.

 

Ah, well. I am really trying to keep this in perspective. I've got to believe it is going to be OK.

[unsinkable]

The other question to ask is were there enough kids cut from the team to possibly make up another team? Yes, you would need a coach, etc., but a "JV" team can be a great "feeder" team for the existing team, and thus perhaps worth their effort to coordinate. Or of course you could be independent (pros and cons there). Is your team affiliated with a national group? If so, what are *their* rules for how things should be handled? I'm OK with cuts if the process is clear in advance, but this situation seems oddly handled.

 

I am not sure how many kids were cut and I don't know how I can find out. It is just all so weird. Like I wonder what the coach is going to say when practice starts. Indoor practice usually starts in late Oct. Is he just going to act like DS disappeared? Will he say he cut him? I mean, if he doesn't have the balls to tell DS or us to our faces that he is cut, then will he say it to the team?

 

I also wonder how the coach could have assured himself that we got his email? It's weird.

[RanchGirl]

I am curious if you have found anything out, have you spoken with the coach or with the head of the association?

[Danestress]

I am so sorry. That is the wrongest thing. You don't tell everyone that they are welcome back and then start cutting people for performance based reasons through email.

 

I will pray for you and your boy. I wish you would just write to the coach and let him know that you will bring you son by so that, having told him he's welcome back, he can now explain why is is unable to honor that. Maybe you should tell him that you would like to give him the chance to be the kind of man who does his business in person rather than taking the cowardly way out.

 

I'm sure this coach has struggled with this decision. Maybe he thought that it was best to do it this way so that you could compose yourself and decide how to present it to DS. I don't know. But it stinks for you and for him. I'm so sorry.

[PinkInTheBlue]

I've been wondering about this also. Any new news?

[nd293]

I'm so sorry... We all know the feeling of such misery for our kids losses. It hurts just to hear about your situation. I would definitely also take it up with the organisation in terms of the conflict between policy and practice.

[unsinkable]

I am curious if you have found anything out, have you spoken with the coach or with the head of the association?

 

We haven't spoken with anyone yet.

 

My DH has a busy work week so I didn't want to tell the director we wanted to meet with him and then say we weren't available for the next several days.

[unsinkable]

I am so sorry. That is the wrongest thing. You don't tell everyone that they are welcome back and then start cutting people for performance based reasons through email.

 

I will pray for you and your boy. I wish you would just write to the coach and let him know that you will bring you son by so that, having told him he's welcome back, he can now explain why is is unable to honor that. Maybe you should tell him that you would like to give him the chance to be the kind of man who does his business in person rather than taking the cowardly way out. It kills me that we were expected to call if we'd have to miss anything but he can do that thru email.

I'm sure this coach has struggled with this decision. Maybe he thought that it was best to do it this way so that you could compose yourself and decide how to present it to DS. I don't know. But it stinks for you and for him. I'm so sorry.

 

Thanks.

[unsinkable]

I've been wondering about this also. Any new news?

 

Not yet.

[unsinkable]

I'm so sorry... We all know the feeling of such misery for our kids losses. It hurts just to hear about your situation. I would definitely also take it up with the organisation in terms of the conflict between policy and practice.

 

Thanks.

[Carpe Diem]

:grouphug: