ever feel isolated & lonely as a HS mom? what do you do?

[monalisa]

Being at home all week with just my dd, I am so lonely for other adults. I have an only child who is 7. HS'ing an only child is intense at times.

 

This is our second year of HS'ing. We've just started, and already I am

experiencing some serious depression, which isn't like me. We have no family here, and haven't gotten plugged into a church like we've been in the past. Our neighborhood is mostly older, working couples.

 

I have dismissed joining a co-op because I didn't think I wanted the extra stress of having to teach. But I'm wondering if maybe I need it, even if dd doesn't. We did Classical Conversations last year, which DD liked; I liked the adult interaction a lot but didn't like a number of other aspects.

 

I believe in all the positive benefits of hs'ing, and don't really want to send dd back to private school (PS is out of the question; she went to private K). But one side of me wonders if that's what we need to do. My dh would do it in a heartbeat; he feels like hs'ing is stressful for our family (and our marriage).

 

Other than "make some friends" (which I am very slowly working on) what are ideas that have helped you with feeling isolated & lonely? Has joining a coop been a plus for anyone who's struggled with this?

[sleepymommy]

Are there any homeschool groups in your area? We have one that meets for park days every now and then. Maybe you could join a co-op and offer to help in some other way other than teaching. You could assist, provide supplies, do some sort of secretarial or organizational work.

 

I know how you feel, we've only been in this area for 2 yrs and due to the fact that I'm a total introvert it's been quite challenging for me to make friends. I'm just not outgoing enough.

 

Do you keep in touch with any of the parents your dc was friends with at the private K? Maybe schedule a playdate? As an only child your dc could probably use some time around another kid too.

 

How about a mom's club? Try Meetup.com to see if there is a mom's group in your area. Sometimes just joining to do the 'Ladies Night' type thing is worth it. Or maybe a book club? Some libraries and bookstores host these monthly.

[Homemama2]

:grouphug:

We joined a co-op this fall for that very reason...kids and I were lonely. THe kids love the co-op....I'm not sure if I do yet because of the extra teaching.

Maybe your child could be in a sport or club where you could help out and meet adults? I met a great group of women at T ball and swim lessons.

[NanceXToo]

I would go out of my mind if I didn't have other adults to chat with! If joining a co-op is the only way to get around other homeschooled adults and kids, by all means, do it!

 

With that said, do you ONLY have teaching intensive sort of homeschool groups by you?

 

I love my homeschool group... it is mostly field trips, social get togethers, group tours, we do park days and walking clubs and "community helper" events and so on, holiday parties, craft days, etc. Sometimes we do "classes" but they tend to be more fun things that you can do as a one time thing, not an obligation to, say, go to science class every week and do assignments and all that.

 

Maybe you can find something like that... or start one! Check out meetup.com and see what there is by you. Or join the co op and then start feeling out other parents for if they want something more social or know of something more social.

[anissa]

I feel your pain. We are members of a hs group but can afford to do so little right now. Also, we have only lived here a year so no close friends....maybe that is why I spend way too much time here?

[Denisemomof4]

I chose isolation years ago when we were deeply hurt by a church. I wanted my space. We had recently moved to a new town and the kids and I had no local friends. It was not good at all. My boys were happy for the most part, but I can NOT be cut off from other adults. I need time with my friends (as I get closer to approaching 50, I also need more time alone - without KIDS or anyone else!) and I need time to converse with adults.

 

The only way to fight this is to get involved. I don't like to be on the go all the time, but we have many things that do keep us busy and for us, that's good. We have a local homeschool group that I do strictly for social reasons, for dd's AND myself. The cool things we experience is a bonus. This year we won't be attending Every Single Activity and we dropped a second co-op because we had too much going on. I find that I look forward to homeschool group days because I like the moms. We get along well. Dd also has synchronized swim and I talk with the moms there twice per week at night. I've really come to like them as well. I am trying to limit our social/playdates to 2 times per month, three tops. If I had one child I'd probably do a homeschool group day and a play date once per week.

 

So I think it's important for you to remain involved. But, can I ask why you got depressed once you started school up again? Maybe that's something entirely different?

[Mommamia]

I've thought about this a lot lately. What I realized was that I believe it's more the season of life that I'm in than homeschooling etc. If that makes any sense?? LOL. We just moved to a new area so we don't have any friends yet. I do have friends that I chat with on the phone a lot(which helps so much). Most of my friends do not homeschool. I've found that they are also feeling isolated in some way. Maybe it's just being a SAHM. I realized this because before we were surrounded by many friends, we were involved in a co-op and a couple of homeschool groups. I still longed for someone who "got" me.

 

I have to say that I met one of my close friends right here on the WTM! We chat about once a month and email often.

 

I hope I've helped, though I have a feeling I just talked nonsens:tongue_smilie:Guess I was thinking out loud.

 

BTW-I found with our co-op that it was just a lot of work. No time to make friendships.

[newbie]

I choose isolation and a big bottle of vodka. Trick....arent your kids supposed to be your best friends???

[Parrothead]

Yeah I feel isolated at times. I simply spend more time here on the boards.

[Mommamia]

I choose isolation and a big bottle of vodka. Trick....arent your kids supposed to be your best friends???

 

:lol: But substitute the vodka for wine and lots of chocolate.

[regentrude]

I felt like this when I was home with the kids full time when they were little. I was severely depressed.

I am a much happier person now that I work part time an outside job with plenty of people interactions.

[monalisa]

But, can I ask why you got depressed once you started school up again? Maybe that's something entirely different?

 

I think that it has been lurking (I felt this way last year too) and just has gotten worse with the reality sinking in now that we're back to full time school. I felt very much the same way when I first became a SAHM after working for over 10 years. I think what is worse now is living in a different place than we did then where I have hardly any friends and no church home.

 

The coops around me are mostly teaching intensive, from what I understand. And there are a few Classical Conversation campuses too. I probably need to do some more investigating.

 

I appreciate the good ideas & suggestions everyone!

Edited September 3, 2010 by monalisa