I need advice for a friend-- please!

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

This is her 2nd year homeschooling but first with 2 kids. She has a 1st grade son and a kindergarten daughter. Her ds is very frustrated because her dd understands stuff quicker than he does. I told her to try to teach them seperately so that takes the feeling of competition out. Does anybody who has been in this situation have any advice for me to pass along? TIA

[texasmama]

I have a similar situation. I do have to separate my kids at times and work with each individually. I have also done some explaining about the fact that everyone has talents and giftings and we are all different. I have privately spoken with the extremely gifted one about what I call "the responsibility of giftedness". (I didn't use that terminology with him - it's just how I like to think of it in my own head.) I let him know that it is important to realize that not everyone has the giftings that he does and not to brag or do something to make others feel badly. He is a bit older than your friend's dd but this may be a conversation she can have in the future.

[MangoMama]

I'm not sure which subjects she's having this "problem" with, but perhaps she can use two different curricula (one for each child), so the older child won't catch on that her K-er is catching on quicker?

[celticmom]

Could it be in part that the younger child was exposed to the information in the past while the older child was learning it? If she explains to her son that this is his sister's second year hearing the information it may make a difference.

[Lolly]

Oh yeah, happened here. Honestly, you can use different curricula. Have done that. But, the kid is still going to know. The good news is that they get used to it over time. It is a pita. Hugs to your friend.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Honestly, though I understand the suggestion to keep their schooling separate, I think it's easier to just teach kids that different people have different strengths at different times. She may always be a better student than he is OR he may surpass her by leaps and bounds one day. But regardless, they can celebrate each others' strength and weaknesses.

 

Socialization starts in the family. These kids are plenty old enough to learn to appreciate each other's accomplishments and learn to do their best regardless of where that puts them in relation to others.

[....]

There is a gigantic developmental leap between K and 1st Grade. This would probably be the worst year for your friend as far as learning levels.

 

I agree with Pamela in Texas about socialization, but I also would wait until 1st grade to combine. I have a K-er this year and I work with her one-on-one. However, if your friend has already bought her curriculum, then I would probably try to make it work.

[Carrie12345]

I do math and writing separately with my dds b/c there is an ability gap that is larger than the age gap.

 

As far as subjects like history and science go (one dd is "smarter" in history, the other in science), the majority of our work is read-aloud and verbal discussion. I make sure to direct questions to each dd according to their ability, rather than "Who can tell me...", allowing one dd to dominate the conversation.

 

My biggest mistake in our first year was handing the girls identical worksheets and having them do them at the same time. When one struggled, the faster one would gloat. :glare:

[Starr]

I have friends that were in that situation. She just used the same curriculum till highschool and taught them together. I think she has to break the competition issue now while they are young. She's not going to be able to hold back the younger one so the family will have to find other strengths in the older child.

[JeneralMom]

I have a similar situation - my boys are 16.5 months apart, but DS7 struggles with reading (we discovered a few months ago he has a vision issue). I knew DS5 could read (and has been able to for well over a year) but he keeps insisting that he can't, but I would catch him telling DS7 what the answer was if he was struggling with a word. On the other hand, DS7 is far superior in math skills and helps DS5. I guess my boys just help each other and don't gloat or feel bad...I am very grateful for it.

[TXMomof4]

My older two are like this. I see no problem with keeping them together and

 

1)make certain there is no gloating/bragging. When dd1 gets that elusive whatever I praise her as strongly as I did dd2 when she got it.

 

2)discuss extensively that while some things are harder for some people that doesn't mean they aren't good at it. I use non school examples for this. I am terrible at meeting people in group situations. I hate it. It is pretty close to my version of hell. BUT dh's situation at work requires that I be there and be a friendly face. I have worked unbelievable hard to get better at reaching out and introducing myself and all that stuff that I hate and I'm *almost* good at it now. Some days I even enjoy it.

 

I think this is one of the hardest things about homeschooling (at our house). Our perspective gets so skewed about what is normal that we have super unrealistic expectations sometimes. The parents and the kids.

 

DD2 almost had a coronary yesterday because she missed one word on a spelling test. I honestly thought we might have to put her down because in her mind not perfection = failure. I blame that personality trait on my husband, but we've definately seen it get worse over the last few years instead of better.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Thank you! I am passing these along to her! I did talk to her before this and we already talked about teaching how everybody has different strenghts and weaknesses and she is starting on that as her first character study! She is also going to start pointing out their strenghts more so her ds (the first grader) does see that he has many strenghts his sister does not!