Stillwood Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 DD had three teen friends over Saturday all day and then five teens all day and into the night yesterday. THe boys went home and two girls stayed overnight. It is way too much for me. My dh, being very permissive or passive, thinks it is ok. We have a 2200 sq. foot home, but still, we're trying to stay out of the way, only choice is my bedroom (with no tv or computer). My daughter is a good girl and I've been a grouch lately, so don't hold back on your suggestions. But I do need to set some rules. :lurk5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DebbS Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 First of all...it's your home and you don't need to stay out of the way. When I was growing up, my house became the neighborhood teen hang-out and my parents did not stay out of the way. Sometimes I would come home and find my friends hanging out with my mom and dad - without me! In addition, my mom expected all of the teens (not just my brother and I) to pick up after ourselves including the dishes that we used, prepare our own snacks, and stay out of the off-limits food, be respectful, etc... And if it was a bad time for them to be there, my parents would just say so and everybody would leave. Honestly, I think it's the structure and the time that my parents gave to our friends that attracted them there. It's okay for you to set some rules. And you need to make it clear to your daughter and her friends what those rules are. But I don't think it's okay for you to stay out of the way or to change how your home functions because the kids are there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 ITA with Debb: there's no reason for you to stay out of the way, for goodness' sake. Every member of the family has full rights to all public places. And the adults have the right--and the obligation--to be present when there are that many children around. Yes, they are still children, even though they are older, and they still need adult interaction (and maybe correction, KWIM?). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 :iagree: It's your house, you don't need to stay in your bedroom. Once the boys go, your dd can go to her room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
holdoll Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 To OP, I'm so glad you posted this. My husband and I stay in our bedroom when their friends are over. We live in a 1200 sq ft townhouse. After reading this thread, no more! We are liberated! :w00t: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 First of all...it's your home and you don't need to stay out of the way. When I was growing up, my house became the neighborhood teen hang-out and my parents did not stay out of the way. Sometimes I would come home and find my friends hanging out with my mom and dad - without me! In addition, my mom expected all of the teens (not just my brother and I) to pick up after ourselves including the dishes that we used, prepare our own snacks, and stay out of the off-limits food, be respectful, etc... And if it was a bad time for them to be there, my parents would just say so and everybody would leave. Honestly, I think it's the structure and the time that my parents gave to our friends that attracted them there. This is how we operate at our house. We have extras here a lot. There is one asleep downstairs right now that has been here since Friday. We treat them just like our own. We worked hard on the house yesterday, and he was expected to join right in, and did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 When our teens have friends over we co exist in the same spaces. They often end up in another room but I stop in and talk for a few minutes. I'm often in the kitchen so when they come in for snacks they hang out at the kitchen table and carry on. They don't seem bothered by adults. I remember not minding having my friends parents around when I was a teen but sometimes they did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AHASRADA Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 I am curious as to why those of you who "stay in your rooms" do so? I am assuming it is to give the kids a bit of privacy, but honestly, if the kids really wanted privacy, they would go into their own rooms. If this is a mixed gender group, you don't want them having privacy anyway :confused:. Sure, I don't necessarily sit in the same room in their faces the whole time, but I go about my business around the house. Knowing there is a parent that could walk into the room at any moment can go a long way in preventing undesireable behavior, discussion topics, peer pressure/bullying etc., and can make all the kids feel less vulnerable. I know for me growing up, the households where the parents were not intrusive but still involved were the most fun. The parents who "checked out" and left us unsupervised for long periods did not earn my respect, partly because it gave the appearance of not caring about their kids or their guests, and also due to the activities that went on under their noses while they "gave us our space". These children are guests in your house, and it is ridiculous to imagine that you would surrender your entire home to them while you hide in your room. It is unfair to you, but also unfair to the young people who could be benefiting from your good example and counsel, if needed. As a parent of one of these children, I would personally be upset to find out the host parent, whom I believed was supervising, actually wasn't. Isn't that one of the reasons we homeschool, so our children can benefit from the richness of multi-age, inter-generational socialization? So why segregate yourself from your kids' friends? Give them their space, but remain a benevolent presence in the household while they're there. I think you'll all be much happier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jann in TX Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 While I have 3 real daughters... I also have 4 'other' daughters! My middle dd has a great group of friends (boys and girls)... same group for the past 5+ years. We designed our home to be a place where our teens would be comfortable inviting friends over to... DH and I DO NOT HIDE... we actually interact with the kids... but we do allow them some space--they know we can and will walk in on them at any time. We host regular sleepovers and assorted parties.. I make most of their birthday cakes (as part of our gift)... we give them rides to movies and take them on day trips... the best part is WE KNOW WHERE OUR CHILDREN ARE! Unfortunately the other parents do not reciprocate:glare:... but that is their loss--- again this is a terrific group of friends and it has been great to watch them grow up together... it will be sad next year when they go off to different colleges... We also live out in the boonies near a very small town. There is not a place in town where the kids can 'hang'... except our house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 We hang with the kids as well, and even allow them to stay late (but not too many nights in a row). I even take them home if they are not being picked up or driving themselves home. Time is too short with them to be picky about needing sleep... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrienne_in_TX Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 We are also the "kool-aid" house for our dds teen friends and it's a family affair. They spend most of their time in the bedrooms, but they are very comfortable interacting with the family. They tousle with the little brothers and call my husband and me "Mom and Dad". We watch movies together in the living room; often the girls invite me to their room to watch a movie with them and their friends after the littles and Dad have gone to bed. Interestingly enough, I am not one of those "just want to be my kids' friend" moms. I am fairly stringent and try to keep structure, AND they still want me around! Teens get enough of the idea that it's all about them when they are outside of the home; they don't need that mindset inside the home, too! Liberate yourself!!!:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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