Child who doesn't transition well help?

[sbgrace]

I've got a child (he's "spectrumy") who absolutely hates to stop what he's doing to do anything else. He would spend all day thinking and talking about trains if he could and it makes my stomach knot up when I'm ready to ask him to do something school wise. The more "things" I add the more difficult this is. He's usually ok once we start in most areas but the starting is major resistance. As we get older no matter what programs I do I can't hit them all in one transition. Some really need revisited throughout the day to go ideally.

Edited July 20, 2010 by sbgrace

[texasmama]

Do you give him a warning that the activity is going to end and another will begin? Five minutes would be a good amount to start with for a child this age. Maybe setting a timer would help. I would probably allow him to keep the activity he is working on out with the plan to return to it later, when time allows, if this is practical.

[Parrothead]

Timers, clocks, countdowns and schedules.

 

Make a schedule of absolutely every single thing that needs to be done during a typical day. Then put together a calendar for a typical week and month.

 

7:30 get up and out of bed

7:35 bathroom and brush teeth

7:40 trains

8:00 breakfast

8:20 get dressed

8:30 math

8 45: science

Etc., and so forth

 

On the weekly and monthly schedules put doctor and dentist appointments.

 

Give lots of advanced warning for every activity you can. When you go play at the park count down the last 5 minutes with the last 15 seconds on a countdown out loud.

 

"Okay the timer just went off. It is timeto put the train away and start math. I'll set the timer for our math time. After that we will work on science for 30 minutes."

 

I betcha rather quickly your ds will have the routine memorized. Probably to the point that if you try to to reading after math instead of science he will get upset. Very slowly and gradually over a couple of years you will probably be able to loosen the schedule up quite a bit. He will mature and start to work on his own. Science may always come after math, but math may end up done in the morning and science before bed with you wondering why he isn't getting around to grammar.;)

[melissel]

We start our day with school for this reason. If I let DD7 get drawn into anything fun, we will never start school--and she's not spectrum-y at all. If we have school to do, we wake up, eat, and go straight to the schoolroom. I've even found that if I let her read at the breakfast table, we'll have trouble transitioning.

 

Would it help you to have a strict routine that he can get used to and rely on? Like "8 a.m.: breakfast. 8:30 a.m.: get dressed. 9 a.m.: start schoolwork"? It might take a little while of hard work to get him settled in the routine, but once he knows there's no deviation, it might comfort him to know what comes next.

 

I hope you find something that works for you both!

 

ETA: Doh! Parrothead beat me to it and said it much better :lol:

[Nestof3]

:iagree: This is what I started doing after reading books like How to Raise Your Spirited Child and another by the same author.

 

It's funny because after reading the book, I realized I am the same way. I really need a heads up notice. If I am in the middle of lesson planning or cleaning up the kitchen after dinner and my husband announces, "Everyone in here for Bible reading" or whatever, I flip out inside. Just let me know that you want to do something like that, and I'll be fine. It can even be, "Let's go to a movie tonight," and I flip.

 

I am realizing that life is better when I give the kids the same respect and consideration I like.

 

Do you give him a warning that the activity is going to end and another will begin? Five minutes would be a good amount to start with for a child this age. Maybe setting a timer would help. I would probably allow him to keep the activity he is working on out with the plan to return to it later, when time allows, if this is practical.

[Rosie_0801]

I think the workboxes lady dreamed up her theory by working with spectrumey kids. Maybe he could deal better with change if he started first thing after breakfast with box one and played trains after they are all done. If he is tied to the numbering system, rather than the content of the activity, that would have to help, yes?

 

Rsoei

[myfunnybunch]

I agree with the other suggestions.

 

A transition object might help too. Maybe a toy train to take to the table and place in a special box. Next task, another train goes in the box. Once he's got all of the trains in the set, off he goes with his train box to play trains. (If you do this, I'd use a special train set only earned during school time.)

 

Cat

[rlowetx]

I agree and swear by the schedules and timers. We did up a large visual schedule at first (now it is done and printed weekly on a computer), and set a timer when he got to each new subject. We did start out taking 5 min. mental breaks between each subject, to help him transition. We also had scheduled "playtime" or "outside time"..

 

BTW, after he got used to the schedule, we dropped the "times" part of the schedule (i.e. 9-9:30 Math, 10-10:30 Grammar). Now he has a list by subject and tries to check off everything as quickly as possible, he also gets input on the order of things...sometimes he prefers doing math first, sometimes he wants to do his reading first.

 

We had a terrible time until this happened..he forced me to be more organized:tongue_smilie:

[2squared]

My 6yo is exactly like this. Once he is engrossed in play, any transition is extremely difficult. Any errand that we leave the house for is a difficult transition as well. I run through our daily schedule in the morning and remind him throughout the day so he has that running in the background while he plays. Then, I try to peg big transitions to food. He plays in the morning, eats, and then does chores. If I move chores before food, he has a meltdown but if it's after food....no problem. When school is in session, we eat lunch, have super brief quiet time while I put down dd for a nap, and then right into schoolwork. Schoolwork is done in one chunk with timed sessions for each subject and then he is off to play.

 

I think it will get better when my dc are older b/c then we will be able to stick to a stricter schedule. Right now we have more of a routine or a flow, but if he gets lost in playland during the routine, he really, really struggles. If he never gets to playland or playland stops b/c of food, he is OK.

[sbgrace]

Thanks everyone for the great ideas!

 

I think a timer might help. I don't know why I didn't think of that! He transitions poorly to eating or anything really not just school so the whole day might go easier. I'm also going to try either a pictorial type schedule or (similarly) workboxes I think. His play doesn't need toys so I can't really start school before he plays--he's driving a train in his imagination before his feet hit the floor in the morning. I could have him earn time to look at train pictures online for each box. I just feel uncertain about tying external reward to school. Is that silly?

 

He may indeed force me to be more scheduled and organized but I hope a flow with some visual something along with the timer to give him warning for transitioning will be enough.

[2squared]

I made a pictoral schedule of my 6yo's chores on the wall. It's amazing how well it works. He eats and then does his chores. I NEVER have to check his work b/c he truly goes right down the line with the pictures, and it's completely 100% independent. On the flip side, I can't add any chores either, because he completely flips out if I mess with his list. My more in-tune-with-life 8yo "forgets" or skips chores most days, but not my transition-issued 6yo.