Surviving life with a newborn!?!?

[Classical Country Mama]

I've already done the baby thing once... I have a perfectly lovely, happy 5-year-old. So clearly I have and can survive newbornhood, right?

 

So why am I a complete mess with my 7-week-old son? He is awake for a scant 90 minutes to 2 hours before needing to nap again, and if I miss his happy sleep window, it's a looong, cranky time before I can get him down again. Mind you, if we're home, he sleeps beautifully and all is well. Which means I am almost totally housebound--or if I go out, I pay for it when we get home. My nerves are frayed!

 

And the very short version is, I have nobody to help me.

 

I don't remember AT ALL having this problem with my daughter. Seems to me I took her everywhere, and she gladly slept wherever, and I felt like a very sane, competent person. Please tell me it's possible to survive this? What am I forgetting, or not doing right? aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! :willy_nilly:

 

Er, I mean, thank you!

[Mom-ninja.]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

It's so hard while you're in the middle of it. Repeat to yourself that it will not last long. It sounds like you have a more sensitive baby this time. He's sensitive to stimuli and might be why he can't sleep well when he's not at home. You're not doing anything wrong! He's a different person than your dd.

 

There are good books out there about high needs babies. I like the one written by William Sears.

 

I had two babies like that. It's hard!

 

The good news is that your older is very young and doesn't need a lot of lessons.:001_smile:

 

Hang in there.

[Mejane]

Agree with the above. I know it's hard, but I'd make sure I was home for naptime. I remember rushing around so I could be back from shopping or wherever when my son was small because I was nursing and he fed every two hours. It's tough, but it can be done. Just keep thinking "this, too, shall pass."

[ChristusG]

For me, child #2 was difficult! When I had #1, I had all the time in the world to dedicate to the every need of this new little person. With #2, I had another child to tend to as well.....my kids just doubled! It's hard dividing the attention and tending to the needs of two. It was not easy until #2 could walk. Then, she didn't need me around all the time....she could just follow me if she wanted.

[Guest janainaz]

This may be of no help at all, but they're only newborn babies once! I look at my ds10 and ds5.5 and wonder where that time went! I'd turn back the clock in a heart beat and do some sleepless nights to enjoy their littlness one more time. Not that I'm not enjoying them now, I am, but the only cure for the insanity to remember that time is ticking away...... :)

[*Inna*]

Just keep repeating "It's a phase, in a few years I would laugh at this."

:grouphug:

[Mejane]

I'd turn back the clock in a heart beat and do some sleepless nights to enjoy their littlness one more time.

 

Oh, me too... much as I love them now.

[swainsonshawk]

I think that with each child I had I left the house less and less. I don't mean that I'm a hermit, but I only leave with very careful preparation or by myself or with the older kids. It just disrupts my schedule too much to have a miserable baby because of dragging him around all day. Sometimes it would take 24 hours or more for the baby to recover from a day of errands. So not worth it.

My only advice is try to stay home right now or only take quick walks outside during his awake, happy time. When he has a more consistent nap schedule, you can probably plan outings around them.

[lmrich]

My youngest was fussy. You learn to plan and you learn to chill. I learned to stay home in the day and run my errands when my hubby got home. When we had to go out; I practiced being calm. I also only ran one errand at a time; I would never do the marathon errand running. I also bought in bulk so I would not need to go to the store as often. Also a baby carrier will be your best friend.:grouphug:

 

On a plus side, this very fussy baby has turned into the most loving child.

[eaglei]

This may be of no help at all, but they're only newborn babies once! I look at my ds10 and ds5.5 and wonder where that time went! I'd turn back the clock in a heart beat and do some sleepless nights to enjoy their littlness one more time. Not that I'm not enjoying them now, I am, but the only cure for the insanity to remember that time is ticking away...... :)

 

:iagree:

Mine is a bit older, and what I wouldn't give to turn back time and enjoy all the littleness again, sleepless nights and all. TOO soon you will look back and wonder where the time went. You will never regret keeping your perspective now and enjoying this time . . . It is a gift like no other . . . Cherish it. :)

[Heatherwith4]

You probably just need to plan on staying home for a few more weeks. My DD is 3 mo, and things are becoming more managable. I know this is probably NOT what you want to hear, though. :grouphug: This too shall pass!

[Classical Country Mama]

Thanks so much for all the encouragement! :001_smile:

 

My problem is more of a practical than social one, however--I honestly do not have any help other than emergency, which means the errands I need to run are not put-offable; it's things like groceries and taking the trash to the dump. This week I sent out an SOS and got a couple of friends to bring me milk and bread and toilet paper--but otherwise our cupboards are emptying out fast, and it's not like I can ask people to do my whole list every week.

 

How does one buy in bulk? That sounds interesting, as does the once a month cooking. I'm studying that thread very closely!

 

So I guess I just have to prep for an awful day when I do have to go to the store? I was just hoping there was a happier way of making it work without torturing the baby, my poor, ignored daughter, or myself... :tongue_smilie:

[phathui5]

You can survive this! Having a new baby is hard transition, but it's something that you can do.

 

You mentioned that you don't have help. Do you have a church you attend where you could ask for people to help out? Any local preteens you could tap as a mother's helper?

 

You might even want to consider hiring someone who's still in training as a postpartum doula to come help out a couple of hours a day. Ladies who haven't completed certification yet usually work for free or super cheap to get their hours in. You can get referred to doulas in your area at http://www.dona.org

 

it's not like I can ask people to do my whole list every week.

 

With a new baby, I would say that people probably wouldn't mind picking up more at the store than you've been asking them to. Please, be comfortable telling folks what you need.

[Heatherwith4]

Do you have a sling/some sort of baby carrier? I rarely go to the store with all three kids, and I couldn't if I didn't have my sling! DD loves to be close to me, and she will shop in that sling for a couple of hours...it has truly saved my sanity. I also use it around the house, if she doesn't want to take a nap, and I have things to do.

[MelanieM]

Do you have a sling/some sort of baby carrier? I rarely go to the store with all three kids, and I couldn't if I didn't have my sling! DD loves to be close to me, and she will shop in that sling for a couple of hours...it has truly saved my sanity. I also use it around the house, if she doesn't want to take a nap, and I have things to do.

 

This is exactly what I was going to say. My babies learn to nap in the sling so I can be on the go and they can sleep as needed. I don't know how I'd survive otherwise!

 

Sending you lots of happy, well-rested baby vibes. My second was extremely high needs (screamed most of the time for the first 6 mos of his life) so I understand the crazy-making of a baby that needs things to be just so. The good news is it really does pass quickly! :hug:

[fairfarmhand]

I think that with each child I had I left the house less and less. I don't mean that I'm a hermit, but I only leave with very careful preparation or by myself or with the older kids. It just disrupts my schedule too much to have a miserable baby because of dragging him around all day. Sometimes it would take 24 hours or more for the baby to recover from a day of errands. So not worth it.

My only advice is try to stay home right now or only take quick walks outside during his awake, happy time. When he has a more consistent nap schedule, you can probably plan outings around them.

 

yep. you learn to plan the week ahead. Learn to make your shopping list incredibly, anally detailed. I mean everything is in the order that you will come across it in the store. You can whip in and out of the store in no time with a list if you don't have to walk all over the place to get stuff.

And at this point, I skipped coupons and comparison shopping. It was worth the 10 bucks I might have saved to just get home in time for the next feeding.

 

My youngest was fussy. You learn to plan and you learn to chill. I learned to stay home in the day and run my errands when my hubby got home. When we had to go out; I practiced being calm. I also only ran one errand at a time; I would never do the marathon errand running. I also bought in bulk so I would not need to go to the store as often. Also a baby carrier will be your best friend.

 

 

 

 

This too shall pass.... I've done it 4 times and survived, On the upside, your 5 year old can get all the schooling she needs during nursing sessions..."sweetie lets read a book while brother eats!"

[Pippen]

Also a baby carrier will be your best friend.:grouphug:

 

And paper plates come in a close second.

[MamaT]

My oldest was very hard to take anywhere. He cried the entire time and wouldn't let anyone touch him except for me or dh, so no sitters. I bought groceries at midnight when dh was home. He got better when he was about a year old. These others posters are so right-on. He is now getting married this summer and my memories of staying home where he was happy, just he and I, for his first year are incredibly precious to me.

[littleWMN]

I just had my 4th in March and I second the sling/baby carrier idea!

 

Also, all babies are different. My first was my highest needs baby. It wasn't until we adopted my second that I realized I didn't do anything *wrong* with my first, she was just different! That second baby slept anywhere, anytime! First NEVER would have done that... in fact, she rarely slept. :tongue_smilie: And third and fourth kids have been different from the first two as well. It takes awhile to learn what works with each baby. I am still learning with my 3 month old.

[Tree House Academy]

Ah, I remember those days so well. It was very lonely for me...probably because I was always up alone at 2am with the crying infants! LOL

 

Can you ask for help? I know you feel like there is no one to help you, but if you don't ask, then no one will know you need help. Can you call a friend to take the baby for awhile (I am sure most friends, especially other moms would LOVE to do this!), or maybe even a parent, sibling, or your dh...just so you can have some time to go out alone and have a tea or something?? It will work wonders for your nerves and stress level. :)

[Alphabetika]

You're not doing anything wrong! Babies are just different, KWIM?

 

I had two dd's who were mostly very easy sleepers, took easily and happily to a nap and nighttime routine at early ages. They are now 16 and 11. Enter DD#3 who is 10 mos. She's totally different in the sleep arena! I know it's been a lot of years, but I'm pretty confident that I'm doing basically the same things with her that I did with the first two. She's just higher-maintenance in this area than they were, so we press on.

 

A sling is a great idea if you can find a good one that fits.

 

Hang in there! :grouphug: