simka2 Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 I've chosen to be pretty honest on here about the trauma I went through a few years ago. When my world was turned upsidedown it was as if someone tried to do the tablecloth trick with my life, but everything crashed and fell. Over the last few years I have been sorting through the things things that were important to me pre-assault. Many things I ahve been able to pick up again and enjoy...although it took time. At first I couldn't paint or really do any artwork...but I can now. I stopped cooking and decorating my home, but I enjoy those things again. Even homeschooling has been something I have had to "come back to." There is one area of my life I cannot seem to regain, and it frustrates me. I used to be very fitness/nutrition oriented...and now I am not. I mean the furthest thing from. Some of it has to do with the fact that my appearance was made into a big deal by my abuser....I know I am sabatogeing myself...but I don't like it. I'm outdoorsy and artsy...so gyms have always turned me off, but I really want to loose the weight I have put on. More importantly...I want that part of me back. Do I just need to wait it out? Does anyone have any ideas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 Is this something you're currently in counseling for? You may want to talk to a therapist about how to regain that part of your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cornelia9805 Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 I don't even begin to understand where you are coming from so I apologize if my advice is totally off base. Can you make one small change at a time? You can drink a certain amount of glasses of water a day for an entire month. Or add vegetables to one meal a day. Making really small steps makes the whole process a little less overwhelming. Hugs to you! I pray that you come out stronger on the other side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Returning to health is not only about appearance. It's about maintaining that part of yourself that makes you able to keep up with the kids, ward off illness, and live longer. Your beauty did not cause this person's evil, he did that all on his own. Please do not let his lies and excuses for his...I can't even type the words I want... Give it time and take it day by day. It may take time but if you don't take back that part of yourself, part of him wins. He is unworthy of that much power. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 It seems to me you wrote your own answer in your original post. I've heard it's quite common that people almost erect a barrier between the "inner" part that was wounded and the outer world. Many do it by gaining weight. I'd go back to counseling and work on this specific aspect. Also, don't know if this helps much but by doing what you are doing you are giving the perpetrator still control over some area of your life. Go for it. Reclaim your life! He deserves no part of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 What about joining a women's walking/hiking group? The Women's Wilderness Institute offers special programs for domestic abuse survivors. There are scholarships if you can't afford the list price. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedfamily Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 ...... Returning to health is not only about appearance. It's about maintaining that part of yourself that makes you able to keep up with the kids, ward off illness, and live longer. .... He is unworthy of that much power. This right here. When I went through something traumatic, I did the exact same thing, OP. And fitness was the last part of me to come back because I thought it was... vain? (The incident had made me hang on to just the basics of my daily life.) Well, I decided that this was about health and long life and doing my best to be around to raise my kids. So I do it whether or not I feel like it. Sometimes it's not consistent, but I'm working on it. I don't know if/when I will ever regain the pleasure I used to get from it, though. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msjones Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 I'm not familiar with your story, but am guessing that I have a similar one. It's a long road back. Of course, everyone is different, but the physical fitness part was very important for me. There was nothing like the feeling of being OUT and DOING something that was making me stronger. I'll never forget the feeling of having my exercising back. I felt as if I was literally putting fear behind me and moving ahead. Anyway... here's something that has worked really well for me recently. I used to run, but typical middle-age foot and hip stuff is making that harder. So, now I walk. I go out every day and walk. I just take a walk. I don't call it a workout. I don't have some predetermined amount of time or distance. I take a walk. Every day. Sometimes I go for 45 minutes. Sometimes 90. Now and then I can only squeeze in 10 minutes. Sometimes I do big hills, sometimes I just stroll. When it dumps rain, I take an umbrella and am pretty pokey. But I get that walk in. It's an easy thing to start. Maybe try every day for 1 week. Then 2. Then a month. My current plan is every day for 1 year! I hope this helps some. Good luck! You'll get it back... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 :grouphug: How about something fun you could do with the kids? Could you all do a martial art together? (Yes, in a gym, but you are learning self defense. Judo is the best, in my opinion, for a small woman or child.) How about some hiking, biking, or rollerblading as a family? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorganClassicalPrep Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Returning to health is not only about appearance. It's about maintaining that part of yourself that makes you able to keep up with the kids, ward off illness, and live longer. I'm not sure exactly what you went through, but I do know a little something about emotional weight gain. I have always been an emotional eater, and being bipolar, I'm pretty much always emotional. I went through some things and came out on the other side believing that I wasn't worth it, didn't deserve to be loved, and just stopped caring. I gained... A LOT of weight. Like you, I've become a much heathier person, emotion wise. I have begun to enjoy, love!, my life, and realize that I really do deserve to be happy. However, I'm having a tough time breaking the unhealthy eating/no exercise habits. What has helped me become motivated is what elegantlion said. Becoming physically healthy is NOT about "looking good". It's about being healthy, living to see my daughter get married and have children, being able to run and play with her, and being a good example for her. I don't want my poor choices to rub off on her. Maybe it could help you too look at it that way instead of viewing weight loss as a way to look better? I would definitely look into some counselling if you haven't already. Someone who knows your story and is trained in these issues could really help. :grouphug: Recovering from bad things takes time, and it sure sounds like you are on the right track. Definitely try to motivate yourself, you will feel much better, but don't be to hard on yourself. Whatever you went through was obviously very tough, and you are going to need to work through it at your own pace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Share Posted June 14, 2010 It's taken me a couple days to reply to all your wonderful comments :) First of all, thankyou so much!!!! Sometimes it's just good to know I'm not alone out there. As far as counselors go...I have more than you can shake a stick at...so to speak. This was a highly charge and public situation that involved a denomination. So not only were there my counselors involved, dh's counselors, but our denominations counselors as well. It was great to have so many resources in healing, but when it came to these specific issues I basicly got the..."Yep, it's normal for you to feel this way :) Give it time." Now when a counselor say's that it's one thing, but when someone who has been there and come thru it encourages you it's totally different :) Normally, as a pastor's wife I am the one encourageing others...you can't imagine how much it means to be able to come here and be encouraged! I think I'm ready to start daily walks again :) This was a huge escape for me before, and if I think of it more in terms of clearing my mind it will be easier. Thankyou, so much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 Resurrected by spammer. Reported. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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