Moms of sons, are you teaching them to be Sharp Dressed Men?

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

Something occurred to me this morning. I may be giving my son the education he'll need to succeed (I hope) but I have not taught him anything of the sartorial kind.

 

Well, I make him "dress up" for church. He knows to wear an undershirt with his dress shirt and to make sure his belt, tie, and shoes look nice.

 

That's as far as I know. If I don't up my knowledge of men's grooming, my son is going to walk around with a classical library in his head, be trained in manners and morals, and dress like a schlub.

 

DH is no expert on this. He's very tall, fit, and handsome, has a nice haircut, and also knows to tuck in his dress shirt LOL but he doesn't even own a suit at the moment! Electricians wear jeans and coveralls.

 

I found a fascinating website. I've been reading all morning:

 

The Art of Manliness

 

I'm surely not the only mother here who grew up in a poor environment but is helping her son to a better life. Does anyone else need to learn how to choose a tailor?

[lionfamily1999]

:lol: I have him grind his cuffs to razors :lol:

 

Really, at this point, I'd just go for non-stinky hair. Thanks for the link, though, I'll take a gander. Maybe one day my sons will move beyond thinking their arm pit stink is the coolest thing ever.

 

ETA, the link looks almost like "The Dangerous Book for Boys" except for men.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

:lol: I have him grind his cuffs to razors :lol:

 

Really, at this point, I'd just go for non-stinky hair. Thanks for the link, though, I'll take a gander. Maybe one day my sons will move beyond thinking their arm pit stink is the coolest thing ever.

 

ETA, the link looks almost like "The Dangerous Book for Boys" except for men.

 

I thought the same thing! I'm going to buy this book. I think my Dangerous Book loving son will enjoy it.

 

(At the moment, I am only thinking of my oldest son. The others are still in the smelly boy stage for quite some time, I'm afraid!)

[lionfamily1999]

Ds loves his Dangerous Book. I'm pretty pleased with it too.

[MaryCatherine]

My boys have two older sisters who make sure they look "cool" and that their hair is stylish. Whew - so I don't have to. Plus, I kinda like watching Melissa moosing up Jack's hair - they're bonding, right??

 

That said, though, I will probably look at that book!!

[dkholland]

I am a mom to 4 dss and even though their Dad cares very much how he looks, it has not passed on through DNA!! Oldest ds, 17, takes care of being clean himself....finally. But as far as putting together clothes that look nice, he has very little idea. Loves T-shirts and jeans or shorts. He and his brother go to dances every other Fri. night, and they HAVE to dress in shirt and tie, nice chinos. So that has been a great help in making them look in the mirror. Ds #2,, 15, still cannot remember to brush his hair and teeth! Ds #3, is super-cool dude who wants all the latest styles, but realizes mom is not going to buy them.

 

I find that generally in the homeschooling community, nobody dresses up for much...why is that?

 

We recently celebrated graduation and many parents were wondering about what to wear to the ceremony. That shocked me....suits and ties...what's to wonder about...:confused:

 

I know my guys roll their eyes quite often, but I am trying to instill in them that there is a time to dress you best. Or even in a collared shirt for a dinner out.

;)

[krstbrwn]

I have to laugh as I read these posts. At least I know my son is normal! When we go out, I frequently have to send him back to his room to find something that isn't stained or doesn't have holes in it. He will, however, wear a suit when something at church requires it. I know he could never match anything on his own, though. Actually, I find this quality endering in him. I guess I'm just hoping he'll find the right girl who will take up where I leave off.:)

Kristi

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

Really, at this point, I'd just go for non-stinky hair. Thanks for the link, though, I'll take a gander. Maybe one day my sons will move beyond thinking their arm pit stink is the coolest thing ever.

 

One of my 14 yo ds's favorite sayings is, "I wear my stink proudly!":001_huh::lol:

 

Where we live not even the pastor wears a suit to church so there's a very different standard;) The rule is nice (as in Dockers) pants or shorts (cargo type Dockers shorts that go to the knee) with a polo type shirt.

[Kristin in Hawaii]

My son is almost 14 and just getting heavy peach fuzz. After exploring that site I went to West Coast Shaving and ordered a full complement of shaving tools. I hope he will think the Merkur HD double edge safety razor is cool ;)

 

Many thanks...

[lllll]

..

[OLG]

Love this site - thanks for posting! While the dressing part is something my ds 'needs' to read, I was thrilled to read the link to the Griggs book on vocation. Superb! Many thanks for directing me there.

 

Mary

[MyThreeSons]

Ds and I had to use a book last weekend to learn how to tie a necktie. Dh couldn't teach him.

[RobinF]

I have to laugh as I read these posts. At least I know my son is normal! When we go out, I frequently have to send him back to his room to find something that isn't stained or doesn't have holes in it. He will, however, wear a suit when something at church requires it. I know he could never match anything on his own, though. Actually, I find this quality endering in him. I guess I'm just hoping he'll find the right girl who will take up where I leave off.:)

Kristi

 

Ds and I had to use a book last weekend to learn how to tie a necktie. Dh couldn't teach him.

 

 

I was/am that girl. Dh doesn't know how to pull together outfits. In college his roommate who was a GQ guy helped him, then we got married and I do it for him. Once he knows something goes together he can do it but he can't pick it out. After 20 years I still buy his clothes and make sure he is up to date and current in style.

 

Dh is a pastor and he doesn't know how to tie a tie. Before we got married he told me he had never tied one. His dad (who is also a pastor) doesn't know how to tie one. MIL tied the ties for all the men/boys. When we talked about getting married he told me I needed to learn how to do it. We went home from college and his mom taught me. 20 years later I still do it. I love it. It is an intimate thing for us. Now we are in a much more contemporary setting and he rarely wears ties (more jeans and untucked dress shirts) but when he does, I still tie them.

 

I want my boys to know how to do some of those things but I also want them to marry someone who will/can help them. I guess I want them to have balance. Dh knows when he needs to dress up and looks very sharp but he also knows the value of casual and how it helps him relate to people so I want that for my boys.

 

I have been eyeing the Dangerous Book for Boys for a while. Guess I will go look at it again.

[Alyce]

We have always made our children dress up for church and other occasions. I have frequently talked to them about the proper dress for different situations. My son and daughter love to dress up. We bought my son a new suit 2 years ago. He has asked to take it farther. He wanted to really dress up so I helped. He has a shirt with french cuffs so he can wear cuff links and he now has a pocket watch to wear with his suit as well. He wants a cane but he's particular and I can't find one I can afford that will fit a 6' 4" boy. He still wears jeans around the house and to the mall and stuff but if we go somewhere that's more than casual he dresses up without my even suggesting anything. He's really a sharp looking young man and has frequently been told that he is older than he looks.

[Chris in VA]

Nope. I've got one who knows he looks good in a suit, but we only have one suit for the boys that they share. Heaven forbid we all have to go somewhere formal. We'll be getting ds18 a suit for graduation.

I found my middle child likes the compliments he gets when he dresses up. My other one always feels awkward, but cleans up nicely, too.

 

Their dad has to wear a suit every day, but he's clergy, so he doesn't have to do the tie thing. He still ties a tie like they did in the 80's--drives me nuts.

[kate in seattle]

Alex has always liked 'looking nice'. Once he started doing Youth and Government - with its strict dress code - he was in seventh heaven. he often wore button down shirts with his jeans because he liked the look. and uniforms are one of his favorite parts of the Academy - especially the inexpensive and on-site tailoring. but cadets are geeky that way - they have shirt garters to keep their shirts attached to their socks so they are always tucked in.

[Tokyomarie]

.

I find that generally in the homeschooling community, nobody dresses up for much...why is that?

 

 

Trust me, it's not just the homeschooling community. It's most everywhere. I was shocked when we first moved back to the USA from Japan about 10 years ago. I was accustomed to wearing a skirt much of the time when I went out, and the rest of the time I usually wore nice slacks- chinos or nicer. I had one pair of jeans for those occasions that were truly casual.

 

I moved here and within a short time, I finally had to relax my standard of dress for Sunday church- at least for the kids. For several years, I still made my son wear chinos & a shirt with a collar, but when he got into adolescence, it just made him stand out like a sore thumb because all the other teens wear jeans to church. Within the last two years, even I have relaxed to the point where I rarely wear a skirt. On Sunday, I couldn't find a decent summer outfit (our bedroom is being remodeled & I haven't looked for my summer clothes to switch them out), so I wore a new pair of jeans. It was odd to me, but I certainly fit in better!

 

Funerals are another kind of event that has gone casual. People stopping by at a viewing often are wearing whatever they wore for the day. The level of dress at the funeral has typically been nicer but not formal as it used to be- unless I am attending a Roman Catholic funeral mass. Then I know I'd better be dressed in formal black!

[Belacqua]

At this point, I'll settle for clean.

 

My son got his supply list for summer camp, which included a comb. He was genuinely puzzled as to why they thought he'd need one.

 

Does anybody else have to rotate the stuff in your kids' drawers? If I didn't, The Boy would wear/wash/wear the same few things and never get to anything underneath. Evidently, fashion is not a priority.

[AnitaMcC]

At this point, I'll settle for clean.

 

My son got his supply list for summer camp, which included a comb. He was genuinely puzzled as to why they thought he'd need one.

 

Does anybody else have to rotate the stuff in your kids' drawers? If I didn't, The Boy would wear/wash/wear the same few things and never get to anything underneath. Evidently, fashion is not a priority.

 

This is here too!!! LOL.

 

Dh knows how to dress very nice... suit and tie. When he does he looks hot!!! LOL. Now, color matching is another story... he is color blind. For the most part though, most of his dress clothes will match no matter what he puts together. I only buy him black, navy, beige pants. I do not know how to tie ties!!!! Ds ties the boys ties for them. He tries to teach them, but the forget it before the next time they need to wear a tie-LOL.

 

Ds15 does not care how he looks... only if it is comfortable to him. He wears mostly loose jeans and t-shirts/polo shirts. He does not care what anyone else thinks of his dress style. His twin sister cares so she will banish him to his bedroom to change his clothes-LOL.

 

Ds11 is very interested in his clothes and how he looks. He is so picky!!! He will argue about what he wears. Problem is that he often does not like what I would pick out for him to wear for nice clothes. So I try to keep the dress up clothes to be worn for special occassions. Ds knows that those occassions are not up for dressing code debate. Every day dress he can show his style. But then again his sister is worse... she wears only black clothes and won't wear anything remotely girly (no bright colors, no frills).

 

Ds 9 absolutely does not care what others think about his dress code. He wears only track pants (he calls them squishy pants). He will not wear anything else without a fight. He will wear any color other than pink. He just insists that pink is a girl color only. He will wear any other color in any shade.

 

As for cleanliness... my boys think a shower more than once a week is too much-LOL. They probably think once a month is too much. You should see how they react when it is time to take a bath/shower.... like I am sending them into a shower of burning acid-LOL. Only middle Ds will wear deodorant.... Ds15 either hates the smell of all deodorants I have bought or he breaks out in a rash. He prefers his hair buzz cut so he never needs to comb it.

[Harry Nelson in Charlotte]

As a guy who works in the Investment Management industry, and around some of the best best dressed men in the world, I think the website is a little hokey. Plus, I can tell you the whole shaving with cold water thing is nuts. I was forced to do it in basic training a few times, and it stinks.

 

I didn't have a lot growing up, and my Dad worked in a warehouse.

 

I have an 11 year old. Just a couple of tips that I have passed on to him, and some tips for your boys.

 

1) Joseph A. Bank has a couple of little books in their store on men's wardrobe, grooming, etc. Seems like one of them was focused on young men. Some of them may have things you might disagree with in there, but if you have a son older than 13, he should be able to filter through that stuff. Plus, he will appreciate the gift.

 

2) No open toed shoes for boys, unless they're actually walking to the pool or the beach. I know that guys of all ages are wearing flip flops/whatever. But tennis shoes are fine, and they protect your feet doing boy stuff. And, they will ALWAYS look better than flip flops.

 

3) With just a few exceptions, I buy collared shirts for my boys. No real price difference if that matters.

 

4)I know this is hard to do when they're growing up, but DO NOT make or let your boys wear ill-fitting pants. Even if it is a funeral/dress-up event. Wash the ones that fit more frequently, or make him do it. The good effect of a suit is more than lost on an ill-fitting one.

 

5) If a pair of shorts or pants have belt loops, then a belt goes into it.

 

6) If he is wearing a button up shirt, it HAS to be ironed.

 

BIG MISTAKE to make this(or anything) legalistic. These types of "rules," like most anything that you're trying to get your son to do have to come out of a good relationship with him. I have really good friends who are in their late 40s who break every rule above. They're just not as nice looking as my son. :)

[lionfamily1999]

As a guy who works in the Investment Management industry, and around some of the best best dressed men in the world, I think the website is a little hokey. Plus, I can tell you the whole shaving with cold water thing is nuts. I was forced to do it in basic training a few times, and it stinks.

 

I didn't have a lot growing up, and my Dad worked in a warehouse.

 

I have an 11 year old. Just a couple of tips that I have passed on to him, and some tips for your boys.

 

1) Joseph A. Bank has a couple of little books in their store on men's wardrobe, grooming, etc. Seems like one of them was focused on young men. Some of them may have things you might disagree with in there, but if you have a son older than 13, he should be able to filter through that stuff. Plus, he will appreciate the gift.

 

2) No open toed shoes for boys, unless they're actually walking to the pool or the beach. I know that guys of all ages are wearing flip flops/whatever. But tennis shoes are fine, and they protect your feet doing boy stuff. And, they will ALWAYS look better than flip flops.

 

3) With just a few exceptions, I buy collared shirts for my boys. No real price difference if that matters.

 

4)I know this is hard to do when they're growing up, but DO NOT make or let your boys wear ill-fitting pants. Even if it is a funeral/dress-up event. Wash the ones that fit more frequently, or make him do it. The good effect of a suit is more than lost on an ill-fitting one.

 

5) If a pair of shorts or pants have belt loops, then a belt goes into it.

 

6) If he is wearing a button up shirt, it HAS to be ironed.

 

BIG MISTAKE to make this(or anything) legalistic. These types of "rules," like most anything that you're trying to get your son to do have to come out of a good relationship with him. I have really good friends who are in their late 40s who break every rule above. They're just not as nice looking as my son. :)

Thank you. I only have one problem.... this "ironed" of which you speak :confused:

 

:lol: Just kidding.

 

My youngest (ironically) follows nearly all of these rules. He prefers collared/button up shirt. Unfortuneatly his mother does not iron.

[shastanarnia]

Yah...we're with the ones who are just trying to get past the "stinky" stage. My ds started b.o. when he was 10...he's now almost 14...and still forgets deodorant after showers....but at least he's taking the showers now!:lol:

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

Harry Nelson, we've always done #2-6. Those were my mother's standards for my brothers, so those were my default rules for our sons.

 

Some posters have mentioned casual churches and wanting their sons to be approachable, but I don't understand how either of these mean that they should not mind their appearance or learn to dress for other occasions where more is required.

 

Our church is come-as-you-are and my boys would fit right in if they wore unwashed hair, ripped jeans, t-shirts and sandals. I would never have them wear a suit to our church, because no one does, but I do point out the well-groomed men as examples.

 

Polo shirts or ironed buttoned-down shirts, a belt, and decent shoes are still "casual."

 

Edited to add: That website is hokey, but that is the appeal for my nerdy son! :lol:

 

DH the electrician was extremely gratified to learn that his super-limited wardrobe is considered adequate for a "Uniform Man" according to Antonio. LOL

Edited June 1, 2010 by Dulcimeramy