Daughter is emotional about leaving school...

[TandLMommy28]

I sent my daughter to preschool at our church because it's a great program (all the 4 year olds are reading now) and I'm on the school board so I felt... obligated? I also had concerns about her idea that the world revolves around her. :) I thought group activities for a couple of years would be good for her and then we'd start home school after pre-K was done.

 

Well, she's got 4 more days of Pre-K and we've got an issue with an over abundance of emotions out of this girl!!! She has been crying at the drop of a hat for over a week and she would not tell me why. She's so eager to please me and say what she thinks I want to hear and she didn't want to tell me how she really feels.

 

She finally told me, well after midnight last night when she was STILL awake crying, that all the other kids at school are talking about where they are going to school next year. And she was telling me things like "Jordan and Gabbie are going to the same kindergarten. And Hunter, Hope and Nathan are ALL going to the same school next year." She is feeling really, really left out of these conversations. And she doesn't like feeling left out of ANYTHING.

 

She is pretty understanding of days and schedules so I sat down with her and made a chart (yes, after midnight) of what we are going to be doing each day of the week. I explained to her that we would have more time for gymnastics and ballet and art classes and going to the library and the zoo and the indoor gardens. i told her about some of the fun field trips and projects I'm planning for next year. I even told her about some of her current school friends who she would still see at church and others at gymnastics and some at ballet so she would still SEE most of her friends.

 

She seemed better, even giggled a little bit about the more enticing projects (learning subtraction by eating M&Ms, for example!) but I am not sure she completely believes me.

 

Anyone else deal with this? I figured that at her age, she'd never know the difference but she is VERY aware that we are not doing the same thing all her friends are doing. I'm sure it's good for her to learn not to follow the crowd early on but her heart is broken...

[Lolly]

Well, I never even considered homeschooling until my eldest was in 1st grade so all of mine spent some time in preschool. It can be heart wrenching and difficult. Then, even if they mostly hated school, they seem to only remember the fun little bits after they have been away from it for a little bit. (Except for one of my girls, she remembers nothing fun about it. Hated every single minute of it she was there. I didn't know it at the time. She tends to be a bit quiet.)

[*Amber*]

I am having a lot of the same issues with my oldest, she will be coming home next year for first grade. She is upset that she won't see her friends anymore. I don't really have any advice, just saying I know what your going through. I am hoping that after we get started and join a homeschool group and maybe a coop that she grow to like it more.

[simka2]

I pulled mine out about a month ago...and now I'm glad I did. I didn't realize it then, but they missed all the end of the year hype.

 

DS5 does have a little trouble on occasion...since we drive my his school at church. But the all acclimated very well :)

[Geo]

Take comfort in the fact that you're saving her from peer-dependency. Imagine the bond 10 years down the road...

 

Geo

[Carol in Cal.]

Most preschool teachers make a big deal about kids going into kindergarten the following year. Kindergarten readiness seems to be the watchword among all preschool directors as well.

 

I think that your reassurances are good, and also that you could call her homeschooling a name so she would have one to say. As in, "I'm going to the Blank Academy for kindergarten." Also, I do think that it's important for her to have a chance to see her old friends a lot. Be the fun house that everyone wants to visit after school! That will really pay off in the long run as well as right now.

[....]

Hmmmm. We have a lady in our homeschool group who is going through this also. My best advice is to start prepping her for the upcoming school year. Is she going to do a co-op or take any enrichment classes? You could start telling her about those. Also, are you going to join a homeschool group? That would give her something to think about. Do you have anything unusual on your plate for this fall-field trips, pottery classes, etc?

 

Our first semester of homeschooling....we went to Chicago and stayed with relatives for a few weeks while we visited every darn museum in the city - no kidding. We were all over the place and that was something my kids really looked forward to and talked about. We also did "school" with another homeschool family once a week and my two oldest kids were like delirious with excitement :glare: at the slightest mention of these people.

[Allearia]

We have the same situation, although my 5yo does not graduate from his preschool until August. But to all the kids it is a big deal that they will be a "kindergartner" and what school they are going to. Most of them are going to different schools. I try to talk up the fun projects we will do, and the classes a the local science center, and will try to think of a few kindergarten/special things and activities as we get closer to celebrate and get excited about what we will be doing at home.

 

It sounds like you dealt with it in a great way!

[Dmmetler]

Will she be doing any activities with her current friends? My 5 yr old is coming home for 1st grade after being in parochial school K, and is hanging on to "I'm playing T-ball and Soccer at church with my school friends!". (Since the school/church are the same entity, teams are open to both school students and church families). I'm guessing that by the end of 1st grade she'll have a different set of friends from homeschool activities, but for now, writing out the check for $50 so she can play soccer on the first grade team next year seems a small price to pay for her psychological comfort.

[Melissa in FL]

What helped when I pulled my son out of Kindergarten (he's now 13, homeschooled since K) was getting involved with a homeschool group before he left school. We also let him know that if he truly didn't like homeschooling and if it didn't work for our family he would be able to go to school for first grade. After knowing this wasn't a forever thing (lol, since we're keeping him home till college) he actually became excited to try homeschooling. Meeting other kids that were already homeschooling and very welcoming helped a lot. Meeting the other homeschool kids made him realize that a lot of kids school this way. We also start the school year very slowly in September and go on a TON of field trips (it's the best time of the year to do them) so my kids don't feel bad when they hear all the neighbor kids talk about how much they are loving the new classes (which lasts until middle of October usually).

HTH

Melissa

[Joanne]

I'll be the mean mom.

 

So? She's 4. You make a lot of decisions (and will continue to do so) that she won't like, understand, agree with or be compliant about.

 

I'd validate - to a point - and then move on and insist she do so as well. I don't feel the need to "sell" homeschooling to a very small child or in any way show them that they have a "say" in making me question my decisions. Too much power for too little knowledge and wisdom.

 

Older kids are a bit different.

[Peela]

I would keep focusing on the positive as you are doing, keep her excited...and give her some space to grieve as well. It's natural. Once she is out of the kindergarten environment, she will move on and adjust to her new life.

 

I took my 9yo out of school against her will. She loved school. It took 6 months or her to stop asking me when she could go back. I worked hard to create a new life for her full of new friends...it worked. It was an adjustment period and it broke my heart at the time. I am so glad I hung in there, though.

[Starr]

She'll adjust and be happy with you. No matter what she does next year it won't be the same as this year. Be positive. It sounds like you're doing a great job listening to her.

[Carol in Cal.]

I skipped kindergarten, and my friends told me it was fun and they got to finger paint. For years I mourned over never having had the chance to do that. Seriously. I was 5, and this stayed with me for quite a while. And in our preschool, the issue of which kids went to kindergarten vs. which went junior kindergarten first have haunted their social and spiritual progress decisions all the way through to 7th grade in our church. So I think you're right to take this seriously even though your DD is relatively young. We tend to underestimate how much preschoolers remember and carry forward.

 

It's doable to manage this, though.

 

One thing that really helped my DD accept leaving 'school' was the realization that only in a homeschooling mode could she have really long, satisfying play with other children. The recesses were so short even in kindergarten that they were barely figuring out what to play before their time was up. Once I took her out of school, we also told all of her former classmates that we would visit a park near the school every single Monday around school ending time, and stay until dark. She was able to maintain those relationships, and everyone had a lot of fun together. That really was what made her happy with the decision--we talked about it a lot, and she really had the best of both worlds.