Coping with People when you're sick

[Jean in Newcastle]

I am chronically ill. On top of that, I'm undergoing a treatment that really impacts my immune system so that I'm fighting a virus for the third straight week. Today it is worse. I'm coughing up a lung. My ear hurts. My head hurts. I'm tired and I'm cranky.

 

Every other week, the boundary challenged children on our right come over to play with my kids. This is when they are visiting our neighbor - their dad. Normally, if I were feeling well, I would be able to explain in a well-modulated voice why it isn't nice to just open the door and walk into our house. Or why they shouldn't just start exploring while waiting for one of my kids to go to the bathroom. Or why I would have such a ridiculous rule as to want the door closed (but not slammed!) on a 50 degree day. (My kids are far from perfect but I've had a long time to train them on these basics).

 

I couldn't have a nap today because the door has been slamming all day. I'm wrapped in blankets and can't get warm because when the door wasn't being slammed, it has been left wide open. Even inside, I can hear screams and yelling right outside my window. (It's happy yelling but I don't feel well so it doesn't matter!) The last time someone came in for a drink, I had had it. I got up, said "Good-bye", gently guided the child to the door and told them that unless someone was dying to go to the bathroom, no one was setting foot in the house! And I did not have a well modulated voice. (I wasn't yelling either, it was just a cranky voice.)

 

So BMW - do I get a "freebie" for being less than kind when I don't feel well?:D

[elegantlion]

:grouphug: and hopefully extra rest time tomorrow.

[Caribbean Queen]

I have had a neighbor like that. I kept my doors locked so she couldn't walk in whenever she wanted. When my children played outside with her no one was allowed in our house. If she had to go to the bathroom or get a drink she could go to her own house.

[KidsHappen]

When I have days like that, I simply announce that I am not up to company today and that the kids will have to find somewhere else to play. They rarely seem to mind, afterall none on wants to spend time with a sick, cranky old lady. I hope you are feeling better soon.

[Dandelion]

Sounds like a legitimate "freebie" to me! Hope you're able to get some rest tonight...

[Pink Fairy]

Is it because you're feeling so ill that it's difficult to deal with them (as in kick them out)? You are well within your rights to send them kids a packin' with a flea in their ear (said in my best crotchety old lady voice).

I hope you feel better soon. :grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Is it because you're feeling so ill that it's difficult to deal with them (as in kick them out)? You are well within your rights to send them kids a packin' with a flea in their ear (said in my best crotchety old lady voice).

I hope you feel better soon. :grouphug:

 

Yes, because I feel too tired to even get up and talk to them! The thing is, I know that these kids are annoying because they have been brought up to be annoying. They are really nice kids underneath. Usually I have the patience to deal with them and they are improving! But not recently.

[Pink Fairy]

That's the worst. I'm sorry. :sad: Hopefully soon you'll be looking back at these days and it will be hard to remember what it felt like to be so sick.

[RoughCollie]

I would call the father (or have DH do it) and tell him his kids cannot come over because you are sick.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would call the father (or have DH do it) and tell him his kids cannot come over because you are sick.

 

Dh could go over there. I don't have their telephone number.

[mom4him]

We live in a neighborhood that doesn't have a lot of children other than ours. There is one family that is kitty corner across the street from us that my two play with some times. My kids are NOT allowed to go in their house and they are NOT allowed to come in ours. We live like 1/2 block away. If anyone needs something, a drink, to use the bathroom they can go to their own home. End of subject. That is just the way it is.

When I nap, and I do almost daily, my two have to come in and they watch a movie, read a book, play with the legos etc. I know where they are and can then rest. They are not allowed to be outside during that time and no one is allowed in the house then or any other time.

We do have friends that the mom comes with children and we enjoy each other but I am not responsible for anyone but mine then.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:feel better soon.

[Jean in Newcastle]

We live in a neighborhood that doesn't have a lot of children other than ours. There is one family that is kitty corner across the street from us that my two play with some times. My kids are NOT allowed to go in their house and they are NOT allowed to come in ours. We live like 1/2 block away. If anyone needs something, a drink, to use the bathroom they can go to their own home. End of subject. That is just the way it is.

When I nap, and I do almost daily, my two have to come in and they watch a movie, read a book, play with the legos etc. I know where they are and can then rest. They are not allowed to be outside during that time and no one is allowed in the house then or any other time.

We do have friends that the mom comes with children and we enjoy each other but I am not responsible for anyone but mine then.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:feel better soon.

 

This is the arrangement we have with all the other neighborhood families. But we never formally made the arrangement. All the parents just naturally feel the same way. The two kids I was talking about today are not supervised by dad very much at all. They came over once and informed me that their dad had left to go to the store and I was babysitting. I did inform dad when he got back that that was not going to happen again. What if I had to go out? I'm starting to make ground rules with these kids but these kids don't seem to have any experience with rules. So I am gently having to reinforce them over and over again. Not a problem when I'm feeling well. But a big headache when I don't.

[G5052]

I'm the spouse of someone chronically who is ill, and I decided several years ago to just politely tell people the truth and leave it to them to decide what to do with that. IMHO it's much better than pretending that you're OK and letting people do things that hurt you physically and emotionally.

 

So yes, send the kids home with the message that you are ill and can't have company, or send your husband to do that. I do that type of thing all the time...

 

Thank you for offering food, but please don't send food that my spouse can't eat.

 

Thank you for visiting, but please don't say you're coming over and bring twelve people along that you didn't tell me about.

 

Thank you for being interested in our troubles, but please don't come to the hospital to sit with me or visit unless you ask.

 

Thank you for being interested in what we're going through, but please don't question our judgment on medical treatments when you really don't know the details at all.

 

Etc. etc.

[momof2jb]

Hi,

 

Speaking from what sounds like such a familiar experience - no guilt necessary!!!

 

I have 2 boys that are 10 & 12 who have grown up dealing with my cancer, treatments, and mood swings. I have Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma in my lungs, have gone through 2 relapses/treatments over the past 9 years. I'm always immune compromised/sickly and chronically fatigued. Note: the mood swings aren't always related to the cancer or treatments - we all have our days:D. I have plenty of neighbor kids that I have welcomed into our yard/home to play with the boys, however, my boys know when mommy is "grumpy" no one is to come in the house and silence must prevail.

 

We are fortunate enough for me to be a stay at home mom. Seems like too many of the kids around here are latch-key or single-parent raised in split homes and I actually prefer my kids to be here at my house/ yard to play. That way I can be sure that all the kids are well-mannered and respectful of eachother. I also really like to be able to provide stability and be a good adult role model for all of the kids that come around.

 

But... we have shared my having cancer with the families, friends, and even just back yard waving neighbors that live in our neighborhood. The kids have all grown up knowing that I tire, need naps, am sickly during and after treatments, and that when I need my rest it is vital.

 

Thought about sharing your reasoning for being grumpy/tired with others? Makes a world of difference when they understand. Kids get it!

 

God bless & I hope that you feel better soon.

 

Serena:grouphug:

[jazzyfizzle]

..I decided several years ago to just politely tell people the truth and leave it to them to decide what to do with that. IMHO it's much better than pretending that you're OK and letting people do things that hurt you physically and emotionally.

 

So yes, send the kids home with the message that you are ill and can't have company, or send your husband to do that. I do that type of thing all the time...

 

...Thank you for being interested in what we're going through, but please don't question our judgment on medical treatments when you really don't know the details at all.

 

Etc. etc.

 

 

:iagree:

 

 

 

As another chronically ill mom here, I completely understand what you are dealing with. Finally we had to decide to do much like GVA. Often I will not be able to attend things, or even function in a 'normal' daily fashion. I had to learn to express to people that this is the way it is, sorry, but if you can't deal with it, the problem is in your corner, we have more than enough to handle already.

We do have one neighborhood family like this, they will let their kids walk here (quite a distance) and leave them until after dark. I speak up gently now and say- I'm sorry but I am not doing well today, my son can play with you another day- and be gentle but totally firm about it.

 

Sending you a few cyber hugs

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm the spouse of someone chronically who is ill, and I decided several years ago to just politely tell people the truth and leave it to them to decide what to do with that. IMHO it's much better than pretending that you're OK and letting people do things that hurt you physically and emotionally.

 

 

This one is a hard one for me. I do tend to pretend that I'm OK. I do it to protect myself from all the stories of Aunt Mabel who was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and what cured her. And I do it to protect myself from people who tell me that I don't "look sick". But of course the drawback is that it doesn't protect me from being asked to do too much! Though I'm saying no to all requests right now.

[Tap]

I really hope your treatment is helping you. There was one year of my life that I had to work in a job that I absolutely hated (my one and only year working for the school district LOL). I had to remind myself that 'it was only one year' and that I could do anything for one year. Thinking of the women around the world who live in tin huts or in garbage heaps. The ones who carry clay on their head all day, just for a meal of rice. I try to remember that no matter what I am feeling, there are many, many people who would be happy to have my life, pain and all. Being in pain is horrible and it really wears a person down. It can take away the core of who we are, and leave us feeling very, very raw. It isn't nice for the person in pain, and it isn't nice for those around us.

 

I hope tomorrow is a better day. :001_smile:

[SonshineLearner]

PS, I think you get a pass!!

:)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I really hope your treatment is helping you. There was one year of my life that I had to work in a job that I absolutely hated (my one and only year working for the school district LOL). I had to remind myself that 'it was only one year' and that I could do anything for one year. Thinking of the women around the world who live in tin huts or in garbage heaps. The ones who carry clay on their head all day, just for a meal of rice. I try to remember that no matter what I am feeling, there are many, many people who would be happy to have my life, pain and all. Being in pain is horrible and it really wears a person down. It can take away the core of who we are, and leave us feeling very, very raw. It isn't nice for the person in pain, and it isn't nice for those around us.

 

I hope tomorrow is a better day. :001_smile:

 

Thanks, Tap. Actually right now I'm in a less intensive part of the treatment. So I'm not feeling sick from that right now. Unfortunately my body doesn't seem to have enough strength to focus on healing more than one thing at a time. So I'm getting every virus that floats by me right now.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I wanted to also thank everyone who told me a week ago to take time off from my church duties. I would be so stressed if I had to call and tell them that I couldn't come yet again. . . I've missed 3 Sundays now.

[mom4him]

This is the arrangement we have with all the other neighborhood families. But we never formally made the arrangement. All the parents just naturally feel the same way. The two kids I was talking about today are not supervised by dad very much at all. They came over once and informed me that their dad had left to go to the store and I was babysitting. I did inform dad when he got back that that was not going to happen again. What if I had to go out? I'm starting to make ground rules with these kids but these kids don't seem to have any experience with rules. So I am gently having to reinforce them over and over again. Not a problem when I'm feeling well. But a big headache when I don't.

Jean, the 'don't go in the other kids house' is pretty much my rule. My kids know it and when one of the neighbor kids needs to use the bathroom, etc they are told they will need to go home.

If it were me, I would just work with our two to establish some of these things. "We have to go in now, Johnny, it is rest time at our house." "No, you will need to go home to get a drink."

Your health is important and at this point, you being able to get your rest is important to you health. Six months from now it might not be quite so vital. Then again it might be just as or more so.

I am glad you put a stop to the baby sitting without asking. That one the father really needs to understand that if he is going to be able to have his children for visits he needs to take care of them!

[Tap]

Thanks, Tap. Actually right now I'm in a less intensive part of the treatment. So I'm not feeling sick from that right now. Unfortunately my body doesn't seem to have enough strength to focus on healing more than one thing at a time. So I'm getting every virus that floats by me right now.

 

This is even a better reason to keep opc (other people's children) out of you home and to limit your children's exposure as well.

 

Your body is going through so much right now, the last thing you need is to pick up a slew of childhood illness from opc. You also don't need to be taking care of you own children if they get sick.

 

I would consider talking to the parents and tell them that while you are in treatment, you will be minimizing contact and that it is due to your health, not the children.

 

I hope you feel strong today and have a great start to a week.

 

~Tap