Based on Faith Academy Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 Hello, It has been a long time since I have posted. That is basically because I work seven days a week. Five of those I spend going to someone's house to be a nanny to their child. Needless to say my children come with me. They are almost four and almost twelve years old. I am currently hsing my 11 yr old son mostly using Abeka and filling in with the school district curriculum. From day one that I started hsing him when he was 4 it has been a struggle. His father and I split up a year and a half ago so I am not only working like I was before but working full time. I don't have time to fight him every day to get all his school work done. There are days when I feel like I am the one doing something wrong since I can't get him to do his work. He goes to his father's on the weekends. He knows if he doesn't get his work done before then he will have to bring it with him and he will be in trouble with his dad. So what he does is he barely does it all week and then Friday is crunch time. As you can imagine that means I don't have time to check it before he goes to his dad's house. I know I am not accomplishing everything I need or want to. I do enjoy hsing. I just figured by now it wouldn't have to be a fight anymore to get it done. Am I the only one who has to battle their child to get work done? If you have any ideas at all please let me know. With my sincere thanks, Christina:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 bribery works really well. though I prefer to reword it to positive rewards for work finished. basically my children aren't aloud to play on the computer until their school work is done in a certain amount of time. The morning school work has to be done before 12.30, etc. it really works well with my children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 (edited) Christina, What IS he doing? Does he watch tv? play video games? do arts with the other kids? play with friends? etc? If so, why? If you don't do your responsibilities, you don't get to play! I'd rock his world. Build in logical consequences in order to teach the lesson you want as well as life skills! After you get 3 assignments done, you may have 20 minutes outside time, exercise time, etc. After you finish 3 more, you can XYZ. You may have free reign of play when all your work for the day is done. Also, give him a checklist. Let him mark off, color, put a sticker over each assignment as he completes it. He will be able to SEE how much he's accomplished so it doesn't seem like a never ending situation. It will feel "mean," but he'll get it quickly enough. A little "smart work" on your part will make both your lives easier from now on. Not that he's going to LIKE it and won't test you sometimes! BTW, the above were examples. I don't know your curriculum/circumstances to know what are reasonable numbers. Just don't get played anymore! Being "nice" by letting him get away with this for years is REALLY a HUGE disservice. Your son NEEDS you to teach him how life REALLY works. Because of the situation, you'll start making the rules. After a LONG time of him handling it WELL, you can negotiate with him. A long time is 6-12 months, possibly longer. He has to "get" how it works before he can negotiate appropriately. IRL, he will need to be able to follow someone else's schedule as well as eventually work out his own within someone else's. Do part one before part two :) Edited February 22, 2010 by 2J5M9K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 One more thing... One option I would ALWAYS give is the opportunity to work in other ways instead of doing schoolwork. There are a few reasons for this. The main thing is that sometimes people need a physical release and it will prevent a person from learning if they don't get it. Also, a physical activity can often stimulate brains to work more efficiently. There are a few other thoughts, but I prefer to focus on these. So if he just can't do math right now, he can choose running laps or doing pushups or scrubbing the bathtub or picking weeds or tilling the flower beds or handwashing the kitchen floor or splitting wood or whatever few options you want to put in front of him. I would give him a choice. This is not INSTEAD of schoolwork. This is if he needs something until he's ready to do schoolwork. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Based on Faith Academy Posted February 22, 2010 Author Share Posted February 22, 2010 When he isn't doing school work he is basically just chilling. I am not a t.v person so the t.v doesn't go on even at the people's house I babysit for. If it does it is at 7am when we first get there for a half hour before the kids have breakfast and all. His reward is that he gets computer time or game time at Dad's house if he does his work. I wasn't very clear in that he hasn't been allowed to just do this all these years. He is stubborn and will sit for hours doing one paper. He doesn't get to just go off and play. I did use the reward system and all for when he completed work. He was allowed points and would get to choose what he used them for at the end of the week. That didn't work. I don't know if maybe I am missing something. Maybe there is a different way of teaching that he needs that I am not using. He is super smart. What is it I am missing? Christina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Based on Faith Academy Posted February 22, 2010 Author Share Posted February 22, 2010 I like the idea of giving him something to do until he feels able to do his school work. My only draw back is he loves to do things. I just see him as using this as a way to not ever get to the work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 I always procrastinated in school. The day before a test or a paper was due, I'd work feverishly to get it done. I made fairly good grades. Really, the few poor grades I received were for material I really had difficulty understanding. I followed the same pattern in college. I think my GPA when I left school was a 3.6. I suppose I'm fortunate that I've never held a job with such harsh deadlines as school assignments. :tongue_smilie: And honestly, when I did have deadlines in my job, I had no problems meeting them. It is what it is. I do procrastinate with house cleaning and sometimes grocery shopping. I don't have this problem with my kids anymore, but I did worry about this when my son was about 10 yrs. old and my daughter was about 8. I resolved it by giving them a checklist of all the things I wanted to see done for the week. Sometimes they followed the daily suggestions, and sometimes they worked ahead so they could have a longer weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 (edited) What is his payoff? There is ALWAYS a payoff. He is getting SOMETHING out of making this choice. What is it? Also, are you sure that the materials you are using are the right level, appropriately engaging, etc? Is he able to concentrate under the current circumstances? Is he being overly distracted? Is he finding watching the littles more fun? There has to be SOMETHING. Seriously, VERY few kids who are healthy would sit at the table all morning, afternoon and evening Monday through Thursday, never speaking to other kids, never playing, never anything. Well, and IS there something he gets for doing? If he finishes his work, can he read something he wants? can he watch tv? can he have 30 minutes of game time? can he draw pictures? can he participate in a sport? can he ride his scooter? What would he LIKE to do? He should have something to look forward to. I'm not sure that *I* would be motivated if it just didn't matter whether I got it done or not. Does that make sense? Edited February 22, 2010 by 2J5M9K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 Just a suggestion, is there something like Classical Conversations, or another school spot where he could go once a week. I am SO looking forward to my daughter doing CC next year!! Another responsible adult with some peer pressure. Classical Conversations is from a Christian perspective... but it looks like that would be ok with you... as you're using A Beka.... :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mollies73 Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Just a thought, is Abeka a good fit? We used Abeka for two subjects and my kids hated it. It was like pulling teeth to get them to do it. We changed to a less textbook approach, and now it is easier to get their work done because they don't dread it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Based on Faith Academy Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 I like the ideas about a checklist. Maybe that might give him a clear idea. I think it would have to be a daily checklist and not a weekly one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Based on Faith Academy Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 Yes, it makes sense Pamela. Maybe I need to make it more of a set standard. If you do this you work then in return you can have thirty minutes free time and so on. I do try to separate him from the baby and his sister but that makes it harder for me at times because then I can't see him if he is messing around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Based on Faith Academy Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 Carrie, I have never heard of that before what is it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Based on Faith Academy Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 Actually we tried getting away from Abeka last year and he hated doing it. He likes the text book approach. With Abeka he doesn't have so much hand work in math as others it seems. Plus Abeka seems to fit him. He has no trouble doing the work and from what I have heard it is even ahead of the school district so that is even a bigger plus. The work is easy for him when he actually sits down to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 I noticed that all his rewards for doing schoolwork appear to be weekly rewards. Does he have any daily rewards for getting the day's work done? It may be too hard to see the benefit of doing his work when the reward is days away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoyfulMama Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 So what he does is he barely does it all week and then Friday is crunch time. When he isn't doing school work he is basically just chilling. ... He is stubborn and will sit for hours doing one paper. ... He is super smart. ... The work is easy for him when he actually sits down to do it. Is it possible that he is bored? Either not challenged by something OR bored with the routine? I don't like to do the exact same thing every day, as I get bored. Does he get more attention from you on Fridays if his work is not yet completed? (Sometimes it doesn't matter if the attention is positive or negative.) I like the ideas about a checklist. Maybe that might give him a clear idea. I think it would have to be a daily checklist and not a weekly one. I agree that a daily checklist may be a better option. However, another option may be to say that there are 35 things he has to do each week, and a minimum of 7 must be done each day. Then if he wants to work through a whole subject at a time, he would be able to have that flexibility. Or mix the two, and say 1-3 must be done every day, and then he must choose 4 more items from the weekly list each day. This would work well if he enjoys having some control, yet would allow both of you measureable ways to monitor the meeting those goals. If you want to institute rewards and/or conseqences, feel free to ask his opinion on these options! He might surprise you with some creativity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saille Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Honestly? For my foot-dragger I use: http://www.online-stopwatch.com/ And I go off duty at a very specific (but reasonable) time. If you want help, get it while it's hot. That's my policy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 For a child of that age, I would suggest you enlist his help. Tell him that you see a problem with the way he is handling his 'schoolwork'. Tell him what you would like to see, or what you would consider the minimum standard of effort from him. Then ask him what ideas he has to resolve the problem, and how you could help him. If you don't elicit anything useful, you've lost nothing. On the other hand, you may be surprised at how perceptive, clever and creative he is with his suggestions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 I would suggest reading Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. I would also suggest doing more work orally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kpupg Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 If you don't do your responsibilities, you don't get to play! :iagree: This has been our approach. All responsibilities -- school work, chores, church/outside activities -- must be completed before privileges are available. Also, at age 12, it might help to start talking about the future. That's about the age I sat my kids down and asked "do you want to go to college", "what do you want to do with your adult life" ... they won't have full answers, but it starts the thinking process ... as a result, my ds (now 9th grade) began to develop a little academic ambition ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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