Social 2nd grader begging to go to public school

[eclecticmom]

My very social daughter has been homeschooled since she was a bitty babe. She is a hands-on, relational learner so we do very interactive LA, workbook math, read alouds where the kids are allowed to play while listening (their narrations are fine) and hands on unit studies for everything else. I should also tell you that I'm scheduling to have her checked out for dyslexia (speech issues like "pasghetti", etc., childhood illness (type 1 diabetes), backwards b's & d's, and trouble w/ left/right, late reader - still struggles, troubles w/ spelling).

 

She has been begging me to put her in public school. She told me she doesn't want to be homeschooled her whole life and feels she is missing out on going to a real school and being with her friends. She's a very mature 2nd grader and is able to verbalize reasons and feelings she has about this. They are very compelling.

 

What would you do? Would you make her stay the course and give a choice in high school? Would you let her try it out and see that the grass really is not greener in ps?

 

Thanks,

Sandy

[Quiver0f10]

Well she is 8. I would do what you feel is best for your DD and your family. If you don't mind her going to PS and feel that is the best choice for her, then send her. But I wouldn't send her just because she asks. Kids ask for all kinds of things that might not be good for them. It's our job to decide which things would be in their best interest or not.

Edited February 3, 2010 by Quiver0f10

[AK_Mom4]

I would not send a kid to public school just because they asked.

 

Give the troubles you mentioned, I would not send her to school at all. Kids in packs are brutal and she's going to be labelled "dumb" or "stupid" if she can't keep up with her peers or needs special services. That's not nice to say, but it is true.

 

If she needs more social time, maybe find some activities with her for other kids. Being at home, you can focus on her reading and health issues.

[Ellie]

She's 8. No, *I* would not give an 8yo the choice, regardless of how mature she may be...for an 8yo.

 

ITA with finding social outlets other than school, although I would limit those social outlets. Sometimes children who feel the need to be that social are easily led astray, and need to have less social stuff when they are younger so that they can handle it when they are older.

[abbeyej]

I agree that "just because she asks" is not reason enough to make a decision as important as school setting. I wouldn't tell my neighbor to home school just because her boys are asking her or can make well-reasoned arguments in favor of it either! Now, there might be other good reasons for her to home school, and the fact that her boys like the idea might be an added tick in the "pro" column -- just as your daughter's interest in and desire to attend traditional school could be one reason of *many* why you might consider that change for her. But I wouldn't put her in school solely because she's curious.

 

I don't necessarily agree that some relatively minor learning issues will cause her to be a target of childhood cruelty. That sort of victimhood is usually a result of challenges in social relations (an ability to read other people's body language, to solve problems, etc), and learning challenges are just one of many things that other kids can latch onto... But I think her ability to handle herself socially (or not) will be a much more important factor. And certainly plenty of kids with speech issues or diabetes, etc, survive or even thrive in traditional schools.

 

So again, those things alone wouldn't be enough for me.

 

For us, our reasons for home schooling include an ability to meet our kids' academic needs (whatever they are) on an individual basis, to require higher standards from them academically, to spend time on subjects they wouldn't have time for in school (particularly Latin and Greek), to build family bonds based on *time* spent together and shared academic experiences over time... And a host of other things that simply can't be matched in a traditional school environment. It doesn't mean there aren't trade-offs. There always are, no matter what we pick. But I do feel strongly that home schooling is the best choice for our kids and our family.

 

So if it were my dd, I would tell her, "No, in this family we home school. But I'm willing to talk to you about other ways to give you some of the experiences you crave..." The home schooling wouldn't be negotiable. But finding ways for her to spend more time with other girls her age, or a place where she can go regularly with a packed lunch, or have other teachers... Those things we can work on.

 

Your reasons for home schooling may not be the same as mine. And that's okay! But I would consider carefully *why* you're home schooling and whether the (possibly fleeting) desires of an 8yo are more important than those reasons. And, in some cases, they might be.

[TravelingChris]

DO you have her in Co-op or homeschool classes? That is what I would suggest. It is what keeps my social kid happy with homeschooling.

[Anne in CA]

I didn't read all the replies but I'm chiming in here, because I have lots of experience with this with my oldest. Unfortunately children who have always been home schooled can be especially articulate. They seem much more mature than they are.

 

My dh and I allowed our oldest to go to high school when she sounded like this and I can assure you it did not work out well at all. Not only that but she didn't make any quality friendships there, she had been so sure that she would but it didn't really work that way. She is 21 and her old home school friends are the only friendships that have stuck.

 

Our dd sounded so sure of herself on lots of things that adults were often taken in, but she was still a child. She often got her doctor to prescribe all manner of medicine that she didn't need because she sounded so adult to the doctor. Eventually she just couldn't go in the doctor's office by herself.

 

I think you have something you need to keep a close eye on, because she sounds very intelligent and needs extra guidance, not less. She might be a real problem for a busy third grade teacher, especially if she has learning issues.

 

I hope all will be well.

[eclecticmom]

Thank you for your responses. I agree that we need to make the final decision as parents. My decision making gets complicated by my heart, which wants to accomodate my childrens' opinions and desires. This isn't always possible and that's what I'm trying to decide - whether what she is asking for is good for her or not.

 

Unfortunately, this has not been a fleeting desire for my daughter. She has been asking for this for about two years and I've been putting her off with various reasons. She sees her friends get off the bus, hears about their school experiences and looks longingly at the school as we drive by. She says that she feels like she is missing out on something. We've tried to develop homeschool friends but those friendships have not developed as deeply as her public school friends in the neighborhood. Most of her friends are in 5th grade and she is aware that they will not be in her school next year.

 

It's difficult for me to rule out public school since I was trained in it and felt I received a decent preparation for college (majored in Math & Physics). My experience in school was fairly positive (as positive as surging hormones allow). I wonder, sometimes, if ps would do a better job teaching to her dyslexia - whether I'm letting it go too long without "professional" intervention. What a huge responsibility this homeschooling is ... my gut feeling says get her in a more structured co-op and keep teaching her at home.

Edited February 3, 2010 by eclecticmom
rewording

[chiguirre]

I wonder, sometimes, if ps would do a better job teaching to her dyslexia - whether I'm letting it go too long without "professional" intervention. What a huge responsibility this homeschooling is ... my gut feeling says get her in a more structured co-op and keep teaching her at home.

 

IMHO, if she's dyslexic, it's unlikely the ps will meet her needs completely. It's more likely they will accomodate instead of remediate and you'll end up needing to either hire a tutor or tutor yourself. That's a large load on top of a ps day and homework. It would probably be much easier on both of you to incorporate an OG program into your hs and look for more outside activities.

[Joanne]

Thank you for your responses. I agree that we need to make the final decision as parents. My decision making gets complicated by my heart, which wants to accomodate my childrens' opinions and desires. This isn't always possible and that's what I'm trying to decide - whether what she is asking for is good for her or not.

 

Unfortunately, this has not been a fleeting desire for my daughter. She has been asking for this for about two years and I've been putting her off with various reasons. She sees her friends get off the bus, hears about their school experiences and looks longingly at the school as we drive by. She says that she feels like she is missing out on something. We've tried to develop homeschool friends but those friendships have not developed as deeply as her public school friends in the neighborhood. Most of her friends are in 5th grade and she is aware that they will not be in her school next year.

 

It's difficult for me to rule out public school since I was trained in it and felt I received a decent preparation for college (majored in Math & Physics). My experience in school was fairly positive (as positive as surging hormones allow). I wonder, sometimes, if ps would do a better job teaching to her dyslexia - whether I'm letting it go too long without "professional" intervention. What a huge responsibility this homeschooling is ... my gut feeling says get her in a more structured co-op and keep teaching her at home.

 

I think you are possibly imbuing her articulate vocabulary and relative maturity with too much power and credit. She's 8; she's still a very small child. She's a part of this culture - the culture that pushes and presents "going to school" as the cultural and expected norm.

 

And I'd further suggest to you that you see "institutional schooling" as the default solution yourself. I've discovered over the years that homeschoolers tend to more creatively and happily stay the homeschooling course when they firmly and resolutely make the choice to be homeschoolers and therefore look when a challenge comes, they look to homeschooling rather than other schooling solutions.

 

She doesn't *really* know what she's asking, the possible short and long term ramifications. She might be bright, smart and wonderful but she's by age and development severely limited in perspective.

 

I can't comment on the diabetic issue, but I can say that a severe autoimmune is a reason to homeschool. Reversing "b" and "d" at her age is not uncommon, as are speech and spelling issues. You'd might want to get outsourced help on those and keep schooling home.

 

(PS: My dd has juvenile rheumatoid arthritis which does come with social issues, was a slow/reluctant reader and reversed her letters. I pondered additional help for a long time.)

[eclecticmom]

Wow! Major personal insight! I think you're right. Institutional learning is my default solution and what I soothe myself with on tough days. Sounds like I need to become more comfortable with my decision and quit second guessing what has been working for us. That's probably why this has been such a heart wrenching decision - because she's touching on an issue with which I struggle. Deep ...

[hsbaby]

If it were me, I would look for other outlets for my child. I have an extremely social first grader and have to make an extra effort to keep him involved in a variety of activities......gymnastics, field trips, play dates, park days, etc. He attends a tutorial once a week where he gets a little taste of a "school" atmosphere. It takes a little more work to quell his social "needs" (as compared to my introverted daughter), but I can commiserate with him as I was extremely social as well:) I am fortunate that my kids have NO desire to go to ps as they have BTDT (all except my 2 yr. old of course). Even if they did, I wouldn't let them decide at such a young age. But, if I felt ps was right for a particular child at some point I wouldn't beat myself up over it.