Teen girls and messy rooms. Any tips?

[Claire]

Our 17yo is a ..... hate to say it ...... slob. Her bedroom is on a different floor from ours and, because I have arthritis in my knees, I avoid going up and down those stairs daily. My dh goes up maybe twice a week and every time the upstairs is an absolute mess -- clothes everywhere, including on the floor. This *really* bugs my dh because he is OCD and super neat with his own stuff. I'm a middling housekeeper and have a standard that at least meets his minimum for comfort level.

 

Any suggestions? We do make special events contingent on her cleaning up. Friday, for example, she had to clean everything before she had a group of girls over for a party. Apparently the girls did a lot with clothes and makeup while they were here. This morning, my dh reports, the upstairs is a complete mess again. Clearly dd did nothing yesterday to clean up after her friends were here.

 

Is there hope?

[Annie G]

All three of our daughters kept their rooms so messy that we rarely saw the floor. I know exactly what you mean. Our two oldest are now on their own and both keep MUCH neater homes than mine. So there is hope!

On the other hand, our youngest daughter still has an incredibly messy room and it's so bizarre how she can have it totally clean one day and totally messy the next. It's just not the hill I want to die on, so I don't often argue about it.

[Kendall]

I don't have any advice, but there is hope. My room growing up sounds similar to your daughter's. I do wish I had trained myself earlier in life, but at some point after I had two or three children I worked hard to change my ways. Now my house is fairly organized, and even though there are 9 of us living here, it doesn't take long with everyone pitching in to make it quite neat and clean. Maybe your daughter would like a modified flylady type approach? She might also need some accountability. Maybe your husband could check on it daily? Or does she have a "neat" friend or relative that she could be accountable to?

 

My mother sympathizes with you:)

Kendall

[Paz]

I'm not sure. My dd (15) is like this. Part of the problem is way too much stuff (clothes and stuffed animal collection) and a very small room. We do have cleaning ladies that come every other week and she is very motivated to pick up before they come so her room gets swept and dusted, at least. But by the day after or so it looks a wreck again. My ds's room gets like this at times, but not as bad. I just choose not to look too closely.

[mcconnellboys]

We just keep plugging. Every time we go past our son's room and there are beginning to be large amounts of clothing type items on the floor, we ask that those be picked up. He knows that the expectation is that he will clean his bedroom and bathroom every weekend (generally on Saturdays). That must be done before social activities, etc. can occur (like you). We just keep reminding him of the house rules. Keep reminding him of his weekly chore schedule. Keep reminding him when we begin to smell stinky foot smell emmanating from his room, LOL (I'll bet you don't have *that*, at least).

 

Last weekend, he actually did a sort of unsolicited spring cleaning - removing garbage that he doesn't need to keep, sorting and putting items away, etc. Wow! I think there really might be hope. And he's begun noticing messes in the homes of others when he's with friends, noting that he doesn't like those sorts of messes, etc., and coming home to clean up our media room downstairs, where he spends most of his free time.

 

Just keep on pluggin' away, she'll eventually get it,

 

Regena

[Kendall]

Do you have a digital camera? She could take pictures and you could view them and give her suggestions on where to start or just use them to monitor it more frequently. You could give her 5 minute assignments (go pick up all clothes or all trash or make the bed or ....) You could have her time how long it takes to change clothes and leave them on the floor vs. changing and putting them away properly. I did this with myself because I was so bad a putting things away. I thought I didn't have time. What I learned was that putting things away properly as you go does not take much more time, and if it does then there is probably an underlying organizational problem. You could ask her to be aware of frustrations when picking up (are the drawers too stuffed, are there items that don't really have a home)

 

Just a few more thoughts,

Kendall

[Jan P.]

I don't know. My 15 year old is quite the slob. I literally could not make my way to her bed last week, and I have difficulty finding her in her bed when she sleeps because of all the junk on it. My dh was so disgusted with it that while dd was gone overnight he cleaned her room. I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole because I felt she should be the one to clean it. DD wasn't happy, but maybe she'll think twice when she throws her dirty shirt on the floor!!

[readwithem]

Just shut the door :)

 

Barring that, I would probably make the next visit from friends contingent on her (actually all of them) cleaning up when they are done. I have also found that clearing out "stuff" as has been suggested, has helped with the clutter.

[AngieW in Texas]

My oldest and youngest are total slobs, but they come by it honestly. My dh and I both had moms who were cleaning fanatics and neither of us ever did any cleaning when we were growing up.

 

Last week I spent some time with my oldest and youngest and helped them to clear some of the clutter from their rooms. The difference between my oldest and youngest is that my youngest is far more motivated to get rid of things she no longer has any interest in.

 

My 15yo's room stayed much cleaner all week after we filled the recycle bin and two trash bags with stuff from her room. And that's not even counting the things that she gave to her sisters and the books that she returned to the reading corner (built-in bookshelves that the girls use for books they don't keep in their own rooms).

[Guest Katia]

I have a very neat 18yo dd and a very messy 15yo dd, so I have one of both. :001_smile:

 

When I tell messy dd to make sure all of the things in her room are at least on a shelf, she tells me, "Mom, think of my floor as a very large shelf, ok?" LOL

 

Because we are all on one floor and I am OCD and walk past her room several hundred times a day, I will often just go in and clean it up myself. I'd close the door but the cats like to snooze in her bean-bag chair.

 

Really, I don't sweat it. In your situation, where I couldn't see the room, I wouldn't worry about it. As long as dd knows how to wash her clothing, shows up clean, neat and in clean clothes, I wouldn't worry about it. She will be who she is when she leaves your home no matter what you make her do now. I'd just love her and let her be herself. JMO

[Gwen in VA]

There is hope -- I was an absolute slob in high school. I figured that I was rarely in it and no one else came into it, so why did a clean room matter? My mother predicted that I would have the messiest room in college.....

 

I went off to college, and not only did I spend more time in my room, but other people did too! All of a sudden having a made bed was important, having NO clothes on the floor was important, having everything neat and organized was important. My room in college was literally held up as a "neatnik" room!

 

Unfortunately haviing four kids dulled my neatnik streak! Now that they are older I'm trying to redevelop that streak!

 

I think that having "ownership" of the room ( instead of the room just being part of my parents' home) made a huge difference in my attitude toward its cleanliness!

[Carrie in NC]

Mostly I just shut the door and ignore. I have three guys in one not-so-big room ( my 17 and 19 yr olds and my future son-in-law, 22) so it gets really messy and sometimes even smelly.:tongue_smilie:

 

About a month ago I sort of flipped, and went in and completely gutted the room. I took out bags of trash, old clothes, old books and school papers, dirty laundry that was hidden under beds, etc. I scrubbed everything and organized the drawers, bookshelf and closet. The boys were surprised, but not upset. they didn't really care. Since then it has been a lot easier for the person who cleans this level (each child has a portion of the house they vacuum and dust each week). I go in about once a week and clear off the flat surfaces again. So far there hasn't been much and the boys have been able to find a "place" for everything they consider important.

 

I was so pleased with the boys' room that I tackled the girls' room the next day. I have two girls, 11 and 14, that share a really small room. They helped me clean it, making decisions about what to keep, what to store in the attic, and what to get rid of. They were very enthusiastic. I think the idea of getting a little more space and organization appealed to them.

 

But if any of the kids had been really against me organizing their rooms, I probably would have left it alone. Some things aren't worth fighting over. :001_smile:

[Peela]

I am glad it is not just my dd, anyway! We call her Piglet for the mess she leaves around.

I think its probably one of those ongoing training things. We think they are going to "get it" and we wont have to keep saying it, but if we want them to have a tidy room, there has to be consequences, routine, checking, etc. Not always worth all the effort! I am like you, a middling housekeeper, and my dh is a clean freak. I was messy as a child and every few months my mother would keep me in all Saturday till my room was clean.

I think it takes routines, habits formed over a lifetime, to keep up with tidying. Probably not high on many a teen's personal agenda!

My dd's room is also on a different floor, but dh peeks in regularly and tells her to get it tidied.

She has decided she wants money for a scout camp, so yesterday she cleaned out her clothes to sell at swap meet..so it should be easier for her to fit them in drawers now, at least. She buys 2nd hand clothes every week because we go to swap met every weekend. Its a teenager's dream, but still, she does have to let go of some.

Not much advice....dd's room is mostly messy, but we make her tidy it whenever we notice...once a week or so. I wont tidy it, but I do tidy and declutter her brother's room regularly, because he doesnt care, and the more I get rid of, the easier it is for him to clean.

I am a Flybaby. At times I have broken down tidying into babysteps. Go tidy your clothes. Go put on a wash. Go tidy your desk. Pick up your art gear. Make your bed nice. Rather than the overwhelming "clean your room". I dont think they can see half the mess, they are immune to it.

[Melissa in Australia]

I remember my room being messy when I was growing up. My mum came in with a rake, and said everything that she could rake into a pile was going to the rubbish! I never had a messy room again! I think I hadn't even noticed how messy it was until then.

MelissaL

[Annie G]

My IRL friends think I'm an awful mother because I don't require neat as a pin rooms on a daily basis. It's So nice to hear so many of you also have messy teens...I feel so much better!!

[Riverfront Headmistress]

My girls are slobs too. However, I require them to keep their room "Mom clean". When they have their own homes, they can do what they want but until then, its my home. :001_smile:

[Jenn in CA]

I'm requiring accountability for clean rooms. if I say clean it, then the kids are not free to play or do anything else until I've inspected it. If I'm not available to inspect it for a couple hours, too bad! (although I lift this restriction for my consistently faithful kids)

 

Inspection is the only way to hold them accountable to clean. If the "reward" is having friends over, then they don't get that reward until it's been inspected, period.