Doesn't your heart just break for families going through unemployment?

[jld]

I have a friend whose husband will be unemployed soon, and they will lose their health care insurance. My friend is an elem. ed. teacher, but took time off when her children were small, and now is finding it difficult to get more than sub work, due to budget cutbacks from the financial crisis. Her husband is looking for work, but isn't finding much (he is a carpenter).

 

When I was a child, my father was unemployed/underemployed for several years. That was such an unstable, frightening time. My heart really goes out to people unable to find work.

[jail warden]

It is very hard to watch those you love go through this. I had a friend go through it last year. However, God does provide and they are back on their feet now after having to short sale their house. Just be good moral support for them.

[1bassoon]

We're there right now, dh is unemployed for the second time in three years, and it's frightening. Really frightening. Yes, I know God has a plan for us. Yes, I trust in His sovereignty. But it's very scary and humbling at the same time.

 

Can I give you some advice?

 

Don't ask "So, does _______ have any interviews?" It's so hard when someone asks me that; I don't know what to say. If I say no, it's so defeating and makes me doubt my dh. If I say yes, it can get my hopes up.

 

Don't ask, "So, what is _______ doing to look for a job?" There is an implication that I hear, that dh should be doing more. I find myself needing to stick up for him.

 

Don't say, "Please let us know if you need any financial help." How are we supposed to tell you that? It is so humiliating. Better to give an anonymous gift - send a gas card, a cash card, a gift card to a local grocery store - then we can give the praise & glory to God, without having to feel beholden to or awkward when we see you later.

 

Please do ask how you can pray for us. That means more than you know.

 

Sorry, you hit a sore spot. I'm probably the only person that feels like this, but it's really hard. I have to plaster a smile on my face and pretend we're fine, when really I'm scared out of my mind that I'll have to put the kids in school and work at Wal-Mart so we won't starve. . . .

 

Thanks for listening.

[jld]

Good advice, HeatherH. Thank you. And I wish the very best for your family (and soon!).:grouphug:

[milovany]

My husband is a carpenter/wood worker and was laid off last April. He has been able to keep busy with handy man work -- little projects for people. I'm sure your friend is looking for these types of jobs, so I just wanted to post my ideas on where to find work: I regularly post on Facebook, my yahoo local young mom's group and sometimes via e-mail to all our friends who live within a couple of hours of us that "Dh's latest project is wrapping up and he's looking forward to his next one! Perhaps you have something around the house or business you would like done: painting, a repair, new windows, installation of household items, even roofing! Dh has been in the business for 16 years, and does a job well at a reasonable price" etc. etc. He's kept busy since April this way although right now here in the middle of winter it's gotten a little dicier!

 

Hugs to your friends, and thanks for being concernced for them!

[Guest janainaz]

I grew up living with my mother who was constantly losing her job. It was torture for me and led to a lot of disappointment and an overall feeling that life was falling apart. Nothing ever felt secure and I could not be a carefree kid. Instead, I was worrying about the light bill and groceries and rent, right along with my mother. It was miserable.

 

I do feel for people who are facing that situation or are in the muck and mire of it right now. I fear it so much that it has forced me to think in terms of simplicity and setting up our life so that what we need going out is not a gigantic burden. It's all fine and dandy when the money is rolling in and you haven't a care in the world. It's a different story when finances are uncertain. I don't ever want to get in the mind-set that I need bigger, better and more. It's a trap.

 

It's difficult to see people who have BEEN trying to get by and working hard face that situation. I think they could use the help more than the local church's latest program or building fund.

[jld]

I hear you, Jana. My friend is thrifty and hard-working. She and her dh did not have children until their late twenties, after she got her master's degree and had taught for 7 years, and after they paid off their (modest) home. She keeps a big garden and garage sales for nearly everything. But they still need income, even with no debt on cars or anything else.

 

It's tough out there. People need jobs that can support families. Minimum wage is not enough. If my friend can't make it, I don't know how others are managing.

 

And Milovany, thank you for the tips.

[Mynyel]

We're there right now, dh is unemployed for the second time in three years, and it's frightening. Really frightening. Yes, I know God has a plan for us. Yes, I trust in His sovereignty. But it's very scary and humbling at the same time.

 

Can I give you some advice?

 

Don't ask "So, does _______ have any interviews?" It's so hard when someone asks me that; I don't know what to say. If I say no, it's so defeating and makes me doubt my dh. If I say yes, it can get my hopes up.

 

Don't ask, "So, what is _______ doing to look for a job?" There is an implication that I hear, that dh should be doing more. I find myself needing to stick up for him.

 

Don't say, "Please let us know if you need any financial help." How are we supposed to tell you that? It is so humiliating. Better to give an anonymous gift - send a gas card, a cash card, a gift card to a local grocery store - then we can give the praise & glory to God, without having to feel beholden to or awkward when we see you later.

 

Please do ask how you can pray for us. That means more than you know.

 

Sorry, you hit a sore spot. I'm probably the only person that feels like this, but it's really hard. I have to plaster a smile on my face and pretend we're fine, when really I'm scared out of my mind that I'll have to put the kids in school and work at Wal-Mart so we won't starve. . . .

 

Thanks for listening.

 

:iagree:

 

I sooo agree.

 

My husband was let go from his job in September. To make a long story short he hydroplaned on bald tires in a company vehicle and hit a tree, totaled the vehicle and got let go the same day. Yes we tried to do something and nope didn't work.

 

He has not found full time employment since then and he does have a degree in computers! He is working part time no more than 20 hours a week and it does manage to pay the rent. We are on food stamps and the rest is covered by student loans that we are getting from school. We do have to pay that back some day.

 

I have been looking for part-time work and nothing is happening.

 

I live in Western North Carolina and the news said that things are improving in our area. Well I'd sure like to know where so my husband could look for work.

 

So as HeatherH said please don't ask how we are doing. We are doing lousy.

 

Another thing not to ask? "Has he found work yet?" " Hows the job search going?"

 

If and when work is found we are going to shout if from the rooftops!

 

Anyway there is my 2 cents too...sore spot here too.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

Edited January 22, 2010 by Mynyel
Spelling =P

[Murphy101]

It is so frustrating!!!

 

My dh is unemployeed again. The Texas job didn't work out. Thank god we didn't move as soon as he got the job. We were so hopeful.

 

I agree with the other ladies.

 

It is so frustrating to sit here on the sidelines cheering.

I'd feel better if I could DO something, but my support and prayers and holding down the fort is the best thing I can do right now.

[Joanne]

{{{hugs}}} and prayers for those in this situation and those you know in this situation.

 

DH was laid off 2 weeks before Christmas. This follows 3 years of financial challenges mostly caused by my xh. It's not been easy. We have yet to celebrate Christmas with the kids.

 

A weird glitch in the HR dept has kept us on the health insurance and I'll be honest that we are not calling them to fix it.:001_huh:

 

I did put the kids on Medicaid since I have to consider my dd's illness and related issues.

 

Nothing is being turned off tomorrow and I have enough for the mortgage on the 30th.

[rafiki]

.

[jail warden]

I'm sorry I didn't mean to make that sound like it was easy, we had a tough time too, when our income went down. It was so hard. There were months I wasn't sure how we were going to pay everything, but each and every time God provided a way. While it was the scariest time ever(I was giving birth to #3 so that made it worse), it was one of the best things that ever happened to us in that it woke us up and we've gotten more on the same page about things than ever before. It opened my eyes to how blessed we are to live in America.

 

I have the possibility of completely losing my part-time job in a few months and while it's scary and we depend on that for income, I'm much more positive having gone through it before. HTH.

 

Sorry if I offended anyone.

[Murphy101]

I'm sorry I didn't mean to make that sound like it was easy, we had a tough time too, when our income went down. It was so hard. There were months I wasn't sure how we were going to pay everything, but each and every time God provided a way. While it was the scariest time ever(I was giving birth to #3 so that made it worse), it was one of the best things that ever happened to us in that it woke us up and we've gotten more on the same page about things than ever before. It opened my eyes to how blessed we are to live in America.

 

I have the possibility of completely losing my part-time job in a few months and while it's scary and we depend on that for income, I'm much more positive having gone through it before. HTH.

 

Sorry if I offended anyone.

 

I wasn't offended.:)

 

I have been here and done this about 14 years ago when we were pregnant with babies 2 and 3. I feel much the same as you. I sure don't want to go through that hell again, but bc of that experience I'm more confident that we will somehow or other get through this. Even if God does not provide and we loose the house - we'll be okay. I don't know how and it makes me a bit nauseated to contemplate, but I know we'll be okay in the end.:)

 

Still flaming stinks to deal with though.:001_unsure:

[Rose in BC]

We're there right now, dh is unemployed for the second time in three years, and it's frightening. Really frightening. Yes, I know God has a plan for us. Yes, I trust in His sovereignty. But it's very scary and humbling at the same time.

 

Can I give you some advice?

 

Don't ask "So, does _______ have any interviews?" It's so hard when someone asks me that; I don't know what to say. If I say no, it's so defeating and makes me doubt my dh. If I say yes, it can get my hopes up.

 

Don't ask, "So, what is _______ doing to look for a job?" There is an implication that I hear, that dh should be doing more. I find myself needing to stick up for him.

 

Don't say, "Please let us know if you need any financial help." How are we supposed to tell you that? It is so humiliating. Better to give an anonymous gift - send a gas card, a cash card, a gift card to a local grocery store - then we can give the praise & glory to God, without having to feel beholden to or awkward when we see you later.

 

Please do ask how you can pray for us. That means more than you know.

 

Sorry, you hit a sore spot. I'm probably the only person that feels like this, but it's really hard. I have to plaster a smile on my face and pretend we're fine, when really I'm scared out of my mind that I'll have to put the kids in school and work at Wal-Mart so we won't starve. . . .

 

Thanks for listening.

 

:iagree:

 

We are in this situation now. My dh has about a week of work left and no prospects of a new job. This was a complete shock to us as my dh has worked with this company for 21 yrs. It is closing it's doors due to the tough economy.

 

I'm doing a lot of praying.

[HRAAB]

We're there right now, dh is unemployed for the second time in three years, and it's frightening. Really frightening. Yes, I know God has a plan for us. Yes, I trust in His sovereignty. But it's very scary and humbling at the same time.

 

Can I give you some advice?

 

Don't ask "So, does _______ have any interviews?" It's so hard when someone asks me that; I don't know what to say. If I say no, it's so defeating and makes me doubt my dh. If I say yes, it can get my hopes up.

 

Don't ask, "So, what is _______ doing to look for a job?" There is an implication that I hear, that dh should be doing more. I find myself needing to stick up for him.

 

Don't say, "Please let us know if you need any financial help." How are we supposed to tell you that? It is so humiliating. Better to give an anonymous gift - send a gas card, a cash card, a gift card to a local grocery store - then we can give the praise & glory to God, without having to feel beholden to or awkward when we see you later.

 

Please do ask how you can pray for us. That means more than you know.

 

Sorry, you hit a sore spot. I'm probably the only person that feels like this, but it's really hard. I have to plaster a smile on my face and pretend we're fine, when really I'm scared out of my mind that I'll have to put the kids in school and work at Wal-Mart so we won't starve. . . .

 

Thanks for listening.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

My dh has been unemployed since last April except for a two month contract during which he suffered a compressed fracture of a vertebrae. So the two months ended up being more like a month. Anyway, nothing is more frustrating that well meaning people asking, "Have you found anything?" when obviously, no, he hasn't found anything.

[i.love.lucy]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I will be praying for all of you and your families.

[hsmom3tn]

We're there right now, dh is unemployed for the second time in three years, and it's frightening. Really frightening. Yes, I know God has a plan for us. Yes, I trust in His sovereignty. But it's very scary and humbling at the same time.

 

Can I give you some advice?

 

Don't ask "So, does _______ have any interviews?" It's so hard when someone asks me that; I don't know what to say. If I say no, it's so defeating and makes me doubt my dh. If I say yes, it can get my hopes up.

 

Don't ask, "So, what is _______ doing to look for a job?" There is an implication that I hear, that dh should be doing more. I find myself needing to stick up for him.

 

Don't say, "Please let us know if you need any financial help." How are we supposed to tell you that? It is so humiliating. Better to give an anonymous gift - send a gas card, a cash card, a gift card to a local grocery store - then we can give the praise & glory to God, without having to feel beholden to or awkward when we see you later.

 

Please do ask how you can pray for us. That means more than you know.

 

Sorry, you hit a sore spot. I'm probably the only person that feels like this, but it's really hard. I have to plaster a smile on my face and pretend we're fine, when really I'm scared out of my mind that I'll have to put the kids in school and work at Wal-Mart so we won't starve. . . .

 

Thanks for listening.

 

You are definitely not the only one who feels this way. Thanks for saying it. A big problem is that our husbands are usually "overqualified" for many jobs. Even fast food places won't give them a job, because they know that as soon as a job in their field is available again, they're going to leave for that bigger paycheck.

[1bassoon]

I'm sorry I didn't mean to make that sound like it was easy, we had a tough time too, when our income went down. It was so hard. There were months I wasn't sure how we were going to pay everything, but each and every time God provided a way. While it was the scariest time ever(I was giving birth to #3 so that made it worse), it was one of the best things that ever happened to us in that it woke us up and we've gotten more on the same page about things than ever before. It opened my eyes to how blessed we are to live in America.

 

I have the possibility of completely losing my part-time job in a few months and while it's scary and we depend on that for income, I'm much more positive having gone through it before. HTH.

 

Sorry if I offended anyone.

 

Absolutely not, Lori :)

 

I was actually reacting to what I go through every Sunday morning. . . when sweet, dear, well-meaning people ask me these questions. Or they'll say things like, "Has he tried here? How about there?" I know, know, KNOW they only mean well - it just. well. hurts.

 

It doesn't bother me all that much - I kinda brush it off and am fine by Sunday afternoon, but can't help feeling, "Gee, I hope no one asks me. . ." on the way to church.

 

Good to know I'm not alone. God is faithful. And I know He's teaching not only us, but our kids important lessons about His character. . . . I'm guilty of wanting the easy, secure life right now. . . .:001_huh:

[6packofun]

We're there right now, dh is unemployed for the second time in three years, and it's frightening. Really frightening. Yes, I know God has a plan for us. Yes, I trust in His sovereignty. But it's very scary and humbling at the same time.

 

Can I give you some advice?

 

Don't ask "So, does _______ have any interviews?" It's so hard when someone asks me that; I don't know what to say. If I say no, it's so defeating and makes me doubt my dh. If I say yes, it can get my hopes up.

 

Don't ask, "So, what is _______ doing to look for a job?" There is an implication that I hear, that dh should be doing more. I find myself needing to stick up for him.

 

Don't say, "Please let us know if you need any financial help." How are we supposed to tell you that? It is so humiliating. Better to give an anonymous gift - send a gas card, a cash card, a gift card to a local grocery store - then we can give the praise & glory to God, without having to feel beholden to or awkward when we see you later.

 

Please do ask how you can pray for us. That means more than you know.

 

Sorry, you hit a sore spot. I'm probably the only person that feels like this, but it's really hard. I have to plaster a smile on my face and pretend we're fine, when really I'm scared out of my mind that I'll have to put the kids in school and work at Wal-Mart so we won't starve. . . .

 

Thanks for listening.

 

This is good stuff and I agree. People mean well, but the same things you mentioned bothered me as well when our dh lost his job 3 years ago and still hasn't found work or a combination of work to get back to our previous income--which was already modest for a family of 8. Thanks for posting!

[Murphy101]

You are definitely not the only one who feels this way. Thanks for saying it. A big problem is that our husbands are usually "overqualified" for many jobs. Even fast food places won't give them a job, because they know that as soon as a job in their field is available again, they're going to leave for that bigger paycheck.

 

Yep. My dh is right smack in the middle. Over qualified for half and under qualified for the other half.

[Amber in SJ]

We are going through something similar right now. For the past 9 months Dh has only been getting paid for 2-3 days of work with several weeks of forced furlough.

 

Sometimes the sweetest, nicest people don't think before they speak and say things that are difficult to hear.

 

For example the nice lady at church who said she know exactly what I am going through because she had to get economy tickets for their trip to Hawaii this year instead of first class. Yes, that is exactly the same as buying groceries with change out of the kids piggy banks.

 

Or the lady who told me that she thinks it is wonderful when people have financial difficulties because it makes them humble.

 

Or the lady who told me that they would never be in our position because her husband would do "whatever it takes" to provide for his family.

 

This is not to say we have not had some extraordinary blessings from those around us.

 

For anyone who wants to know what they can do:

 

1. Pray, send good vibes, thoughts, anything you can think of.

 

2. Ask how we are and really listen, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable when we tell you how we really are.

 

3. Continue inviting our children to activities, particularly if the activity is free.

 

4. If you want to help; just do it, but please help us retain our dignity.

 

5. If you need service and we have the skill, don't be afraid to ask us. Right now we may only have time & talent to give, but it helps us feel like we are blessing others.

 

I hope I don't sound like I am not thankful for the blessings we have received because some weeks I had no idea how we would put food on the table or pay this bill or that, but so far small miracles have kept us afloat.

 

Amber in SJ

[Murphy101]

Yes I agree Amber.

 

Another to avoid:

Yes, we know it can be worse and we really shouldn't gripe and now I feel like poo for griping about it because I do live in america and not haiti but bite your tongue and I'll listen to your gripes too one day I'm sure even though you probably could always be worse too!

[1bassoon]

Yes I agree Amber.

 

Another to avoid:

Yes, we know it can be worse and we really shouldn't gripe and now I feel like poo for griping about it because I do live in america and not haiti but bite your tongue and I'll listen to your gripes too one day I'm sure even though you probably could always be worse too!

 

You know, Martha, that's so true. I'm the eternal optimist, and I'm fond of saying, "Well, yes, things are hard, but we don't live in Haiti, we have our health, etc etc etc"

 

Then, one day, a friend very kindly said to me, "You know, Heather, it IS hard. And it's ok to admit that."

 

That was a very sweet thing she did for me.

[Heather in OK]

Ditto everything Heather mentioned.

 

I'd also add...

 

I never enjoyed hearing others boasting about how wonderful their life was.

 

I knew I should rejoice with others and not be jealous. I really tried. But it's hard. It's hard to do that when it seems everyone around you is prospering while you wait....and wait...and worry...and wait......

[hsmom3tn]

I never enjoyed hearing others boasting about how wonderful their life was.

 

I knew I should rejoice with others and not be jealous. I really tried. But it's hard. It's hard to do that when it seems everyone around you is prospering while you wait....and wait...and worry...and wait......

 

Oh my, I could've written this myself. I've been thinking about this very thing all day long. Every time I leave the house (or every time the phone rings), I'm hearing all about someone else's wonderful life - the new things that they've acquired, the next vacation they'll take, their husband got a raise, their new car, their shopping spree for new clothes, they already bought their curriculum for next year....

 

It's not that I'm not happy for them, I just feel like I'm being beaten over the head with it sometimes. I want to be able to buy clothes for my kids and take them on vacations, too. And I know it's not the fault of my friends that I am unable to do these things... so I end up beating myself up for feeling jealous. :(

[jail warden]

Thanks for understanding Heather and Martha! :grouphug: