Could I be overscheduling?

[grace'smom]

My daughter has nightmares. She had them a lot in preschool when she was in a special needs program for auditory processing/sensory processing issues. We took her out of the program b/c she had made enough progress not to qualify for it anymore. However, that does not stop the school system from calling me all the time to make sure I am taking her to the preschool program we pay for privately. This program is through our health club, and it's not a "sign up" type program. You just show up to work out and they take your kid up to a preschool class (learn about animals, or health or whatever. It's different everyday). While her nightmares are less frequent now, I am noticing that they usually occur on days we've done a lot. I'm wondering if she has too much on her schedule. Can you guys look at this week and tell me if you think it's too much?

 

She's 4 years old, for reference:

 

Monday- Up 7, leave 8:30, drive 40-45 minutes to gym/preschool. She does two classes so we don't leave until 12. We get home at 12:30/12:45. Rest of the day is relatively calm. Stay home and clean. Make dinner, bed 8 pm.

Tuesday: Nightmare. Up 4:40 am. Stays up. Church playgroup 10-11. Target 11-12... Home for lunch. She falls asleep after eating half a sandwich and sleeps 1.5 hours. Now she's upstairs playing and will go to bed probably around 9 b/c I have a meeting tonight and Daddy putting her to bed is usually a disaster.

Wed: Plan is: Up 7, leave 8:30 for gym/preschool. Playdate after preschool at 12:45 at Children's Museum. We'll get home around 4.

Thurs: Church playgroup 10-12. I have another meeting so she'll be up late again (this is not typical- I usually have one meeting per week for church but this week it's two).

Friday- Gym routine again. Home around 12:30

Saturday- Playdate

Sunday- Church 8:30-11ish. Then my parents come in from out of town and the sleep deprivation really begins;)

 

Is this too much for a 4 year old? We're basically out every day, and she's easily overstimulated. I'm wondering if I should get more assertive with the school lady and tell her to leave us alone and cut the gym preschool visits to reduce our outings. They know we're homeschooling next year already. I don't know why she keeps wanting to do home visits, etc. She said Grace is very advanced, etc. No issues there.

 

Thanks in advance- I find myself coming to this board more and more for advice. I think I'm getting a little addicted to the instant feedback and ability to take a poll before I make any big decisions... That might be good, but it might not, LOL.

 

Hailey

[Dobela]

If she is easily overstimulated, I would say this is too much. When my son was that age he was also easily overstimulated and I found that he needed at least 2 days a week at home. Or a day between activities. So we would go out one day, stay home the next. I think the activities you have going look great for her age but they are the types that could overstimulate. Playdates and gym days are usually very noisey, very chaotic with no expected routine, and enough to make a child over tired. If you want activities each day, you may need to look at story time at the library, or a small art class, or something else that may be quieter and more low key. Another idea may be to reinstate nap time each day, or at least a very quiet time where she does nothing but sit in a quiet room with books or dolls or other quiet toys, maybe classical music playing softley in the background.

[Pippen]

It would have been waaaaay too much for my kiddo with sensory issues at age 4, and a lot more than I scheduled for any of my kids at that age.

 

Lots of downtime at home was really critical to his well-being so on preschool days, that was all that was happening unless it was absolutely necessary (ie therapy). Most days off we stayed home.

 

Have you kept up with occupational therapy? A lot of times schools and county programs will release way too early based on the fact that they've reached the current set of goals for their current situation. If the child isn't functioning well, that would be one of the first things I would revisit because it's so critical for a child to be regulated.

[Impish]

My kids are typical for their ages, and every day out would have them bouncing off the walls.

[FairProspects]

Yup, too much. My SPD kiddo will definitely tell me when we are doing too much by his behavior, and I agree with Dobela ds needed at least a day between activities.

 

Also, you may need to look at transitions. Because of all the stimulation involved in transitioning, not only are you assessing the amount of activities but also the transitions involved. You're describing a lot of transitions. There is no way my ds could go from a preschool-type program to a Children's museum or a Target without completely melting down. It is just too much transition (perceiving himself and his behavior in spaces) in/out of the car, out of the preschool program, into the store, back into the car, etc. My ds would need to come directly home from an activity to quiet or down time.

 

I'm an extrovert by nature, but ds really has been a blessing in teaching me how to slow down my life. Now, I actually have time to enjoy life at his pace!

[grace'smom]

Hmmmm, I think my instincts were right then. I feel like I am trying to get her to all these things because we have the things WE want to do, and the things the SCHOOL wants her to do. I think I'm going to have to have a talk with the school. I've already told them we are homeschooling next year. It's too much to do all of this. I'm stressed out, how can I expect her not to be stressed out, LOL. Oh, and DH is stressed out b/c I can't keep the house clean;)!

[jujsky]

That schedule isn't overstimulating for some children, but it sounds like it might be for your child, and that's who you need to focus on. I don't quite understand the interest the school is taking in this gym program of hers. I have a child with sensory issues, and I have noticed a huge difference in him this year. We still have a lot on our plates, but he is no longer in therapy (which was a 45 minute drive one-way 2-3X/week last year). Most of our days (with the exception of co-op on Thursday morning) have us home doing school & playing until 3:00 or later. We have activities for the kids almost every day during the week, so even if DS doesn't have an activity, he comes with me to DD's activities. Right now he has 3 activities/week besides co-op -- gymnastics, ice-skating (both of which are like replacement therapy for him as he is a sensory seeker) and a drama class he does with his sister which acts like more of a social outlet. Kids -- especially kids with sensory issues -- need structure, but they also need down-time.

 

If she is beyond the point where actual therapy is helping her, I would focus instead on activities that could help with her sensory issues. I don't see how the gym program is helping her as it sounds more like a drop-in pre-K program from the way I understood your post. Are they doing any sort of therapy-type activities with her? I don't know if your DD is sensory-seeking or sensor-avoiding, but I think your time would be better spent if you found her a couple of fun activities that would help meet her sensory needs. If you could find activities that are closer, that would help too. Like I said -- I did the 45 minute commute several times/week, and a commute like that alone on a regular basis was too much for the kids and me. The only reason I did it was because the place I took him to for therapy was the best place in our area for sensory issues, and after trying a place closer to us, I realized just how worth it the longer commute was! If your commute isn't for therapy or for an activity she loves and can't live without doing, then that's an hour and a half of playtime/downtime your Dd doesn't get each time you go to the gym. Do you feel that the benefits she is gaining at the gym justify the time it takes up? If you do, then keep going. If you don't then stop altogether, or cut back.

 

:grouphug: It's hard to find a good balance, but I applaud you for trying to do the best for your child. You'll find lots of moms on this board who have kids with sensory issues, so you're definitely in good company here!

Edited January 5, 2010 by jujsky

[MaMa2005]

My 4.5 year old DS has night terrors when we get off schedule or do too much. While we are often out in the afternoon after we finish schooling, our routine almost always stays the same. DS knows what is happening each day, for that matter, the whole week as we look at the calendar on Sunday before he goes to bed - and thus, I think he is able to process what is going on.

 

Now, if I throw a monkey wrench into this schedule, I can guarantee a night terror that evening. Too much for him to process and it comes back to haunt the whole household in the middle of the night.

 

Slow things down and let DD know what to expect the week or at least the night before.

 

:grouphug: as I truly know what it is like to get up in the middle of night with an inconsolable child.

[Laura Corin]

I'd cut it down. Can you just go to the playgroup two or three days a week? That would give two or three days with no commitments.

 

Laura

[Dobela]

Hmmmm' date=' I think my instincts were right then. I feel like I am trying to get her to all these things because we have the things WE want to do, and the things the SCHOOL wants her to do. I think I'm going to have to have a talk with the school. I've already told them we are homeschooling next year. It's too much to do all of this. I'm stressed out, how can I expect her not to be stressed out, LOL. Oh, and DH is stressed out b/c I can't keep the house clean;)![/quote']

The school can't make you do anything. It sounds like they are recommending a social overload because they know you will be homeschooling next year. And all schools seem to fear that homeschoolers won't get enough social activity... You know your child best. If she is stressed, then back off with the schedule. If the school isn't cooperative, it may be time to separate early. Remember, you know your child best. If she is stressed out, she is not going to make progress - or not as much progress as she could be making.

[FairProspects]

I wanted to add that it will probably vary greatly whether your SPD kid is a sensory-seeker or sensory-avoider. A sensory-seeker kid would need more activities and stimulation. Mine is the opposite sensory-avoidant and activity makes him waay over-stimulated and want to hide, so we have the opposite challenge of learning to draw him out into just a few, special activities :).

[johnandtinagilbert]

My entire family (dc and dh) would be irritable, tired, just plain ugly if we left our house 7 days a week. Running about that much actually sounds like a nightmare to me ;) (tongue and cheek, really)

 

Since you're out on both weekend days too, I'd suggest planning no more than 2 days out M-F. That's still more than half of the week for fun and errands. On those days, I'd be sure to use that down and relaxing time as soon as you're home and make sure you have planned ahead for a peaceful transition into dinner too. I know sometimes getting dinner on the table after being out all day is madness.

 

You also mentioned dh and the house. One of my dc is greatly affected by the order of our home. That may be adding to her restlessness.

 

HTH,

[IsabelC]

I try to have a minimum of one day per week when we stay at home and take it easy. Obviously all kids are different, but all of my kids would get very stroppy with your schedule. Do you really want/need to go out every single day?

[2squared]

That's definitely too much for my average kids, and far too much for my most sensitive kid. Not only does he have trouble with being away too much, but the transitions are very difficult.

 

One thing I do with my olders is talk about our schedule. At the beginning of the week, I give them a general rundown of the entire week. Every night before bed, I tell them what we are doing the next day. When they wake up in the morning, I tell them the activities for the day and when they will be happening.

 

For example, Sunday I told them that we have Religious Education, a trip to see Grandma & Grandpa, and church planned for the next week. Tonight I will tell them that tomorrow is Religous Education. Then, in the morning, I will tell them that we will be going to Religious Education after dinner. That's three different previews of the schedule, each more specific than the previous. HTH

[Mommyof4ks]

If she is easily overstimulated, then yes everyday would be too much. My dd was easily overstimulated, and she did well if we only went out every other day. My boys love going out, and my 4 yr old son asks to go somewhere daily lol.

 

The school lady is probably just being nosy, and if your dd is no longer in her program then your schedule should be none of her business IMO. Perhaps the school system gets to count your dd in their enrollment if the lady does home visits which would irritate me on a whole other level, but then that kind of thing bugs me :glare:.

[grace'smom]

I try to have a minimum of one day per week when we stay at home and take it easy. Obviously all kids are different, but all of my kids would get very stroppy with your schedule. Do you really want/need to go out every single day?

 

No, I don't want to go out that much. It's not my nature to have a routine that is inherently not a routine (one thing one day then somewhere else entirely the next). I think she enjoys the preschool gym, but it makes her tired, and I need the church. She enjoys the playtime at church and gets social interaction with friends that actually live close enough to invite over (unlike the gym). The church makes me a better mom and a better person, so we can't cut that. We used to do the "every other day" routine and that was good. I think we might need to go back to that.

 

I do think it might be the commute to the gym that's the problem. It is a lot of transitions- a 40 minute drive is an activity unto itself, so she transitions into the car, to the gym, back to the car, and back home. I am wondering if maybe we should just cut our membership at the gym. It's too far. We'd save 200 a month if we cut it. That pays for a lot of activities closer to home... Also, we have a 2 mile loop trail in our neighborhood that I like much better than the treadmill while I wait for her to do her class ;) And I love walking that loop with her and hearing all the wonderful things she has to say when you get her out moving around in nature.

 

I am glad to hear that some other people feel that might be a lot to do... I kept wondering if it was just me that thought it was too much. I do think it has a lot to do with spending too much time in the car. If the gym was around the corner going there for a couple hours would not be a big deal.