Vent: Taken advantage of by "poor" single mother

[Caribbean Queen]

To help make ends meet I babysit for a neighbor. I really need the money. She short pays me. She pays late. She tells me that she pays me the best that she can. She is a low income single mother. I have been understanding.

Today she and I talked on the phone. She just told me she needs to wash clothes, but is out of special baby laundry detergent and has to go buy some. But she owes me money. Money I would use for things we need. She could just use the normal detergent that she has. When my last son was a baby we didn’t have much money and I used normal detergent and it worked out fine., I babysit the child and I know her skin is not sensitive. That comment caused me to examine this situation. Now I think she is taking advantage of me.

She has mentioned to me how much her rent is and how much money she makes. She gets no help from the baby’s father. I just did the math, and if these figures are right she would not be able to pay me even the little bit that she does, let alone buy fast food, special detergents and pay her cell phone bill. I would expect a person with the income she told me she has to be stealing toilet paper from public bathrooms, and living off free lunches for the needy and homeless. Things are not adding up here.

She has a bachelors degree but chooses to work a job which she claims pays peanuts. She isn’t looking for any other work. She hasn’t bothered to get on a government program called WIC that very popular here, and provides food.

 

I think it's time for me to find somebody else to babysit for and once I do, tell her to go elsewhere. I have no one I can talk to about this in real life. I just needed to vent. Anyone else been through something like this?

[Blessedfamily]

I don't know any job that is harder to collect wages in than babysitting/daycare. Maybe some people do it without problems, but I can't think of another job that has as many "Can I pay you later?"s as babysitting/daycare.

[ciyates]

Wow! That is one thing I was never late on. I always paid my babysitter on time. I think she maybe taking advantage of you. Sit her down and tell her that you have to have this amount of money coming in each week or she will have to find someone else. Sorry you are going through this.

[joannqn]

You could tell her that you can't resume babysitting until she is current and that she must remain current on a daily basis for you to continue. Of course, she may stop asking you to babysit but at least you wouldn't be taken advantage of.

[MamaT]

I think you're right. You're being taken advantage of. If you can find someone more reliable to babysit for, then that's what you should do.

[LaxMom]

I don't know any job that is harder to collect wages in than babysitting/daycare. Maybe some people do it without problems, but I can't think of another job that has as many "Can I pay you later?"s as babysitting/daycare.

I agree. My SIL has taught in a center for special needs kids for over 15 years and has the same issues with parents - months behind in their tuition, but late because they were at the manicurist. :glare:

 

You'd think people would be on top of paying a premium for the care of their child, but it's almost as if they figure you can't throw the child out into the street without looking like a monster...

 

I'd cut her loose. Post haste.

[Night Elf]

I think it's time for me to find somebody else to babysit for and once I do, tell her to go elsewhere. I have no one I can talk to about this in real life. I just needed to vent. Anyone else been through something like this?

 

No, but I do think you are doing the right thing. Once you find another child to keep, you should tell her you are giving her 2 weeks notice for her to find other childcare and that you must be firm on the date. She might cry her 'oh poor me' attitude and keep extending the time.

[Joanne]

I think it's time for me to find somebody else to babysit for and once I do, tell her to go elsewhere. I have no one I can talk to about this in real life. I just needed to vent. Anyone else been through something like this?

 

Well, I think I qualify as having been on both sides of this.

 

I was a poor, single mother. I was trapped in a huge house, no health insurance, having been out of the traditional working force for 12 years, all 3 of my kids at the time would have required b4 or after school care and summer care, I had the utilities that went with the house, a 13 year old van with no air conditioning in Houston, TX.........(trust me when I tell you that moving was not the easy option that it seems nor was "put the kids in school and get a job".

 

But explaining the circumstance to anyone who wondered about my home? It was too complex, too convoluted, and I was very scared and very tired.

 

Now I'm a poor remarried mom. :lol:

 

In any case, my point is that you may never know or understand her actual story. It isn't always as it appears.

 

That said, I was also a daycare owner. :):D And it's very common for home daycare providers to present themselves less than professionally and therefore get treated as such. You run a business; you deserve to be paid. It's tradition in that field to get paid before services are rendered (and to be paid whether the child attends or not) precisely because of the situation you describe; it's rampant.

 

If you are going to continue providing daycare to her or anyone else, use and enforce a contract that details payment, late charges, charges if you have the child or not, etc. Do NOT grant exceptions.

 

Put yourself out there as a professional who deserves to be treated as such. You are raising these children a significant percentage of the day; they can pay for your services appropriately or they can get sub-standard care.

 

Their "story" and "situation" has nothing to do with it. And that's what I'd like to close with. Bifurcate your feelings and perceptions about her/her situation from your services. You deserve to get paid on time. Back that up, though, with a professional business relationship and arrangement.

[Impish]

I did daycare, but was licenced, and through an agency. The agency collects the money and pays me. The time is prepaid, so the minute the parents don't pay for the next month in advance, buh bye, the agency terminates them.

 

Too many horror stories out there from people who'd done daycare and been unpaid.

 

I've never understood how you could do that to a sitter myself. My sitter was my ability to WORK and support my family. If it isn't acceptable for my boss to pay me whatever and whenever they felt like it, neither is it acceptable to do to someone in my employ, which is exactly what a sitter is.

 

My mom ran a daycare when I was growing up. She had a few ppl jerk her around, but one family was sooooooo bad. The kid was a nightmare, they weren't paying properly...got to the point that my dad took a morning off just to confront the Dad, told him to go get the money owed my mother NOW, do not leave your kid one minute more. Sure enough, they were back, money in hand. They were told not to bring the child back the next week.

 

Monday morning, whose at the door? Yup, same family, crying that they couldn't find another sitter. Then showed up the day after that. And the day after that, paying each day. Finally my mother told them that she point blank refused to mind the child another day, and if they tried to leave their child once more, she'd report them for abandonment. They would literally ring the bell with their child on our door step, money in hand and be climbing in their car!

[Mommyof4ks]

I have BTDT...grrr. If her income is really that low, then she can get subsidies to put her child in a daycare.

[LND1218]

BTDT - I agree that she needs to pay you upfront. In the situation I was dealing with there was more than just the money. She was taking advantage in other ways. So I just stopped watching her child.

 

You could try simply telling her to prepay at the beginning of the week or the child can't stay.

 

When I worked as day care director, we often turned parents away. Either pay today or don't come back tomorrow. There was only one time I had to refuse to accept a child the next day - it wasn't fun.

[Caribbean Queen]

It is very hard to get day care subsity here. I am sure she would not be able to get it.

 

She is supposed to pay me the same amount day cares charge. My service is worth more that what day cares offer because I give the child a lot of attention and the day cares around here are...scary. I don't want the baby to go to day care, but, sigh, I can't be played by the mom either. She was supposed to drop off a partial payment to me today and she never came. She is going to have to go play games with some day care because I am tired of her. I am hurt. Thank you for all the responses.

[Catherine]

Joanne is right-it's impossible to know another's situation entirely. All you really need to know is that she has not paid you like the professional person, doing a very important job, that you are. Decide for yourself first what you are going to expect, each and every time, inform her, and enforce, firmly. Don't be misled by pleas of any kind. No one who is caring for another's child deserves that.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I had a situation like that when I tutored. I ended up asking them to pay me a month ahead. I had a contract made which we both signed which stated that I would refund any money if I missed dates. They could get a refund if they gave me 24 hour notice that they would miss the date, otherwise I was happy to reschedule for them.

[hsmom3tn]

I don't babysit as a "job" anymore. I have a few friends that I will do favors for, like babysitting, but they reciprocate.

 

I used to babysit for someone who had been my friend since high school. She was a struggling single mother, but had plenty enough to pay me the small amount that I asked for. After babysitting during our first two years of homeschooling, I told her I would not be able to do it any longer. It was getting to be too difficult and a major inconvenience to have two extra children with me all day, every day. I still kept them, though, until she found a replacement. Several months later she called me and asked if I would keep them for just one week because she needed to find someone else to watch them. I said okay, but only for one week. She agreed and I watched them for the whole week. On the last day, she sent the children's father to pick them up and he said they needed me to keep them next week as well. I said no, sorry, I can't, and we had agreed on one week only. He got angry, left without paying me, and slammed my door on the way out. I didn't hear from my "friend" again for about 4 years after that. When I did run into her again, we talked and she apologized, so I let it go and we spent a nice weekend doing things together and catching up. At some point during that Sunday, she asked me if she could borrow $50 to pay her phone bill. I said, sorry but I don't have it. That was a few years ago and I have not heard from her since.

 

These kinds of things can ruin a friendship.... either that or show you who your real friends are. :glare:

[Guest Cindie2dds]

To help make ends meet I babysit for a neighbor. I really need the money. She short pays me. She pays late. She tells me that she pays me the best that she can. She is a low income single mother. I have been understanding.

 

Today she and I talked on the phone. She just told me she needs to wash clothes, but is out of special baby laundry detergent and has to go buy some. But she owes me money. Money I would use for things we need. She could just use the normal detergent that she has. When my last son was a baby we didn’t have much money and I used normal detergent and it worked out fine., I babysit the child and I know her skin is not sensitive. That comment caused me to examine this situation. Now I think she is taking advantage of me.

 

She has mentioned to me how much her rent is and how much money she makes. She gets no help from the baby’s father. I just did the math, and if these figures are right she would not be able to pay me even the little bit that she does, let alone buy fast food, special detergents and pay her cell phone bill. I would expect a person with the income she told me she has to be stealing toilet paper from public bathrooms, and living off free lunches for the needy and homeless. Things are not adding up here.

 

She has a bachelors degree but chooses to work a job which she claims pays peanuts. She isn’t looking for any other work. She hasn’t bothered to get on a government program called WIC that very popular here, and provides food.

 

I think it's time for me to find somebody else to babysit for and once I do, tell her to go elsewhere. I have no one I can talk to about this in real life. I just needed to vent. Anyone else been through something like this?

 

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I work part-time (about 6 to 8 days a month). I send a check on the 1st of the month via automatic withdrawal for "$X" every month -- just like my car payment, mortgage, electric bill, etc., -- whether she keeps my girls or not. My job is so unpredictable that I don't know if I will need her or not, but she gets paid for four days every month no matter what. If I use her more than four days, I pay her the day I drop off my kids. You should expect nothing less than to be paid in full monthly or weekly whichever you agree to *before* you keep the kids, no exceptions.

 

I want my babysitter to feel like she is very valued by me and honored so there is nothing standing in the way between us. The care of my children is top priority and you are being entrusted with priceless clients. You are worth your weight in gold!

 

Okay, just my .02 :D