Merry Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Help! I've gotten myself into a deep hole and it's mostly my fault. Well, our church is sponsoring a women's Bible study using Priscilla Shriver's DVDs. I am not in the least bit interested in going because I don't agree with some of her teachings. The church secretary asked me to come and I kept putting her off with excuses but she knocked them one by one until now I've run out of them. So I went last week and sure enough, I found that the study is not for me. I don't want to tell her though because I'm not sure of how to say no without hurting her feelings. She and the other women are making such a big deal out of how wonderful Shriver is which I don't quite get. I did try to say a little of how I didn't care for her but she brushed it off. We went through the same hassle last spring when the church used Beth Moore's DVDs and I ended up going anyway though I felt quite uncomfortable. I don't want to do this again but how do I say no? I guess I'll disappoint her no matter what I say because I've let this drag on for so long. I think I've gone past the point where I can just say no and leave it at that. I'm thinking of saying that I was bored which is true in itself but then again she might counter with how I should go to encourage the other women in the discussion group. Ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I think you'll get more responses if you ask to have this moved to the general board. If I were in your shoes, I would try to speak privately to the secretary and let her know politely that this particular series isn't something with which I feel comfortable. I'd say that I didn't want to get into a theological argument, but that there are many different schools of thought within Christianity & this specific one isn't my cup of tea. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 "you know I'm going to need to drop out, I'm just not connecting with the study and I think I'd rather use the evening at home for some time to myself" don't let yourself get drawn into a discussion of why it's not for you. Just repeat some form of the above if people press you. " no, I'm glad you are enjoying it, but it's not for me" "thanks for your thoughts, I'm not going to continue, it's just not for me" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 You just have to learn how to say no, and squash down those guilty feelings!!! You have a right to not like something someone else likes!!! It's okay! Just say, "This Bible study isn't a good fit for me right now." No one can argue with a statement like that. I 100% agree with the pp, DO NOT get drawn into a discussion about it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdeveson Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 I guess I'll disappoint her no matter what I say because I've let this drag on for so long. I think I've gone past the point where I can just say no and leave it at that. I'm thinking of saying that I was bored which is true in itself but then again she might counter with how I should go to encourage the other women in the discussion group. Ugh. Why is it your job to encourage the other women in the discussion group? You tried going to one meeting and you did not enjoy it. You gave it a try. Tell her so gently, but in no uncertain terms. And right after you tell her, before she has a chance to counter, continue with, "So I won't be coming back to the group." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Emily, all I can say is I'd talk with my dh, have him say no, and that would be the end of it. I can't believe the secretary is doing that to you, but if she argues against even the order of your dh, well then she should be fired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Why would you say things like you're bored or this or that??? All you're going to do is offend the people. Say your dh said no and let that be the end of it. If that's a novel concept, well there's always a first. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2abcd Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 A wise woman once told me that when we say "Yes" to something, we're saying "No" to something else. There are many good choices out there and we can't say yes to them all. Maybe you need an evening at home with your husband. Maybe you need time for something else. By saying "yes" to the Bible study, you are saying "no" to something else. You can't do it all. You have an opportunity to decide what you do with your time. God may be wanting you to choose that "other good thing" and say "no" to that particular Bible study... My sister has a hard time saying no. I do, too, sometimes. I'm seeing that dd15 does, too. It helps me to remember that by participating in something, you are not able to do/be/handle something else. Say "Yes" to your family or whatever else it is you can do that evening and Don't Feel Guilty About It! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 What a great sentiment, mom2abcd! Thanks! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahv Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Emily, all I can say is I'd talk with my dh, have him say no, and that would be the end of it. I can't believe the secretary is doing that to you, but if she argues against even the order of your dh, well then she should be fired. Yeah, this is the exact advice my husband said to give, "Just say the hubby said 'no' Works for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pbajgrow Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 A wise woman once told me that when we say "Yes" to something, we're saying "No" to something else. There are many good choices out there and we can't say yes to them all. Maybe you need an evening at home with your husband. Maybe you need time for something else. By saying "yes" to the Bible study, you are saying "no" to something else. :iagree: Just say "no" I have too many things on my plate right now and I need to stick with the ministry and prioities that God has given me. " Your ministry and priorities are your family. You can reassure her (even though at the end of the day it's not her business) that you let God fill you in your time with Him and that this is not a necessity that you have right now. Maybe someday when things are at a different pace (kids are doing their own things) you will have more time for extras. Honey, I'm a pastor's wife and I don't have time for a bible study right now. (I know! I'm a heathen!) I get my strength from Him and that's all I can do right now. God gave me my priorities and I have no guilt that I'm doing what He's called me to do and nothing else. I especially wouldn't feel bad if you have a check in your spirit about something that's being taught. Why give yourself the stress? If God wanted you to be there, then you would have a peace when you were there not a war going on inside of you! HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 My favorite part of Bible Study is when we disagree :p (last week it was whether or not David was arrogant concerning Bathsheba, Uriah, etc) I've learned more from disagreeing and listening to others disagree than I have from just sitting and taking it all in. You have a lot to contribute :) If you think she's wrong, say it. Everyone will learn something that way, and isn't that the point? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 My favorite part of Bible Study is when we disagree :p (last week it was whether or not David was arrogant concerning Bathsheba, Uriah, etc) I've learned more from disagreeing and listening to others disagree than I have from just sitting and taking it all in. You have a lot to contribute :) If you think she's wrong, say it. Everyone will learn something that way, and isn't that the point? It's hard to argue with a video--aren't those Bible studies in video format? Or am I mistaken? Also, it's just unpleasant to be the one who is always arguing or to be looking at the Bible one way and be frustrated in that endeavor. It's not clear to me that that's a good use of time. Personally, I'm in a Bible study right now that is going kind of south on me. I'm praying about what to do. It's with people I love, but there is a new person to the group that keeps bringing in all kinds of questions that I don't think he really believes in, seems like he just wants to rile things up. And there are some new Christians who have also joined the group, and I hate talking about this stuff in front of them, and also hate appearing to argue so much. I am taking very little joy from this anymore, and I just can't believe it; I was so delighted when we started up again after several years in abeyance. I don't know what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Just say "no." Keep saying it. No explanations are necessary, although you could add, "Gee, I'm really sorry, but no, I just can't do that now, but thanks for asking." You don't even have to invoke your dh. It is enough that you don't want to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennefer@SSA Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 I don't really have anything new to add that others haven't already said better than me but I just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of others. If you have prayed about it and don't feel that it's the best thing for you and your time right now then rest in that assurance, with grace tell the secretary that you won't be able to commit at this time and.then.don't.look.back. :001_smile: As for her reaction, just expect that your response will disappoint her. She may take it personally or as a slap in the face that you don't feel the need to commit to the same things she does. That is shockingly common among women I am learning. My mentor is a very wise and godly woman. I too tend to worry too much about disappointing others and she shared with me something that has been very freeing: disappointment goes two ways. I'd imagine from your post that the secretary has disappointed you by her insistence on your joining this group and not respecting you by her pushing and pushing. So what if you disappoint her...??? It's okay. Disappointment is a two way street. And if her disappointment in you is b/c you are trying your best to discern God's best for you at this time then so be it. Rest in that freedom. Don't put the weight of her response higher on your heart than the knowledge that you have made the best decision and that He smiles on that. It's actually a form of subtle idolatry to think more highly of a human's response that God's. If you are comfortable that God has led you to this decision, it's all good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnandtinagilbert Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Help! I've gotten myself into a deep hole and it's mostly my fault. Well, our church is sponsoring a women's Bible study using Priscilla Shriver's DVDs. I am not in the least bit interested in going because I don't agree with some of her teachings. The church secretary asked me to come and I kept putting her off with excuses but she knocked them one by one until now I've run out of them. So I went last week and sure enough, I found that the study is not for me. I don't want to tell her though because I'm not sure of how to say no without hurting her feelings. She and the other women are making such a big deal out of how wonderful Shriver is which I don't quite get. I did try to say a little of how I didn't care for her but she brushed it off. We went through the same hassle last spring when the church used Beth Moore's DVDs and I ended up going anyway though I felt quite uncomfortable. I don't want to do this again but how do I say no? I guess I'll disappoint her no matter what I say because I've let this drag on for so long. I think I've gone past the point where I can just say no and leave it at that. I'm thinking of saying that I was bored which is true in itself but then again she might counter with how I should go to encourage the other women in the discussion group. Ugh. Gently, to be honest, your best bet is an honest answer the first time around. There was no need to give excuses in the first place. Now, you're actually in a worse position. In the future, I'd say, "No thank you. It's not the best time." That's a gentle, way to avoid most of the extra things people want you to do, without offending at all. You really don't owe an explanation, you are allowed to say no. Currently, I'd say, "This isn't working out for me. I'll have to try again with a different study." If she pulls the guilt line you mentioned above, I'd say, "My first priority is to my family and I think pulling out is the best decision." Best wishes, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 It's hard to argue with a video--aren't those Bible studies in video format? Or am I mistaken? Also, it's just unpleasant to be the one who is always arguing or to be looking at the Bible one way and be frustrated in that endeavor. It's not clear to me that that's a good use of time. Personally, I'm in a Bible study right now that is going kind of south on me. I'm praying about what to do. It's with people I love, but there is a new person to the group that keeps bringing in all kinds of questions that I don't think he really believes in, seems like he just wants to rile things up. And there are some new Christians who have also joined the group, and I hate talking about this stuff in front of them, and also hate appearing to argue so much. I am taking very little joy from this anymore, and I just can't believe it; I was so delighted when we started up again after several years in abeyance. I don't know what to do. I'm assuming there is some discussion among the group. :shrug: I'm sorry your Bible study has gone bad for you, I hope things start to look up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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