tex-mex Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 (edited) Hey, Just a little vent... :glare: Only child -- no cousins -- no family nearby. Homeschooled for health reasons. Son had some close friends move away about 2 years ago. Hard to find a new friend for him. We just moved to a new place in a large apartment complex. Over the summer, son met a kid about 2 years younger and it seemed to be a nice relationship with video games being the key to seeing each other. The friend would come daily and despite the feelings of no privacy -- hubby and I welcomed the child in and our son was delighted to have a friend. Now that school is back in session, the daily visits dwindled down to weekly to now none. I still am friendly to the kid when I see him -- he seems uncomfortable when he sees me. His family are nice and talk wonderfully to me. I don't mention the situation to them. I don't wish to force a friendship, kwim? So, I guess I am just venting... my son is wonderful! Why can't others see this? He is Aspergery, KIND, gentle, bright, and with a funny sense of humor. At 14, he is more like a 10 year old with a great personality. I am just so frustrated that kids can just be insensitive... but hey, they're kids. It would be so wonderful to have a neighborhood friend for my son. :confused: We have to be careful with colds/flu as it can trigger a health crisis for our (Son and I) Urea Cycle Disorder - OTC. So, although he is not a "virtual" bubble boy -- making friends is even harder due to his health. He and I get sick easily. I'm just so depressed. I know someday folks will see my son as wonderful -- but why not now? Need chocolate. LOL Edited October 10, 2009 by tex-mex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 :grouphug:Its wonderful he likes to socialize, usually that is a big issue. Can you look up any social groups in your area, or a special ed. Boy Scout Troop? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 I'm right there with you and my mommy heart breaks over it too. :( My dd is very Asperger's and she struggles so much with friends. The ones that she has managed to keep are either ADHD or Asperger's themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mesa Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 I'm in the same boat. My Aspie doesnt have any friends. It breaks my heart. On the bright side though...my son either doesn't notice, or doesn't care he doesn't have any friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 10, 2009 Author Share Posted October 10, 2009 (edited) :grouphug:Its wonderful he likes to socialize, usually that is a big issue. Can you look up any social groups in your area, or a special ed. Boy Scout Troop? Yup, I need to do this. He is in a homeschool 4H club which is a wonderful safe accepting environment for him. The club (30+ members) elected him as an officer in past years which surprised me. This year, he lost an election. But that is okay. He has no idea of bullies or mean kids. We try to surround him with kids who are positive and accepting. Right now, due to the flu season -- we just have to be a little careful, ya know? One thing we run into are folks who let their sick kids play despite our explanation that a viral illness is dangerous to my son and I. *SIGH* I'd love to put him in a youth group. Edited October 10, 2009 by tex-mex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 10, 2009 Author Share Posted October 10, 2009 I'm right there with you and my mommy heart breaks over it too. :( My dd is very Asperger's and she struggles so much with friends. The ones that she has managed to keep are either ADHD or Asperger's themselves. Yes -- the one family we were very close to had all special needs kids. One child was deaf, the other severe ADHD/anxiety, and the youngest was just diagnosed Asperger's a year ago. The kids accepted my son for who he was and they got along great. When we do something like a playdate, our son has grown in the areas for socialization. But he still lacks in the skills of not monopolizing the conversation, physical space, cues when the person is bored, realizing he is talking non-stop, and initiating a conversation. He has grown by leaps and bounds. But still has some areas to work on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 Yes -- the one family we were very close to had all special needs kids. One child was deaf, the other severe ADHD/anxiety, and the youngest was just diagnosed Asperger's a year ago. The kids accepted my son for who he was and they got along great. When we do something like a playdate, our son has grown in the areas for socialization. But he still lacks in the skills of not monopolizing the conversation, physical space, cues when the person is bored, realizing he is talking non-stop, and initiating a conversation. He has grown by leaps and bounds. But still has some areas to work on. :) He sounds like my dd. My favorite is when she's on the phone with one of her friends and I can overhear her talking. dd will say something like, "Okay, I want to get off the now." and the friend will say, "do you have to go somewhere?" dd will reply, "no, I don't have to go anywhere. I'm just bored. I'm going to go watch some tv now. bye." and will hang up the phone! :eek: :svengo: lol She's special God love her! hehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 :grouphug: I know how mama hearts can hurt. We have a referral to get the "official diagnosis" for ds, but for now, lets just call him quirky. We were so excited to see a family move in just up the street with 3 boys about the same age as our kids last spring. At first, we saw them everyday. Then less and less often and finally, only when they had a friend over so they could come over and throw things at ds :thumbdown:. That's it. We're done with these jerks. I definitely second checking out some scouting troops. Ds hasn't found a good friend yet, but he enjoys hanging out with the other boys and to be honest, a lot of them seem a little more open to quirks, due to their OWN, than we've seen in sports, etc. Best wishes. It stinks to watch rejection. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 "Okay, I want to get off the now." and the friend will say, "do you have to go somewhere?" dd will reply, "no, I don't have to go anywhere. I'm just bored. I'm going to go watch some tv now. bye." and will hang up the phone! :eek: :svengo: lol She's special God love her! hehe LOL! That sounds like my dad! The running joke in our family is how much ds and grandpa are alike, and they ARE, but the joke comes from me being adopted AND ds being adopted! The more I researched symptoms ds had, I suspected my dad as an Aspie! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 :) He sounds like my dd. My favorite is when she's on the phone with one of her friends and I can overhear her talking. dd will say something like, "Okay, I want to get off the now." and the friend will say, "do you have to go somewhere?" dd will reply, "no, I don't have to go anywhere. I'm just bored. I'm going to go watch some tv now. bye." and will hang up the phone! :eek: :svengo: lol She's special God love her! hehe My daughter's grandmother (on her father's side) just hangs up when she is done. There is no warning whatsoever. She doesn't even bother to let you know she is leaving or say "goodbye". :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 My aspie child is 6 and hasn't ever had a real friend. There are a few children who have tolerated him/made a special effort to play with him when we've visited with them, but as soon as we get anywhere in a group, they would abandon him in favor of their normal/real friends. Tbh I can't blame them, because he won't put himself out even the tiniest bit to be friendly. He generally ignores kids who try to be nice to him. But it's still heart breaking :( I think the main problem here is that socially he's about on the level of a 3yo, but mentally he's got no problems - in fact he is well ahead of average in some areas - so the kids who are old enough to have common interests are way to sophisticated in their interactions for him to have any hope of getting it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 Hey Hotdrink:-) (Would that be coffee:-) ?? Too bad! I'd welcome a 6 yr old that needs friends. My little guy is a smart whipper snapper... and if your kids could focus say ...on Lego StarWars... or Lego Indiana Jones... they'd be friends for ever:-) Could you talk to some of the moms to help explain?? I'd welcome the opportunity to show love to someone who needs a friend... Heck... I'm pretty much in "normal" range... and I could use friends, too. Friends are important:-) Good Luck! Oops... forgot that this wasn't the original post... I did read that, too!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 LOL! That sounds like my dad! The running joke in our family is how much ds and grandpa are alike, and they ARE, but the joke comes from me being adopted AND ds being adopted! The more I researched symptoms ds had, I suspected my dad as an Aspie! My daughter's grandmother (on her father's side) just hangs up when she is done. There is no warning whatsoever. She doesn't even bother to let you know she is leaving or say "goodbye". :lol: LOL :lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 Hey Hotdrink:-) (Would that be coffee:-) ?? Too bad! I'd welcome a 6 yr old that needs friends. My little guy is a smart whipper snapper... and if your kids could focus say ...on Lego StarWars... or Lego Indiana Jones... they'd be friends for ever:-) Could you talk to some of the moms to help explain?? I'd welcome the opportunity to show love to someone who needs a friend... Heck... I'm pretty much in "normal" range... and I could use friends, too. Friends are important:-) Good Luck! Oops... forgot that this wasn't the original post... I did read that, too!! What a sweet post! As another mom with a special child, I am so touched by your genuine (but not brought about by pity) response. Bless you! The world needs more people like you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 What a sweet post! As another mom with a special child, I am so touched by your genuine (but not brought about by pity) response. Bless you! The world needs more people like you! :iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 What a sweet post! As another mom with a special child, I am so touched by your genuine (but not brought about by pity) response. Bless you! The world needs more people like you! Yes - I was just about to post something to that effect. Even though I will probably never meet you irl, it helps to be reminded that there are lovely understanding people in the world! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 11, 2009 Author Share Posted October 11, 2009 :) He sounds like my dd. My favorite is when she's on the phone with one of her friends and I can overhear her talking. dd will say something like, "Okay, I want to get off the now." and the friend will say, "do you have to go somewhere?" dd will reply, "no, I don't have to go anywhere. I'm just bored. I'm going to go watch some tv now. bye." and will hang up the phone! :eek: :svengo: lol She's special God love her! hehe LOL... they're twins!! Sonny boy does this to grandma all the time. He hates to talk on the telephone. Gotta luv him! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 11, 2009 Author Share Posted October 11, 2009 My aspie child is 6 and hasn't ever had a real friend. There are a few children who have tolerated him/made a special effort to play with him when we've visited with them, but as soon as we get anywhere in a group, they would abandon him in favor of their normal/real friends. Tbh I can't blame them, because he won't put himself out even the tiniest bit to be friendly. He generally ignores kids who try to be nice to him. But it's still heart breaking :(I think the main problem here is that socially he's about on the level of a 3yo, but mentally he's got no problems - in fact he is well ahead of average in some areas - so the kids who are old enough to have common interests are way to sophisticated in their interactions for him to have any hope of getting it. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: We should share more of these stories to help us all... sending you a big HUG!!! Your son sounds wonderful and precious! Hubby and I would see our son like this when he was first enrolled in K grade... it tore us up to see him with no friends in the same situation. I purposely worked at my son's school to get to know families and do playdates. But it was so hard. Finally, in 2nd grade one kind soul was a friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 11, 2009 Author Share Posted October 11, 2009 What a sweet post! As another mom with a special child, I am so touched by your genuine (but not brought about by pity) response. Bless you! The world needs more people like you! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 11, 2009 Author Share Posted October 11, 2009 (edited) :grouphug: I know how mama hearts can hurt. We have a referral to get the "official diagnosis" for ds, but for now, lets just call him quirky. We were so excited to see a family move in just up the street with 3 boys about the same age as our kids last spring. At first, we saw them everyday. Then less and less often and finally, only when they had a friend over so they could come over and throw things at ds :thumbdown:. That's it. We're done with these jerks. I definitely second checking out some scouting troops. Ds hasn't found a good friend yet, but he enjoys hanging out with the other boys and to be honest, a lot of them seem a little more open to quirks, due to their OWN, than we've seen in sports, etc. Best wishes. It stinks to watch rejection. Bless your heart! :grouphug: Your neighbors sound like ours, huh? I want to ask the kid why is he being mean to my son? But I won't. Yeah, it bites. When son was younger, he'd hover near a group of boys playing -- not knowing how to join or initiate. I have found most kids (not in a group) are accepting of quirks -- but in a school setting, peer pressure changes that. Clubs do work. I'm always organizing field trips or family nights with my hs support group to get to know other kids. I'm always telling son to let me know if he wants to do a playdate with someone he meets. It is a lot of work. I'm now on the other end of HSing for my guy being in 9th grade and hoping he will make the transition to independence in adulthood. I know he will. My "mama" heart is trying to get over this lil' bump. Chocolate, anyone? :) Edited October 11, 2009 by tex-mex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 One of the most accepting places we have found has been the bowling alley. My son joined a league this year and wow, there are all sorts of kids there and they all pretty much are there to have fun and enjoy each other - even with the quirks. Ours has a no smoking rule so that makes it clean air (I remember smoke filled ones as a kid). I was worried about germs, and there are many, but we bought him his own ball and it has to be cleaned with rubbing alcohol. He keeps a towel near him damp with alcohol to clean his ball between frames (like the pros LOL) and I feel that his hands are being disinefected at the same time. Another place friends of ours have found acceptance at is the swimming pool. They have 2 children with cystic fibrosis and they pretty much swim daily. They say that a pool is one of the cleanest places you can be if it is well maintained. We have found neighborhood friendships to be fleeting at best. Part of it is the public school mentality - you can only be friends with someone at your school who is your age and preferably in your class. Friendships rarely go beyond that year until jr or high school. In the emantime, :grouphug:. My son doesn't have aspergers but has had the same things happen with neighborhood kids as well. It hurts seeing our kids hurt or sad. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennefer@SSA Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 With tears in my eyes I am tying a response. My Aspie has no friends either. It.is.just.so.hard. He truly desires friends, but unfortunately most boys don't have a place for a kiddo like ds8 in their world. He is loving and intelligent and quirky as can be. I am so thankful that he at least has 2 brothers who adore him. I keep praying for someone to come along who gets him and sees all the wonderful things he is - not just what he is not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mchel210 Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 Is it just because school started? I know none of the kids in my neighborhood play during the week and we are lucky to see them on the weekends. The parents dont allow them to play on weekdays and many of them have games and sports all weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elise1mds Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Mine doesn't have a lot of friends, either. He has a pair of twins who like to play with him sometimes, but mostly they want to do their thing and just have him follow. He loves it because they are nice to him, though it's tough to watch. That's rough :( I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farmgirlinwv Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I'm in the same boat w/ you. When we first moved here several kids started playing w/ dd, or so I thought. Turns out she was following them around and they took every opportunity to make fun of her or get her upset. I was so happy that she'd found friends! Then I saw how they were treating her. It's very depressing. She's 12 yo and wants friends. She's a nice kid, just quirky. Middle school girls are the worst though! So she has no friends as yet. The only kids consisitently nice to her are her cousins which she only sees in the summer. It sucks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 With tears in my eyes I am tying a response. My Aspie has no friends either. It.is.just.so.hard. He truly desires friends, but unfortunately most boys don't have a place for a kiddo like ds8 in their world. He is loving and intelligent and quirky as can be. I am so thankful that he at least has 2 brothers who adore him. I keep praying for someone to come along who gets him and sees all the wonderful things he is - not just what he is not. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 One of the most accepting places we have found has been the bowling alley. My son joined a league this year and wow, there are all sorts of kids there and they all pretty much are there to have fun and enjoy each other - even with the quirks. Ours has a no smoking rule so that makes it clean air (I remember smoke filled ones as a kid). I was worried about germs, and there are many, but we bought him his own ball and it has to be cleaned with rubbing alcohol. He keeps a towel near him damp with alcohol to clean his ball between frames (like the pros LOL) and I feel that his hands are being disinefected at the same time. Another place friends of ours have found acceptance at is the swimming pool. They have 2 children with cystic fibrosis and they pretty much swim daily. They say that a pool is one of the cleanest places you can be if it is well maintained. We have found neighborhood friendships to be fleeting at best. Part of it is the public school mentality - you can only be friends with someone at your school who is your age and preferably in your class. Friendships rarely go beyond that year until jr or high school. In the emantime, :grouphug:. My son doesn't have aspergers but has had the same things happen with neighborhood kids as well. It hurts seeing our kids hurt or sad. :grouphug: I love the bowling idea!! And yes, chemicals in pools for ridding of germs is a godsend. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennefer@SSA Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Thanks for the hugs! :) Some days you just need some...ya know?! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 My DD9 is the same. She attends PS for speech and LA. I wrote that down on the list of goals and expectations the teacher sent home for the year, finding a friend. :( My DD is beginning to understand that she doesn't have friends. It is so heartbreaking to see your child go through the same things you went through as a kid. My family always said it was because my mother was terminally ill and died when I was 10, looking back I can't help but wonder if I would have fit an AS diagnosis myself. Neither here nor there but I have similar feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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