Tess in the Burbs Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 My son gets easily frustrated. He gets down right angry. He groans, makes fists, and turns red. It can take hours for him to calm down enough to talk about what he did that got him angry. And I just don't know what is normal and what needs some help. He is "sensitive" by the definition. Sounds, lights and textures bother/affect him easily. He tends to stand at the edge of things until he's comfortable joining in and then he's fine. He isn't crazy about a lot of new things but when he does try it he often loves it. but lately he's been lying. he's still sucking his thumb. He stopped the right side but started the left. :001_huh: the dentist has done everything but install that appliance to stop him. It would cost us over $500 to get it done and people tell me they still were able to suck their thumbs so I haven't rushed to get it done. We have tried everything out there but he can get out of it, or likes it, and so it's a daily battle. And he lies about the thumb sucking. So now the lying is also an issue as he lies about other things...jumping on the couch, hitting his sister... he still wets the bed most nights. he has daytime accidents I would said once a month. He had poopy issues when younger. so in my mind he has some very young behaviors that haven't gone away. but he clearly wants more freedom and respect. He fights with us about everything. I am throwing my hands up in the air about the anger though. Last night he mouthed off to me in front of a group of people. I calmly told him he won't speak to me that way and to apologize. He said, "what" in a tone of voice that took every fiber of my being not to lose it. I sent him inside for 10 minutes to cool off and he went screaming/groaning/turning red. After he went inside he threw his bike helmet at the door. At that point his dad said to send him upstairs to get ready for bed. the kid lost it. Dad went in to give him a firm time limit but sure enough he didn't do what was asked of him. He suddenly wanted to apologize to me and go play. but dad said no. I tried to talk to him but he wanted nothing to do with it. He's miserable it seems most of his days when he's angry. It took a few hours but I finally got a hug from him and a calm voice and I went to bed just so sad for him in not really understanding what is bothering him. He doesn't know really. He said he was upset he didn't get to play with friends. he never connected that all this stemmed from him mouthing off at me and being sent inside and throwing the helmet. anger. what is ok in boys at this age? what is the appropriate response. I read every parenting book/boy book I have in the house and no clear answers were given. Just that it's a problem in some kids. help? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 :grouphug: If I'm recalling correctly, you're in the middle of a divorce. (If I'm not recalling correctly, please just ignore this!) I think his anger is normal in that situation and I wouldn't beat myself up over it. OTOH, if you could get him some counselling, it would probably help him to regulate his emotions. I feel for the thumbsucking and potty issues. My 8yo is still dealing with them too, although I've cut him some slack because he is autistic. You could see a pediatric urologist to address the bedwetting and, perhaps, the daytime accidents. They may be due to a physical condition that can be treated. You can look for a thumb substitute by searching for chewelry or looking here: http://www.theraproducts.com/index.php?main_page=product_therapro_info&products_id=321445 You're all going through a lot right now, but things will settle down eventually and be easier for all of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonflyAcademy Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 My son is easily frustrated, easy to anger and sensitive to sounds/textures etc. In my opinion.. part of it is normal.. age related behavior.. many of my friends with "neuro typical" children have the same mouthy issues with their 7 and 8 year olds.. This makes me feel better.. The other part of our equation is the frustration tolerance, lack of social skills and the sensitivities (his SPD).. for these we have him taking social skills classes.. since he just started.. I can't say if it's helping.. We've tried so much.. years of therapy.. etc etc.. If you have a lot of stress in your family right now..that might also contribute.. sometimes their emotional cup just gets so full.. it spills right over into a meltdown.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cillakat Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 It's not normal.....I have one too. He needs help.....even if it's just some cognitive behavioral therapy to work on *not feeling so angry* so easily......and not freaking out if the anger is there. Two AMAZING books: _The Explosive Child_ _Transforming the Difficult Child_ Both should be available from the library. Katherine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 we are not divorcing. we are doing okay and working on our marriage right now. and honestly, it's very good right now. :grouphug: If I'm recalling correctly, you're in the middle of a divorce. (If I'm not recalling correctly, please just ignore this!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonflyAcademy Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I didn't mean to imply the anger reaction was normal.. but the mouthy part.. sorry!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I have a very angry son. He has had some counseling. My son's anger usually comes from having deeper feelings locked inside. He has feelings of loss and sadness that he ignores and keeps inside. When I reach his heart, he cries and cries and I think that is very good for him... to release the hurt. When it comes to anger and my son... He has an angry "bulldog" face he makes. I say something like, "Son, you have an angry face and it's not nice to look at us that way. You have a minute to get over it and look nicer at us." That will seem overboard to some parents here, but, he is now 10 and he will glare at me or siblings and I find that to be rude and not a good trait for him to take into adulthood! I have been a bit successful at teaching him to walk away from frustrations... And I have had to be very consistent. He gets time outs. And we talk. If I can stay out of the "reactive" mode, I can reach his heart and we make progress. Sometimes he just needs to vent! In my son's case he has had a LOT of changes in his life... I hope you find some answers for you and your son. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christielee7278 Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 (edited) He sounds a lot like my oldest son. You might read about Oppositional Defiant Disorder and see if this fits your son. My oldest has ADHD with ODD tendencies which means he has some of the symptoms but not full blown ODD (although sometimes I wonder). ODD is a coexisting disorder so it is important to be tested for other issues such as ADD/ADHD learning disabilities, and mood disorders. Here are a few links with some information: http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/children_with_oppositional_defiant_disorder http://www.conductdisorders.com/ourarticles/oppositional_defiance.shtml You can google it and find many, many more websites with information. Edited September 5, 2009 by christielee7278 to remove my typo =) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 we are not divorcing. we are doing okay and working on our marriage right now. and honestly, it's very good right now. In that case, the anger does sound extreme. If I were in your place I would talk to my pediatrician about a referral for an evaluation. Who the referral is to depends on his specific behaviors and what's available locally. I hope you find some answers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 You have my sympathy. It's so hard to see our children experiencing unhappiness and not knowing how to make it better. I don't mean to be scary at all, but I do see a few red flags in your post--I think I'd take the route of having him evaluated for some sensory issues and perhaps to see if he fits on the aspie spectrum. It could be sensory overload, it could be social/empathetic issues; there's just a lot that fits. The great news is that there is a lot you can do to equip him to handle strong emotions and to help him connect his behavior to the consequences of that behavior. FWIW, it doesn't seem like ODD to me--one of my kids has that as a diag, and it doesn't really look like your son's behavior. Just be brave, and know there is help out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I would think that talking with a therapist would be beneficial and an OT evaluation. Some of the things you mention really sound like sensory issues. OT made a tremendous difference for my son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moni Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 (edited) sensory integration issues fast metabolism - snacks with protein artificial colors, preservatives, corn syrup adequate window for needed sleep in a dark room daily exertion/exercise, panting/sweating EFA/DHA http://www.omegabrite.com/ Vitamin B, Magnesium/manganese, zinc http://www.Kirkmanlabs.com :seeya: Whoopsie, forgot Allgeries. Generic Chlortrimeton even half dose might help ! Edited September 5, 2009 by Moni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 thank you. We saw the Ped the other day for my dd's well check and she mentioned an eval for both kids about something...I am going to call and get that set up. I had not considered the sensory issues to be a possible issue...in my mind it's so much better than when he was 2! But at this point perhaps an evaluation will put my mind at ease or at least get some help for him. It's hard to walk that path... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonflyAcademy Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 There are some wonderful books that were very helpful to me when I was struggling with SPD in my son.. One was Raising Sensory Smart Child. The other was Sensational Kids and the third was Out of Sync Child many hugs. It is so hard to see your children struggle with things.. and hard to be their parent and not know how to help.. to be able to take it all away Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 First off. UGH :grouphug: You so need one of these. You know it's not your fault, right?:) sensory integration issuesfast metabolism - snacks with protein artificial colors, preservatives, corn syrup adequate window for needed sleep in a dark room daily exertion/exercise, panting/sweating EFA/DHA http://www.omegabrite.com/ Vitamin B, Magnesium/manganese, zinc www.Kirkmanlabs.com :seeya: :iagree:This behavior has my daughter written all over it. I started locking her in the bathroom so that she would stop engaging me and she started destroying the bathroom. I cut out obvious food dyes, cut down on sugar and started her on Vitamin D and raw cacao (both things that I take for depression). She has gotten much better. I plan to take her to my Natural Doctor. She does therapy involving energy work (tapping.com is one example). It has helped me tremendously. My PPD involved uncontrollable anger, just like these kids. Sometimes they need more than discipline. (but it sounds like you know that) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 fast metabolism - snacks with protein I have an 8 year old son who is sweet, loving and easy going 95% of the time. The other 5% he needs protein. It gets *ugly*, sort of what you describe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn in OH Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 ]My son gets easily frustrated. He gets down right angry. He groans' date=' makes fists, and turns red. It can take hours for him to calm down enough to talk about what he did that got him angry.[/b'] And I just don't know what is normal and what needs some help. He is "sensitive" by the definition. Sounds, lights and textures bother/affect him easily. He tends to stand at the edge of things until he's comfortable joining in and then he's fine. He isn't crazy about a lot of new things but when he does try it he often loves it. but lately he's been lying. he's still sucking his thumb. He stopped the right side but started the left. :001_huh: the dentist has done everything but install that appliance to stop him. It would cost us over $500 to get it done and people tell me they still were able to suck their thumbs so I haven't rushed to get it done. We have tried everything out there but he can get out of it, or likes it, and so it's a daily battle. And he lies about the thumb sucking. So now the lying is also an issue as he lies about other things...jumping on the couch, hitting his sister... he still wets the bed most nights. he has daytime accidents I would said once a month. He had poopy issues when younger. so in my mind he has some very young behaviors that haven't gone away. but he clearly wants more freedom and respect. He fights with us about everything. I am throwing my hands up in the air about the anger though. The things I highlighted in bold all sound like my 8 year old son. In addition, he's got some food issues. He has gotten better as he's gotten older, but it sure is exhausting. My son's anger issues have gotten better since I designated a spot for him to go and sit when he's lost/is losing his temper. While he's sitting in this area no one, including myself, is to talk to him. When he's angry, any little thing anyone says or does can set him off further. He sits there until his emotions are visibly under control. He HATES getting sent to this spot, but he does know that it helps him to calm down. His temper issues have improved greatly since I started doing this. The daytime accidents thing seemed to be tied to the temper also. He hasn't had a daytime accident in a long time, and whenever he did have one, it was when he was having a bad day. As for fighting with me about everything, I've taken a new approach with him. When I give him something to do I speak slowly clearly looking him right in the eye and I give him a reason why he needs to do what I've asked. Example "I need you to clean your room now so that we can go outside and play." "I need you to hurry up and get dressed, we want to go to the zoo." It has helped. He still gives me some trouble, but it's getting better. And a lot of time a high protein snack does help get an attitude adjustment. I've learned to know the signals. He's been a full time job lately, but it's working. I wish I would have figured out how to deal with him soon so that I wouldn't be here now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mktkcb Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Ya know, this is screaming SPD to *me*. My son is very similar. He's almost 13 now, and we still struggle. I *highly* recommend you get and read the book Out of Sync Child.....the 2 others that were recommended are also good, but I bet you'll see your kid somewhere in OoSC. The issues you mention with his sensitivities ring big bells with me, having a son who is very similar. Sensory overload can look like a lot of other things. I would not jump to ODD, personally. My sons Sensory issues most often come out as anger. JMO. Kayleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 My sons Sensory issues most often come out as anger. So do mine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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