joannqn Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 So, my kids were out playing with the neighborhood kids this morning. We eventually all moved to my yard to play in the sprinkler. Two of the kids left when their parent went to get them. I sent the third child home after he failed to heed my warning on a discipline issue. My kids and I went inside since the last child chose to end play time by not following the rules I laid down. Soon after, one of the first kids that left returned and knocked on the door. My daughter answered it and was asked if she could come play. I said, "No, not right now." The child then looked at me and asked, "Why not?" Is it normal for kids (this was an 8 year old) to question the parents of their friends this way? How would you have responded? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Yes. I would say that in the context of a play together in the neighborhood setting, it is normal and not necessarily disrespctful for an 8 year old to ask why their playmate is unavailable. If it happens often, I'd take a different position. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Multiple choice ! :) Was the child's tone of voice respectful? Surprised? Puzzled? Sarcastic? The child who rang your bell was one of those who went home, so s/he parted company from your children obediently, and had no reason to suspect that something went awry later on. The enquiry may have been a wholly innocent question. He or she might have been wondering whether a doctor visit was coming up, or some other appointment. Depends also on how well you know the other child. If a typically well-behaved child well known by me were to ask that question spontaneously and with a tone of puzzled surprise, I probably would attribute it to the "randomness" of childhood and not worry about it. My own mother would have smacked me for asking that question. I try to relax more than she in raising my own children. Not to the "sloppy or impolite" level of manners ! Just not so rigidly paranoid as I was made to feel as a child by my mother's anxieties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Yes, my more outgoing children might have said that at 8 - but not my shyer ones. I would have responded with, "because I said so." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Yes, my more outgoing children might have said that at 8 - but not my shyer ones. I would have responded with, "because I said so." Dits Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 "Because we are having family time" or "because their mother said so." I wouldn't really think of it as rude. I mean, it is rude but it's the kind of rude that kids need help realizing is rude and I would not hold it against an 8 year old for asking that. I also wouldn't bend over backwards trying to make up excuses for why. I would just be as direct as she was! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted July 1, 2009 Author Share Posted July 1, 2009 I would have responded with, "because I said so." While I typically don't use that phrase, that's exactly what I told her. The way she asked had a bit of attitude and this child is NOT known for her polite and respectful behavior. Instead, she's the one that I've mentioned before...prone to going into rages, screaming and physically attacking other kids when she doesn't get her way. ETA: Wanted to add that we are working with our kids on how to handle this girl's behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingM Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Yes, my more outgoing children might have said that at 8 - but not my shyer ones. I would have responded with, "because I said so." Yes, good answer. I think kids have a right to ask questions of adults, provided it is done in a polite way. Adults, however, don't have to answer every impertinent question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 So, my kids were out playing with the neighborhood kids this morning. We eventually all moved to my yard to play in the sprinkler. Two of the kids left when their parent went to get them. I sent the third child home after he failed to heed my warning on a discipline issue. My kids and I went inside since the last child chose to end play time by not following the rules I laid down. Soon after, one of the first kids that left returned and knocked on the door. My daughter answered it and was asked if she could come play. I said, "No, not right now." The child then looked at me and asked, "Why not?" Is it normal for kids (this was an 8 year old) to question the parents of their friends this way? How would you have responded? VERY normal for a child... they are quite literal and can't read subtle nuances or adult concepts. Sounds like the child really wanted to know why. Don't take it as an insult. Just the way kids are. This child most likely is very black and white -- and sees no wrong with being blunt or rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 I'm one of the ones who say "because I said so" but with a big smile on my face.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 I wouldn't have stopped to think, and automatically answered "Because I'm a mean, mean mommy", which is how I answer most 'why' questions around here. :D Probably not the best answer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lgm Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 It's normal. Many have no clue that another family's schedule runs differently than theirs. I've also run into some that don't realize that the sibs want to play with each other sometimes rather than entertain friends. My answer is always along the 'family time now' lines, although sometimes it'll be after lunch reading time and I'll invite them to go home, get their book, and find a comfy spot in the living room with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Tone is a big factor. Ds has one friend that is, imo, extremely rude. His tone is a dead give away. When he asks questions like that I normally respond with, 'if you don't care to be polite, I don't care to answer. Goodbye, then,' followed with a smile and a closed door. However, lots of kids, at that age, are still learning tact :) With them, I say he's busy, or it's just not a good time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingmommy Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 I realize that that's kind of a normal question for a kid to ask. Unfortunately, I don't really care how it is asked, it comes across as rude to me. My children might ask me "why not?" (and they don't get by with it) but they would never in a million years speak to another adult in that manner. And if they did, they'd be wishing they hadn't. It's a serious lack of manners and training on their parents' part. I'm sure I sound harsh. In all honesty, I have never found "why not?" from a child's mouth to be anything but rude. Sorry. jeannie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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