Swim Team Moms (with boys) -- New Question

[Mogster]

How do you deal with your boys going in the locker room? Last year was our first year on a swim team, My ds was 8 (he is now 9) and we didn't let him use the locker room unless his dad was with him -- and then it was just to walk through and not shower. Our pool has 3 curtained changing areas on the pool deck for those who do not wish to change in the locker room. The reason we have our son dress on the deck is because of all the men in the locker room. Maybe my dh and I are prudes or just over protective, but many of these men are quite scary. They walk around everywhere in the locker room completely naked. My dh said that they shower facing the wall and if a boy walks in they will actually turn around! They do their hair, shave and just stand around completely naked. It is not just the lack of modesty that he sees, but it as if some of these men actually want to be seen by all these boys. There is a separate locker area for boys, but the showers, sinks, and toilets are all common. Out of the 100 or so boy swimmers on our team, I can only count 3 that have parents that make them avoid the locker room. We have written to the aquatic director and they responded that it has been an ongoing problem, but I don't think they are changing anything. My ds is 9 this year and he feels uncomfortable that we make him avoid the locker room when he is by himself, but letting him go goes against every motherly instinct. What do you think?

[ChristusG]

Honestly, if your mommy radar is going off.....I would not let him use the locker room. He is only 9 years old. If I had a son, he would not be using the locker room at that age either.

[Donna T.]

No, I wouldn't let my son use the locker room. My sons aren't on a swim team but we do spend time at a public pool. No locker rooms without Daddy. The only time I've made an exception is when one of my sons participated in homeschool p.e. and the locker room was closed off to anyone other than a child in the program during a specific time of the day. And even then, I stood at the door with my head poking in!

 

That's not being prudish. It's being wise.

[Rebecca VA]

I see that in the ladies' locker room at our rec center. It's usually middle-aged and older ladies who walk around undressed, and they're not very attractive, either! I get grossed out looking at them and their shameless exhibitionism, and I don't like inflicting that on my young daughter.

 

Thankfully, our rec center put in a family locker room a couple of years ago. It's really just young kids who use it; I've never seen parents changing in there.

 

Maybe you could have a dad around to watch over the swim-team boys in the locker room and be sort of an island of sanity?

[lgm]

I'd skip it and I would explain why and define appropriate locker room behavior. We had similar trouble when my kids were taking swim lessons - dads and men changing would be in the boys locker room and making the boys uncomfortable with the staring and lack of privacy as well as some of them yelling at their kids. We ended up using the family changing area. Our current swim team has a 'no parent in locker room policy' and the only ones allowed in are swim team members. My kids are much more comfortable without the staring adults.

[Mommyfaithe]

How do you deal with your boys going in the locker room? Last year was our first year on a swim team, My ds was 8 (he is now 9) and we didn't let him use the locker room unless his dad was with him -- and then it was just to walk through and not shower. Our pool has 3 curtained changing areas on the pool deck for those who do not wish to change in the locker room. The reason we have our son dress on the deck is because of all the men in the locker room. Maybe my dh and I are prudes or just over protective, but many of these men are quite scary. They walk around everywhere in the locker room completely naked. My dh said that they shower facing the wall and if a boy walks in they will actually turn around! They do their hair, shave and just stand around completely naked. It is not just the lack of modesty that he sees, but it as if some of these men actually want to be seen by all these boys. There is a separate locker area for boys, but the showers, sinks, and toilets are all common. Out of the 100 or so boy swimmers on our team, I can only count 3 that have parents that make them avoid the locker room. We have written to the aquatic director and they responded that it has been an ongoing problem, but I don't think they are changing anything. My ds is 9 this year and he feels uncomfortable that we make him avoid the locker room when he is by himself, but letting him go goes against every motherly instinct. What do you think?

 

My boys do NOT use the locker room unless their older brothers or Dad is with them (they are 7 & 5.) My older boys did not use the locker room until 11. My kids are masters of the presto change-o. So are my girls as I don't like them to use the locker unless they are together or with their aunt or me or another trustworthy adult.

 

I don't know why people think it is so ok to walk about stark naked in the locker room. (REALLY....it is totally disgusting....these are no air-brushed Michaelangelo's...BLAH!!!) My kids swim on a college campus and there is no way I am leaving them alone in those locker rooms.

 

Because we do not have a curtained area, I just bring bath robes and cover my boys up and very non-chalantly change them. No one can see anything at all. When weather is permitting, I change them in my van that has dark windows and shades.

 

I got over feeling funny about it...I'd rather feel funny taking care of my boys than be sorry I didn't protect them when I could.

 

~~Faithe

[Mom0012]

I would not let my son use the men's locker room alone.

 

Lisa

[Lolly]

My kids use the locker rooms. At our pool (university campus) there really aren't many men in the locker room when the kids are using it. The swim team pretty much has taken over the pool area during that time. My son is in there with a whole bunch of other boys. They rinse, change, and come out together. Our only real problem has been that we have to put a time limit on them so that they don't stay in too long. They like that hot water! I worry more about the men who might be in the locker room than the boys. I sure wouldn't want to be in there with them!

[ciyates]

When my son was younger we did not use the locker rooms. At our facility only the kids on the team use the locker rooms (No adults swim at the same time). Almost all of the young kids avoid the locker rooms because of some of the older boys. The older boys have not caused a problem but I am guessing they are not very modest. You can have them go to the restroom and change in the stall and take a shower at home. At their age I was still taking my son into the women's restroom. Always listen to your instincts. So what if you are a prude (I am NOT saying you are). That is so much easier to deal with than the trauma of letting something preventable happen to them.

 

As a parent of a child that swim year round several 5-6 days a week, the chlorine in the boy is only going to dry their skin out a little. My 13yr old insist he doesn't need to shower because he was in the pool. :tongue_smilie:

[mcconnellboys]

Our local YMCA is like this. There is a special needs locker room for families and our kids tend to use those after Y swimming or classes.

 

My kids don't swim for practice and generally not for meets, either, at facilities that are also open to others at the same time, so there's not a problem of adults and others being in the locker rooms at the times when they're using them.

 

That said, if I had been faced with this sort of thing, my older son would not have been entering such places until he was in high school - older and big enough to care for himself. Old enough for me to talk to him about what might occur and ways he could handle it, etc. If he were of smaller build, he might not ever be using such a facility.

[asta]

There is nothing disgusting about the human form, be it young, old, "in shape" or "out of shape". Who is determining beauty, magazine editors?

 

While I certainly would not want my child in an enclosed space with a potential child molester, the LAST thing I ever want to teach him is to be ashamed of his body or of the human form in general.

 

It isn't being weird to not be offended by the human body, IMO, it is being sensible.

 

But then again, maybe we're just "weird", as we've lived in Europe a long time.

 

 

a

[TCoppock]

DS does NOT use the locker room to rinse and change. However, he does have to walk through it to leave the pool deck. He has not mentioned anything out of the ordinary and knows he is to go directly through it, no stopping. I am sure most would consider me over-protective but I am a part of the better safe than sorry camp. I agree with the OP. If your mommy radar is going off there is probably a good reason for it. There is nothing wrong with the human body but there is something wrong with grown men purposefully exposing themselves to young boys.

[Laura Corin]

I agree with the suggestion that another older male relative should go in one time and try to work out if something strange is going on, or whether these are just men who are comfortable with their naked bodies.

 

Laura

Edited August 27, 2009 by Laura Corin

[mazakaal]

I always had my boys change on the poolside for their swim lessons. I now let my 5yo go into the changing room with his older brother, but it's a small changing room with almost only other kids. In the situation you're describing, I would definitely not let ds in without an adult.

[Tam101]

Nope wouldn't let my son use the men's locker room without my husband with him. We are lucky enough to have a family changing room in our Y and Rec center. I was a bit upset about some of the "older" women coming into the family room after their water aerobics class, but I think the complaints were heard because they don't do it anymore. There is a perfectly good women's locker room they didn't need to be our crowded family room!

[Starr]

I think setting a time limit is helpful. My ds doesn't have a sense of time. The boys could use a locker space near the outside door. Swim, change, door, (where you are waiting and can call in with a hurry up.)

[Guest Sarah in NJ]

I posted the following in another thread and thought it applied on this thread as well...so here goes....

******************************************************

Locker and shower rooms are known hang outs for pediophiles (sp?).

 

I will not allow my sons to shower at school or after school programs.

 

I tell my 15 year old if he must change at a public venue, he should change with a towel around his waist. If he must shower, I tell him to leave his swim suit or underware on. He can always get a good shower at home. I tell my 12 year old the same thing.

 

My husband tells me that places like the YMCA and the privet health clubs we are members of, have men hanging around naked and gawk at the other men and especially young boys.

 

My husband told me that once while he was at the YMCA and went to take a shower after working out, there were two older men in the shower for an unusual amount of time to do what they were there for.

 

A young boy, about 13, came in to shower and my husband actually heard one of the men say to the other man, in reference to the young boy who came into the showers; ".....Wow...now, he has a really nice bubble butt."

 

The other older man agreed with him.

 

There is no way to prevent these "child lovers" from joining a public gym.

 

Plus take into consideration the fact that today's electronics and computer technology allows these stangers to take photos/videos of your children and view them when they get those cameras back home;

and what are you going to do when they post your child naked on the world wide web ????

 

Don't tell me that a camera would be seen if someone attemted to do this.

Today's cameras fit into the eye socket of stuffed toys and the quality is excellent. A local man here in New Jersey was caught and arrested for doing this very thing just this past year. He joined a gym and hid a camera in his gym gear bag and was taking video's of all the young boys naked in the locker room and shower room (young teens & older teens). He then went on some web site and posted them for all the world to see.

 

Think about this very carefully before you allow your child to strip and shower in a public place. Your childs FUTURE and SAFETY depends on your decision !!!