::Sigh:: Would anyone like to stroll down Loser Lane...

[battlemaiden]

Let's just say, hypothetically;), that you really need a break. You need a more-than-a-night-with-the-girlfriends type of break. You have fantacized about days away alone with books, a journal, and quiet.

 

So let's also say your significant other has essentially said, "do what you need to do". It isn't exactly an enthusiastic endorsement but it's an acknowledgement that he is willing to take over all duties so I can get away. It's also received as "you're making me nuts, go fix yourself". Loser.

 

So here comes more "loser": Do you go frozen? Do you feel guilty for making a big deal of your exhaustion? Do you feel like you've whined or complained and now feel guilty? :(

 

Or am I the only one who does this?

 

Jo

[Mrs. Readsalot]

You are so tired and stressed and wow I can't even imagine how you do it all. When you are stressed like this it is easy to misinterpret what others say and do. Accept his generous offer. Grab a book and head for the nearest beach(I know you don't have to go far) and stop thinking about it, really try to turn off the thoughts if you can. I know it is difficult. Trust me I know I tend to pop off when I am stressed and it only gets me in more trouble. I am, with age, getting better at holding my tongue and thinking about how the person(usually my dh) will react to whatever I might say. It has made a world of difference.

[Doran]

....It's also received as "you're making me nuts, go fix yourself". Loser.

 

So here comes more "loser": Do you go frozen? Do you feel guilty for making a big deal of your exhaustion? Do you feel like you've whined or complained and now feel guilty? :(

 

Or am I the only one who does this?

 

Jo

 

 

Face it, you're wiped out. But, some teeny part of you feels guilty for not only needing the break but also for wanting it. Therefore, it's easy to interpret any little thing as a negative message, be it from his mouth or your head.

 

So, the answer is a resounding NO -- you are not the only one who does this. I believe I might have the marketed cornered on being an expert in the guilt department. What we guilt-heads have to remember is that guilt is borne within us. We allow external forces (the tilt of a head, a less than warm smile) to feed it.

 

Go. It will be okay. You'll see. (((Jo)))

 

Doran

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Go and don't feel guilty. You deserve and need it. I do similarly. Dh will take the kids to grandma's and I will stay home alone. So needed! GO for it!

[Tutor]

Hey, I thought I saw you as I was out taking my stroll last night. LOL!

 

I told my dh last night that I'd love to see what it would cost to rent a cabin at a nearby state park for about 4 nights this summer so he and the kids could go have fun, and I could stay home and get some cleaning done (like cleaning and waxing the wood floors and washing windows kind of cleaning). I even mentioned that this would be great not only because I could get the floors done without little people trying to walk on them plus trying to get meals and such ready, but that I would set a goal for myself each day, and if I met it, I'd go out for a light supper or a chai or a stroll around the bookstore.

 

His response, "Don't worry, if you leave me a list of what you want done, I can do it when you go to visit your sister [by yourself with four children 20 hours each way so that you can leave the kids with grandparents for a week while you stay to help with your newborn niece/ nephew and do housework at your sister's house] in September." (He didn't say that bracketed stuff, btw, but that's what I heard.)

 

Now I feel like if I bring it up again... this time emphasizing that I really just want time home alone, by myself, with NO ONE here, in silence, with no one to serve or feed or bathe or clothe by myself... that I'll sound ungrateful for his willingness to help and like a big whiner. I'm such a dope.

 

Tell you what... if you stop feeling guilty and go plan your mini-vacation (all alone, by yourself... well, you get the idea), I'll go check out rates for cabin rentals. Is it a deal? :)

[RoughCollie]

You have 6 children and you are pregnant with #7. Of course you are exhausted. I can guarantee you that if any guy on the planet were in your position, he'd take a break, guilt-free.

 

So do it. Take as many days a you need, don't skimp, since your DH told you is fine with it. In fact, stay gone at least one day longer than you think you should. Don't feel guilty because you aren't doing anything wrong.

 

Unless you are trying for sainthood, I wouldn't worry about any whining or complaining the hypothetical person may have done.

 

Let's just say, hypothetically;), that you really need a break. You need a more-than-a-night-with-the-girlfriends type of break. You have fantacized about days away alone with books, a journal, and quiet.

 

So let's also say your significant other has essentially said, "do what you need to do". It isn't exactly an enthusiastic endorsement but it's an acknowledgement that he is willing to take over all duties so I can get away. It's also received as "you're making me nuts, go fix yourself". Loser.

 

So here comes more "loser": Do you go frozen? Do you feel guilty for making a big deal of your exhaustion? Do you feel like you've whined or complained and now feel guilty? :(

 

Or am I the only one who does this?

 

Jo

[WTMindy]

just go and enjoy it! :D

[Mom2boys]

We all need mental health breaks, especially this time of year. Who doesn't have homeschool burnout? I was just discussing this with some friends this morning. I desperately want a weekend away right now. I could be out the door in half an hour, if someone would relieve me. Unfortunately, this is a very busy time at my husband's work so I don't even dare ask. (Dh is a journalist, and our primary is this Tuesday, and I live in Ohio, so he has been a little busy. He is acutally interviewing Barack Obama as I type this)

 

Take the time you need to recharge, so you can come back a happier wife and mom. Be glad your husband is willing to take over, even if he is doing it grudgingly.

 

Next February maybe we could all meet somewhere warm, with a beach and a spa, for a long weekend. :D

[Denise in IN]

So here comes more "loser": Do you go frozen? Do you feel guilty for making a big deal of your exhaustion? Do you feel like you've whined or complained and now feel guilty? :(

 

Dear Jo, you are about as far from "loser" as anyone I can imagine.

 

You have had the epitome of crazy in your life for the past 6 or so months. You need to be refreshed and restored so you can be the kind of wife and mother you want to be. Your kids need their Mom to be sane and healthy!

 

Go. Relax. Recharge. And do NOT let "guilty" even enter you mind!

[Lisa in Jax]

Jo,

 

I'm right there with you. One of my kids is giving me fits right now, and I need a break from her behavior. The other two are doing beautifully, but this child is making me so stressed that I am teary and short-tempered.

 

Poor DH is having a really busy month at work, which means that he's coming home late every night, which doesn't help. I'm d-o-n-e. If I could send this child away for a bit to let the rest of us catch a breath, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

 

IOW, I understand. My advice is to TAKE YOUR BREAK. When you're recharged, everything will be easier to deal with.

 

Hugs,

 

Lisa

who's planning a three-day break later this spring, and planning for the child in question to go to a LONG summer sleepaway camp... ;-)

[~Tara~]

I soooo know that feeling...that yucky guilt.

 

But the others are right..there's no need for that guilt. Go, take the much needed and deserved time away. Relax. Enjoy. Refresh!

 

And, um, could arrange the same for me? I'm very much in need of this myself. I'm just SPENT!

[Brigitte]

I would have the same things running through my head. But, you know what, I would jump at the chance if my dh said to go. So, you must not be a loser, since you have a dh who agreed no matter what the reason that you should get out of the house. You are miles ahead of many of us! :p

[Tracey in TX]

I go away once a year to regroup. One year I spent 4 days at Spa & Resort getting pampered, reading all night and sleeping in the sun all day. It was delightful--and I'll NEVER do it again.

Give me crazy, frenetic energy with lots of people. I find that more conducive with the regrouping I personally require. Normally I chaperone 30+ exchange students to NYC for a week.

I think a woman needs some form of inner peace. It might come from helping others, a GNO (thanks, Miley Cyrus~LOL), or sequestering herself from the people she loves most just to obtain balance.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Well, if you're compelled to use "LOSER" venacular, share the phrase with me!

 

When a vacation (or regrpup time) is in the distant future, I veg in front of TV watching Rick Steves' Europe Thru the Backdoor videos. It's calming to even visualize what will someday be accessible at any given moment sans the kiddos. I then feel guilty that I'm forcing them to grow up and move out already...and back to appreciating my current reality. (is this sufficient babbling? :))

 

Take care,

[Danestress]

Go. Go. Go.

 

The way you have received it ("loser") probably says more about your current state of mental and emotional health than it does about his state of mind. The actual words he said sound reasonably supportive.

 

Don't let yourself be your worst enemy. He loves you and is willing to take over and let you have some time off. He doesn't have to love doing it, and I bet he thinks you are great.

 

Just go, and be thankful and come home happy.

[melissel]

Face it, you're wiped out. But, some teeny part of you feels guilty for not only needing the break but also for wanting it. Therefore, it's easy to interpret any little thing as a negative message, be it from his mouth or your head.

 

So, the answer is a resounding NO -- you are not the only one who does this. I believe I might have the marketed cornered on being an expert in the guilt department. What we guilt-heads have to remember is that guilt is borne within us. We allow external forces (the tilt of a head, a less than warm smile) to feed it.

 

Go. It will be okay. You'll see. (((Jo)))

 

Doran

 

As usual, Doran is a voice of reason.

 

(((Jo))) You sound just like me. After five years of even just being a mom (as opposed to a mom HSing multiple kids, I mean), I'm finally starting to get to a place where I really see that I need to meet my own needs, or else no one's needs get met (and I head for a nervous breakdown). I also think you're probably reading too much into it. But honestly, even if he was less than enthusiastic about his offer, he's still offering, and willing to do it, and you should grab it and do what you need to do, because you deserve it, and you need it. I fantasize about my DH making that kind of offer!

 

Do it, for yourself, for kids, and for your DH too. And enjoy every last minute of it :D

[Barb_]

Know what I do in those sorts of situations? I tell my darling husband how I would have preferred he'd answered. I would say something like, "that's really sweet of you to take over for me, but your saying "do what you need to do" makes me feel guilty for having asked. I know you and I know that's not how you meant it, but it's hard for me to ask in the first place and now I'm second guessing myself and feeling like crap. Next time I go out on the limb and ask for something would you say something like, Sure, Honey...anything to make your life easier or Absolutely, get lost, have fun, we'll be fine!" You aren't just looking for time off, but also absolution. Your husband doesn't know this, but I bet he'd be willing to offer it if you'd let him know.

 

Barb

[battlemaiden]

You aren't just looking for time off, but also absolution.

 

Barb

 

Yes. That is absolutely correct. I was looking for more than permission or agreement. I need to know that he wants this for me too. I need to be told that he doesn't think I'm being a wimp. I need him to say- painfully honest here- "I COULD NEVER DO WHAT YOU DO. I WOULD HAVE GONE CRAZY LONG BEFORE THIS."

 

How's that for disclosure?

 

I just finished reading everyone's responses and I feel buoyed. Thanks everyone. Hugs back to everyone.

 

Jo