Yeah, this thread makes me want to change my avatar. Truthfully, M is in the bottom half of the list of favorite letters. I don't identify with "M" at all. But M makes sense for Moonhawk. So I just leave it whenever I get the urge. And I like the gold and the flowers at least. Altho Idk if anyone else can make out those details, lol.

Ok, so you said prevent mice. There are these not-poison sprays that have cinnamon and lavender and some other scents in them that you can spray in areas where you think they'd like to nest or enter and it helps deter them from coming around. They also sell sachets of the fragrances. https://www.acehardware.com/departments/lawn-and-garden/insect-and-animal-control/animal-repellents/7672678 YMMV, but while this house was vacant there were definitely mice here that I had to convince not to roommate with us anymore. The house is so porous there's no way we can logically stop all entry points. Spraying first weekly then monthly has prevented them from coming back (it can be a slightly nauseating scent if you do a lot). The scent seems to do the trick for us and I haven't had to go to anything more deadly yet. At the very least it can be used as one ingredient in your recipe of prevention.

Re: What was she thinking? why didn't she stay in the house? Why did she continue to pursue after the cops are on the scene, if she was the original victim? I know we here on a forum literally called Well Trained Mind probably want to believe we can be rational in all situations. But, once our lower survival brain takes over there isn't a way to really rationalize with it quickly. She may not have even seen the police even if her eyes fell on them, she may not have heard anything other than her own breathing. Tunnel vision and berserker rage are real things and just because we like to wear nice clothes and drink Starbucks doesn't stop us from being actual humans. It is a tragedy in every way. I'm sorry for her (especially if she was the original victim) that she was in the situation, she responded as was literally natural for her. I'm sorry for the officer put into the situation and had to protect others from her. But his job is to protect the public at large, and by the point he arrived he had to protect the current person in danger, not the first person.

So, what I'm saying isn't about you, your situation, or your dss. Using this as a jumping point. Like, I am going 3 steps up the concept fan and I'm not expecting anything I say to be applicable to your situation. I am, in fact, stating it is not, so that you don't think I'm trying to offend you personally. I had a similar expectation growing up. There was no "going home after college" expectations. I was married and on my own at 20. House and kid by 22. So, understand, yeah, I'm not ragging on this ability. I think a lot of times it's not a cultural thing as much as a class thing. [And no, I'm not saying anyone is low class. lol. But a generational thing that I don't think is developed until a family has been of a certain financial stability for a ~couple generations.] I've found that, frankly, the kids, whose parents were fairly well off, were completely expected to either live at home or be given enough funds to help out with their first place. Or two places. Or just straight given a house. The financial "Take Care Of Yourself Completely" concept wasn't a part of their reality. They passed down a financial stability and safety that my parents simply didn't know to give because they didn't come from that type of privileged background. My parents thought, "We did it this way, that's what's done, and so that's what she'll do." They "gave me a better life" and expected that I would take the starting point and make my own way and be successful -- and since I'd been given a better start, if I messed it up it was completely just me blowing it since they were able to do it with the handicap of starting lower down. And so I’m not saying that one isn’t wrong and the other is right. But I find the tendency to place a moral sheen of slight superiority that “we did it ourselves” is a bit off (or maybe a defense mechanism? probably is in my case, because I know this is something I struggle with when I look at my situation compared to my afore-mentioned friends). Just because one is easier on young adults doesn't mean it's automatically worse for them; I am not a better adult because I "made my own way" at an earlier age than some of my peers.* And then, this is putting aside the financial reality that going out on your own is more difficult today than before. Maybe not where you live, but definitely where we are, and we are not from a traditional HCOL. DH and I were on our own 15 years ago but couldn't do the same now given the same jobs (and he had a college education, I had multiple certificates). Doable: yes. Able to save anything more than a couple hundred a month before emergencies like car issues: no. Have more than 1 car: no. So, able to travel in two different directions for jobs and better opportunities: no. Buy a house: heck no. *ETA as I continue my introspection: I think I am in fact a worse adult for some of my experiences. I have a scarcity mindset that is hard to shake, I have issues with making difficult investment decisions -- not because I don't understand, but because the risk needed for real improvement is difficult to take when I think about how hard it was to get the money together in the first place. I know that I technically have a safety net in my parents but the judgement that would come with really using it is...not going to let me use it. There are good things too, of course, but no, I'm not better at being an adult because I started a few years earlier.

I liked Terry White's youtube channel for InDesign. I know I watched other ones too, but he's the one I would click on first if his video was in the search results. https://www.youtube.com/user/terrywhitetechblog ETA: DH didn't prefer Terry White, lol, he liked the Nigel French guy on Linda (I think now LinkedIn Learning). He was more in-depth. ETA again: DH says if he had to go over and learn again, he wouldn't go the free route, unless he had to only do 2-3 types of things, which he would just watch a couple videos on those specifically. But if he wanted to learn well, it's too complex a program to go the free route and would take forever. So, finding a course would probably be best. He knows the name Maria or something from inDesign Secrets and she might have one. One of the courses you mentioned would probably work, sorry we don't know a specific course.

YEAH, all these gosh-darn hand-wringers getting all upset about this guy getting brutally killed by police for no reason when we can instead be upset about *checks notes* an insurrectionist in the middle of a violent act to overthrow the government getting shot as she tried to do said overthrowing. Also, fixed your post for factual correctness, you're welcome in advance.

If I had 5 kids, I would totally steal that one, LOL.

Yeah. I've been sticking out of this thread because OP and I have almost opposite situations. However, I can say when my mom said we "needed family counseling" when I was 31 years old, because I was (gasp) moving 20 minutes farther away, I would not say it was good for our overall relationship. There is an aspect of controlling that is introduced when one party says "you need to do this with me"; it becomes less about fixing communication and forcing the other person to sit in a room and listen. If communication was the actual issue, I think individual counseling on how to communicate would be the better option. Even recommending they get counseling separate from you would probably go over better (and this usually doesn't go over well). "I've started counseling to learn how to better communicate, to fix some of the habits I learned over the past 20 years that weren't healthy. I know we shared a lot of the same experiences and so it may be something you want to consider, too, when you're ready." That being said, because of the divorce and what the family has gone through maybe they would be more open to it for healing other wounds. But having the watershed reason for counseling to be an incident where party A thinks party B is overreacting to an injury done to party B that didn't even involve part A in the first place? It may be better to wait until this is no longer the drama du jour.

So I've read the whole thread, but seemed to have missed the actual pep talks. To me, pep talks have cheerleaders and Rah Rah!s throughout. So please choose whichever pep talk is most effective for your situation: You can do it! You can do it! Just push the button to it! (Rah rah!🎇) Your thumb is strong! The button push won't last long! (Rah rah!🎆) You don't have enough pricks in your life, so sign up for 1 [or 2] more! (rrraaaHHH 💥 rah!) When two shots love each other very much-- whoops, wrong type of talk, nvm Two small shots equals one big shot at a brighter future! (Rah rah go team rah rah yay! 💥🎇🎆) Fortune favors the vaccinated! (Rah rah!🎇) *There are no pompom emojis so I went with fireworks since they are visually similar and also thematically in keeping with a little pit of pomp

@Not_a_Number I vote an imaginary number. Think of the arguments it could start!

Bought house at 22 (DH 26). Had a downpayment, didn't have trouble qualifying. Regret the decision overall: it held us in place when really at that age we needed to be more flexible to take advantage of opportunities, and less flexibility in terms of jobs and career moves even just in the area. It may be a good move in his case, but would not want to be the parent/person that pushed too hard if he isn't interested, as that parent/person will be blamed for any negative fallout of the house down the road.

So, I think that high-demand religions or at least parishes prime their members to think more in terms of "us vs them." And everyone has it to an extent, but my perception is that tight-knit communities definitely have this stronger than the average. So, you're primed to see the world in us vs them, and then you find other people who have this same view, and are willing to let you be part of their "us". you probably have other things in common: you're a young woman, maybe a mom of young kids, husband works but you are at home or want to be, if only the money could work out. You want something to do. They understand what you're going through, they have a similar position, you can talk about things with them. All you have to do to join is buy a pink suitcase of products, and you are not only about to make your life better, but you are one of us! Both groups tell you to ignore doubters (of religion, of the product) and that the doubters don't have your salvation/success in their best interest. They tell you that your future is in your own hands, all you have to do is follow these easy rules and it will all work out. They tell you that you just need their support to make it through the hard times before you get to the big payout. It's a similar story, one you're comfortable with and already believe, so it's an easy step over to it. From my view, the MLMs exploit the mental pathways that religion has made, especially to those who grew up in the environment. I say this as someone who was raised in a total high-us-vs-them-Catholic-parish and MK household. My mom has been with MK for longer than I've been alive. My sister is currently a MK director and has been for over 20 years, with slips here and there. And heck, I still use MK products (and my mom always has extra from whatever quota needed to be met). Ps - knee injury here too! waving from my own couch, lol

I don't think I follow why you think that the main leadership of your group is a 1? Am I reading this incorrectly or misunderstanding what's being meant here? Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm bringing my own color to your situation, but I really didn't read anything in your posts that indicated your leadership was a 1. They are refusing to follow guidelines in the name of "standing up" to the governments "oppression" of their worship. They are seeing what they are doing as a holy act of defiance. They think they are standing for the Church's good name in all this, not letting the secular world diminish her with masks and mandates. Doesn't this sound more like a 4 (if, perhaps, a misguided 4)? I was brought up I suppose in a community most like a 4. The quote of, "I do not follow the times, I follow Christ" and ones to that effect were thrown around quite a bit. I see the same people/group/mindset on FB talking about how the masks are encroaching on their religion, trying to keep men out of church with fear. The problem with 4's is that last part of "no matter how unpopular". Because sometimes they see it as "anything unpopular" with the secular world to be a sign that they are doing the right thing. "The modern secular world wants me to do this, and so it is probably the wrong thing to do." --> "The secular world wants masks, so it is probably against religion. They are against meeting in large groups, it is obviously because the church meets in large groups. Therefore, we cannot give in to masks and social distancing."

I can't say how much of DH's issues stem from his diagnosis or from the fallout of childhood abuse. Plus, just general personality traits. So don't take the as a singly-bipolar outlook. He has not grown out of the symptoms. They have gotten worse. Lots of emotional management goes on daily, regardless of mania/depressive status. "Stable" does not mean "stable" like the earth is stable, more he found his sea-legs and can walk despite the boat rocking. I'll be truthful, he has trouble managing most stuff. He can work, and so that's what he does all day every day. He can be with the kids and have fun with them. I take care of anything else -- shopping, food, bills, cleaning, etc. He CAN help, but he's an imperialist once he gets going so I avoid that. He is miserly during his stable times, but I need to be in full control of finances because when he's manic it doesn't go well. If he had to be independent from me, I think he could, but it would have to be a very very simple lifestyle with a lot of routine (which he hates) and pre-set decisions, like a set grocery list every week, no living thing to take care of besides himself, the car tells him when to get the oil changed, etc. IDK if he could hold a steady job, it would definitely have to be low-stress but high-engagement, which we've never found outside of self-employment (ha to the low-stress part, but I take that part onto me as much as possible). He's found ways to channel it to his benefit. He is hyper-focused on whatever he's doing. What takes some in his industry to do in 1 year he can get done in 3-4 months. His personality is great for engagement and making new content, especially during hypomania. He's brilliant and able to make connections between different areas very quickly; borrowing imagery from Inside Out: when can hold onto the hypomania, he can build entire and detailed islands (and then build bridges between them) in an amazingly small amount of time. I think if it had been addressed earlier, and it wasn’t complicated by other things, it would be much easier to manage. The fact we got the diagnosis in his 30’s instead of when he started showing symptoms as a teen, a lot of headache could have been avoided. The denial stage could have been done at an earlier age, when there was less adult life at stake. We could have set up life to better meet his abilities instead of now trying to jury-rig solutions. So that in mind, I think he's been fairly successful and will continue to be even moreso as our life decisions are set up to highlight his strengths.

I had the terrible thing that was going around January-February 2020. Fever, chills, full body ache, etc. I can't remember loss of taste or smell but I know I basically stopped eating. I got such bad ear infections I actually went to the doctor for it, which meant going from 5500' to 4600' and I felt every single foot of difference; I thought for sure I did permanent damage to my ears with that drive and did not handle it well (ugly cry the whole way). I was out for a total of a month just laying on the couch. However, I haven't heard a whisper about ear infections in relation to Covid and did not get a bad reaction to the first vaccine shot, so I've come down on the side of not-Covid for myself, despite the timing and other people attributing their bad early-2020 sickness on it. Perhaps Covid was going around at the time, but something else was as well.

@Seasider too Gasp! I've avoided ALL tax thoughts so didn't even think to check. Sweet! I can now close all of my half-started spreadsheets without making any notes of what I've done already, so that in May I can frantically try to decode them for an hour before just starting over again! Thanks for the heads up!! 😜

I'm a risky risk taker. I just started my taxes this morning, *knowing* that I can't remember where I put the 1099 file folder. I haven't even begun to look for it. Any other wild-side livers here? Perhaps you put the milk jug back into the fridge before putting on the cap? Don't check the lid before shaking the ketchup??

Thanks for the reply, its obvious to me my memory is based on conclusions but not the steps to get there. I will set aside some time soon to brush up how I got to where I did 🙂

(So I totally should bow out of the thread while I can. And I know you denoted Paulist Christians in particular, so perhaps this is unnecessary: I am not really familiar with the terms used to denote different segments of Christianity.) We did not become more like the divine in the Fall, we became less like it. We were originally made in God's image: we have an eternal soul, the power to discern, and free will; and the free will allows us to choose good of our own will [also, to choose bad]. The power to discern (ie our intellect) plus our free will means we already have moral discernment and the power to act upon it. So we did not gain moral discernment when we ate the apple, rather we exercised it BY eating the apple (in direct defiance of God). By exercising our free will for something that is not good (ie, that defiance of God, Who is Good), we became less like God, thus "the fall". I also note that while Adam and Eve have always been of special import to me, I am not deeply learned past a general understanding.

Eek, It's been 14 years since I taught that class and I regret to say I'd no longer be qualified to talk on the subject. If I could ask DH he might refresh me, but I'd also have to admit I am not making assets for the website so... not an option, lol. I do know that the answer has something to do with Christ being wholly human and also wholly divine, and so it is not as much the Son submitting to the Father, but the human will submitting to the divine will [of Christ]. The Divine will of God [who includes both Father and Son] is never at odds with itself, though. At odds being defined as in contradiction or contrary, not defined as simply multi-directional. Since God is Good and God is Love, all things He wills are in alignment with this. This is a 3 sentence fuzzy synopsis of something I once knew* that is best explained in very long treatises. And if I type one sentence more, I will probably become a heretic, lol. Hopefully I have not already stepped afoul! Sorry I can't be of more use. *term used loosely, lol

I think this would bother me not because of the house, but because he didn't acknowledge her in the will at all. No mention on the last chance for him to do so. I wouldn't care that this particular house doesn't go to me, or that it goes to my sister, but that *nothing* was mentioned or left to me. So I wouldn't make it about not talking about the house. You could just say that talking about the will and his final wishes is difficult because you weren't included. I'm sure she'll understand. She's probably trying to make it "I don't want it either" so that you are being treated equally. But she isn't the one who was doing the unequal treatment in the first place, so while well-intentioned it doesn't really carry through well.

A million years ago DH and I taught the confirmation class for our parish. We had a class of all adults, who were older than us, so it wasn't always a great dynamic, lol, but it went fairly well. The only "bad" class we had was when we talked about the Trinity. One of the students insisted on an explanation of the Trinity that was heretical. He ended up walking out of the class over it. It was awkward because there are only a few ways to say, "That's heretical," politely, lol.

Okay, I totally agree it's unbelievable, BUT... When I was 25ish, Thanksgiving of 2012. We had a 96' Buick Lesabre and a 00' Kia Sephia. I forget the mileage now, but literally every month the cars took turn in the shop. $75, $250, $125 every month going into these cars that were worth less than $3000 together. Anyway, Wednesday before Thanksgiving I'm driving home and the Kia's electric just goes out. You know in Close Encounters how the car just turns off and coasts to a stop when the aliens are near? Yeah, exactly that. Then, Saturday after Thanksgiving, I was driving out to see family in the Buick, and it refused to start while we were in a parking lot about 20 minutes away. Awkward call. So in the span of 4 days we went from 2 cars to none -- both were $1000+ fixes and it was no longer feasible. So, I can see that it's unbelievable but cars can be finicky creatures. All that said, yeah the cars aren't the real issue here and doesn't explain not bringing the baby out to the porch, or letting your DH help out, etc. I just remember having the awkward phone apologies for the month before I got a new car, about canceling and rescheduling and trying to coordinate everything with everyone. So I always give car stories all the believability possible, lol. I'm sorry Scarlett. It does seem the wife has a very set idea of what is going to happen, and then ensures that it happens regardless of how ridiculous the excuse has to be. I hope you see the baby soon {{{}}}

Sorry SKL, I must have read before you edited, I don't remember the last paragraphs from my original read. Yeah, I'm pretty careful about saying anything negative about DH. (This is the only place I ever do.) With parents, I tried to talk about the nice things he does for me, or the good things he's doing with the kids, during the first 10 years of marriage. Not making a huge deal, just trying to share our life. This was usually met with rolled eyes or exaggerated sighs or "doesn't sound like much" type of responses so I eventually stopped. It's a good thing to keep in mind, though, I could probably do more positives like before. I HAVE told my mom that DH was often the pro-visit vote when I didn’t want the kids to go over. And I know they are going to blame him for the shift now, like he is trying to keep the kids away from them, when really he was a big reason they saw the kids so much in the first place. One of those tragic little side stories to this. Hmm, no, I don't think he has the same problem with both my parents and his family. He "has this problem" with his family because they were abusive and continue to be abusive. "Looking at why" he has this problem means looking at his abusers, not the 4yo boy begging them to stop. Or perhaps you hit on something, and it IS the same problem -- ie both our families are abusive. He definitely has room for improvement, no question -- almost as much as me! 😉 But the things they brought up are almost comically aligned with the things he does NOT have a problem with. Calling him lazy, that was a literal LOL for me when I read that. The man needs a port to give energy donations to the electric grid. 🙂

@Harriet Vane There's a history of Alzheimers on my mother's side; her father died from it. Another reason I try to go deaf when she goes off the handle. But, a lot of these tendencies have always been a part of her personality; she's always gone for the jugular. So idk how much of it is her baseline, her aging, or something like dementia. Thanks for the reminder that I can be more charitable for this reason alone, even if the end decisions are the same.