I'm glad you said this. I was thinking about the book that I suggested: Raising Your Spirited Child then wondered if her child had autism... and was curious if that kind of book would even be useful in that situation. I don't have a kid with autism, but I figured the typical 'child raising' books out there would not be as helpful to someone raising a kid with autism... and your comment sort of answered the question for me! So, thanks. :001_smile:

So (trying to understand) does your son have a specific diagnosis? It sounds like he does not-- and that he has difficult behavior that you're trying to figure out how to cope with. (and maybe get a diagnosis for) Is that right? Have you seen the book Raising Your Spirited Child? http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Perceptive/dp/0060923288 It completely transformed my relationship with my ...difficult... child.

Here's what I learned with one of my children who has always been ...somewhat difficult... When your son is shouting and cursing, think of him as saying "I need your help" (or something of the sort). It helped me keep calm when I pictured my child saying "help me". Also, I don't believe in encouraging the expression of anger in ways that are violent or destructive (even punching pillows). I think that it draws attention away from what is really going on with the kid. I'm all about 'let's talk about your feelings...' 'let's talk about ways to cope' I tend to think it's important to help kids learn to cope with their strong feelings-- I've always said that anger is just another emotion that is important. It can help you tell when something isn't 'right'. I feel for you..

Sorry, didn't read through all the replies... but I should think the Raleigh area might fit the bill. It's a bit of a mix with regards to liberal and conservative that I find actually kind of interesting. Definitely a diverse mix of people---

Yes...the more I think about it, the more I really think something else is going on. I wasn't there, so it's difficult for me to tell what, if anything, could have happened to make my brother and his wife decide to sit my mom down and have a 'little talk' with her. My mom and I are very close, and it bothers me the way my brother and sister-in-law treat her sometimes. I feel a bit overprotective maybe--- My mom was told that she should have saved the money she spent on the 'stuff' (which was really not expensive at all) and helped them buy a ticket to come see her next year. Just insensitive comments... ETA: I think it's important to say that my mom was embarrassed and a little hurt, but I think she handled it gracefully. She wasn't griping to me about it, but just mentioned it. She explained to them that it's hard to connect, and she just likes to have a little something for the kids when she comes. Often it's something that she and the kids can do together (like make Shrinky Dinks or color in a color book.. or read a story)

Exactly right on this. She is definitely not the one overindulging. Her gifts (I helped her pick them out) were not at all expensive and were not 'junky'. While she was there visiting, my sister-in-law's sister and her family came for an afternoon.. the sister of my sister-in-law brought two large bags of Playmobil toys. My mom said that my sister-in-law just took the bags and put them in a closet. So, I know that the kids are receiving loads of things like hand me down toys-- what perplexes me is that they *accept* all of these toys (and books and clothes etc..) and do not make any mention of it. Just put it in a closet--- it's what is normal and 'accepted' for their family. Why, then, is what my mother does once a year "too much". I find it very odd.

This is something I've also thought of. I also think that there must be something bigger at issue, but I am not sure what it is. I have some general guesses, but do not know exactly. I think my issue *now* is that I really want to say something to my brother, but do not want to make things more difficult for my mom.

There is a National WW I museum that I heard was supposed to be good. (we used to live in that area, but I've never visited the museum).

Ha! That's exactly what I want to do. I don't want to make things worse for my mom though. Honestly, I think she is afraid to upset my brother as he tends to give the silent treatment if he doesn't like something someone has said. She wants to have a relationship with my niece and nephew and doesn't want to make any waves.

I get what you're saying. My mom doesn't overindulge my brother's kids, but my brother and his wife do have family (my sister-in-law's family) near where they live; plus they have a lot of friends who give hand me down toys, clothes etc.. to their kids. So both kids have *a lot* of stuff. I understand the feeling of 'oh my goodness.. not one more thing!' Although, they do not say 'no' to anyone else. That's something that bothers me. They accept everyone's 'stuff', but told my mom not to do it anymore. I thought it was inappropriate to tell her while she was there. It embarrassed her, and she was their guest.

This is absolutely true of my mom. Giving gifts *is* one way she expreses love... Not big gifts, and not every day. But just when she goes to visit once a year. (I believe she also sends small things on holidays like Easter, Valentine's Day.... ie. stickers). She also calls/skypes with my brother's kids... I was more upset than she was about the whole thing. She is accepting what they have requested as she doesn't want to cause trouble. I want to call them up and give them a piece of my mind. :tongue_smilie:

My brother and his wife told my mom to stop bringing small gifts when she came to visit (once a year) and to also please not send small gifts at Valentine's Day and Easter (she usually sends something like stickers in a card) They told her this the day before she was set to come home. I think it was insensitive of them to tell her while she was there, but also think it was wrong of them to ask her not to do it in the first place!

Yes.... Thank you everyone. I do appreciate the replies. My mom is definitely not 'toxic' or anything like that. She does have a difficult time trying to keep connections with my niece and nephew since they live across the country--- Small gifts when she visits is just one way she does that. But she also sends cards and calls/skypes etc. The kids are still quite young. My mom said she wants to honor my brother and sister-in-law's wishes-- I understand that she doesn't want to cause 'trouble'... so she'll probably stop bringing small gifts. I just think it's a bit sad and totally inappropriate for them to have mentioned it to her while she was there (the day before she left)

Yes. Thank you... when I picked her up at the airport last night and she mentioned it to me on the way home, I thought I was just feeling tired (it was nearly midnight) and maybe I was off base.

Thanks for the replies so far! This is actually not about *me* and my mom.. but about my mom going to visit my brother/his family and bringing a little gift for each day. I wondered if I was way off base in thinking it was inappropriate for them to mention it to her while she was there visiting. She only visits once a year, and she had really put thought into the little gifts she brought--- then was told please don't do it again. It bothered me that they would tell her while she was there... I just thought it was insensitive.

I'm interested to know what others think of this: ETA: this isn't about *me* and my mom.. but about my brother and my mom... Let's say your kids were already overindulged by you, friends, other *local* relatives... Grandma sees your children once a year because of distance/location. She comes for a 4 day visit and brings with her a small gift for each day. (ie. book, coloring book, small Lego set) **Also, let's assume it is *your* mother and you don't have a particularly close relationship. ** As the parent, you know that your kids are overindulged and decide you'd really rather Grandma *not* have brought a little gift for each day of the visit to give to your kids. Would you mention that to Grandma while she was at your house visiting, not mention it to Grandma, or wait until she returned home to find a way to work in the request? (basically, I'm interested to know if the Hive thinks it is appropriate to mention this while Grandma is on her once a year visit or not) So.. ** If you don't want Grandma to bring your kids a small gift for each day of visit because you know they are already overindulged, would you A. mention it while she's there B. decide it's not that big of a deal and not mention it C. wait until Grandma returned home to find a way to work in the request. Thanks!

Hi, I also have a child with mild ID (MR) and here's what's helped her: loved, loved Jolly Phonics for learning to read http://jollylearning.co.uk/overview-about-jolly-phonics/ All About Speling (there's also All About Reading) http://www.allaboutlearningpress.com/all-about-spelling For math: we used Right Start A and B with some success... (took years to go through though and she didn't master all of it) http://rightstartmath.com/ Just started on this book (although she does not have Down Syndrome.. she fits the 'other hands on learners' bit) http://www.amazon.com/Teaching-People-Syndrome-Hands-Learners/dp/1890627429 Take care...

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Thanks. This was helpful!

Sorry... just trying to understand... my son is also an autodidact-- also an avid reader. It sounds like you're saying you felt that adding the book list would give the univ. a better picture of your son that his transcript, letters of recommendation, and essay would not. Is that correct? I am asking because I hadn't considered adding a book list to his application, and wonder if that ought to have been something I thought of ('course it's too late now!). But maybe something I can think of for my other kids... Thanks :)

Just wondering, for those who do... why do you include a book list? In course descriptions, I have included what he read (if applicable), but I'm curious to know why a separate list would be necessary. Is this something that specific universities ask for? Thanks!

No specific chair for anyone here. We sit where we feel comfortable--

Yeah..it doesn't. I think the 'threat' that people see is that they think it somehow 'devalues' their marriage. I could be wrong about that... but that's my understanding.

er... what? so, gay=pedophile=overeating=aberrant behavior? I'm not sure I follow that, but... what were you saying about logic?

:confused: Huh? Is that all that goes on in your relationship? I seriously doubt your relationship with your... husband? (guessing here, forgive me if I'm wrong) consists solely of being in the bedroom. You have conversations, a history, emotional ups and downs; you make decisions, share experiences etc.. etc.. and etc.. It's a relationship and guess what... gay people have them too! Just because someone is gay doesn't mean that all they do is spend time in the bedroom. I find it interesting that people focus so much on that. It's easy to feel 'separate' from 'them' when what they do in the privacy of their own bedroom is just so... different. We're all people, full stop.