You are right about her daughter's special need--- similar to my daughter and your son. She seems to know what's out there with regards to 'help' (at least she has mentioned it). I think you are right... she is stuck. This isn't the daughter she had 'hoped' for. And she's just stuck in this anger and resentment-- a bad place to be for anyone.

Thank you, all. Your responses have helped!

Yeah... I agree with all that has been said. I was totally stunned by her remark. The first time I met her in the fall (the only other conversation I've had with her except the last 2 weeks) she told me that she had wanted a sister for her other daughter and 'this is what I got'. She's obviously in a very bad place mentally about the whole thing. To say these things to a stranger is very odd, I think.

I am the mother of a special needs child-- We have a small group of like-minded (and abled) girls who get together monthly, and really enjoy each other's company. Last fall, a new mom and daughter were introduced to me. It was an awkward meeting as the new mother was pretty negative about her daughter's special needs and her daughter in general, which is different to how the rest of us talk about our kids. She didn't join our group, and kind of faded away. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. The daughter of the mom joined an activity that my daughter participates in, and I wound up talking with the mom while the girls were enjoying the activity. She was still very negative and kind of unpleasant. This past week, however, I ended up talking with her again. The daughter was adopted about 6 yrs ago from China (she is now a young teenager). The girl was abandoned at the orphanage around age 5. The woman tells me that she really feels that the daughter would have been better off if they had left her in China in the orphanage in which she was living. She tells me that 'at least there are manufacturing jobs in China' that the daughter could possibly have gotten eventually. I was so taken aback that all I could say was 'really?!' The conversation has been weighing on my mind, and I'm wondering what, if anything, others might have said in response to the woman. The woman is obviously overwhelmed with raising her, and has said that they were 'lied to' and that they had asked for a non-special needs child only to discover that the girl does, in fact, have special needs. She's pretty bitter. But to say that the girl would have been better off at the orphanage and getting a 'manufacturing job' seems cold. Just curious what other people would have said/thought....

I'm going to agree with the sentiment behind this. Yes... teens are more than just their hormones. But they have errors in thinking because they're teens--- and have a lot going on developmentally (and hormonally) speaking. And they don't always make the best decisions. We have expectations of them because we want the best for them and want them to grow into decent, kind adults. We kind of act as their frontal lobes for awhile I think. By 16/17 we've hopefully been working on getting them to use their own (even though they aren't fully developed). We want them to start thinking for themselves... but they are awash in hormones and their thinking can be muddled. It is what it is.

I think you did the right thing by telling him that you're willing to revisit the issue in a few months. Good plan. I've found that just waiting a bit to see how things play out helps immensely when dealing with older teens. By the time he's 18 he'll be doing what he wants. It's hard to believe that-- and I know I didn't--- but he will. So--- best approach IMHO is to hold back on answering or giving advice etc... Wait it out a little bit. See how things go. Patience is key. (-:

This happened to one of my children around age 2. Turned out to be juvenile arthritis. I'd have it checked out. Especially if it happens in the morning again and eases up as the morning goes on.

I disagree. Education (including higher) is a basic human right. But then, I think healthcare is also a basic human right, so I think that ought to be free as well. I put myself through college as well--- did it as a young, single mother. I sat in the financial aid office with my baby on my lap asking for loans, grants.. whatever. I also worked as a way to afford school, living expenses, raising a child alone etc... That was when someone could actually get a degree in 4 years for what that same baby-- who sat with me in the financial aid office -- now age 20 has to pay each year. Costs have increased. I like free education. I like the idea of having an educated society.

Hi... We got the same diagnosis for our daughter when she was 12.5/13 yrs old. It was a blow. I had always kind of assumed she had a learning disability of some kind (maybe multiple kinds)--- and figured she would be able to 'overcome' or 'catch up'. It was tough to hear that, instead, she had mild ID. After the diagnosis, I was able to take a very different look at my daughter's educational needs; and I started to take a very long view of everything. I began to really look at what she needed to be able to function in the real world. What did she absolutely need to know. I searched for math curriculum that worked for her (I can link if you'd like), focused in on writing skills, reading comprehension, life skills etc... She loves animals, so we have done a couple of years of science based around animals. I am starting to see what kind of work she might be capable of doing (even if just volunteer). Soon after the diagnosis, I formed a girls group with similar girls so she could have friends--- she has started in a social skills class that is really good etc.. etc.. I gave myself some time to get my head around what was in front of us, and then just kind of moved forward. You will find yourself doing the same thing, I'm sure. (-: PM me if you'd like me to link anything that has worked for her. Hang in there! Laura

There is nothing in her records that staged the cancer... only that it was "superficial transitional carcinoma" It may very well be that they found it early--- and that's why her treatment was not as invasive as it could have been. I hope your dad's is as easily treatable! --Laura

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. A lot going on... that's for sure. My mom had bladder cancer (and kidney cancer at the same time). For the bladder cancer, they did treat her with what I came to call a 'wash'. There was no radiation, no chemo... This 'wash' was what she had as treatment for years. I can't recall now how often she went, but it was fairly regularly for a number of years. She would have rechecks as well--- but now has been cleared, and no longer has any treatment. As to your question about 'can he do it alone'... my mom could have done it alone. But I went with her to all of her appointments. She needed emotional support. But, as far as physical support... she could probably have been ok. HTH.. Laura

No clue. I don't have a child with FASD, but wondered about what kind of curriculum would be 'specifically' for a child with FASD. Just curious.... --

I just read on a local special needs homeschool list that a math curriculum specifically for kids with FASD is coming out. Has anyone heard of this? If so... what is it called? I haven't had any luck searching for it, and the person who mentioned it didn't give the name. TIA, Laura

I haven't read through all the replies...has anyone mentioned Stephanie Elkowitz's materials on Teachers Pay Teachers? www.teacherspayteachers.com/Store/Stephanie-Elkowitz (I believe that is the link) These are working very well for us. ..Laura

This is a long shot.. But I am looking for any help finding a good memory care/skilled nursing facility for my dad who is living out in the Alameda/Oakland Calif area. Please PM me if you have any recommendations. Thanks Laura

It took trial and error with my intense kid (who is at univ now). Ignoring was what I was told initially was the best way. Didn't work. I would get followed from room to room. Listening and asking a few pertinent questions ended up being what helped. He was well into teen years by the time I figured it out. Journaling just didn't do it for this kid. But..it is what got me through my adolescence... So it is just whatever works. Definitely you don't want the kid to go out into the world feeling that everyone is going to give them the time of day-- listening to their drama. But-- sometimes the real world can be helpful in this. It was a tough lesson for me, and for my intense kid. But, I feel that those natural consequences are there to help guide us through life. (And some lessons are hard). So-- OP, I wouldn't feel a failure if your daughter heads out into the big world still being intense. It is who she is. Life will help guide her a bit, and she will learn little by little to curb the drama. I like the idea of giving her an outlet on the way home before she reenters home life.....if she is interested in journaling, that might be good for her.

I don't agree with ignoring or sending her somewhere private to 'deal'. With intense kids, you just can't ignore them. It seems to make it worse. Intense kids feel things more deeply. It is their lot in life. I agree that you can't let it run your life. It is really overwhelming, but you deserve happiness (-: Empathy goes a long way. Don't advise (ie. 'Why don't you just call your friend"). It is very hard to do, but at age 16 it is probably time for you to just listen. "Yes, sweetheart, I see what you mean." And occasionally ask questions "what do you think might make you feel better?". Etc.. You are there for her, but you aren't there to solve her problems. These are her feelings, and she is entitled to them. She is not entitled to hijack the whole family's feelings and make everything all about her. It's a tough situation... I feel your pain! I have an intense kid, and I was an intense kid. No easy answers.

My dad was recently diagnosed with this. It has gotten worse pretty quickly since my brother moved my dad out to where he lives. Probably due to the change in environment. It is a really tough diagnosis, and he now requires 24/7 care (my brother has him in a 'home'). He went from hallucinating and falling occasionally, but living independently.... to not being able to walk at all, not being at all in touch with reality, and needing full time care in a matter of about 5 months. He is still fairly young... It has been difficult. **edited to say that I don't think the change in environment was the only reason he has gone downhill so quickly. It was important that someone take care of him, and my brother offered. So he had to be moved.**

Jumping in to share mine: Math: looking at Lial's pre-algebra Science: Young Engineers http://youngengineersoftoday.com Science Olympiad Finishing Classiquest Bio and then starting with Astronomy and Geo Science http://www.classiquestscience.com Oak Meadow 8th grade Civics and icivics.com Spanish I (local class) Movies as Literature http://www.amazon.com/Movies-as-Literature-Kathryn-Stout/dp/1891975099 Beyond the Book Report 2 https://www.analyticalgrammar.com/beyond-the-book-report-essay-research Moving Beyond the Page lit guides http://www.movingbeyondthepage.com Religious Studies (Galore Park) Finishing up The Art of Argument http://www.amazon.com/The-Art-Argument-Aaron-Larsen/dp/1600510183/ref=pd_sim_b_3?ie=UTF8&refRID=11NHX6NMG6E588Y6BK0T

Yes. My 19 yr old is now at university, and is majoring in the passion he has had since age 6. And thinking of grad school for a masters in his other (somewhat related) passion.

Wow! Thanks for all the great suggestions! I really appreciate it-- and he will too!

My 13 yr old is looking for sci-fi TV shows he can watch on Netflix. Looking for suggestions! He has watched Star Trek and Doctor Who...likes those, just looking for something new. TIA

Winterpromise has a wonderful Equine Science program. My horse crazy daughter *loved* it!

For those who have fostered, what are the specific challenges of fostering babies or toddlers? Pam and someone else mentioned 'no more babies' or no kids under a certain age. I'm just curious about what specific challenges those ages bring. Is it the more hands on nature of having such young kids? Something else? Thanks! Laura

What a great idea!