I think a lot of it stems from DH and I both being very independent and strong willed. I had my first job at 12 and worked right through highschool. During my junior and senior years I held two jobs. Both Dh and I moved out of our houses at 16 ( me) and 17(dh) and I was married at 18 and a mother by the time I was 20.
DH and I talked last night and I am going to work on schedules for the kids and then we are going to have a family talk. I am going to let them know that I am not reminding them to eat, breath, do school, etc from now on. And I am going to give them consequences and stick with it. This is going to be VERY hard for me to do, but it's in their best interest to do so. I will be here to help if asked, but I wont do it for them anymore.