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SanDiegoMom in VA

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About SanDiegoMom in VA

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    Sandiegomom in VA

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    Managing three kids with a husband in the military
    Running, swimming, biking and playing the piano when I have a chance!

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    Crazy Lady

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  1. I will have to! SO much to research! But you have great ideas and I love mining your posts for new directions:)
  2. Having a non-NT kid in college and having had her not diagnosed until college means I have a lot of experience on both sides -- holding expectations during middle school that she SHOULD be able to break down assignments, time manage, finish and turn in assignments, write down new assignments, NOT LOSE YOUR SHOES, your sweater, your hat, your phone, your folder, etc. And then in college offering the scaffolding help that I SHOULD have been offering all along rather than the tough love (you knew it was due, why can't you get to school on time, no I'm not bringing you your instrument, etc.) None of that tough love worked because it can't help an extremely low working memory and brain chemistry that literally can't motivate itself to work unless they are constantly in the red zone. All of those years of failing and feeling so inadequate of course created anxiety and low self-esteem issues, which then impede her being able to do assignments in college. It's hard to start a paper when you are in the middle of a panic attack over your own inadequacies. So not only do I help with scaffolding, I am also a therapist, trying to undo years of damage. Then there is the slight problem that she doesn't feel thirst, cold, pain unless its severe.... So I remind her to drink water. Literally every day. I remind her to do her laundry. I pay for her Uber trips when she's tired. I did research laundry service! Because when you have an adhd kid who lost her first debit card, had her credit card frozen, can't get into her mailbox to get her second debit card, needs quarters for the laundry but has to walk a mile to get to a place to GET quarters, and then when she finally goes to do laundry two of the machines are broken and the other two are full.... you feel a little guilty about how easy it is to do laundry in your own house and buy things when you have a car. College is HARD, when you have to cook for yourself, buy groceries for yourself (a mile walk there and back) have no car, buses literally don't pick up anywhere near where you live, and you average walking 7 miles a day. Plus working a 20-25 hour a week job, plus classes. Yeah, I'm fine with offering a lot of support. I couldn't imagine holding her back either, until she was ready, or sending her somewhere less stressful. She's a 2e kid --gifted with adhd, who thrives on challenge. And if she goes farther because of support (she dreams of T14 law school rn) rather than scraping through college and having to change her life goals because scraping through was the best she could have done on her own... I am fine with that. Because what does the alternative prove in the long run? Who does that honestly help? So that's just my experience of one kid. I love the fact that I have a relative with three NT kids, all who have needed minimal EF supports over the years, that responded well and easily to a few punitive consequences, and who barely need to call their parents while they are off at college. And the mom thinks she really knocked it out of the ballpark with her kids following the parenting handbook. Look at how well they have turned out! And that's the kind of judgment to which I think a lot of posters are reacting. Because it's out there everywhere, and it's internalized inside our kids too.
  3. I think this will be the next route to pursue for sure!
  4. My dd is at a large university and the advising has been very seamless -- i think she's been multiple times to different advisors - both gen ed level and Poli Sci specific. She can call and email and gets a response within a day or two. Appointments at the health clinic are sometimes hard to get for specialty care, but if she is just plain sick they have walk-in appts all day -- you can even drop by or call in the morning to schedule a walk in and come back later. No issues. She had to wait awhile for allergy testing, but that would have been the same at home. Their mental health services ARE swamped, but she finagled her way into the more permanent services offered at the hospital and now she has excellent care. She has been to office hours and her TA's all know here this quarter for sure (she's had some health issues and missed a steady stream of classes and work) and she's successfully gotten notes, extensions, and accommodations through the CAE office. This is her third year, though. First year she was still just staying afloat and trying to navigate without anyone holding her hand, having no friends and hating her roommates. So at that time if she had had the health issues she probably would have had more trouble staying afloat. It is still sink or swim for sure. Oh and for many majors you apply AS that major --so even though she hadn't been officially accepted to her major, they had enough room and there was no question she would get it. But she could not officially declare her major until she had met all the prerequisites for the major. That's pretty standard.
  5. 42 percent, because on the last third I gave up and chose randomly! I was so not able to get any of those.
  6. I am feeling like I might need therapy myself with the roller coaster of emotions -- I am grateful that my daughter calls me EVERY DAY, but that means I am literally on the roller coaster with her, and sometimes her sadness or anxiety is so overwhelming I feel it myself the rest of the day. And the next day she will call and be like HEY! What's up?? I feel great! And I feel instead like I was flattened by a steam roller. And the underlying issues ALWAYS seem to be resolved with more sleep. That is her main goal now -- she has always had terrible sleep and she is teaching herself how to sleep better. It's the best mood regulator. It also helps that she has a psychiatrist, psychologist, and is taking an applied neuroscience that has the students do an intervention every week (yoga, mindfulness, meditation, improve sleep, etc). But getting the sleep fixed seems to help the most. She has a fitbit so she has real evidence that her sleep before was abysmal. There will be three week chunks where she might have hit 8 hours ONCE and the rest are 5-6.
  7. I definitely need to learn more about anxiety. It's only been a year since my dd was diagnosed with adhd, and now we are realizing she has anxiety which is sometimes just as crippling. We just didn't know. But this is totally her-- dramatic, inaccurate negative assertions. A perfect example was before going back to school her friend and future roommate for the year asked if she could call my dd. My dd went into a huge anxiety spiral that she had done something wrong and her friend was mad at her. It took her an hour before she could call, and it turned out that the FRIEND was going through a mental health crisis and wanted to let my dd she was taking the quarter off and wouldn't be there until January. This has happened so many times, and she's always convinced SHE is doing something wrong. It's like it's hardwired into her.
  8. I agree -- if it's voluntary that would be great. I know that at my kids' elementary school in CA they had to pay for after school care, which was a burden on working parents. It would greatly help those families if it was offered for free. If it was mandatory - well, I don't think it would pass. I can't imagine them finding the money for it anyway, they had so little funding as it was.
  9. Well I think this is conflating two issues, and blaming one on the other. What is the root of the problem? Bias? Or fact checking? Is the bias causing them to be lazy about fact checking? How can any of us KNOW that? What I can assume, based on the past few years and the state of news organizations in general, that journalism is suffering across the board, have endured massive layoffs, and now are expected to put out the same quality and content with a quarter fewer journalists. See: Journalism Job Cuts Haven’t Been This Bad Since the Recession . Then throw in the fact that the internet has turned print publishers of newspapers into 24 hour newspapers and social media demanding journalists have an online presence, and you have a breakneck news cycle which is bound to increase the amount of errors published.
  10. This is false equivalence. There is a WIDE disparity in the way news is reported. And long standing news outlets with long standing journalistic standards of ethics, fact checkers, copy editors, etc. who admit to errors and print retractions, vs those who are profit driven and don't hold themselves to the same standards. For instance: A tale of two networks: How Fox News and CNN handled recent retractions . I'm not a huge fan of CNN and rank them lower than some others, but it's unfair to paint all with the same brush, and Fake News is literally just a phrase invented recently as a way to undermine legitimate journalists. My daughter, who works on a very large school newspaper, tells me a lot of the background behind the journalistic training done, ethics, the rules on sourcing, the four different edits that each article goes through, etc. They take it VERY seriously. Their newspaper is known as a training ground for journalists. Sweeping generalizations do no one any good, and merely plays into the erosion of trust when there are good people who take their profession very seriously.
  11. We have not done any CTY camps, but my son (who is most likely gifted, but never formally tested other than through the OLSat at school) has benefited the most from the non-academic film camp he did last summer. It was pretty intense and they worked very hard. And it was a fraction of the cost -- around $450 per week. It was done through a major university -- I did not do any of the smaller local ones that seemed like they were more basic offerings. I decided to focus more on his non-academic interests, as he really needed a break from academics, and I didn't really care what he worked on as long as the kids around him were equally invested. Editing to add -- he also isn't willing to go away from home yet. Some anxiety, and residential programs for two weeks would have been too much at this point. But really the cost is probably the biggest detraction for us.
  12. Don't forget, too, that teens are not always great at denying themselves something they WANT (social opportunities) even when it comes at a cost that might be too high (full load of rigorous classes). If those were the two options for any of my kids, I would assume they would make the same choice, especially if there might be nothing to replace it socially if they DIDN'T do the tutorials. So, good to take a step back and look at the choices they had to explain the behavior, rather than focus on the negative (you asked for this, why won't you do it!) My daughter fought long and hard to be in the high school swim team when she was in 8th grade. After a couple of months she would get as far as the pool and then sit there crying and not want to swim. She didn't want to quit, but she didn't want to go to practice. It took me longer than it should to realize that she really wanted to be in the group, but two hour practices five days a week plus drylands was just too much. Yet she was afraid to quit. These decisions are really hard for kids, especially when they don't have an adult's perspective. In high school, even the most academically motivated will try to balance their schedules with maybe 3 or 4 hard classes and 2 easy classes. I know that when my kids go back to high school I am going to make sure they have a balanced class load because stress makes my son shut down and avoid work completely. So for this year he has two very challenging classes (chemistry and Precalc) and then a self paced lit and writing class and a very low stakes Linguistics class with very little required work. We tried a challenging history but it was just too much and was threatening to fry his brain:) . Basically he doesn't have the brainpower right now to do 2 hours of chem, an hour and a half of math, an hour of reading and writing, and then tackle a challenging history book or answer research questions. It's not a matter of will or discipline, it's a matter of what is possible.
  13. Sorry - I was slightly wrong. Previously my dd's U offered stipends to note takers who were already taking the class if there was someone in the class that needed those accommodations. Now they just give notetakers a certificate and a luncheon at the end of the quarter to thank them.
  14. My daughter's university is supposed to provide note takers for documented learning needs. But the last year or two they cut the stipend for the note takers to basically just on a volunteer basis, which made things a lot more difficult. My daughter's apple pencil and ipad (notability app) allows her to take notes synced with the recording, and when she taps a part of her notes the recording will jump to that spot. Or she can just straight record if she wanted to.
  15. This might be too expensive unless you can find some crazy good deals, but my daughter hasn't had any issues with her Ipad and apple pencil combo. It was a big christmas gift from us and grandparents last year and she can take notes and it records as well, and something about how it can sync her notes with the recording? I don't know, I just know she loves it. She uses notability. So sorry for the frustration!
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