We don't have any of that stuff here, except for some iPods that were either gifts from the grandparents or came "free" with computer purchases. (We did actually refuse the gift of a cell phone last Christmas, much to the givers' chagrin.;)) Some of the not-having-it is from active rejection (like the cell phone), some from benign disinterest, and some from budgetary concerns. We do have three very good computers, to which ds has limited access--he blogs, plays computer games on Sundays, and listens to music or books on CD. Our relative techlessness hasn't seemed to impact ds's friendships any. His friends come here to play sports, and on the occasional rainy day or Sunday, we let him go inside their houses to play video games. It probably helps that dh and one of the other dads occasionally go out and plays sports with the kids; adult attention, especially from a male, is a rare and valued experience for some of them. It sounds like you have fun stuff at your place for kids to play with. Maybe there's a convenience factor? Ds's friends are all on the same cul-de-sac. Despite his general gregariousness, only one of his friends from church or school ever make any effort to come over here or invite him to their place. Not out of unfriendliness or disinterest--just out of inertia. Convenience seems to trump all these days.

The neighbors to whom we sent cookies all sent back Christmas cards, except for the one that sent back caramel popcorn. :lurk5:

:D Really, as long as they're getting enough sleep and as long as they're meeting their basic responsibilities, I can't see why it matters.

You must be so thrilled! I don't know if there's a trick to creating a "reader" or not, but I think the two things that seemed to work well with the older, that we'll try to replicate with the younger, is providing "motive, means, and opportunity." We never really assigned reading--just brought home a stack of library books of widely varying topics and reading levels, and said, "Read whatever you want out of this stack." Nothing that was absolute trash, but a mix of lighter stuff with tougher stuff. And then we had quiet rest time every day, non-negotiable. One to two hours every afternoon where his choices were reading in his bed, sleeping in his bed, or staring at the wall in his bed. Guess which one he usually picked? ;) Often enough, he just breezed through the easy stuff, and browsed everything else. Sometimes, he'd get interested enough in a harder story to stick with it. And sometimes, he'd even go way out of his normal level, if the topic were really interesting to him. But he never resented it, because we never "made" him read. And I only asked for a one- or two-sentence report on what he had read, if I even asked at all. The self-directedness kept him interested, and having a good variety of good stuff meant that he developed a taste for the good stuff. Such a great success story for you, though! I enjoyed reading it.

I'm sorry Colleen! That would . . . ugh!! That would . . . :cursing: That would . . . :angry: That just sucks!!!

Hey, has he read Peter Leithart's book Miniatures and Morals? It's a great look at Austen moral theology came through in her novels. It's a nice light read for between semesters (maybe you could read it aloud to him at bedtime?), and you'll hook him on Jane for life!!

When I wanted ds10 (then maybe 7?) to do more serious cooking, I decided to teach him all soup all the time. Soups are pretty forgiving (you don't need perfect measurements or technique), and they're tasty and kid-friendly. They also usually have a long period of simmering time when you can have the kids help tidy up, or maybe even send them out of the kitchen and have a relaxing cuppa! The Joy of Cooking Soups book is a great tool, because you start off with really simple broth-plus-something-else soups, and get more complicated as you go along. Plus, there's lots of pictures! You could sit her down and say, "Pick two from the first chapter, and when you get really good at those two, we'll do two from the next chapter. . . " or some such. When she's first learning, you could just get some of those refrigerated biscuit cans and do that along with the soup. Later, maybe move onto homemade quick breads that go well with soup--cornbread, biscuits, cheese biscuits, puff pastry breadsticks, whatever. One thing I will say is that I don't like chaos in the kitchen--is that maybe what's contributing to your not liking to cook with her? I went alpha-male on ds, when he was first learning, and said that he did it my way or he could stay out of the kitchen until he was thirty. Otherwise, he would have been trying to slam-dunk the broccoli into the boiling pasta water, KWIM? I'm very strict about following the rules in the kitchen. It's not at all lovey-dovey, sweetly bonding over frosting and chocolate splatters. I don't know whether that's your issue or not, but if it was, I just wanted to say that my son, at least, still begs to cook, even though I'm quite strict with him in the kitchen. So you don't have to be afraid of setting some pretty firm ground rules. It doesn't have to be "fun" for them to enjoy it.

And my MIL, who mistakenly believes that once I finish, I will have another grandbaby for her. :lol: Unfortunately, I've spent the last month and a half filling out job and scholarship apps (my funding runs out this year, and I'm not going to graduate), right after which end-of-the-semester grading hit. :sneaky2: That page count is going UP soon, though!!

No, I'm still on p.19. I've spent the last month and a half filling out job apps and scholarship apps, and then the massive final grading project hit. First of the year, though, I hope that little number starts moving up FAST. Hope your studies are going well!!

. . . I don't know if that has to do with homeschooling itself, or life getting in the way of homeschooling. :o

I don't think it's odd at all--it sounds very lovely. And I think it's great when moms recognize that their daughters need something like that. I most assuredly didn't need it, and I wouldn't have wanted it. Even though I have a very close relationship with my mom, it would have felt very unnatural and weird--we just weren't girly-girly demonstrative like that. And telling all and sundry would have been positively damaging to our relationship.

You don't have to go overboard with the thanks, but I would definitely let dd know that she made your work load lighter. And perhaps also let her know, gently and subtly, that she's not doing a thorough job. One thing you could say when she offers to do something is, "Great! Let me know if there's something you don't get to." That way, you won't come into the kitchen hours later to find something undone--she'll (hopefully) say something like, "Mom, I'm leaving this yucky pan to soak!" You'll also be adjusting your own attitude--saying it out loud reminds you that she does, indeed, tend to leave stuff undone. BUT it also might trigger her to look a little harder at what she does. Combine that with Kris's little "Oh THANKS!--just let me wipe off this counter, and it'll be all done!" maneuver, and you'll be teaching her about as gently as it's possible to do that she's doing an incomplete job while still giving her the thanks she appears to want. Obviously, I would treat required chores differently. She does have required chores, right? 'Cause with those, I don't even release the child from duty until I've inspected the job and found it adequate. If she doesn't have required chores, I'd get on that pronto, just so that she gets used to the sensation of having her work scrutinized and corrected. If she can't deal with THAT sensation, she's going to have a very difficult adjustment period when she leaves the nest.

. . . my dad (the police officer) and my mom (the pediatric nurse) forbade me ever to participate in, on pain of permanent grounding to my room, for the rest of my miserable yadda yadda yadda. Also on that list were, if I remember correctly, underage drinking, recreational drugs, hitchhiking (especially after he worked that serial killer case), playing the lottery, and dating older boys, "experienced" boys, or . . . well, pretty much any boy, actually. My dh won them over pretty quickly, fortunately. ;)

Perhaps you could either insist on a US mailing address (and let her take care of mailing it out of the country), or ask someone at paypal a) whether this is a common scam, and what you would have to do to make seller's protection apply to your transaction. If paypal's seller's protection applied, I wouldn't hesitate.

I don't know if they graduate to better routes or if our county has a retention problem or what. But I never see any body long enough to feel like they're "my" postal worker. I do love the ladies at the counter at my local PO, though. Sweet, sweet gals.

. . . a postal worker or something, receiving baked goods from perfect strangers (because who knows their postal worker anymore?). I like homemade things because a) it's not stuff--it only takes up space until you eat it. 'Course, the space it takes up after you eat it may be a problem. :D And I like them because b) they're personal. Somebody took time and maybe used a special recipe to give me something. That's so much nicer than a gift card or another candle or something. Food has always been an important way of building community. I'm kind of sad at how few of my neighbors I know, and how few of us reach out to each other in any way over the holidays. I'm grateful for the neighbor that first started giving us cookies for Christmas, and I hope the neighbors that I gave cookies to this year appreciated them. It's one of those last remnants of real neighborliness. I think I used to be pickier about eating other people's food until a funny thing happened--I started being the invited guest of people for whom offering a good meal was an actual sacrifice. When a refugee family invites you over for dinner, and spends half of their month's grocery budget making a special meal for their daughter's youth pastor, you start to look at food offerings differently. There's this one Filipino dessert that was my favorite--it was some kind of glutenous rice wrapped in banana leaves. When I told the matriarch of the Filipino Fellowship that I liked it, she was so happy. She said, "You like our Filipino desserts? Really?" Then she said, "I'm glad you like that one. That one takes three days to make." :eek: You just look at homemade gifts differ'nt after that. ;)

. . . are getting an apple pie. The others are getting an assortment of cookies. Snowballs, the Hillbilly Housewife's peanut butter oatmeal cookies, ginger snaps, and maple-walnut sandwich cookies.

Would you like to see some of them? Seriously, if your mother is over 60, they will help you understand her better. :D A Commonplace Breakfast? Mammy's secret recipe. Just like she used to make for the Master up at the Plantation. Some mothers make mistakes. Will YOU become an unloved parent? Why risk his health? The little lady grew careless!! And my favorite: The Kiddie Koop

I think one of my uncles gave me a sip of beer when I was real young--eight or nine. But there wasn't much alcohol in our house growing up, and I never, EVER wanted to have the "What? You've been DRINKING?!?!" conversation with my parents, so I just never drank, never hung out with the drinking-and-drugs crowd at school. I had a few drinks on my honeymoon, but I was still underage, so it wasn't much. I never did the drinking-to-get-drunk thing--just had zero interest. It wasn't until we lived in France that wine and beer became a more regular part of our lives. We have a glass with dinner more often than not, although we can't afford it as much as we'd like. (Nor as nice as we'd like!) Now that I think about it, though, I did drink more than was good for me once in Paris. Didn't get roaring drink--just kind of wavery--and it was by accident. Dh officiated at a wedding, and the reception was a dinner cruise down the Seine. Better wine than we had ever tasted in our lives. A different wine for each of the seven courses. And they just kept refilling our glasses when we weren't looking! Oh, that was one of the best meals we've had, ever!!

Well, that explains it. Church potlucks, right? Oh, honey, just give up. There's rules about potlucks, you know, and rules concerning desserts are strictest. Now, if y'all lived down here, in the South, your friend probably wouldn't have been allowed to have a cake be her potluck "thing," because no one under the age of sixty is even allowed to BRING dessert to potlucks. If you've been an adult in the church congregation for fewer than ten years, you are to bring a substantial main course. Between ten and twenty years, you are allowed to bring a side dish. You have to be a long-term member, AND over the age of forty-five, AND a Southerner for at least three generations before you're allowed to bring fried chicken. You must be over sixty, AND a grandmother (step-grandmothers are allowed, but only if they helped raise the child that bore the grandchild), AND be the daughter of a family that have been members of that church for two generations or more, AND be in the choir or on the Altar Guild before you're allowed to bring dessert. If you want that dessert to be banana pudding, you better be a leading member of the Ruritan club and either the matriarch of the church or the direct descendant of a former matriarch of the church. A maximum of three women per church are permitted to bring banana pudding, and only the most senior of these is allowed to bring it every time. Males over the age of forty are allowed to violate any of these rules save the banana pudding rule by developing a "specialty" (fried chicken, say, or ice cream pie or cole slaw), which no one else is allowed to bring, even if she would not be in violation of any other rule by bringing it. If a few men band together and develop the specialty of barbecuing (bringing their own barbecue pit and everything), no one is allowed to bring any other meat dish, and those whose age and seniority would normally dictate that they bring a main course should bring, instead, a substantial side, like potato casserole or pasta salad. The man who donates a barbecue pit to the church, for its exclusive use, must be present every time it is used, and is consulted at every stage of the procedure.

. . . and made a big deal of asking me not to share them with anyone else. Even though all of them are either from standard, classic recipe books (Joy of Cooking, Betty Crocker), or from the back of the box, KWIM? The one that was particularly funny was when she finally shared Aunt Shirley's secret recipe for crabcakes--which I had known for years, because Aunt Shirley put it on the back of both her crabmeat and her Old-Bay-clone seasoning. So, anybody that buys crabmeat from Costco is making the same d@mn crabcakes, but it's still a secret recipe. I never understood, until that summer I spent digitizing advertisements from old women's magazines--McCalls, Ladies Home Journal, that kind of thing. Then I realized what a competitive art homemaking became in the thirties, forties, and fifties. Some of our grandmothers and mothers just grew up with the idea that having secret recipes meant they were taking better care of their families than other people were. And since, for some of them, taking care of their families was the ONLY thing they were praised for. . . So, yeah, I definitely think it's generational, and will hopefully die a deserved death. Although, truth be told, I *do* tend to alter the spices (doubling the ginger and halving the cinnamon, say, or adding nutmeg when it only calls for cinnamon, or some such) in baked goods, and if I share the recipe, I share the original, not my refinements. So maybe I'm a little "guilty" myself. ;)

Just against OUR local schools. :D And giving ds the chance to have friends would be one of the things I would take into account when we perform our annual "To HS or not to HS?" evaluation. If I could find a decent school situation that would allow ds to make good friends, that might be worth pursuing, especially if homeschooling were isolating him unnecessarily. I wouldn't send dc into an awful school, though, just to give him the chance to make friends. I would pursue other options. When we were in France, the chance for friends was one of the things that led us to send ds to preschool. But it was a preschool I was otherwise comfortable with. No way would I send ds to our current local schools to make friends. I'd saddle myself with loads of inconvenience (sports clubs, driving kids back to my house, whatever) before I did that.

Robin Cook? Some of his later ones have non-explicit sex in them, but I read the earlier ones as a teen and don't remember anything worse than occasional moderate profanity in them. They're a great introduction to modern bioethical issues, too. Michael Crichton is a great suggestion, too. Stay away from Disclosure (until he's ready for a serious and explicit look at the issue of sexual harassment) and stick to his sci-fi, though. Just a warning on Dune (which I also read as a teen and LOVED): there may be some sexual themes that you're uncomfortable with handing over to your 14yo. IIRC, they are merely "themes" until the last or second-to-last book, when there is some explicit detail. But I'm going off my memories from high school, so don't quote me on this.

. . . use of coupons. Coupons are advantageous for those of us who use them to get what we want at a lower price than the less organized or diligent have to pay. They're advantageous for the manufacturers because they have a demonstrable effect on consumer behavior--coupons *make* money for the manufacturers, because they get you to buy something you might not normally, and they increase the likelihood that you'll buy it again even without the coupon. It's only when they're used fraudulently that you're cheating the system. To take your example about doubling coupons when "they're not supposed to." It's entirely up to the grocery store whether or not they will double coupons and under what circumstances. The manufacturer pays the face value of the coupon only; the grocery store itself pays for the doubling. Manufacturers will sometimes write "Does Not Double" on their coupons, but that is not binding on the grocery store. So, a store that decides to double even coupons that say "Does Not Double" is not acting fraudulently--they're not costing the manufacturers anything, and they may even be increasing the manufacturers' business. On the other hand, a store that accepts a coupon for a product other than the one on the face of the coupon *is* acting fraudulently. Say the coupon is for Frosted Cheerios, and you want to buy regular Cheerios. The store might decide to accept it anyway, esp. if it knows that they sell enough Frosted Cheerios that they won't end up with more coupons than sales. But this is not fair to the manufacturer, who doesn't want to give you a discount on regular Cheerios. Anyway, in both scenarios, it turns out well for you, the consumer. You get a bigger discount in both cases. But in the second case, it *is* cheating the system. I avoid deliberate fraud (and the stores are generally set up to catch that anyway), but I don't mind taking advantage of services offered to me.