Yeah, well, post-menopausal here. I love my dh though, and care about him.

I don't have a book recommendation. All healthy relationships take some effort. It almost sounds like you don't really want to make an effort if it costs you anything. I don't mean that to be ugly, just straightforward. I think it's good for both persons in a relationship to remember that people are complex. It's easy for us to just assume we understand a person when we know certain things about their habits, or have lived with or known that person for a long time. But we all change over time. Maybe you could try to find out who he is now, and what he likes now; get to know him again by asking questions and being interested in how he answers. He may be feeling a bit lost right now, like so many on this forum do occasionally. I think all of us like to be pursued sometimes, to be made to feel special, to feel like we are worth someone's making an effort to know us and our thoughts and dreams. Yeah...I agree. Most husbands wouldn't be happy with a marriage that doesn't include sex.

I had heard of it, and thought of doing it in an abstract kind of way. But one day I saw an announcement in a little town newsletter that CASA training was being offered. So I called, and the training times had been moved to a time when I was able to do it. I filled out an application, and was interviewed. We had training for six Saturdays--three, a week's break, and three more. (And now I am trying to remember--I think it was six sessions--however many the national organization requires.) There were six of us in the classes. The director of our particular area taught the classes, and they were excellent, and prepared us well. My supervisor is over the county I live in, and under the director. She is also excellent, and offers advice and any help I might need. I was assigned a case a few weeks after the training ended, on the day that my training group was sworn in by the judge. The responsibilities are that I am to visit the child/children (if it is a sibling group) once a month in the foster home and talk with the foster parent/s, visit/talk with any caregivers/teachers/therapists each quarter. Depending on the situation, and especially if reunification is a goal, meet with the bio parent/s. Court is usually every three months. Before court, I prepare a court report for the judge, commenting on each set of interviews I have conducted and including my recommendations, which is also shared with interested parties. It is done on a template, so there is a guide to it. My supervisor and I go over it and any questions either of us have, then I officially turn it in to her, and she turns it in to the judge, DHS, and lawyers, etc. With my supervisor, I definitely do not feel alone, but she doesn't micromanage, either. Then I show up at court, and if I have any additional comments at that time, when the judge calls on me, I make the statements at that time. You sign a document at the beginning to commit to the case until it is resolved either by reunification or adoption, if at all possible. Our particular judge really does read the reports, and makes reference to them occasionally. About a year after I accepted my first case, my supervisor called and asked if I would be interested in taking a second case. Normally, a CASA is only assigned one case at a time, but occasionally, in a rare case, one more case might be assigned. My supervisor thought that I would be a good fit for this second case for several reasons, and I took it. When a case is first assigned, there is more work as you get to know and understand the case. As the months go by, it becomes more routine. I have not been doing this long enough to have had a case completely resolved yet. My cases have both had jumps forward and back. It's a long-haul thing. Hope this helps. https://nationalcasagal.org

My newer "thing" is being a CASA volunteer. It doesn't take a whole lot of time, but I find it valuable and interesting. You may or may not have a chapter near you, but it may be something you get trained for further afield, but are assigned cases in your town/county.

I do too. You can also see ALL of the floors and walls and things that might ordinarily be covered up. It's true that it might be easy to misjudge the space of a room, but I still prefer houses empty when I see them.

I'm so sorry! That sounds awfully painful. So glad you don't have to have surgery. Praying for fast healing for you, and solutions for your dd's appointments.

I agree with quite a few of the above. Was coming on to say that that's about the age I really dug into the original Sherlock Holmes' mysteries as well as Agatha Christie's books.

I also couldn't be a school teacher. I love kids--one-on-one. Crowd control and classroom management? Nope. That's a nightmare to me. I might could be a reading specialist or something that was individual or very small group. I might could do adult education or higher education, because I do like to teach.

This is a case that would be clear to me, to NOT send the child back to the parent. I'm a CASA, and there are some cases that I don't know what I would do. Thankfully, we seem to have a very good judge, at least seeing over my cases.

I don't think I could be a family court judge. Some cases are clear. But those cases where it isn't, making the decisions of whether a child/children should go back to a parent or not--I just don't think I could do that.

Praying you get some answers, and the medical team does what the doctor said they would do--get onto it immediately!

I am a @happi duck-type dabbler. I don't know that I have ever had one huge "passion" as to how I spent my time, other than homeschooling. I took that seriously, and it plus household-running took up most of my time. The other bit of time, I spent in learning how to play the violin as an adult learner. However, due to issues with a shoulder, and difficulties with my eyes, my music pursuits are not so appealing anymore. Plus, my violin needs a lot of repair and I can't afford to do that right now. When I try to play the piano, I have trouble focusing on the notes. I have progressive lenses, but may need to experiment with regular readers for that. Interestingly, I don't particularly enjoy listening to music beyond occasionally. I like the quiet too much. Other things I have enjoyed in the past don't appeal as much anymore. I still cook, of necessity, but I'm rather tired of it. I like to travel, but...finances. I am a CASA, which I enjoy, but it doesn't take up tons of time. I like plants, but it is too hot here in the summertime for me to enjoy being outside. Reading the suggestions in above posts, most don't particularly appeal to me. Some things I would pursue if I lived closer to an area where I could indulge that interest. I think I have always been a bit of a dabbler; i.e., if you look at my college transcript, I have a lot of courses on there that didn't apply to my major course of study, lol. While I had interest in lots of areas to a point, the only thing I wanted to do full-time, was be a SAHM, which gave me more time and opportunity to dabble in a variety of things.

I'm glad you are doing this. It sounded like way too much.

The table sounds good if he wants it. If it were me, I'd probably get a trip, but maybe only a half-week one, a solo stove, a new tent, maybe another kayak so we could kayak together, etc.

😬

I don't know where it is, because I was a kid and it was years ago, but we went to the mint and saw money being made. As a 13yo, I thought that was pretty interesting! Also, the Smithsonian American History museum is interesting, but it is a museum, so maybe not. Hopefully, somebody who is more familiar with the area can give you some better ideas of something different and refreshing.

Hopefully, you will get an offer from tonight and not have to lower it.🤞

That's sweet of him! Since they are pjs for a hospital stay and not s*xy lingerie (I'm assuming!), hopefully it won't be too rough on him!😂

I mean, at least you had a towel on, you know?

I figure that if I'm providing free babysitting, then they can choose someone else if they don't like what I do. However, I have also tried to be respectful of their family's guidelines as to types of media, except perhaps in the area of quantity of screen time (i.e., grandparent here who is worn out and has fudged trying to keep the kids entertained!). Same as when they ask me for a snack or something sweet, I usually say, "Ask your mom/dad if it is okay." (We live far away, so visits usually involve the whole family being here.) ETA: (Why do I always think of things to add right after I post?) That first sentence sounds so smarty, but I am talking there about what I would consider excessive controlling behavior. I am generally quite careful that what is watched is age-appropriate, and would never ever do #3, and #2 would only be unintentionally--I'd probably ask ahead of time if I had a question about what they would allow in their home.

I'm still working on it. Technically, our youngest two still live with us, but one is in and out so much that I don't try to cook for him unless I know for certain he will be here, and it is a rare occasion that I know. He might find leftovers in the fridge or might cook something for himself. But I figure if he can't let me know whether he will be here or not, then I'm not going to worry about it. The other one tends to eat with us most of the time, so I try to at least allow for three. But it has been hard for me to lower quantity, especially because for years I have cooked with the mindset that "it is just as easy to double it as to cook one recipe" which isn't always true, but often. I am getting better at going ahead and freezing extra servings, which are always nice to find later. And I am trying to get better at making smaller amounts of those things that can't be frozen. I'm a work in progress. One thing I struggle with is letting fresh vegetables spoil. I buy them with good intentions, but then our schedule gets disrupted, or they don't stay good as long as they should so I pull them out to use and yuck, or whatever. I hate that waste. I now tend to buy more frozen ones that can be used when we actually need them, but it makes salads not happen as often.

Besides the pens/notebooks idea, which my girls would have loved, if you can find out where teens like to go to eat/hang out, a gift card from there would probably be appreciated. One ds still likes getting those cards to where he and his buddies like to go.

Spin off of the spin off: When our oldest dd was maybe 5 or 6, we were living overseas. She and a little neighbor boy from across the street would play together often. Unknown to me, one time when she was over at his house, they watched Jurassic Park! It absolutely terrified her. To this day, it is one of her favorite memories.😂

Exactly. I would probably be disappointed, but if I had not specifically told the carer, then I would keep it to myself. I wouldn't blame my kid either, because they might not have realized that it was that important to me.

Love the way you worded this. Some of the times I have been hospitalized, I definitely did not want visitors. Other times, a scattered few were okay. Once, I woke from post-recovery-room grogginess to find a dear friend couple in my darkened room. Anybody else, that would not have been okay. But them--it was so comforting, and they helped me sip water when my dh had had to leave to take care of children. They made sure I had everything I needed, then slipped out quietly in their way.❤️