Thanks Rosie ❤️

On the plus side, it definitely relieves the retirement funding worries 😂 You have to laugh. .

The difference between knowing your illness is progressive, and seeing it in your lung function tests 🙁 Just had mine done after a decade gap and it's not pretty. Feeling sad and a little scared. Otoh, I'm amazed at what I manage to do given the whole breathing thing...work, socialize, exercise. Helps me understand, though, why those things take an energy toll. We chronic illness peeps are amazing the way we keep on. Please send hugs.

And even when you get it - still hard, hard work. No easy fixes.

Yes, the person affected definitely has a responsibility to address. God, though, it's so hard. Even when you are committed to the effort, find someone good to treat you, and find the $$$$. I'm three years in to a serious, committed analysis with a very skilled practitioner (meds don't work + no other accessible treatment) and it is the hardest I have ever worked in my life. It would kill me rn to have someone tell me to have a better mindset. I mean, sure, I also would like not to be like this. It is not fun. It is worth the effort to change but it is HARD.

Time and place, I think. Stats etc are not comforting to people in the immediate aftermath of an event like this. s/o thread at least, probably just letting this thread be for people having their feelings. I had my own reaction to some of the comments on this thread but - time and place. It is a terrible thing that happened, it happened to a particular demographic in this instance, and this thread is a reaction to the instance. Not a place for 'but', even if we have a 'but'.

Yes, the England team were going to wear One Love armbands, which you'd think would be the minimum they could do when agreeing to play in Qatar and they have backed down because there might be a consequence. LGBT, women, migrant workers - all worth less than a game. Following these thoughts further takes the thread off topic, so leaving the hypocrisy there. Just hearing about the two bartenders who died 🙁

Agnus castus. (I was your 18 yr old in this scenario - the agnus castus really helped taken from Day 16 of cycle). It's fine not to take personally, but also, it's wearing directed at you month after month, so maybe look at remedies.

This is the worst thing about working with kids! I hope you can take the rest you need to recover - the flu is no joke - and that you feel better very soon.

The saddest thing about this is that there was a clear warning, with the shooter - yet again - being known to police for domestic violence (held and threatened to bomb his mother). In a country where dead kindergarteners made it very clear nothing will change re guns, taking DV seriously and stopping these violent, disturbed men from from being able to go about their business (unless 100% rehabilitated) seems like it would be a good idea. The tragedy is 5 people would be alive right now if this very clear warning sign was taken seriously. In the meantime, global news showed me yet another 5 dead people in a shooting in the US (minimal coverage b/c murder-suicide - man takes out girlfriend and others), and honestly, to outsiders, it is a blip. You have a lot of shootings. Gay people are still targeted and thought of as lesser by many (case in point, everyone tuned in to the World Cup rn - apparently gays aren't worth a boycott) so it would not surprise me if this attack was targeted, though it would not surprise me if it wasn't either. Violence is abhorrent, and no-one should ever be targeted due to a particular or perceived characteristic - sexuality, gender identity, race, ethnicity, religion or sex. Gay and trans people deserve the same freedom from violence as straight and non-trans people do. It doesn't seem as if anyone in your country has freedom from gun violence. I have a lesbian kid and a kid who identifies as queer, and no, we don't have to worry about events like this. Because we don't have to worry about the guns.

And men, who, say, r@pe an unconscious woman behind a dumpster, get very little time in comparison. Is fraud worse than r@ping an unconscious woman? Clearly the legal system thinks it is. ~ On another note, nobody should be clamoring for poor treatment of a pregnant woman, no matter her crime or class status. Poor treatment of pregnant prisoners is a stain upon us all, and making the poor treatment 'equal' does not absolve that stain. ~ And on a further note, if you believe (as I do) in prison reform, or even in prison abolition for most (non-violent) crimes, you don't get to cheer on the imprisonment of a rich white woman just because she's rich and white. Instead, you apply your principles around prison and prison reform.

This was the most stressful thread I think I've ever read 🙂 I cannot tell you, OP (if you are still here) how much stress people's gift giving at Christmas causes me. It makes me hate and loathe Christmas. Because it's not gifting - I love to give people gifts and I don't mind receiving them either - it's a compulsory mutual transaction that brings me very little joy. Finally, this year I said 'please, can we skip gifts for the grown-ups?' And I am happily thinking about how instead I am going to use my $ to buy a big box of cherries, and some yummy drinks for everyone to share at lunch, and I want this to happen without being guilted by the gift-offender giving a gift sooooo much. It's 50/50 whether they will listen. And tbh, it's the listening that's the true gift.

Sending love, Laura. Take care.

I'd say, 'Oh, you shouldn't have!' And that would suit us both, me meaning it literally, the gift giver choosing to take it as a gratifying expression of delight.

Keeping on, ty.

About to go to bed and wait it out. Hooray for sleep. May I ask, is the sepia for mood specifically?

I might start thinking about what's on during the Festival in Jan.

Sadly, we only have choc chips!

Music is the best.

This used to be very motivating for me too, but now they are all grown up, there's not the same impact to consider. Which is a bit disorientating, honestly.

To keep on keeping on. How do you motivate yourself to keep going when things are hard, and likely to remain that way?

I have rarely enjoyed it, and almost never do it anymore. Back in the day, one thing that made it more bearable for me was to cook the main meal in the middle of the day, when my energy was higher. Not having to face meal prep, cooking and cleaning in the evening ( we would do lunch for dinner - sandwiches etc - easy) made the whole process less awful.

Yep. Life is complicated, the only person we have control over (and even then, it's partial) is our self, and there is absolutely no short cut. And this applies to every human living, not just to humans of a particular age or relationship or role. It's hard for the OP, and likely for the OP's daughter, and both of them probably deserve some grace from the other. Maturity (experience + perspective) means the OP is likely in a better place to extend it than the dd is, but hopefully with care, that will change over time. In the meantime, all the OP can do is feel what she feels, acknowledge it, and thoughtfully choose a response to the dd. Simple, and hard all at once.

Yes. It is hard to live with an internally stormy person. You must give yourself permission to have a break. You deserve that!

I have historically been the umbrella bringer for my person. It was appropriate when they were a child/teen. It isn't now they are well into adulthood. I say that to.let you know I am not judging when I tell you that advice giving to an adult just perpetuates the dynamic. This person is grown, and cognitively functioning. They can look up advice on the internet if they want it. I definitely agree with you that, given we can only control ourselves, taking that energy and giving it to yourself and your boundaries would be appropriate.