The principle is Don’t Make Things Worse. Ideally, successive generations do better than their parents (by whatever metric that is, but health and financial stability are the ones which are getting worse now).

I’m in a much smaller home than my childhood home too, and I love it. 🙂 I also qualified “providing equal or better” with ability and choice for this reason!

This is interesting! There is a wide spectrum of grand-parent help in my experience; my parents rarely (once or twice a year) babysit our children. My friend’s mom moved into their house to care for the children while my friend worked. I suppose this goes along with the concept of filial obligations, and maybe some of it’s cultural.

This is a similar principle that I would espouse. Quite often people who benefited from their parents’ contributions (and I speak not only of financial, but support and investment of all kinds) do not feel obligated to contribute the same or more to their children. A sort of benign example: my mother taught me to read before I started school. It was a modest time investment which my grandmother had not done. It benefited me. Now I have the choice to teach my child to read (and do early math, if I want to add on to the generational benefits) or I can choose not to provide this benefit. In my view (this being completely in my ability and choice), not providing this benefit to my child which was freely given to me would constitute a moral error.

It’s not your responsibility to ensure a better outcome, since your children‘s choices are independent of what you provide.

Thanks for the responses! My DH and I were discussing this, and we both agreed that we want to give our children a better life than ours (and ours wasn’t terrible). However, I am of the opinion that - while providing a better life is not a moral obligation - providing a worse life (to the degree it is within my ability and deliberate choice) is a moral failure.

I read that we may witness the first generations in the US to have worse life outcomes than their parents in global health and financial scores. I am personally seeing many people who will inherit no wealth from their parents, but will likely support them in their twilight years. Do you think parents are obligated to give their children a better life than their own?

No way. I’ve been on many service and missions trips, and lived most of my life overseas. I am extremely concerned with the blasé way churches go about collecting teenage girls to „witness“ in dark places. Teenage girls are magnets for sick men and are frequently not emotionally prepared (nor should they be) for the language and attention directed towards them in these places. I was sexually assaulted by a homeless man once, and a few years later, I was required to serve in a homeless kitchen for community service, where I was sexually harassed again (all of this in my teens). It was a nightmare and I would never ask another teenage girl to serve in a city setting for these and other reasons. There are so many wonderful things teenage girls should do in their community, there is no reason to send them into dark and hostile environments.

Someone once said their favorite female literary character is Miss Marple, because Agatha Christie managed to create an older woman who was very smart, but not in a particularly masculine way. I like that, and I’m looking for more inspiring female characters like this. Which are your favorites and why?

I live in Los Angeles and I’ve been to Vegas. I don’t drink or gamble, either, but there are a lot of live shows to see that don’t require either! They have concerts and some unique things (we watched a magic show that was pretty cool). Also, the food is obviously pretty amazing and I imagine teenage boys would like hotel buffets. That being said, if I had teenagers on vacation in SoCal, I would probably go to San Diego. The Vegas strip is kind of dirty and hot in the summer, and it’s primary attractions are booze and gambling, which teenagers can’t participate in. San Diego is a really fun destination if you like beach, museums, the zoo and great food.

That’s what I mean! Someone told me they had graduated from x school and I was truly interested and had a great conversation with them about their plans relating to their field of study and how they liked the campus. I found out later (from the person’s spouse) that they had taken *one* class, which they dropped midway through the semester. So now we both look dumb: they, because they lied about a totally verifiable fact and I, because I was super interested and followed up their interest in succeeding conversations. Just tell the truth people! Nobody will begrudge you for it. 😄

I understand this, because this is actually a “useful” fib, in the sense that telling the truth would prolong your day and be annoying. It’s the random lies people tell without incentive that are truly odd to me.

I agree, most people are pretty honest. But I know a few people who lie consistently about really silly things: e.g. one person told me they were going to attend such-and-such event, where they were getting tickets, when it would take place, etc. Of course, I get excited in response to their joy and chat for ten minutes with them about this cool thing. On the way home, I mention it to DH, and he laughs and says “of course they aren’t going to that event, the tickets are x dollars”. And he’s right, they don’t go. It’s like the whole thing should be issued a disclaimer “this is the thing I wish were true but I’m talking as though it will happen”.

This made my day! I sent it to my mom (who appreciates beautiful voices). 🙂

Why do some people invent lies about verifiable facts in their lives? I‘m not judging, I’m really curious. Some people lie about small details (how much they spent on this present, how well they play piano, where they plan to vacation, that they “own” a vehicle they are only renting, etc.). I’m so puzzled by this, because these are all insignificant - but entirely verifiable- details. I’ve been in long, exciting conversations with someone about their plans for an upcoming job/book/concert and later on realize it was just a fabrication. My DH says this is because I’m very gullible and excited for people’s talents, but I think it’s because I truly can’t understand why anyone would lie about something so mundane and so of course I believe them! Explain this to me, armchair therapists.

I guess I‘ll be the sole dissenter and say that I don’t think it’s a great idea. Spiritual values are IMO the foundation of marriage, and where those split conflict inevitably occurs. In fact, a major problem with churches today is people leaving over secondary or tertiary issues (like worship style or church government).

I‘m confused by the layout: your post says they are in the neighbor‘s backyard. They aren’t doing anything wrong if they aren’t actually in your backyard. If they are on your property you can tell them to knock it off or tell their parents.

That’s very cool!

I’m seeing a lot of elderly people who are not able to be alone for a few hours, which means they need a designated adult who is with them at all times. That’s what got me so interested in this shift; are adult children just more „selfish“ nowadays because they outsource this task to a paid non-family member, and in former days women just did this routinely? It seems like a „new“ issue, but I’m wondering if it’s the adult children or the aging parent who are not what they used to be historically (it that makes sense).

Several people in my life are taking care of aging parents (in their 90s). In one case, the estate pays $17,000 per month for 24/7 caretakers. In the other cases, a child (usually daughter) does the caretaking. Universally it seems to be really hard. There are a lot of doctors visits and tests. It’s really striking to me how many designated caretakers each elderly person needs. Generally at least one assigned adult, which is more than most children need. Which makes me wonder: what did people used to do historically? I’m assuming nobody had the money to pay for 24 hour caregivers, but did they have adults to watch a parent with Alzheimer’s? Or wash and groom them? Was it servants? I’m curious if anyone knows how this worked even 100 years ago.

I read Kristin Lavransdatter based only on the many recommendations here! I liked it. I picked up Undset’s Catherine of Siena afterwards because I like her writing style. Now I’m reading Called and Chosen by Monica Baldwin (who also wrote I Leap Over The Wall). She was a nun in an enclosed convent for 28 years until she left join war efforts during World War II. If you are interested in the intricacies of convent life, they are both super interesting!

One of my friends is a birth photographer and doula. She is always getting content banned on FB for nudity. Newborn breastfeeding with slightly exposed breast? Ban. Too much visible in a birthing pose? Ban. FB does not like to see labor and delivery or too much visible breastfeeding.

In matters of controversy, don’t argue. If someone speaks well, say “yes! I agree.” If she speaks wrongly, say “I don’t know enough to comment”. Your mind will always be at peace, and they will always feel foolish later. I have a dear friend who is always zealous in her arguments. Every year, she is wrong about daylight savings time. I know she’s wrong, but she is adamant that she is correct. I learned years ago to smile, handwave “oh these hour changes are always so confusing aren’t they?” and change the subject. Every year, she texts me the next day and says “oh I got the season wrong! It’s actually *correct hour*!” I am always happier that I said nothing, and I try to remind myself that I have irritating habits that others have the grace to overlook at times too.

Vivaldi and Debussy are my favorites! Children’s Corner is a “morning mood booster”. 🙂

This is really interesting (sorry, I repeat myself but it is interesting to me). I grew up very much with the agree-on-the-essentials-and-grace-covers-the-rest attitude, though arguably some issues (like female pastors) were elevated to essentials that are probably not-that. Christianity is so thoroughly non-political (seeing that Jesus himself didn’t take any political stance on Rome or lead a revolution). I can understand people who vote by conscience, I can even understand people who won’t vote Democrat strictly on abortion issues (not saying it’s right, just that I can follow the logic). But the anti-vax, anti-mask thing doesn’t make any sense, I’m not sure when it became a biblical issue?