Anyone who doesn't have the ability to think clearly on the topic. If feeling really emotional and unable to quickly figure out the best thing to say, then stick with the above even if you are a close relative. Don't let bad stuff slip out of your mouth even if well intended. Usually with spouses you really do know what to say or do because you know that person's personality so very well. For my dh, it is "don't talk, just let me lean on you for a while". Making him converse is really painful for him if he is grieving or going through something tough. That's where "Sorry for X" works well because it isn't really a conversation opener and has no expectation attached. I am a "let me talk about this person", and I totally censor myself so that I don't talk with someone who isn't prepared, which is basically everyone really. I've found that very few people in my area (could be a problem of local culture) can get outside their own heads, their own situations and just listen without judgment. So I suck it up and don't talk except to my PTSD therapist who is worth her weight in gold and platinum! Literally, outside of hubby and kids, I no longer have any expectation of true compassion or caring from other humans. But everyone should take that as an indictment of the church we attended at the time, and my scarring from that, and not an indictment of everyone else on planet earth. I am aware, intellectually, that not everyone is terrible at this. Really. I just got hurt so badly that I'm probably going to be forever guarded. Sometimes I wish I knew Arcticmama, Rosie, Liz, and Carol in CA, and others on this board because I imagine them to be super, sweet, comforting people IRL.

I had that issue this morning earlier. I gave up for about an hour, and when I came back, it was fine. Gremlins. I blame it on Gremlins. If you haven't seen the movie, you should watch it and that will explain the problem to you! 😄

I have three in college at one time. I'd be pretty hard pressed to give $100 for every wedding we attend. I guess I just wouldn't attend or acknowledge the invitation if that were the expectation.

This! Our county health department is free for college students if they bring their ID with them. Ds needed a tetanus booster before he left for school and had already gone through orientation so he had his ID. But if we had gone to the doctor or a walk in clinic, the co pay would have been $50 for our physician, and $80 for the walk in clinic. Now if they need anything, they can get it free at campus health. All three colleges make office calls with the campus doctor and NP, as well as immunizations free. I am very thankful for that because unless its complicated, it is so easy for the boys. They don't have to call home asking questions about the insurance, I don't deal with bills from campus, and generally, if they do have to bill insurance, we don't get a lot of hassle. It is one of the few, wonderful services we get for the cost of tuition which is otherwise extravagant and these are state schools! I mean, for private school tuition, campus health better be doing free dorm visits, and provide private nurses, LOL. Anyway, that was off topic. But county health department can be a really cost effective method of accessing vaxes. The down side is that some departments, due to budget cuts, have rather limited hours for giving the shots. One county over, they only do it for four hours per week. That's it. So families have to get appointments months in advance.

They are pretty tight on this because of that issue.

When we were in the car accident that permanently disabled eldest ds, I was on the receiving end of a lot of not comforting comments, downright awful and not helpful. We live in a society in which people have forgotten manners. It used to be "I'm sorry this happened. If there is some way I can help you, please call." Instead, dangerous advice, ridiculous opinions (including God was punishing us for some sort of hidden sin in the family), and comments that make the commenting agent feel better internally (apparently blaming people for their woes makes the blatherer feel like it could never happen to them or something) are quite common. You can see from above that I've been on the receiving end of some not comforting stuff from people who felt the need to open their mouths instead of simply say nothing which would have been a lot easier to take. Manners. Simple manners. "I'm sorry for X", and move on is preferable to commentary. Give thought to whether or not you really can be of practical help or not, and don't offer if you can't.

Young students have been investigated in the past for having very high scores because it is considered an anomaly. Most high schoolers at the freshman or early sophomore level have not had upper high school mathematics. I have known kids investigated for this. None of them were white however. I also cited my nephew who went from totally bombing the ACT - a 16 - to a 27 over the course of a summer. That is a HUGE increase, massive. No investigation. It is very similar to this young lady's SAT improvement.

It's probably regional. Locally college profs discuss some pretty darn controversial stuff in their classes, and they don't silence the students so long as nothing gets out of hand. But I can also imagine other places may not allow it. It's just been my personal experience with my three boys who are currently all college students.

I actually think that something like pulled pork sandwiches - some plain, some barbecue - could go nicely with this, and those are easy. Cook ahead of time, shred, put in roasters with the sauce. Easy peasy comparatively speaking. They also tend to be pound for pound rather inexpensive. The key with something like a pulled pork sandwich is to NOT serve it for an event where people are uber dressed up because they can be messy, and if using disposable plates, splurge for something sturdy like those hard, cardboard chinette plates.

Halftime, I did have one thought about your first point. One of the things I think that needs to be addressed, in terms of immune compromised individuals, is that there are a lot of treatments that cause low functioning immune systems that wouldn't have been so prevalent 30 years ago. So many new drugs that have this as a side effect, an increase in the number of persons being treated with cortisone to modulate the immune system, more folks on radiation as cancers are caught sooner, etc. I don't know that there are more people with autoimmune disease per se, just more people receiving treatment that suppresses the immune system. In terms of diagnosed with specific diseases, this article indicates a low of 20 million to a high of 50 million. http://bioethicsbulletin.org/archive/how-many-americans-are-immunocompromised This would be approximately 6% - 15% of the current 327 million population of the US. I didn't take the time to look up other nations.

There really isn't a good way to do the burgers. They need to be served fresh after grilling so either there would need to be several grills and people who like grilling available to do it, or they will pretty much end up cold and dried out. Our 4H Council runs a diner at the fair, and the kids aren't allowed to cook because of state laws and such, but the Council always wants to serve burgers. Ugh. They don't learn. Every year they have caterer cook 20 or 30 each day, they keep them in a crockpot with beef broth, and frankly, they just do not taste good so sales are always lower than costs. And really, burgers for 250 is not cheap if budget is the consideration.

Agreed. WAAAAYYYY too much power over kids' lives and futures. Some states use these as high school exit exams so errors can keep kids from graduating. They lose jobs, college scholarships, apprenticeships, you name it. https://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/09/education/officials-say-scoring-errors-for-sat-were-understated.html So not a fan of the college board!

Also, proctors can trigger an investigation so the adult in the room can absolutely red flag a student. I know proctors who have done it. They usually don't tell the student, just make a complaint to the CB.

Because you have to take photo ID to the test, and the school photo copies it and faxes it to the CB with your admission ticket. They track photos to the score.

Op, I think that is a pretty darn difficult topic for a high school sophomore to adequately research and present on so I would caution your son highly on this. There so many places where this could go wrong, and the purpose of papers at the high school level is to learn to do the research, to write properly, to format and edit, and along the way pick up some knew knowledge. It isn't the same as a college paper where one might be encouraged to tackle such a topic and form an opinion because one would have access to PH.D's, health center professionals, a genders studies program, etc.

Some of them, but not all. The difference is the moderators. Professors have a lot more leeway in what they allow to be discussed, and the manner of discussion in college than high school. My professors did not suffer the antics of of the ignorant, the immature, nor the ill mannered. That is not to say that all professors do a good job. But the difference in environment and expectations does help.

I feel very bad for her. My youngest took the SAT for the first time as a sophomore and scored over 1300. There was no investigation. DD took the ACT her freshman year - only just 13 years old - and scored a 28 which is the equivalent of 1310 ish on the SAT. No investigation. My kids are white, northern European looking, and that is why I believe no one batted an eye at it. If a minority student of the same age/grade scored the same in this district, I do believe it would throw the college board into a tizzy. My kids scores were very well above the average for graduating seniors in this county. But nope....they weren't suspicious of my kids. My nephew stayed out all night goofing off with friends before taking the ACT in April of his junior year. He scored something like a 16. Just bombed it. His parents yelled at him pretty well, and so he buckled down in the fall, studied, got a good night's sleep, and scored a 27. Did it trigger an investigation? No. This is probably not going to be a popular opinion, I think the college board is discriminating, but I am not going to apologize. I see this kind of crap somewhat regularly around here when it comes to minorities being successful academically, particularly on standardized tests, except of course Asian students who are expected to be excellent scorers with high grades.

Actually, 7/10th of the century = 1970. Only 3/10th was left, so it was towards the end of the century. Mid-Century was 1950. There was a very real cultural shift between 1950 and 1970. 1950 medical support for communicable diseases was new. Parents were still tuned into the concept of quarantine and cold fear, and very afraid of those diseases, particularly polio. They'd grown up with it, My grandmother had young children in 1950, and her older brother had died of diphtheria, the family was quarantined, and they didn't even get to have a funeral. He was interred by some of the neighbors who wore the best gear they could come up with to protect themselves from the virus.Well, we think he was interred. There is some reason to believe that the town constable and firemen were actually going off and burning the bodies because they weren't sure if it could infect the ground and water supply. So many children had died that they were pretty darn desperate to stop the spread. I've seen my uncles grave, and suspect that the headstone was a nice ruse pulled together by the town leadership. I think they burned his body along with a bunch of other corpses. Parents of the 1970's had not experienced that. Pox parties, per se, or the concept of deliberate exposure was in vogue in our town when I was a child, and the idea did not come from the mothers, but from the school districts who were sick of shutting down school when pox went around. So if someone in the community got pox during in the late spring or during summer break, school secretaries actually sent letters to the parents asking them to please seek out the infected child so that kids could get the disease and have it over with before school resumed in the fall. My mother saved one of the letters. Honestly, I have to wonder about the stupidity of those administrators. One of the kids in my elementary school died of pox on the brain. Can you imagine if a child whom the school encouraged to "get exposed" died these days? The lawsuit and pay out would be epic!

She saw the vet this morning. UGH! DH nearly put the car in the ditch getting there, and that was after simply barely creeping along. Our roads are just that bad. She is eating, and drinking, able to potty now. So she isn't in pain. She definitely had a mild stroke, and the vet warned MIL that this is really the beginning of the end. MIL made the choice to not put her down since she is perking, and not in pain. However, she did agree with dh that if there is another incident or at the first sign of serious distress, then it is time. MIL is 83, so this is going to be hard. I'm keeping a close watch from here on out because I don't know if MIL's blood pressure will spike when the time comes or not. If at all possible, I'll be on hand for it just to be careful with her. She's been a pretty darn good MIL all things considered, and none of her other kids live in state, so I want to be there if I can. DH is sometimes too distracted to hone in on warning signals.

Yes, often times the reaction to the discovery of the past indiscretion, and in the days following says more about the person than the original offense and especially so if the offense is not aggregious, criminal behavior.

Scarlet, I've lead a pretty low key life by most standards, and I wouldn't want any of those jobs either! But I guess there are people who do really want them, and unfortunately, they have the consequence of dealing with the probing just for seeking the positions. Not my thing for certain, but many I know students majoring in poli sci, and I want to say, "You might just want to lay off the partying. Ya. You're young. But that may not be a legitimate enough excuse some day when you run for state senator or seek some policy adviser position or whatever." And of course when it comes to security clearance type things, if you need a high level one, man there is no room for error or forgiveness.

I think there is a line there of things that can be overlooked and things that can't, and especially so when it relates to specific position, job, or role. It isn't easy to know where to draw that line. However, if you think about it from say a security, public safety, or public policy position, then you can't just say it doesn't matter because it is quite possible that what the person said or did in the past could very much affect them now. So the difference between what the employer should use as disqualifying information for say a job at Walmart vs. a job at the NSA is just vastly different, and the past doesn't matter much in the first instance but can matter substantially in the second. I think it is good in life to be open to people changing, maturing, etc. I do think however there are times when the additional scrutiny and judgment is warranted.

She is so entrenched in her beliefs and so illogical, that I think she could end up killing one of her children through medical neglect. I have no doubt. The eldest has scarring not only from the pertussis but from the pneumonia that she got in the throes of the disease which went untreated until the father's mother threatened legal action which prompted a visit to the ER which prompted chest x rays which of course netted treatment that she is totally against but reluctantly agreed to. The ex mother in law now lives in Florida so no watchful eyes there, the father is useless, and because she is determined to do things her way, she now restricts all extended family visitation to her children. The other father of the younger two is a knucklehead though at least loving and gentle, and his mother is every bit as radical as niece. Since my brother has been taken in by his wife's equally dangerous philosophies, the one person who could be advocating for their safety isn't. I haven't seen these kids in months since she knows where I stand. I do get facebook posts from other people in the community whom she hasn't blocked who share some of the nuttier things she believes, an occasional "update" on the family none of which sounds remotely healthy or safe. And she is in a mothering group of 13 other women who think the same way she does. THIRTEEN! Fourteen total mothers who are willing to put their children's lives in total peril over delusional beliefs about the evils of "allopathic medicine". That's a substantial number in an area of such low population which makes me wonder how many of them are out there. Are there enough of them that we are on the brink of some pretty radical state or federal legislation to take parents rights away in order to save some kids? I don't know. But I have to honestly say that social media allows them to rapidly disseminate their beliefs, fight for their cause, etc., rile each other up, and as a result, what might only be a very tiny minority of parents could appear to officials to be a much larger number than it may actually be. I mean, I know people who have "liked" her pages and what not because they don't want to get blocked or want to keep the "friendship" open in order to kind of keep an eye out. However, for the powers that be they can't tell the difference between a "like so I can keep an eye on you" and a "like because I believe what you believe" kind of thing which could cause the numbers to appear inflated. Then again maybe not. Maybe that many people have no ability to think critically at all. We talk all the time about lack of critical thinking skills in this nation. Is it far fetched that there could be hundreds of thousands, if not millions of parents who would rather put EO on a cut than get a tetanus anti toxin shot? i don't have the answer to that. Feelings aren't facts by any stretch of the imagination though we kind of have a society who thinks they are. But if I went off "feeling", I'd have to say it feels like the number of radical anti-medicine parents is growing to a scary number. This is where I hope feelings are radically overblown compared to the actual fact.

This! My parents owned a business and were swamped there, but they always knew what my brother was up to no matter how sneaky he was. I swear my grandparents who lived in town did nothing but keep a car we'd never seen under wraps someplace so they could drive around stalking him and then reporting back to my parents. It was UNCANNY. LOL, I was at the piano practicing. My mother used to laugh that as long as there was a piano to babysit me, she could go on tour in Hawaii and leave me home entirely unattended with no worries at all. I never understood why my brother kept it up. The only thing I could think of us was some deep, burning desire to finally, just once pull one over on them, a victory of deception. It never worked. Ever. He left for college without meeting his goal, and then discovered that some how, some way, they had spies at college and knew what he was up to there as well! Crazy. Now that said, we were a bit free range with our kiddoes. The boys went hiking without supervision on state land when they were 9, 11, and 12. I figured safety in numbers, and they had 12 mile walkie takies and I kept mine clipped to my jeans pocket here. I really didn't worry. So walking a few blocks at 9:30 at night would not be on my radar for danger unless there was a bad storm or something.

UGH! I get it. Our middle one, the one that is medically underweight, got sick back in November - food poisoning on top of then some sort of respiratory thing - and didn't call us. He didn't have his friends who found him passed out in his room call us either!!!! I found out after the fact. And he lost 10 lbs while sick which is something he cannot afford to have happen. I would have been down there in a heartbeat with him at the ER first, then back home to his physician and nutritionist to made a plan, but nope...two weeks later I find out. Thanksgiving was not a long enough break for me to get him built back up. We managed to get 3 lbs on him at Christmas, but he still hasn't regained the other 7 lbs.