Yikes. Reading this makes me extra-thankful for our "annoying" neighbors that we have a property line dispute with who sit in their backyard at all hours around their pool, smoking weed. I'll take that any day (but will keep praying for the wind to go in the other direction...). In your sitch, I'd want to double-fence between the two properties. Tell him anything - you saw a cougar - you saw a coyote - whatever - and want to keep your dog safe. Put one fence justthisside on your property line and the other fence a few feet deeper onto your property. Even if the inside fence had to be tall chain-link or something to save money. That would alleviate the thought that he might pour something over the fence, at least, and might create additional sound barrier between. Having a possible mental illness involved just throws everything on its head, for the most part, because you can't really "plan" to "expect" what kind of reaction you will get from this man. 😕 I'm so sorry.

If she is "having the time of her life in the dorms," then I would assume she just wants to share her new experiences with you? I guess I'd need more info to determine what "too much" is, tbh. I have four who have left to go to college. My oldest mostly called home mostly when she was not okay, so - if I didn't hear from her then I knew things were good. My second daughter calls me all the time - mostly when she's walking from here to there. We chat about everything, though, and have since she could first utter words, so this isn't a new development, lol. It would be more weird if we didn't talk multiple times on most days. First son calls when I nudge him. 😁 Also totally normal for him - he is a musician and has always spoken through music and doesn't talk all that much. He *will* call me if something is bothering him, though, bc I'm the person he likes to "talk things through" with. 😌 Second son calls me at least 1-2 times a week to tell me all the cool stuff he's up to. 🥰 There's an enormous range of "normal" here. If they call and I'm available, I drop literally anything I'm doing to talk to them bc I know this phase (where *I'm* the one they want to call when something cool happens, or when they are having a bad day) is so short. 🤷‍♀️I love being connected to their new lives this way.

Oh, hon. If that's what this person will do, then be blunter-than-blunt about it. I like the above suggestion to say you're trying to avoid being the mom who does everything with a family member around - but if they don't take the hint, don't let them near your precious THING (whatever it may be, lol). I thought the person would just sort of kill your buzz by being there - but if they are this type of person, protect your space at all costs. I did not in my own life because I didn't see it coming. Man, that price was STEEP. 🫤 I defend against those types vigorously now (and that person was "excommunicated" from our life for years before we let them back in with baby steps - they still only have micro-access to our lives and their relationship with my kids will never be repaired bc the kids saw the damage/after-effects of that person's actions)

Be blunt. It's the only way and will save the both of you a ton of time and grief in the long run. BTDT, have the t-shirt to prove it. 🤠 You've gotten a ton of great suggestions above. Love that your husband is supportive, though!!! ♥

Thank you for the replies! DD will be heading off to law school. She is planning to attain significant funding (and should, as she is a strong candidate with grades, resume, and practice LSATs are very promising). But it looks like some schools might base the funding off your income, which is where I was left wondering - whose $$ are they counting at this point? Hers or ours?

How does it work? Once the student has their undergrad, the financial aid information should have nothing to do with the parents anymore, right? I'm confused bc I'm seeing financial aid info for "low income," but wouldn't 90% of most just-graduated college students be "low income" (aka "broke") if their parents' income isn't taken into account anymore? 🤔 Times like this, I reeeeally feel like the first-gen college mom I am. So much I don't know. DD is going to be working this year and making a very decent salary and is concerned about having that $$ just sitting in her bank account. She's going to consult a financial advisor to maybe put much of it into a retirement account or something if that might make some difference. Once she starts law school, she'll be brokebrokebroke again. 🙃

My DD2 is prepping for it, but I thought I'd ask here in case anyone had any great recommendations she might not have yet seen for LSAT preparation? Any good programs, tutors, tips that I could pass along her way?

Honestly, it should be SO MUCH MORE APPARENT when it's a FT call instead of a regular call. My issue is I'll have earbuds in my ears and will just tap them to answer without more than a cursory "who is calling me" glance at the screen. 🫠

The way that has worked the best for me is making several one-week plans. Each is different, according to whatever is on the schedule for that week. Like, if dh is working late several nights that week, I pull out the plan with several "leftovers" or "cereal-for-dinner" options, lol, because I am a lazy cook if he's not eating. Or, if we have a stressful week coming up, I pull out a "Comfort foods" week. A busy week has a couple "crockpot" options. A week when I have had it *up to here* has a couple "order pizza" or "eating out tonight" days. If I'm feeling spunky, there are cards with "try something new" days and I'll break out a cookbook and make something different that might, later, be added to a new card. I have these printed on cards - about the size of index cards - hole punched in a corner and on a ring that I keep on a hook. They're all numbered. I have about 25 weekly versions now - and, yes, there are definitely repeats of favorite recipes mixed in. I pull it down on Sunday and, after looking at our week, pick a week. The recipes are in a 3-ring binder, behind numbered dividers. I pull out that week's recipes and add groceries to my WalMart grocery shopping list and have those delivered that same day. Then, I don't have to think about it, which for me, is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. On Monday, I pull out the groceries and pull down that recipe and make it. If the day brings unexpected life-things (as happens), I always have some sort of frozen option in the freezer to pop into the oven or skillet for just those occasions. A lot of my cooking plan is based on my mood (I don't really like to cook). Therefore, I cannot plan more than for the week ahead. With this plan, there's just really no reason to. After the initial weekend I spent making up the original 10+ cards and organizing the recipes, it's been really low maintenance & I have a lot less food waste bc it's easy to stick to and ensures variety.

I would chase if someone had come into my home and murdered or physically assaulted somebody. Literally the only reason. I think murder is an appropriate charge. Mooning someone or doorbell ditching is about as a harmless prank as possible for teens to do. I hate that this world is so triggered right now that teens can’t be dumb and goofy in harmless ways without fearing for their safety or their very lives. No wonder so many stay inside staring at their phones all day and all night.

This New Yorker article is hilarious. It os behind a paywall, but if you haven't read a New Yorker article this month, you should be able to see it. https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/undergraduate-excuses-used-in-other-contexts

She handled the situation horribly. They would have been finished in a few more seconds, jeez! To set that precedent for her opening night was beyond odd to me. I realize this was a smaller venue, but If you don't want photos during the show, confiscate ppl’s phones (comedians do it ALL the time) or make it CRYSTAL clear that there is a policy or you will be asked to leave immediately (Beyonce used to do this). In the past, I have understood how distracting cameras can be for Broadway performers, but they DISTINCTLY SAY no photography and, for goodness’ sakes, no flash photography. Now Beyonce is bigger than life and gives zero cares who has a camera. I’ve been to two Taylor Swift concerts this year and literally every single human being there had their phones out for most of the concert. In a venue of that size, no one even noticed. 😂 Additionally, if it was an issue she should have let security handle it - not from the stage as if they were bratty children.

I see that as an act of self-preservation sometimes - putting on a polite face. Sometimes more is needed - but acting polite in front of other people isn't hypocritical, imho. I have a person that I never said what needed to be said. If I ever see him again, I will very likely physically launch myself at him in an attempt to scratch out his eyes while I scream like a banshee. So, it is probably for the best that I am no longer in situations where seeing him is likely. If I thought I could restrain myself, I'd arrange a conversation with this slug of a person - but I do not think I am capable, so I will avoid. But, when I saw his wife in a public space, I put on a tense smile and didn't scream at her like I wanted to because we were at an event and that would have ruined the other people's day. I don't see that as being hypocritical - I see it as having an immense amount of self control. I hope you are able to get the closure you need. Having unhealed wounds caused by awful human beings is a PITA.

I'm currently reading: The Millionaire Next Door by Stanley and Danko The Wealthy Barber by Chilton and the Throne of Glass series by Sarah J Maas (same author as A Court of Thorn and Roses series, but not nearly as spicy, which, for me, is nice) Nothing cerebral at the moment. 🤪

I feel like @wintermom might be envisioning something like the Mythic Quest episode, "Please Sign Here." 🙃 The company had the employees fill out evaluation packets and needed everyone to sign off on their packets. But, they had "sorted" everyone based on their answers - giving them animal categories like "baboon," "mouse," "otter," "butterfly," and "wolf." Everyone learned their category and most are disgruntled about their animal and unsure how the company will use the information and many are refusing to sign their packets, driving the poor HR woman crazy, lol. I love this show. 😄 (Dave being a "wolf" is hysterical and the core of this entire episode as a major point of contention.)

There is a lot of talk about how this is used in companies - but we used it as a tool for our family, lol. When the kids were hitting that mid/late teen stage, they started to spat at each other when they'd always previously gotten along harmoniously. DH was irritated at some of their behaviour during this time period as well. I had everyone take the test to find out their personality type. When we had the results for everyone, they read and learned about their own personality type first - and it was eye opening for the kids especially. There was a lot of "ohhhh, that explains how I feel exactly" going on. Then we went around the room and I read out loud everyone's personality type to everyone else. LOTS of head-nodding and "ohhhh, that explains xyz." Seriously - the irritated fighting and squabbling reduced significantly. For instance, my very Has-It-Together daughter learned that her sister needed more of a "heads up" when it was time to leave somewhere, even if that Thing was on the Calendar (capitals for emphasis of how my Type A daughter views Her Schedule). So, she started giving her sister a 20-minute heads-up before it was time to leave somewhere. That gave my schedules-are-for-other-people daughter time to gather her wits about her and get ready to leave. When it was time to leave according to The Schedule, she was at the door, ready to go and H-I-T daughter didn't have to wait on her. My non-Type A daughter didn't change, but after taking the personality test, it allowed things to CLICK in my Has-It-Together daughter's brain as she learned that her sister's brain doesn't work the same way as hers - truly (like, she wasn't being absentminded on purpose just to annoy her sister, hahaha). Before the test, she just was. not. able. to. compute. that her sister's brain worked in such a significantly different manner, even though I had explained it to her and she had seen it for herself - she could not compute it. It also allowed my other daughter to understand her H-I-T sister better and realize that her focus on being on time (and other orderly habits) wasn't just to annoy her and she started taking steps to be ready on time, or to do her chores without being asked. Teens (and, often, dads-of-teenagers) tend to take everything personally and this test allowed us to take that feeling of being personally attacked right out of it. My kids still like to take a free version of the test every year or so just to see how their responses are changing as they grow up. There haven't been any major shifts, but some who were borderline have shifted back and forth over certain categories as they have grown and matured and experienced more life. Whereas mine and dh's haven't changed because we took the test originally when we were already grown a$$ adults and set in our ways. 😁

Mostly team building purposes. A personality type isn't ammunition. It's less for bosses and more for your team members - an easy way to learn who has a personality like yours and who is different and to learn how and why they approach tasks differently than you would.

I mean, these tests aren't medical diagnoses of any type. They're "what makes you tick as a person" quizzes. There are no "bad" ones to have. An INTP isn't a worse employee than an ENFJ or whatever. Bosses don't care, or hire or fire based off this information. Anyone can do the job - but their approach to it might look different and understanding that difference is often helpful for teams to know about one another. There's nothing to misuse. It's not like regular bosses are saying, "Raise your hand if you have diabetes Type 2 so we can put you on a strict diet to keep you healthy so you can work for us longer" or requiring that women are on birth control for the first two years of their contract. 🤷‍♀️

YES! Ours is auto-debited every 6 months and I just realized last debit a few weeks ago that it has absolutely skyrocketed. Very frustrating bc we all have clean driving records, excellent grades in school for the kids, no wrecks... like, what are they hiking our rates for?? We need to shop for insurance, but are about to apply for a home loan and don't want dings to our credit when the auto insurance checks it (what a stupid system THAT is...). Our homeowner's policy for our rental properties (different company from our auto) also increased by over a third!!!!!! With ZERO claims in the past 10 years!!!!!! 🤢 Our homeowner's for our house hasn't increased as much, but the benefits have decreased... so... 🫠 I feel like we are being financially held hostage rn until we buy a new home.

hahahaha. This was great. As a strong INTJ/ enneagram Type 5 (no matter how many times I take the tests), it made me giggle. Living in a house full of extroverts... it's a tough life. 😁😶‍🌫️

For my girls (the oldest two), it was mostly me doing the research. They were extremely busy in high school and, if I'd have left it up to them, they wouldn't have had time to find the scholarships that we NEEDED in order for them to go to school. So, I did the initial research (I love researching this kind of thing and they do not). Then we sat down over the summer before senior year and I had a spreadsheet that listed the schools I thought were a good fit, scholarships available there, majors available, etc. My oldest was an athlete, so she had some input to add at that point and my second is a musician, so she also had some things to add to the list at that time. For both girls, I had to open decision emails and such. They had absolutely zero interest in any of the process except for making the final decision, lol. My DS1 did it all on his own. But his situation was unusual; it was Covid and I was encouraging a gap year. He is a musician and wanted to study with *one* person. So, he applied and auditioned at the *one* school, which is a) the most selective studio to get into with his primary instrument and b) a highly rejective university itself, without the music issue. He said if he didn't get in there, he'd take a gap year. He got in. So - zero work on my part, hahaha. DS2 came to our family at 17, so we really hit the ground running. He had a small list of schools and, after researching, I added to it. His list was all safeties or, at least, solid matches. My list was <20% acceptance schools. He got into several Ivies/rejective schools and is now attending one of them. Funnily enough, he tagged one Ivy onto the list at the verylast moment after reading an article about a student's research project there - and that's where he wound up attending - the one where he wrote the "basically, why us" essay in 5 frantic minutes. It was raw and heartfelt, though. 😅

Thank you, everyone, for your helpful input! This is where I get confused with the language (DS has a much better understanding of it and has tried to explain it to me, but I remain confused). There is "Arabic" and then there seem to be a hundred dialects that springboard from Arabic, but become their own language entirely. Right? Is Arabic the more "formal" or "universal" language? I'm assuming a modern college would be teaching the modern Arabic vs. the Classical/Quran? Just thinking that a student with a rudimentary understanding of Arabic could go to an Arabic-speaking country - but one that mainly speaks a different dialect and be completely confused, yes? Very different from a pronunciation difference like between Central/N&S American Spanish and Spain. My homeschooled kids learned French and Spanish. Much easier on my poor brain. 😄 But I'm trying to enthusiastically encourage DS2 in whatever direction he chooses - but this decision seems to be a big one for him, due to his career expectations (like, does he want to primarily focus on S. America/Latin studies or Eurasian/Egypt studies). Of course, he'll still have grad school to go through, where I expect he could continue language lessons and classes? (I never went to a 4-year college - so having four college students, three of whom will definitely be going on to graduate studies is like traveling to a new country with each of them!!! 😅).

Good point about the writing system - I will bring that up to him in case he has not taken that into consideration. He is looking into summer and post-graduate abroad programs with these languages in mind, to see what is out there. Not interested in regular semester study-abroad programs bc of so many opportunities he wants to take advantage of at school during the semesters.

Thank you for all the input!! DS2 will be beginning his sophomore year, so would have three years. He attends a highly rejective school & they do have a long list of courses in the language, so he’d be able to continue all three years if he wanted to. I’ve passed along all the info and wish I’d asked here first. I was selling “just take Spanish again” really hard & think he’s leaning that way currently. Either way, sounds like it will be manageable!

see, I guess I have always assumed that most everybody chose the easiest/most common foreign language to "check the box" unless they had a history with a specific language or planned a career in international affairs. Fascinating. So glad I asked here!!! I'll be more open-minded when DS2 calls to talk it through next time. 🙂 (He likes to think out loud with me on the other end of the phone & this is the only class he hasn't sorted out yet, haha!)