mommaduck Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 How do you deal with it? Ours end up in screaming matches. He absolutely WILL NOT listen and keeps repeating the same questions and statements over and over and over (repeatedly screaming them at me). God forbid I take away an electronic device. The end of the world will happen. Generally, a meltdown is sign of needing a nap. Getting him to take the nap is a battle. He also REFUSES to be alone. He refuses to be in any room alone. He must be attached to someone, anyone, at all times. His mind doesn't quit. (he does best when DH is home and is able to work with him in something new...like laying flooring. He loved it and was working with his dad on that. I just don't have the ability or money for those kinds of projects all the time). He has questions, complaints, wanting to show, getting into something...EVERY three to five minutes. Our family is full of introverts. There are times where he has drained ALL of us and we just want him to sit, read, play quietly, take a nap...even for one hour. He takes this to mean that we don't want him, period. Once he calms down, he seems to get it. But when the next meltdown happens, he's entirely irrational. Doing school with him is helpful and is giving us some sanity. But when I need to spend time on the others, I'm just not sure how this is going to go. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 I did find the additudemag.org site. But I was wondering what some practical ways of heading off things others have been able to use successfully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 No one with an ADHD child? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelaVA Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 I have one. It's hard once they get to that point. My daughter did the thing with never being able to be alone until about age 8. IDK how old your son is. I some times just had to stand on the other side of the door and hold it shut when she was totally out of control. Try not to engage with the screaming matches. Have you read the Explosive Child yet? I would start there. I'm sorry I know it is really draining. I'm an introvert too. Lots of exercise and sensory play helped my daughter. Swim team and lap swimming. We did a bunch of special diets and supplements and even worked with an integrative doctor but after years of that we finally started medication and it's very helpful. I know a lot of people swear by all the diets and stuff but all it really did was make me even more exhausted. (And broke for that matter) Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Wow, sounds like you're having a bad day! How often (how many times per day) is this happening? Have you had a psych eval to make sure what you're dealing with is exclusively ADHD? And how old is this dc? Even with an ADHD label you can have social delays, pragmatics and theory of mind issues, etc. It sounds like you need some better tools and maybe evals if you haven't had them. Sometimes a psych will run pragmatics but more often an SLP. You can look for an SLP that specializes in social thinking or a behaviorist. As far as immediate things to do, Greene's book The Explosive Child is what I'm reading right now for my ds. Very practical. It's about problem solving. As you say, sometimes there are patterns to it that you can predict or head off if you can get words for it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 I would take him for evaluation and probably a treatment plan that helps him and you learn to cope with the way his mind works. Each child is so different, and you haven't mentioned an age unless I missed it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 I've been avoiding medication, because of where we live what I've experienced with those here that are put on them (over prescribing, teens that had been medicated ending up dependent on pot due to side effects of the meds), though I will say that I now understand why people now consider it. I have tried the dietary changes. They do work some for us, but we aren't always able to keep up with them (as you've experienced, they can be costly). There are no options for activities here. We have no car and everything is through the school. So, if you homeschool, you don't get to participate (and the schools here are beyond crap). If you have no vehicle, you can't participate (nothing is within walking distance and there is no public transportation. Heavens, even the so-called homeschool group meets outside of town and seems to be more for those that know each other through their churches and relations...we are Orthodox and there are only three Orthodox families in town and no parishes for us; they are all an hour away. So we have no church activities even right now and attending other churches is out of the question).I will look into including him in on my walks more and take him to the park regularly. I will look for that book. I think I need it. I feel bad in that I feel like I haven't me his needs where he is at. There are times where we seem to find something that works and then there are times where I'm back at square one. It can be like a light switch. He went into meltdown earlier and within half an hour he was the sweetest kid and working things out with his siblings again. Poor kid. You can imagine how different parenting was for me with so many introverted kids...this turns everything on it's head. It's taken me several years to convince my husband that this is what it is. I have family members that are ADHD. He has one cousin that is ADD and she has been able to help with his understanding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 He's seven. I will ask my nephew's mama who she has my nephew see. My sister can help me with transportation for that. It's not everyday. Bedtime could be an everyday event, except I have caved in letting him stay up till his older brother goes to bed. The rest is more around once a week unless something triggers him. I'm hoping that the new school year and schedule will help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Duck, are you in the US or somewhere else? Just want to make sure we understand what your options are. What you're looking for is a psychologist. You might also look into an OT eval. OT can help with self-regulation issues and the OT could give you things to do that you can do at home, with simple equipment (stretchy band, a ball, resistance, etc.). Deep pressure, joint compression, midline activities, etc. can improve regulation for these kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 I'm in the US. In the South (things like this make me miss PA). I googled the book The Explosive Child and plenty of PDFs also popped up with both symptoms and coping helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 Oy. I walked into the bathroom and found during his quiet point he had putting toilet paper in the sink, filled it with water, mixed in toothpaste, and filled some empty containers...water all over the floor. I called him in, explained how it was destructed, and calmly told him that he was going to have to clean it up. He is doing that. I know I will have to check to make certain. However, he took it well and I stayed calm (his siblings are usually the ones that get upset and lead up to fighting and meltdown. I just have a migraine today and did end up yelling earlier in the midst of three people screeching at each other. One on one with him is not so bad). The bathroom is going to be my asking him about each step. I ordered the book suggested. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Sorry you're having a migraine. :( That's great that you ordered the book. You can google for OTs that handle a lot of ADHD, ASD, and sensory and then ask them who they refer to for psych evals. That will give you more ways to get names of potential psychs. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalex Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 For electronic devices we have to set the oven timer. Sometimes it's, "Ok DS, 15 minutes and then you need to get off" and then when the timer beeps, I remind him. I still get the, "Hold on! I just need to....". But I just let the timer keep going until he gets off. It beeps every minute or so. I find it helps get me out of the fight. The fight is between him and the timer! My kids set the timer for each other--saves a lot of fighting! For meltdowns, we send DS to his room. He knows he's allowed to come out when he calms down. But yes, he also feels like we are sending him to the moon or something! A lot of times he ends up playing with lego to calm down. (maybe you could use the timer for down time? knowing it's a specific amount of time may help) I have to admit, we just started a low dose medication for ADHD and the impulsive behavior (like playing in the bathroom) has slowed down. Sorry, you are having a rough day! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 The bathroom thing is something we've dealt with a lot. I'd try to be proactive about the evals. By age seven, with typical kids you'd probably start seeing more self-control, etc. If there are things going on you really want to get a good understanding of what it is and work out the right approaches before puberty hits. I think some of the behavior could be sensory seeking and an OT eval might help with sorting it out. In the meanwhile, work lots of homemade physical activity into his routine. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandamom Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 My oldest dd (just turned 15) was extremely difficult when she was younger -- hour + long tantrums/meltdowns, holes in walls/doors, etc. She hates (still does) to be left alone -- doesn't like to watch very much tv, either. She is my most talkative child. She is still the one most likely to be in the middle of a sibling disagreement. She is sensory seeking and high energy.We did discover she was dye sensitive and eliminating the dye helped alot but didn't solve all of the problems. We ended up putting her in gymnastics and I suspect that if we hadn't done that she would have benefited from OT for her sensory needs. I realize that gymnastics isn't an option for you but can you add some physical outlets for your house? We bought a mini-trampoline that comes in real handy (for me also as I use it for exercise). I'm sure there are other things that you can use -- exercise videos, increased walking/hiking, etc. My favorite parenting book is Raising Your Spirited Child which helped me understand my oldest daughter and youngest stepson who are very similar in personality. Interestingly, my oldest dd isn't ADHD although my husband, younger stepson and younger daughter (my most compliant child) all are diagnosed with ADHD so I'm very familiar what you are dealing with. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ForeverFamily Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 No advice, just hugs. I feel for you as I am dealing with some of the same things with my 7yo. Lots of meltdowns. It is getting really old. Hope you are able to figure things out. I will have to find that book, I own it but have never read it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Quick answer....meds. Seriously, they make a huge huge difference here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2Blaze Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Honestly, the meds have made the biggest difference in my 8 year old ADHD/ASD son. I tried everything under the sun before we started them. We eat as much organic as we can which can be hard as he has a limited diet due to sensory issues. I have found replacements for some of his faves that he likes as well so that helped. We removed all red dyes from anything he takes in or uses or wears. THAT has made the biggest difference in his behavior even on meds. If he is exposed I know within 10 minutes. It is so crazy. He knows now too and looks at every package to make sure it doesn't have any red dye in it. He even tells the people at the houses we trick or treat at that he can't have red. SO cute. We get some odd looks but whatever. He is being responsible for himself. The ASD helps with the rule following sometimes. ;) He rarely gets sugar, drinks no types of soda (says they are hot), and no caffeine unless he has sweet tea when we go out to eat. Usually he wants ice water though. We drink raw milk as he can't tolerate grocery store milk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinsomeCreek Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 You very much described my 7 yo, but the screaming happens at his brothers mostly. Have you seen a psychologist? We have struggled despite trying a number of methods and interventions. The kid is always on and needs tons of stimulation. As we speak he is going up to everyone with a balloon that he blew up into a costume helmet and punching it in their faces until he gets a response. Sigh. ADHD, odd, anxiety and depression and gifted. 😟 I have a basement full of stuff he can mess with, but he doesn't want to be alone. I plan on putting him in a few different afterschool sports this year. I started him on probiotics. He has a script for vyvanse, which I'm truly agonizing over filling. It's so hard. I wonder where I went wrong. I wonder how it got to this point. His brothers are not like this at all. But he has damaged his relationships with his brothers so much over the last couple of years that I am kicking myself for not intervening sooner. I wish I had some helpful advice for you. All I can offer is that you are not alone. As we move forward with counseling and try things I can post what works. Right now I address the day to day needs he has the best I can, which is not good enough. I tied the balloon and he is showing the baby how to use it as a punching bag (weeble). I guess you could say I redirect. Head on confrontations end very badly as he has no limits to how far he is willing to take things. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cynful Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Sorry to hijack, but just curious. Your descriptions of your child(ren) have described my 4 1/2 year old to a capital T. I mean if it weren't for the ages, I'd think you were describing him. I know he's young, but I've suspected ADHD and/or Sensory for quite a while now. I keep thinking each year it will get better but it doesn't, it just changes. So when do I think about having him evaluated? I'm at the end of my rope with him and exhausted. Thanks, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Sorry to hijack, but just curious. Your descriptions of your child(ren) have described my 4 1/2 year old to a capital T. I mean if it weren't for the ages, I'd think you were describing him. I know he's young, but I've suspected ADHD and/or Sensory for quite a while now. I keep thinking each year it will get better but it doesn't, it just changes. So when do I think about having him evaluated? I'm at the end of my rope with him and exhausted. Thanks, Take him in for an OT eval now. The sooner the better. The psych eval really depends on whether you think you're getting to ASD or just staying at ADHD, whether you think there are SLDs, etc. But OT, I'd get that going PRONTO. Time is a wasting to intervene. And if your state has disability benefits for which you need an IEP, then obviously get going through the ps too. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinsomeCreek Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I wish I had pursued an evaluation and sought professional help at that age. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 How do you deal with it? Ours end up in screaming matches. He absolutely WILL NOT listen and keeps repeating the same questions and statements over and over and over (repeatedly screaming them at me). God forbid I take away an electronic device. The end of the world will happen. Generally, a meltdown is sign of needing a nap. Getting him to take the nap is a battle. He also REFUSES to be alone. He refuses to be in any room alone. He must be attached to someone, anyone, at all times. His mind doesn't quit. (he does best when DH is home and is able to work with him in something new...like laying flooring. He loved it and was working with his dad on that. I just don't have the ability or money for those kinds of projects all the time). He has questions, complaints, wanting to show, getting into something...EVERY three to five minutes. Our family is full of introverts. There are times where he has drained ALL of us and we just want him to sit, read, play quietly, take a nap...even for one hour. He takes this to mean that we don't want him, period. Once he calms down, he seems to get it. But when the next meltdown happens, he's entirely irrational. Doing school with him is helpful and is giving us some sanity. But when I need to spend time on the others, I'm just not sure how this is going to go. :grouphug: I started watching for triggers -then learning how to avoid those triggers. it did reduce meltdowns. meltdowns frequently came because he was overstimulated - overstimulation often comes because they are enjoying what they are doing so much, they just want more and more but don't stop when they've had enough. e.g., if I knew he could play with a friend for only an hour - that's all he got. even if he thought he could go longer, that was it! if he played for an hour, he'd be fine afterwards and reasonably let go. if he played for an hour and a half - meltdown. adequate sleep was a biggie. I started him on melatonin, and he immediately started sleeping another two hours+ a night. he was much easier the next day. ASD kids often have difficulty getting enough sleep. I started noticing what foods to which he was sensitive. nitrates/nitrites are a problem for him and if he eats too many, he becomes aggressive and easier to anger. (he doesn't seem to react to dyes, but some parents have said they've noticed it with their kids) we started treating him for his anxiety, and that helped alot - which may or may not look what you expect anxiety to look like (he'd rush to the door to slam it in people's faces - while yelling "BANG" and pointing his finger gun at them - because people coming over stressed him.) I also have a rule - I will snuggle little boys who need to be comforted. It's okay to cry, it's okay to be upset - but I will NOT be an audience for a screaming fit. he can scream all he wants in his room. when he's done screaming I will snuggle if he still wants to. I so know the attaching to you. he acts like a cat (all cats have aspergers . . . . ). I don't like cats. . . . I'm a dog person. it get's better with time, looking for what is underlying the clinginess - playing actual games when he's wanting attention is helpful. reading his stories, getting him some outside exercise, riding a bike etc. it took a lot of my time, but things have gotten better. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 It's so hard. I wonder where I went wrong. I wonder how it got to this point. it's so easy to self blame. these kids can be so demanding, they can make you feel like a failure. they are intense kids that are demanding because that is how they came. not because we did something wrong. (I had a woman tell me that to my face. twice! her dh went white when I said dudeling was diagnosed with aspergers. after all, his wife kept telling everyone how he was just behavior problems I wasn't addressing.) there isn't any one fix-all. what works for one may or may not work for another. just tackle the biggest/most pressing, then move to the next thing. get a good support team and get evals done then go from there. you can't do everything at once, there simply isn't enough time, energy or money to do so. help your other sons understand this child has a malfunctioning brain. you're doing your best to help him be his best self (and focus him in appropriate and productive avenues), and he's doing his best - but he is dealing with some pretty big obstacles. it's a good lesson for the others in not taking things personally. (and having compassion for those who struggle.) it's also an early start in boundaries. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Honestly, the meds have made the biggest difference in my 8 year old ADHD/ASD son. I tried everything under the sun before we started them. We eat as much organic as we can which can be hard as he has a limited diet due to sensory issues. I have found replacements for some of his faves that he likes as well so that helped. We removed all red dyes from anything he takes in or uses or wears. THAT has made the biggest difference in his behavior even on meds. If he is exposed I know within 10 minutes. It is so crazy. He knows now too and looks at every package to make sure it doesn't have any red dye in it. He even tells the people at the houses we trick or treat at that he can't have red. SO cute. We get some odd looks but whatever. He is being responsible for himself. The ASD helps with the rule following sometimes. ;) He rarely gets sugar, drinks no types of soda (says they are hot), and no caffeine unless he has sweet tea when we go out to eat. Usually he wants ice water though. We drink raw milk as he can't tolerate grocery store milk. One thing I've learned - these kids don't like feeling bad/out- of-control anymore than those around them like how they behave when they feel bad. which is helpful when they recognize how something affects them, they will try to be cooperative, even when there aren't many areas in which they cooperate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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