JessieC Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 :iagree::iagree: Sometimes it is very tough to balance it all. Adding an infant that requires LOADS of time would stretch me even thinner and I might break. I owe it to the children I have to be there for them. I don't want my high schooler's last "home" memories before he leaves for college to be of me with zero time for him because I am caring for all the children I chose to bring into our family. :iagree: I am of the "less is more" camp as far as having children. We meant to have two, but unexpectedly had a third, and that is plenty. As a planet, we cannot sustain current population growth, and this is a huge concern for me. I don't want my kids' future to be the "hot, flat, and crowded" world that it is on the path to becoming. Also, I feel the more children there are, the less time, energy, and resources I personally have for the others. I heard this quote once, and it rings true for me: "I love being a mother too much to ruin it by having too many children." Not judging anyone else's choices--this is just how I see it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) ... The general mindset that is so prevalent in our culture that everything must be squared away and in tip top shape to "responsibly" bring another baby into a family is what bothers me just a bit. I do respect and can understand everyone's thoughts on this. Some people feel they can't handle more than 1 or 2, or don't want to, or have extenuating circumstances, or whatever else and that is okay. I just wish more people could look at large families and think that's okay, too. ... And although I have not seen it mentioned here, it is quite okay to have no children. I find nothing at all selfish about having no children or ten children, assuming you can adequately provide for them. Further, people who have zero, one, two, or whatever constitutes small family - or a large family - should *never* feel compelled to justify why they do or do not want to bear more children. People just have to do what makes them fulfilled within reason and stop looking for validation from family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers on the internet. Edited August 23, 2012 by annandatje Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 :iagree: I am of the "less is more" camp as far as having children. We meant to have two, but unexpectedly had a third, and that is plenty. As a planet, we cannot sustain current population growth, and this is a huge concern for me. I don't want my kids' future to be the "hot, flat, and crowded" world that it is on the path to becoming. Also, I feel the more children there are, the less time, energy, and resources I personally have for the others. I heard this quote once, and it rings true for me: "I love being a mother too much to ruin it by having too many children." Not judging anyone else's choices--this is just how I see it. Excellent point and something that is not so much in our face in our current land of plenty. Elfgivas, your post about living in area where scarce water had to allocated in a fair manner was spot on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) We stopped at the number that we thought we could take care of properly. If number 2 had been disabled, for example, we thought we could have managed caring for them both. If a potential number 3 had been disabled, we didn't trust ourselves to have the financial and personal resources to cope. Laura Caring for or overseeing care and respite care of a disabled person can be difficult as they age, particularly when mental illness worsens over time. Both my partner and I had parents who died relatively young, leaving us with the care of a disabled sibling each. My partner felt for a few years that he probably should not have a family of his own since he already had a huge responsibility at a young age. In his sibling group, it was a matter of the willing mule carrying the load. Of course, all the siblings felt they had valid reasons for not helping with the care of the disabled sibling. Edited August 23, 2012 by annandatje Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
susancollins Posted August 23, 2012 Author Share Posted August 23, 2012 Thank you all of your input, wisdom, and advice. I read all of the posts. We are prayerfully considering having another baby and leaning more towards yes lets have another one more than no. You all have given me something to think about. I will keep you update on what we decide it will possibly be next year. We are also considering adoption. I would appreciate your prayers if you pray for my family. Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Nope.I was raised w/3 brothers. None of us talk to one another. Not a single one. I wouldn't count on them any more than I'd count on someone off the street. Love them, yes...or at least the memories of the kids I grew up w/. I don't actually know the adults they've become, the women they've married, the children they have. Honestly, it would be less painful if I'd been an only, in that regard. Having sibs is 0 guarantee that there's going to 'always be someone you can count on.' :iagree: I have to agree with this. Dd being an only was not intended, but if it keeps her from having to deal with absent sibs then that is a good thing. My brother has refused every gesture of friendship I've made in the last 1o years. I have no idea why. His last response was something along the lines of "sometimes siblings just don't get along." :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Okay, here's what it did, if you want the truth and then I'm not mentioning it again. My life is messed up, truly, I have very little I am happy with right now. The last decade of my life has been one trial after another and I'm just done with so much of it. Family size and homeschooling are two areas where I feel like I'm doing something right. It's been a horrid week, including the fact 3 blocks away a father and two children died in weird house fire when there was no visible damage to the outside of the house. I didn't know them, but we watched the emergency services there for over 4 hours, not knowing what happened until the next day, but we knew someone had died. So I'm treasuring my child a little closer this week. It did feel like a smack down to me, but that's really not your issue. I'm overly sensitive in general and I'm very sensitive this week for the above and few other things I'm not mentioning online. I don't know how you feel about me in general, so to get reprimanded for expressing joy in the one thing I feeling like I do right left me in tears. Again, it's MY sensitivity, not YOUR words. It's how *I* took them, and I take responsibility for that. I'm done with this topic, I have to go back to the school table now. I'm so sorry life is difficult for you right now. I remember when we had years upon years of heart breaking trials. I remember YEARS ago Impish responding to one of my threads saying hoe she didn't know how we kept on going. It was bad, and like you, I only shared PART of it online! I know how it wears one down, makes you feel defeated and weary, and makes one emotionally fragile. I want to encourage you, though. Everything has a season! I can honestly say this is the first year in about a decade where dh and I have PEACE. We do still have trials, but we are stronger now and we do have peace. And the trials are more normal life trials. I hope your season of difficulties end soon! Cling to things you enjoy and find other ways to strengthen and bless yourself.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 :iagree: I have a brother who I was pretty close with growing up, but due to his choice of spouse and his life choices I only see or hear from them through our parents. I dread future interactions when my parents are older. I truly believe you can do everything right and your kids might not be close. There are several fridge worthy posts here! Thanks! :001_smile: :glare: girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse choices REALLY have a lot of pull on family of origin relationships. :sad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) I'm sorry, and no offense to onlys, but nothing can compare to a group of supportive siblings who can walk through trials with you like no one else. No, we don't all get along every minute, but when push comes to shove, there is always someone you can count on. I am glad that it worked out that way for you. A close family is a really great thing. You can't however generalize your life everyone else's life. I have a brother I had to get a restraining order against. My mother's sisters are nasty people who hurt her sadistically over and over. Giving my older child a sibling was not one of my reasons for having another. It was because we wanted a child and knew we would be able to raise that child. No child should be born mainly for their older sibling. Edited August 24, 2012 by kijipt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 I'm so sorry life is difficult for you right now. I remember when we had years upon years of heart breaking trials. I remember YEARS ago Impish responding to one of my threads saying hoe she didn't know how we kept on going. It was bad, and like you, I only shared PART of it online! I know how it wears one down, makes you feel defeated and weary, and makes one emotionally fragile. I want to encourage you, though. Everything has a season! I can honestly say this is the first year in about a decade where dh and I have PEACE. We do still have trials, but we are stronger now and we do have peace. And the trials are more normal life trials. I hope your season of difficulties end soon! Cling to things you enjoy and find other ways to strengthen and bless yourself.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Thank you, this season has drug on far too long. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) I adopted a sister for dd12 because my boys were SO close growing up. I wanted the same for her. don't get me wrong, I wanted to adopt before I ever had my first kid. With all the stress dd9 has caused, I honestly don't know if dd12 and dd9 will have ANY relationship when they are adults. Of my two boys, one is generous, loving, compassionate and considers other's needs above his own. The other is completely self absorbed and has no loyalty. My compassionate son has been hurt by his brother many times. he has felt betrayed. His brother has done thinga to him he woukd never be capable of doing to anybody. Things are going well with them now, but I do fear my one son getting hurt again. Edited August 23, 2012 by Denisemomof4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaG Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 It is never "unfair" to have more children. God's plan is not ours! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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