questions about adolescent boys, brains, and neurology

[Danestress]

Okay. My boys are making me want to cry. They are 11. They are bright, active, creative, fun loving, and interested in a lot of what we do in school. They both work out daily, and they both read a lot. They have always been good students and cooperative ones.

 

And today, I am ready to throw the towel in because they CAN NOT FOCUS. Either of them. At all. I swear, I have had to give them the same assignment six times, and they are just mentally all over the place. I think we are in the midst of some major brain rewiring!

 

I have ADD, and I remember it being this way. I remember not knowing what my teacher said right after she said it. So I do understand.

 

So neurologically speaking, if you had to guess, do you think it's better on these "out to lunch" days to

 

(1) redirect and refocus them and make them stick with it and keep hammering away because it's forcing their brains to make connections and grow the parts of their brains that ....um....need some work

 

or

 

(2) send them out to play basketball for the day and know that they are smart and capable and maybe their brains just need a day off.

 

I know that as far as academic goals go, we are on track for the year in math. We aren't behind, and so my question isn't so much about whether math is important.

 

I really just wonder what is best for their brains, assuming we could always choose the best thing for the brain of our child.

 

Does this make any sense at all? I think my blood pressure is out of control today because they are making me so crazy, lol.

[Maria from IN]

My son was this way when he was 11-I told him his brain fell out shortly after his 11th birthday. That's exactly how it seemed!

 

In my psych classes they have been talking about some serious synaptic pruning that happens at adolescence. I told J that it seemed like his brain fell out and that I would remind him when he had these moments because I get so frustrated! :banghead: He, too, would get frustrated because he felt "foggy" for a long time.

 

I have noticed that a lot of my son's material has been the same for the last few years...there's constant review with a little bit of new knowledge. My teacher friends have said that the middle school years are more or less a holding pattern because there's so much going on at this age.

 

Some days I still want to cry, but now at 14 my son is getting better about focusing and I'm hearing "I forgot about that" a lot less these days.

 

Hang in there! Maybe alternate basketball with the hammering away? Or go out and shoot baskets with them? ;)

[Peggy in Va]

I definitely feel for you. Mine are 12 1/2 and recently turned 11.

 

I don't know if this is an either/or situation. If it were my kids, and I have done this, I would tell them to go run around the back yard (as in laps) or shoot hoops for a determined period of time, then get back to work.

 

Think kids (especially boys) that are about 4 or 5 yrs old. The attention span just isn't consistent. I remember when my oldest was a pre-teen/ teenager and younger dss were about 2 and 3, it dawned on me one day that there was absolutely no difference in their behavior. The only thing that made them different was number of years and that the teenager had more ability to debate/argue/express his opinion. They all lacked focus, and whined and threw tantrums in their own way.

 

Sorry you're going through this. It can be trying.

[Danestress]

It's funny, I just don't remember my oldest being this way. He was always good at keeping track of physical items, which is a challenge for me and for my other children, and he always had a really incredible visual memory, so he would remember assignments even without writing them down.

 

But I have probably forgotten parts of it, too!

[Michelle T]

My DS is close to 13, and has always had raging ADHD and LD's. So none of this is new to me, but I would definitely say that his ability to focus over the last year or so has been worse than usual.

 

On days that are really bad, sometimes I just give it up for the day, sometimes I keep on pushing through. It generally depends on my OWN mood, how "behind" I feel we are, what else is scheduled that day, etc. No particular rhyme or reason.

 

Anyway, I can really sympathize! There are times I am absolutely astounded by DS's brain fog, forgetfulness, and complete lack of commonsense!

Michelle T

[Danestress]

 

 

I have noticed that a lot of my son's material has been the same for the last few years...there's constant review with a little bit of new knowledge. My teacher friends have said that the middle school years are more or less a holding pattern because there's so much going on at this age.

 

 

 

I think this is the heart of my question. Is it really better to just keep kids in a "holding pattern" during these years, or would it benefit them to really challenge the brain with difficult, demanding material? Are we selling them short when we keep lessons really simple because their "brains fell out?"

[Kathy in MD]

I think this is the heart of my question. Is it really better to just keep kids in a "holding pattern" during these years, or would it benefit them to really challenge the brain with difficult, demanding material? Are we selling them short when we keep lessons really simple because their "brains fell out?"

 

Look at it as reviewing, solidifying, filling in holes and correcting misunderstandings. Add new info, yes, but by solidifying past learning you're building their confidence and giving them a solid platform to spring from in HS.

 

I always felt part of my strength in math was because when we moved to a different school district when I waas in the 6th grade, it took them 3 years to finally teach everything I had learned earlier. I did learn new math, but a lot was just good review.

[Rich with Kids]

I had a pediatrician tell me and my son that at 11 and 12, their brains are still developing. I think he said something about the frontal lobe, which is involved in planning and strategizing and organizing, initiating attention and stopping and starting and shifting attention. He said it's what separates man from the animals. :D They just need more time to develop. I felt a lot better after that conversation. 'Cuz I get alotta this :001_huh: from my 13 1/2 year old. Which makes me do this :banghead: on a regular basis.

[MamaT]

I totally feel for you. My 10yo must be especially mature :001_smile: because he has already started this. I don't remember his brothers being this way. I sent him out yesterday and told him to run around the house three times and come back. Once he realized he WOULD finish school eventually that day, he buckled down.

 

He also spaces out while I am trying to teach him something, and then comes up with these off the wall statements that have nothing to do with what I just said.:confused:

[Heather in Neverland]

I am SO GLAD to read this. My ds turns 11yo next month and just in the last couple of weeks it seems his brain has also been misplaced! Suddenly he daydreams constantly, is always tired (and has been taking afternoon naps again which he hasn't done since he was 4yo!), and it takes him eons to get through his math lesson even though he gets them all correct.

 

It's like he is a totally different kid. Add to that the moodiness and a new found sense of the lack of "justice" in the world :confused: and it is like he is possessed or something.

 

How long is this going to last???? :tongue_smilie:

[MamaT]

In my experience, until he's about 16!

[yslek]

In my psych classes they have been talking about some serious synaptic pruning that happens at adolescence.

 

 

:iagree:

 

Dh read about the same thing in a book by Dr. Amen. I think it was referred to as a "brain dump". (Or maybe that was dh's spin on it! :lol:) He said that at age 11 (and apparently there is very little variation in the age :confused:...maybe the other "stuff" that goes on in adolescence is more hormone-related?) the brain prunes the synapses, dumping info it doesn't need, and re-arranging everything else. It would be very difficult to focus and think while the hard-drive is being re-formated, as it were.

 

I don't know, but it's easy to imagine this kind of thing going in spurts and stops, hence periods of concentration surrounded by periods of total brain fog. The basketball idea is probably a good one.

 

Ugh. B turns 11 in September, and I am so not ready to deal with this. :tongue_smilie:

[elegantlion]

Joining the group with a ds11. He has asked me about 15 times today to skip school. His focus goes in waves, perhaps the power surge in his brain. :glare:

 

Wonderful kid, I just feel like I'm constantly redirecting him. Such is part of the journey I guess. You can't simply get in a sailboat and go from A to B, right? You have to keep adjusting the sails. I feel blessed that he is home for this period of his life. So many course correction happen throughout the day, I'm glad I (as his parent) am in charge of how to handle those.

 

Okay after reading this thread I decided to cut our school day short. He's watching something on the Military channel. So that will be military history, right.

 

I do wonder about the academics. Is it good to let them have a veg out day or should we push through? We aren't behind and nothing is pressing. We've done this a few times and I try to gauge his intent. It is truly one of those days or is he trying to get out of work to push the boundaries? Today seems like one of those days, but in general I struggle with that same issue.

[Heather in Neverland]

Joining the group with a ds11. He has asked me about 15 times today to skip school. His focus goes in waves, perhaps the power surge in his brain. :glare:

 

Wonderful kid, I just feel like I'm constantly redirecting him. Such is part of the journey I guess. You can't simply get in a sailboat and go from A to B, right? You have to keep adjusting the sails. I feel blessed that he is home for this period of his life. So many course correction happen throughout the day, I'm glad I (as his parent) am in charge of how to handle those.

 

Okay after reading this thread I decided to cut our school day short. He's watching something on the Military channel. So that will be military history, right.

 

I do wonder about the academics. Is it good to let them have a veg out day or should we push through? We aren't behind and nothing is pressing. We've done this a few times and I try to gauge his intent. It is truly one of those days or is he trying to get out of work to push the boundaries? Today seems like one of those days, but in general I struggle with that same issue.

 

I've been thinking about this too. This kid cannot seem to concentrate on anything. Add to that all the excitement about our upcoming move and it makes for a long, frustrating school day! I've been thinking about paring back to the bare essentials until we move.

 

Any advice?

[Kathy in MD]

In my experience, until he's about 16!

 

:party: Only one more year to go !!!!!!

[Mama Bear]

How about teaching the kid while he's in motion? I'm thinking about buying a ball for my bouncy kid to sit on while working. In the past, it's worked well to have him walking/jumping rope/hopping on one foot while memorizing. Now he's tall enough that so much activity can be annoying. :D And I second recommendations for Dr. Amen's work -- Making a Good Brain Great, Healing ADD, How to Get Out of Your Own Way... and etc.

[Hillary in KS]

I don't know if it has to be either of your choices(hammer through it vs. let them play basketball all day). Couldn't it be *both*?

 

Boys have energy. Lots of energy. They need to DO something with it. And that need to do stuff probably gets in the way of focusing on schoolwork.

 

Can't you schedule an hour of school, and then give them an hour of something *physical* to do. Let them burn off some of that physicality. (Either by doing labor or playing a sport. Things like that.) Then do more school, followed by a very physical break.

 

So far my oldest is nearly 14, and he hasn't had too much difficulty with focusing like you've described. But he's a competitive swimmer, and is in the pool 90 minutes a day. (More in the summers.) Add to that running around outside and chores around the house and he has plenty of ways to get rid of excess energy.

 

Maybe make a list of things they can do during breaks, both play things (football, basketball, etc.) and work things (wash the car, weed the garden, shovel/sweep the walks, etc.) to help get them started?

[Peela]

My ds13 is still like this but it is getting better (fingers crossed, touching wood). However, I still have to literally sit next to him at times and make him focus. At 11? Oh yeah, I spent a lot of time sitting next to him bringing his attention back to his work.

 

I think a balance between the two approaches you have suggested might be best in the long haul, although either might be better on any given day. Keep them focused by giving them short lessons (Charlotte Mason recommends this) AND send them to run around frequently.

[Christine]

Okay, there's a book

 

by a female author

 

and it's terribly ironic as I can never remember the name of either

 

But it's all about the minds of teenagers (not gender specific, necessarily)

 

and the mass suicide that their brain cells do at this age of their life.

 

Supposedly, new connections are made and life goes on (possibly better than before). . .

 

but, I think my brain most have missed that step, as I can never remember the name of this book!

 

Anyway, it's all very scientific, and terribly enlightening, and when I get a chance I will ask my 16 yo ds (who also read it) what it's called.

 

Assuming I remember. . .