Tomato staking and puberty

[klmama]

Anyone started tomato staking children once they reached puberty? My oldest, 11, is starting into that difficult time and has lost what few mental organization skills already existed. I get very, very tired of repeating myself to this one, and at the frustrated attitude that comes back at me when I stand there and insist that things are done in a timely manner. The others are starting to get the idea that listening and doing what Mom asked may not be as urgent as they previously thought. Anyone with experience in living through this have suggestions regarding the wisdom of tomato staking, and the logistics of it for a child this age? Any better ideas to help a child who already had focus issues deal with this unsettling time of life?

 

FWIW, I, too, am scattered in my thinking these days (enjoy your organized brains while they last, you young ones!), and I am struggling with follow-through. Any advice about keeping myself on track so I can keep this very scattered dc in line, too? TIA!

[H.S. Burrow]

Anyone started tomato staking children once they reached puberty? My oldest, 11, is starting into that difficult time and has lost what few mental organization skills already existed. I get very, very tired of repeating myself to this one, and at the frustrated attitude that comes back at me when I stand there and insist that things are done in a timely manner. The others are starting to get the idea that listening and doing what Mom asked may not be as urgent as they previously thought. Anyone with experience in living through this have suggestions regarding the wisdom of tomato staking, and the logistics of it for a child this age? Any better ideas to help a child who already had focus issues deal with this unsettling time of life?

 

FWIW, I, too, am scattered in my thinking these days (enjoy your organized brains while they last, you young ones!), and I am struggling with follow-through. Any advice about keeping myself on track so I can keep this very scattered dc in line, too? TIA!

 

 

:confused: :confused:I'm sorry...but the only tomato staking that I'm familiar with occurs with actual tomato plants, a piece of cane, and that stretchy green tape and usually takes place in a garden. I have a 14DD and an almost 11DS who do get scatterbrained at times......and I am clueless about your question.

 

Do you want to tie your child to you? :confused: :confused: I really don't understand....

[Ellie]

I have friends who have done it with older dc.

 

For those who don't know, this is what she's talking about.

 

Also, there is a Raising Godly Tomatoes social group here. :-)

[H.S. Burrow]

I have friends who have done it with older dc.

 

For those who don't know, this is what she's talking about.

 

Also, there is a Raising Godly Tomatoes social group here. :-)

 

 

Thanks for the link. :) I can honestly say I've never heard of tomato staking one's child until today.

[Mandy in TN]

I have friends who have done it with older dc.

 

For those who don't know, this is what she's talking about.

 

Also, there is a Raising Godly Tomatoes social group here. :-)

 

Thanks so much! I had no clue what the OP was about! LOL

Mandy

[Mandy in TN]

Interesting reading. IMHO- to some extent homeschooled children, especially young children who are educated classically or through traditional teacher/ student means, are tomato staked simply through the nature of this type of education.

 

If I were to begin to deliberately use tomato staking with an older child, I think that in order for it to be effective it would have to be something that I personally and strongly believed and planned to use with all of my children. If this were the case, I would sit down with all the children and explain the changes. Her website gives an example of her husband training the children to respond immediately when their father called by both coming to him and with the verbal reply "coming." I think that I would use this example, so all the children would know what is expected. Then, if I were going to intensely stake just the one child, I would be sure to refer to it as training or mentoring and not as punishment.

 

Anyway, just my thoughts.

HTH-

Mandy

[Guest Hurricanemom]

I've never responded before, but I have tomato staked my then 12, almost 13 year old daughter. She is now 17. She was caught cheating on a science test and as a result I told her that she couldn't be trusted and so would have to spend all of her waking hours with one of us. She was able to use the restroom though. She was not able to see her friends or even go to her co-op classes. She did continue with her music lessons at this time. We used this time to talk about proper behavior and trust. We did things together, fun and work. We had a lot of family time. Additionally she had been working towards a dog which she finished earning during this time. We allowed her to get it since we wanted to make a trust point and her earning her dog had nothing to do with the other. She was not allowed to show it to her friends though! We did this for one month. When I had to be somewhere she couldn't go, I took her to her dad's offce. In reality, I would do it again. It was a good bonding experience. We did not harp on the cheating but talked about trust. She is now 17 and is fairly trustworthy, she is 17 after all. She is close with us and refers to the time building up to her tomato staking as the "bad period" in her life. She says she saw it as a time when we really needed to make a point to her about trust. She saw us do something that took our time and energy to help her grow.

Susan

[yslek]

My oldest, 11, is starting into that difficult time and has lost what few mental organization skills already existed. I get very, very tired of repeating myself to this one, and at the frustrated attitude that comes back at me when I stand there and insist that things are done in a timely manner.

 

This reminds me of something dh read in a book about brains (I think it was this one:http://www.amazon.com/Making-Good-Brain-Great-Performance/dp/1400082099/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1237227754&sr=8-1)

 

Apparently age 11 is a time of massive brain change. The brain goes through a major "pruning" process, where information that is not being used is "dumped" and neural connections are lost/re-routed. I imagine that trying to focus or be mentally organized (when the mental faculties are in the process of being completely re-organized!) must be extremely difficult.

 

So, no real advice on the tomato staking bit, but this might make it easier to be understanding & work through this difficult period. :tongue_smilie:

 

(I should probably save a copy of this to re-read when B turns 11 in the fall! :lol:)

[Storm Bay]

If I had a child cheating, I would "tomato stake" them during school time for sure. That way there is no opportunity for cheating. I have tomato staked my 10 yo a few times, but not for more than a day--that's been plenty. My 8 yo has done that a couple of times with grammar because they put out a new edition of Easy Grammar, and so he does the blank page next to the answer key. Usually I'm right there for that one, though.

 

I knew that 16 was a big age for shedding extra brain cells, etc, but I haven't heard anything about 11 until now. I do know that those hormones can make a huge difference in concentration abilities--my 13 yo has times where she can't focus on anything and appears to be a "walking stem;)".

[Renee in NC]

This reminds me of something dh read in a book about brains (I think it was this one:http://www.amazon.com/Making-Good-Brain-Great-Performance/dp/1400082099/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1237227754&sr=8-1)

 

Apparently age 11 is a time of massive brain change. The brain goes through a major "pruning" process, where information that is not being used is "dumped" and neural connections are lost/re-routed. I imagine that trying to focus or be mentally organized (when the mental faculties are in the process of being completely re-organized!) must be extremely difficult.

 

So, no real advice on the tomato staking bit, but this might make it easier to be understanding & work through this difficult period. :tongue_smilie:

 

(I should probably save a copy of this to re-read when B turns 11 in the fall! :lol:)

 

And for others who may be reading, 11 is an average age. If your dc (boys) normally go through puberty at a younger age than 13-14, then this will occur when they are 9 or 10. At my house, 9 and 10 are TERRIBLE ages for boys, but 11 is on the upswing! By 13, my oldest was done with the major part of puberty (and my just turned 11yo is following his brother's footsteps.)

 

I imagine it works the other way, too - late puberty and the brain will do this later than 11.

[klmama]

And for others who may be reading, 11 is an average age. If your dc (boys) normally go through puberty at a younger age than 13-14, then this will occur when they are 9 or 10. At my house, 9 and 10 are TERRIBLE ages for boys, but 11 is on the upswing! By 13, my oldest was done with the major part of puberty (and my just turned 11yo is following his brother's footsteps.)

 

I imagine it works the other way, too - late puberty and the brain will do this later than 11.

 

So, did you ever need to tomato stake them to help them focus? Did being eternally present help? Or, did it just add to their aggravation at having their mother tell them what to do? My 9yo is starting to be distracted like this, too, (only I don't want to believe it - la, la, la, la, la), and I need to do something!!! I just don't know if I could stand to be with them constantly. I've watched a friend do it with younger dc, and it about drove me crazy just visiting. Still, if it might help, I'll do it, KWIM?

[Riverfront Headmistress]

I would spend as long as it takes ,and refocus my energies, to help him make correct right decisions while staying a bit more organized. It does take time and strength, however, the pay off is great. Remember: your children will rise up and call you blessed....the key is "will rise up" - they may not always think that you are blessed at the moment.

 

Think of tomato staking as a marathon, not a sprint.

[Renee in NC]

So, did you ever need to tomato stake them to help them focus? Did being eternally present help? Or, did it just add to their aggravation at having their mother tell them what to do? My 9yo is starting to be distracted like this, too, (only I don't want to believe it - la, la, la, la, la), and I need to do something!!! I just don't know if I could stand to be with them constantly. I've watched a friend do it with younger dc, and it about drove me crazy just visiting. Still, if it might help, I'll do it, KWIM?

 

Honestly? I never tried to do anything. This too shall pass.

 

I couldn't imagine having enough time or energy to tomato stake anyone!:D

[wide eyes & laughter]

This reminds me of something dh read in a book about brains (I think it was this one:http://www.amazon.com/Making-Good-Brain-Great-Performance/dp/1400082099/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1237227754&sr=8-1)

 

Apparently age 11 is a time of massive brain change. The brain goes through a major "pruning" process, where information that is not being used is "dumped" and neural connections are lost/re-routed. I imagine that trying to focus or be mentally organized (when the mental faculties are in the process of being completely re-organized!) must be extremely difficult.

 

So, no real advice on the tomato staking bit, but this might make it easier to be understanding & work through this difficult period. :tongue_smilie:

 

(I should probably save a copy of this to re-read when B turns 11 in the fall! :lol:)

 

My ds10 is entering this stage, I think. Anyway, lately he has been responding to a list (laminated) and has actually enjoyed checking off all school work and chores. I also talked to him about hormones and how they affect the mind/body and asked him to work at having better focus. I'll be keeping the "staking" in mind, though, if needed in our future!

[dtb1999]

Her website gives an example of her husband training the children to respond immediately when their father called by both coming to him and with the verbal reply "coming."

 

 

:001_huh: Im sorry, but we are talking about children here, not dogs.