Sending DC to high school

[ValRN]

My DS will be in high school next year and I am considering sending him to public school (can't afford private school at this time). I'm home schooling three DC and it is getting to be very taxing on me. I do nothing but teach and prepare lessons for the following day. I'm getting burned out. In addition, my DS wants to major in music when he goes to college and I feel like the public school would offer him so much more than I can offer him (music related). I don't feel like my DS takes home schooling seriously. He needs to be accountable to someone else for his learning and studying. I am at a crossroad and am very conflicted. :confused: :001_unsure: I need help. :grouphug: I'd appreciate hearing ANY and ALL opinions on making the decision.

 

Has anyone else every felt this way?

For those of you who have sent your high schoolers to PS, what helped you come to that decision? How do you let go? How did they adjust?

Thanks for reading,

Val

[Nan in Mass]

I sent my oldest to ps for high school. I definately regret it (he is in college now). I couldn't teach him at home and he wanted to go to school, so it seemed like the decision was an easy one, but we should have looked at community college or some of the correspondence options. One of those probably would have been an option that we both liked better than public school. At the time, I didn't know those options were out there. Our public schools are good, here, so I didn't have to worry about that. Still, ps is ps, even good ps.

 

If I had one who was interested in music, I would consider ps. Our public school has things like jazz band, things I can't come close to doing at home. So - my answer isn't exactly helping you to be unconflicted. Sorry. It is a very hard decision. As far as letting go, sigh, my son made that easy, and we probably let go more than we should have. On the other hand, if we hadn't, it might have damaged our relationship even more, and he might not be speaking to us now. We do have a good relationship now, so maybe what we did wasn't as bad as it seemed. Again, not a very helpful answer.

 

Homeschooling high school takes lots of time and energy.

 

-Nan

[bettyandbob]

Before you start thinking ps can offer more for music than you, have you investigated that?

 

It's true most high schools have a band and choir, but what is the quality. In my district some of the schools have fabulous music programs and some don't. My district also has a magnet type arts program available for junior and senior year, but the homeschooling community here also has many opportunities for music minded students. So, if I thought I needed to put more emphasis on music I'd have a lot to compare.

 

I did send my ds to ps. Not for music. He did want to go and dh thought it was a good idea. There are lots of reasons it could have been bad, but the balance of reasons for him to go led us to enroll him. You mentioned accountability--we had accountability issues as well. And my ds is disorganized. Despite having trouble being organized and turning in work late he is able to be accountable to his teachers. My having to hound him at home really interfered with teaching his sister so him going to ps helped her as well.

 

This is an individual family decision. You need to list all the possible options available at public school and the quality of those options and you need to list things you could do with his high school program at home and how he will likely respond. Researching and listing all the pros and cons could take a while. After you get more details, talk to your son. What are his goals? He's old enough to have an idea of what he wants to do after he finishes his education. What does he think will help him with his goals and why? Weigh his ideas into your list of factors.

 

If you do decide to send him to school, you could set up a list of behavioral and academic expectations, which if not met would mean he came home, but you will also need a plan for how you would deal with him if you brang him home again.

 

Whatever you decide, know that there are families who homeschool successfully all the way through and know that there are families who transition smoothly to public high school and successfully finish high school there. There is no right way for everyone.

[JFSinIL]

My oldest ds, who homeschooled 3rd through 8th grades (except for 7th - he wanted to try middle school, hated it and came back home for 8th) went to our local public school for 9th on. He is bright, not very social - if he was not at school he would have NO contact at all with kids outside his siblings. For him school has been fine - we were able to put him in mostly Honors and AP classes, where he was more likely to find fellow nerdlings ;). He is a Jr. now, and comes home and TALKS to me about his day - what the funny girl in History said this time, or how his Spanish teacher told a story about xyz, etc.

 

My oldest dd went back to school in 5th grade - we get along much better apart - she is very bright and social (opposite of her big brother) and is a 9th grader this year. We got her into one of our districts "academies" - each high school (we have 5 - huge district) has a themed academy for the gifted kids. She is in the one that teaches 6 years of Spanish in 4 years along with AP and Honors classes. She loves it.

 

I would have considered high school at home if either of these kids was a mini- SWB. My dd certainly would never do schoolwork if she had a choice, and my son, while doing it, would miss the interaction with his instructors (he gets along better with adults than his peers) and be a total hermit at home.

 

So - in each case, NOT homeschooling was the best for each kid. It all depends on the kid and the available school situation.

 

If you can go into the school and meet with a counselor and show what work your son has done so far and any test scores you can work to make sure he is in the classes that will best meet his needs. Our high school looked at the Videotext scope and sequence I brought to show what he had done in 8th grade and agreed he HAD done enough work to move into Geometry in 9th rather than (retake) Algebra 1. They did have ds do a writing prompt essay on site before agreeing to put him into Honors English. If you can get your kid into a few Honors classes and not just "regular" you will (with luck) skip some of the annoyances of the public school classroom. Class clowns and troublemakers are usually not in Honors classes.

Edited February 2, 2009 by JFSinIL

[Sandy in Indy]

Our area has a wonderful program where professional musicians mentor kids. DS spends every Saturday morning playing beside really good musicians and has learned soooo much from them. (It's a free program, too!) Perhaps there's something like it in your area. (They do jazz ensembles and other small groups in addition to the larger band....so many opportunities that ds can't do it all.)

 

I am completely opposed to ps for my kids for so many reasons. The graduation rate in our area in abysmal and the average SAT score is, well, pathetic. And don't get me started on the social/peer stuff. I wouldn't subject my dog to the local ps...if I had one....and I certainly won't subject my children to it. Then there's the curriculum, teaching "truths" completely opposite of what we believe. PS is not for us!

 

There are so many options available to homeschoolers. Some of them do cost money and you probably can't get ALL of the work off of your plate. But it truly is doable and very rewarding. There's nothing better than having a kid turn at graduation and say, "thanks, Mom, for caring enough about me to invest your time in my education."

[Susan in IL]

Music is the biggest reason ds2 is in ps. I cannot provide that at home (musically inept :tongue_smilie:) and there are not a lot of other options. He is thinking of music for a major or minor in college. You need to explore what options your area has and the music program at the ps.

 

I have to say, in general, the band and orchestra kids are good kids. They are not the troublemakers or the "wrong" crowd. Many of the parents are very involved with their kids and the music programs so there is a lot of parental oversight.

 

If you do put him in ps, try to get into as many honors classes as possible like JFS says. Kids in honors like learning and are more serious about school. Many of the band and orchestra kids are in honors classes too.

 

JMHO.

[SonshineLearner]

Can you do music at school and the rest at home? My step daughter still does band at school...and the sciences...(forensic and chemistry) and the rest at home.

Or, perhaps call the local colleges including private Christian colleges, and see if there's something to participate in...

Carrie:-)

[Deidre in GA]

Has anyone else every felt this way?

For those of you who have sent your high schoolers to PS, what helped you come to that decision? How do you let go? How did they adjust?

Thanks for reading,

Val

 

my son is in public 9th grade. he really wanted to go and tensions over schoolwork between us was really poisoning our connection.

 

Pros: he commutes via public transit.an hour to school. this alone has matured him greatly and has been a gift to observe. he loves the social aspect of the school. our relationship has improved immensely.

 

Cons: the academic standards are sooooo much lower than what i required of him. he is NOT getting what i consider a good education. though he is enjoying the vacation from in-depth work, i have found myself close to tears when i see how little they ask of him. ds has ADHD and we had coping mechanisms in place to deal with it. those mechanisms are not available to him in PS so he is now on medication.

 

As for adjustment, he did have to go through some bullying at first. all of the kids knew each other from middle school so he was an outsider for a long time. this is okay now. He was dealt a major blow this week when he didn't make the soccer team so that has tainted his view of school. he's working on that though.

 

do i wish we never started this? yes. do i want him home again? yes. will i bring him home? no, not without his consent. it would kill our connection. he could get a decent education from the school if he applied himself and aimed higher. he's 15. it's time for him to put on the big boy pants and choose.

[K-FL]

In addition, my DS wants to major in music when he goes to college and I feel like the public school would offer him so much more than I can offer him (music related).

Val

 

You don't say what state your in, but here in FL kids can take any classes at the schools. We have one friend who's dd took band & Great Books @ PS, Spanish @ co-op, History @ home, & Science @ C. College. Lots of driving around, but she's gotten a great education with the parent's being in control (plus a few college credits out of the way.)

 

BTW-as a Bach of Music in Voice major, I suggest that if he majors in music to get a Bach of Arts in music (they have to take more "core" classes) than Bach of Music. Then if he changes his mind or goes back for another degree, he'll have those standard classes done. I didn't have to take any math or science & only 1 semester of English! Actually, I suggest a major in something job oriented & minor in music!

[FloridaLisa]

I'm home schooling three DC and it is getting to be very taxing on me. I do nothing but teach and prepare lessons for the following day. I'm getting burned out.

 

Val,

 

I just wanted to encourage you; I find January and February my usual burn-out months. It helps me to change things up a bit. Perhaps take a day off just out of the blue and hit the mall or the museum or whatever you need to refill. I also like to go out for a sausage biscuit and bring the books. It's actually pretty quiet in the fast food spots in the morning. Or take a break in the middle of the day and and go out for coffee.

 

I usually find that if I 1) take purposeful steps to refresh and refill myself; 2) eliminate any unecessary stresses and 2) wait for Spring, any burnout passes. That doesn't mean that ps might not be the answer. But at least you won't be making a decision motivated primarily based on how you *feel* right now.

 

I will say that homeschooling through high school is not for the faint of heart. It takes a lot of work and sometimes great emotional investment to train, educate and disciple all day, every day. But, there are ways to make it easier. Could you use a less teacher-intensive curriculum that didn't require you to make lesson plans every evening? Is there any way to outsource a class or two? Could you join a co-op that would take some of the teaching burden from you? These have all helped lighten my load *and* provide accountability for my high schoolers.

 

I don't feel like my DS takes home schooling seriously. He needs to be accountable to someone else for his learning and studying.

 

Have you been reading the many posts on middle school/early high school kids? It's very, very typical for 13- and 14-year-olds to struggle in this area. Public school may or may not help. I have found that my oldest stepped up a bit each year, though there have been times I thought I'd tear my hair out! At 17, he's a completely different student, but it's been a steady climb each year. Actually more of two steps forward, one step back.

 

No real answers. Just a :grouphug: as you continue to search for the best path for your ds.

 

HTH,

Lisa

 

ETA: One other thing that helps me tremendously in homeschooling are IRL friends who I can go to for venting or advice.

Edited January 31, 2009 by FloridaLisa

[Guest Katia]

What type of music is he interested in? Vocal? Instrumental? What instrument?

 

What kind of private lessons does he take right now? What does his teacher(s) suggest for furthering his musical career?

 

My dd is a music major in college right now, and I have to tell you, what we could find for her (lessons, orchestra, chamber groups, etc.) were much, MUCH better quality outside of the public school system. In fact, the public schools here don't even offer orchestra, just band.

 

She had tons more time to practice and get ready for those all important college auditions, which are scholarship intensive, by not having the public school schedule to work around.

 

I would suggest that you make sure your public school can actually offer more in the music area than what your music teacher(s) can help you find. And check out your community college(s). Our local cc has a terrific music program that my (now) high schooler is utilizing while homeschooling.

[ValRN]

I sit here with tear-filled eyes thinking how wonderful you all are. I needed this support, advice, and encouragement. I don't get to visit the site daily, but when I do, someone has always written something that I needed to read. I appreciate the diversity of everyone's experiences. Thank you.

 

I am in Maryland. As far as I know, we aren't allowed to take any ps classes while home schooling. I don't know what's available (as far as music opportunities) to us here. We just moved here about two years ago and that's when my son fell in love with jazz music and trumpet playing (he also plays piano and has done so since he was 7). I presume that I should get on the ball and research what our options are before making the decision. There is a private school here that will allow home schoolers to take up to two classes at their school IF they enroll in their umbrella program. Not sure I want to enroll in an umbrella program.

 

FloridaLisa - Yes, it is burn-out time for me and I needed the encouragement. I DO need to take time for myself. My hubby and I discussed things this weekend and he offered me to go spend a weekend wherever I wanted. I declined because I'm most happy and comfortable when I'm with my family. Maybe I should take him up on it.

 

As far as things go right now, I have NOT decided to put my ds in ps. I'm leaning more toward some online and co-op classes for next year. He does not want to go to ps. Heck, he doesn't even want to take co-op classes. I also have to strap up and make him more responsible and do some additional teaching in study skills. I'm reading a book that someone here suggested about study skills. I'm waiting on the DVD series that someone else suggested.

 

Thank you again for everything.

Val

[SonshineLearner]

Also, for study skills, I've seen the Teaching Textbook's course recommended. Our library has some of the TT materials. Might be worth checking it out.

Carrie:-)

[Michelle in AL]

Val, I'm glad you feel better! Look around at big cities near you. In a city close to me (and it's not a very fine city), we have a performing arts academy at a church that provides wonderful music lessons, there is also a very good children's choir that goes through high school (not connected with the school sys) and there is also a youth symphony.

 

You may be surpised at your options.

[outtamyshell]

I would recommend learning about ALL of the options available before making a decision. In the past, we have chosen schools because of the great classes available only to find that my daughter wouldn't be able to participate in them. Our PS even told us 8th grade was too late for her to begin participating in band (she had vocal and piano experience).

 

Some of the options I would consider is PA Homeschoolers. I believe they offer AP Music Theory now. I was also surprised to find our community college offers a wide range of bands and choirs to participate in.

 

You might also find some non-academic affiliated bands to participate in. There are many town bands, choirs, etc that are designed for adults but who might welcome a HS student with the flexible schedule and maturity that they require.

 

Good Luck.

[Kathy in MD]

Val,

 

If you think there is a possibility you might decide to put your child into ps after the 9th grade you may want to teach high school under the auspices of an umbrella school recognized by the state of MD. Because if you aren't under an accredited umbrella, you have to prove that your child deserves credit for every home taught course. Until just recently that meant you had to save every single piece of paper and the department heads had to determine if your child merited credit for each course. The department heads now can just administer a test, which works if your child tests well.

 

But to the subject of outside music opportunities. Some homeowner's associations have community bands. I believe some towns and cities also have these. There are also many small theaters in the DC area that might be able to direct you to community performing groups and special training programs. Black Rock in Germantown, the Strathmore in Bethesda (?) and the Olney Therater (Olney) are 3 in Montgomery County. Check with any nearby symphonies for training and performing opportunities.

[JennW in SoCal]

Val,

 

I know many homeschool kids who switch to homeschooling because of music. Homeschooling offers them more practice time and flexible hours for performances. Isn't there a youth symphony in your area? I agree with others to search out community bands and orchestras, and want to give a plug to church music programs. I play in a small church orchestra and we LOVE having high school students! Check out the bigger churches in your area for orchestras and see who will welcome you with out the pressure of joining the church itself. That's how we work and I'm sure there are groups like ours on the East coast!

 

As for having an outside authority to answer to, do you have the option of an umbrella school in your area. I enrolled my kids in a public umbrella school when my oldest was in 7th grade -- never thought I'd go that route. It has been a life saver as my kids have to answer to a teacher once month and it seems to be just the right amount of incentive for them. There are classes too, which have given them some time to hang out with their peers and get used to discussions preparing for projects and tests.

 

Community colleges are a life saver too, with both academic and music classes your high schooler can take.

 

Don't despair! There are other options for you.

[mom2fiveboysnc]

if your child can participate in a co-op music program that would be wonderful. also, are there any private music teachers in your area that could offer instruction? many public school band instructors offer private instruction to make extra money. i know my oldest was in band and was offered the opportunity to play in a band with several of his friends. he declined because that wasn't his interest at the time. these boys learned to play several instruments and piano on their own or with minimal instruction and today have a successful local Christian band that plays at many functions. The lead singer was in high school band with my son and played tuba in that. He is a music major in college now. if your son has like-minded friends that could get together that could really help him pick up on other instruments also. most high schools around here offer marching band, concert band and that is it. does your school district do All-state or All-county? perhaps he could audition for that, you would have to check with your district administration. most community colleges only offer music appreciation now. maybe you could see if a music camp is in your area? we live in a rural area so there aren't many music teachers around here, other than a few piano and guitar. hth!

[ValRN]

I've been looking into it further and have found many youth orchestras in or around MD. The bummer to that is that the child has to audition and most of them are for extremely talented or gifted musicians. DS still has a bit to go before he can be labeled " extremely talented or gifted". DS has been taking private lessons for trumpet for the past 2 years and took private piano lessons for 5 years prior to that.

 

I've also looked into several co-ops in our area and have decided to go that route for accountability for his high school years.

 

I'm still researching and going over my options.

Val

[LisaNY]

What type of music is he interested in? Vocal? Instrumental? What instrument?

 

What kind of private lessons does he take right now? What does his teacher(s) suggest for furthering his musical career?

 

My dd is a music major in college right now, and I have to tell you, what we could find for her (lessons, orchestra, chamber groups, etc.) were much, MUCH better quality outside of the public school system. In fact, the public schools here don't even offer orchestra, just band.

 

She had tons more time to practice and get ready for those all important college auditions, which are scholarship intensive, by not having the public school schedule to work around.

 

I would suggest that you make sure your public school can actually offer more in the music area than what your music teacher(s) can help you find. And check out your community college(s). Our local cc has a terrific music program that my (now) high schooler is utilizing while homeschooling.

 

I agree w/Katia. I would not rely on the ps to provide the only music instruction for your ds. If he has musical talent, I would enroll him in private or group music lessons in addition to what he would get at the ps.

[Michelle in MO]

I don't know if I can add many new thoughts to this discussion, as everyone has given you excellent advice so far. On the one hand, I always thought that homeschooling was the ideal lifestyle for a prospective musician, because the built-in flexibility and more efficient methods of schooling would allow the serious music student to have enough time to practice and be involved with extra-curricular music activities. On the other hand, depending upon your area, your homeschool group or community college or other networking opportunities might not have the music support that you'd really need, such as band or choir. Our area certainly didn't; we have a community college, but right now their music department is not very good; one of the better instructors passed away, and the choir director leaves much to be desired in so very many ways---not only his musical ability, but his extreme pride and poor attitude towards some of the students. The other thing to consider is your relationship with your ds; if homeschooling through high school is getting to be too difficult for both of you and is harming your relationship, sending him to p.s. might be the answer. And, as LisaNY said, I would look into other private lessons in addition to what your public school can provide.

 

I can only encourage you to keep researching the subject; eventually you will find an answer that brings you peace. Many :grouphug: to you; I know this is not an easy decision. We faced the same decision ourselves last year, for some of the same reasons (i.e., the challenge of homeschooling teenagers through high school) and others (i.e., health reasons). Ours are in private school now and taking piano and voice lessons privately, but none of my girls are really serious music students, except that I can see my oldest daughter getting a minor in voice (but, she hasn't decided that yet).

 

I wish you the very best in making this decision. :)

[ElizabethB]

I played trumpet for 10 years and piano for 3.

 

You and your son should both read Gladwell's latest book. Bottom line: after a baseline talent level, it all comes down to practice time, practice time, practice time.

 

I have some very good trumpet books somewhere with good exercises and suggestions, I'll try to track the titles down for you so you can get them for him. I know where they were 3 moves ago...

 

I would also investigate and see if there are any Drum Corp International (DCI) groups in your area. I did that for 2 years and really learned a lot and enjoyed it. He may be able to join one for a summer if there is not one nearby, but there is one near family or friends that is active mainly in the summer.

 

http://www.dci.org/corps/

Edited February 13, 2009 by ElizabethB