Icy roads, car accident, and the death of a little girl in our community.

[Colleen]

How does one go on after losing a child? I know I've asked that gazillion times. I know there's no hard-and-fast answer. Just feeling remorse over the death of a 7 year old girl here this morning. Her mother was driving her and a younger sister to school and lost control of their van on the very slick road. We (in Western WA) always have to hear about how bad we are at driving in the snow, but the thing is, snow is never the trouble. The trouble is the freezing rain we get and the thin film of ice and no amount of de-icing or sand helps.

 

Anyway. Drive carefully. Hug your children ~ even if they are driving you bonkers at the moment, as is the case here.

[Ria]

Oh, Colleen, that's so sad.

 

I don't know how the parents go on. I just pray that God gives them strength to get through...

 

Ria

[LoriM]

I don't know. It's so tragic. We lost a 16yo in our community two weeks ago; she was texting while driving to school during exam week, arranging a breakfast with friends before her last test. Sigh.

[jacqui in mo]

I was just pondering that myself as I was remembering a neighbor who lost their 10 yo ds a year ago just before Christmas, completely out of the blue due to a medical issue they didn't know he had. I guess you learn to live with a jagged dagger in your heart at all times. And it surely must be harder for this mom you mentioned knowing she was driving the car.... So sad.

[Peek a Boo]

....I guess you learn to live with a jagged dagger in your heart at all times. And it surely must be harder for this mom you mentioned knowing she was driving the car.... So sad.

 

:sad:

 

this is kind of how I envision it also, but I hope I never have to find out for sure.

 

{{{families}}}

[Crissy]

Oh, my.

That brings tears to my eyes, Colleen.

I just cannot imagine...

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

I have no idea. It is one of my greatest fears in life. I hope I never find out.

[missplacedalaskan]

Oh, wow. I don't know...that is a fear of mine.

We will be praying for this family.

[3lilreds in NC]

I don't know either. I have had nightmares and anxiety attacks about losing a child. I have no idea how you go on.

 

But, having met those who have... they rely on their faith. I don't think it ever stops hurting.

[momofkhm]

I personally hope never to find out. And I hope you don't have to find out on a personal level as well.

[lollie010]

Anyway. Drive carefully. Hug your children ~ even if they are driving you bonkers at the moment, as is the case here

 

Thank you so much for the reminder. My little ones had such a rough day today--we really struggled. They are fast asleep now and I have many regrets over a wasted day. Tomorrow I will hug them a little tighter and pause my own agenda a little more often.

 

Laurel T.

[swellmomma]

I had an acquiantence that lost both of her children and her fiance due to a car accident, 5 years ago this past xmas. I know she has never been the same, she was driving and while it was due to icy conditions and out of her control she still feels guilt over both of her children and her fiance being killed, because they didn't have to be out. Knowing how much I changed just from m/c I can only imagine how losing a child in this way would affect me, I don't know how I would cope.

 

How terribly sad for the mother. How is the other child?

[Colleen]

I have a tendency to dwell on these sad situations. To think about how it all played out, how the affected parties will cope, how I would cope...Sounds like morbid voyeurism, I know, but I guess it's just my way of coping. I mull over the keen awareness that tragedy takes place in the midst of the hum-drum. How very odd, how disconcerting, to think that last night at this time, this little girl was sound asleep in her bed while her parents gave not a thought to the tragedy that would befall them in a few short hours. I'm reminded again of my favorite poem (I know I've shared it here before many times), "Musee des Beaux Arts" by W.H. Auden, which begins:

 

About suffering they were never wrong,

The Old Masters; how well, they understood

Its human position; how it takes place

While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along;

 

We lost a 16yo in our community two weeks ago; she was texting while driving to school during exam week, arranging a breakfast with friends before her last test. Sigh.

 

I'm so sorry to hear this, Lori.

 

I guess you learn to live with a jagged dagger in your heart at all times. And it surely must be harder for this mom you mentioned knowing she was driving the car.... So sad.

 

"A jagged dagger in your heart"; you phrased that well. Yes, I think of this woman who will always and ever wonder, "What if I'd driven a different road? A different speed?" and so on. It was not her fault. Everyone can tell her that. She can accept that, eventually, in her brain. But this little voice will always be there, wondering.

 

How terribly sad for the mother. How is the other child?

 

The mother and other child have already been released from the hospital. This surviving little girl is now an only child. The one who died would have turned 8 later this week. My dear friend's daughter ~ a school friend of the girl ~ was going to attend the birthday party on Friday. I wonder...Did the parents already buy her a gift? Is it sitting now on the shelf in their closet, waiting to be wrapped and presented to the child who is no longer ~ on this earth, anyway?

 

Thank you for your replies; it helps me to "talk" it through.

[Miss Sherry]

I think people respond in individual ways to loss. I think part of how we are affected by a loss is influenced by our emotional , psychological, and spiritual condition at the time.

 

I remember one man whose child died because he fell out of the back door of their car and was run over. There was an adult in the back seat, but she did not get to the child in time to keep him from falling out. He was only about 2 years old and was not in a car seat and got himself out of his seat belt and managed to open the door. This man became very distressed and bitter over losing his son and left his wife and children. They divorced.

His wife was affected differently. She was able to get focused onto the Lord through prayer and reading Bible passages and did not become bitter. She was also hurting very much but she wasn't angry and hostile like her husband became. I think she was wanting to keep herself functioning as well as possible because she also had other children to care for.

 

I know another woman whose 18 year old son died of leukemia and she became obsessed with thinking about him after his death. She was visiting his grave everyday and spending hours there. She planted flowers and small plants etc. at the grave and just stayed there for a big part of the day. Her other children were being neglected while she was doing this. During this time she also started using meth. It's been going on 5 years since her son died and she still visits his grave but now only occasionally. She was a distressed person before he became ill with leukemia and that only added to her problems.

 

[Soph the vet]

I think God gives overwhelming grace and comfort to deal with the loss of a child for those parents who are actually experiencing it. When we are on the "outside" looking in we cannot know how that feels and if we try to anticipate it in our own lives it can seem so unbearable, and it is, because we have not been given that grace ahead of time, only in the moment it happens. "My grace is sufficient for thee for My power is made perfect in weakness..." Knowing that God is Sovereign and is in control of every "accident" and that "our days are numbered, just like the hairs on our head" and that "not one sparrow falls to the ground without His knowing" will be the only thing that brings any comfort to me if the tragedy of losing a child ever happens.

So sorry your community is experiencing the loss of one so precious.