What do I do with refusal to do school work?

[bookmomma]

My ds 6 just flat out refuses to do his school work on most days. We have a few good days here and there, but then there are those days that he back-talks and tells me he won't do it.

 

I had this problem last year with my ds 7 (now 8), and this year he is eager to please. He now realizes that the faster and harder he works, the quicker it gets done and he gets a break. I am also unrelenting when it comes to getting their work done, so I think he realized that he will never win.

 

Now my ds 6 who was an eager learner last year refuses to do his school work this year. Is it just that he is trying to master some difficult material and this is his way of not feeling bad about struggling? Or is he testing his boundaries with me? Oh, will they ever just do their work when it's time to do it?

[katilac]

What happens when he refuses? Does he eventually get to go play or watch tv? Some kids are very stubborn, and they will sit there for three hours if the result is no school work.

 

You have to make it more of a hassle for HIM if he doesn't comply. If he refuses to do his school work, simply refuse to let him do anything else. Let him sit there all day, no play time, no tv, no toys, until the work is done.

 

With a brother nearly the same age, surely he is not going to be content to sit for hours at the table, staring at the wall, while his sibling gets to run outside, build with legos, or watch tv? I can't imagine that lasting for very long!

 

My personal choice is to impose consequences for both backtalking and disobeying. So, while a very young child might get away with a warning for a quick outburst, a 6 yr old who shows a pattern is going to get punished at my house.

 

First would be, "I've already told you that refusing to do schoolwork is not allowed, so please go to your room and sit on the bed while I work with your brother. Then we will return to your work."

 

And it would just get uglier from there as needed! But really, just remember that you hold all the power. This kid can't do much without your say-so; he can't eat fun snacks or ride his bike or stay up till his usual bedtime unless YOU allow it. So, if he refuses schoolwork, don't allow it.

[Crissy]

Refusal to do work on their part would result in refusal to allow privileges on my part.

Privileges would include all but basic needs of food, clothing, shelter and the like.

[ma23peas]

Assess if you're doing too much drudge work...many will try to emulate a 'school-at-home' schedule and it's down right tedious. I am the type of homeschool mom who is very hands on..I started out being the former type and soon realized that I was going to wreck the love for learning the children naturally possess and it's our role to foster and grow it.

 

You just can't do that with busy work....For a 6 year old it was pretty simple...

 

Read aloud (LOTS AND LOTS...) lots and lots

 

A little bit of math goes a long way...make it fun..there were days I would sit and do his math sheet for him and really struggle (pretend time) to answer some..the key was that he had to check MY work and correct any wrong answers..he LOVED being the teacher and he was learning without thinking he was doing the work.

 

Find something they LOVE and explore the heck out of it...my son at 6 loved dinosaurs..so each day I would let him pick out a dinosaur from his number of books on the subject and I would try to trace it, let him color it, and I'd have him put a star sticker on the map of where this animal came from, then we'd cut out the dinosaur and glue/paste him to our 'timeline' of all the periods (Triassic/Jurassic etc.) I'd have him tell me the top 3 things he liked about that dinosaur and we'd write them down.

 

We actually did Latin at this age (Minimus) but we did it with 3-4 other families so we had fun talking Latin and doing the creative projects with the other kids....

 

If all that fails then I would then offer a refusal to do your job....you refuse to make his breakfast, you refuse to let him watch TV..but you do it with a smile and a wink...half the time when kids buck at this age it really is because we've failed to catch their attention and make learning a joy...the other half is just plain testing of the wills/laziness and we have to be diligent to not let this take hold. Our job as parents is not to be taskmasters, we teach them in the same manner that we raised them those early years, with gentle guidance, love, encouragment and creativeness...we have many arrows we can pull out and try new techniques and tweak our paths...all to make learning a joy not a chore.

 

Tara

[bookmomma]

What happens when he refuses? Does he eventually get to go play or watch tv? Some kids are very stubborn, and they will sit there for three hours if the result is no school work.

 

You have to make it more of a hassle for HIM if he doesn't comply. If he refuses to do his school work, simply refuse to let him do anything else. Let him sit there all day, no play time, no tv, no toys, until the work is done.

 

With a brother nearly the same age, surely he is not going to be content to sit for hours at the table, staring at the wall, while his sibling gets to run outside, build with legos, or watch tv? I can't imagine that lasting for very long!

 

My personal choice is to impose consequences for both backtalking and disobeying. So, while a very young child might get away with a warning for a quick outburst, a 6 yr old who shows a pattern is going to get punished at my house.

 

First would be, "I've already told you that refusing to do schoolwork is not allowed, so please go to your room and sit on the bed while I work with your brother. Then we will return to your work."

 

And it would just get uglier from there as needed! But really, just remember that you hold all the power. This kid can't do much without your say-so; he can't eat fun snacks or ride his bike or stay up till his usual bedtime unless YOU allow it. So, if he refuses schoolwork, don't allow it.

 

That's pretty much what I do. I send him to his room with the understanding that when he is ready to do school work, he may come out. He has no privileges in there (we keep a separate play room so that time in their bedrooms are not play times). Usually he gets bored and feels lonely, and eventually comes out and tells me he is sorry and he is ready to do his work now. But there are some days that I have to drag him out after several hours and tell him, "tough, you're doing it." We always get it done by the end of the day, but it takes a lot of starting and stopping, working right up to and during dinner (he is not allowed to eat until his work is done--except for reading), and many nights we doing his reading work at night.

 

I just feel like I need some easier method. His brother did this whole song and dance last year and it was a nightmare. But his brother is very difficult all around and much more stubborn. I'm hoping it won't last long with this one. He is kind-hearted and usually does things for our approval. GRR.

[2cents]

Refusal to do work on their part would result in refusal to allow privileges on my part.

Privileges would include all but basic needs of food, clothing, shelter and the like.

 

This is my approach too.

[jamnkats]

Assess if you're doing too much drudge work...many will try to emulate a 'school-at-home' schedule and it's down right tedious. I am the type of homeschool mom who is very hands on..I started out being the former type and soon realized that I was going to wreck the love for learning the children naturally possess and it's our role to foster and grow it.

 

You just can't do that with busy work....For a 6 year old it was pretty simple...

 

Read aloud (LOTS AND LOTS...) lots and lots

 

A little bit of math goes a long way...make it fun..there were days I would sit and do his math sheet for him and really struggle (pretend time) to answer some..the key was that he had to check MY work and correct any wrong answers..he LOVED being the teacher and he was learning without thinking he was doing the work.

 

Find something they LOVE and explore the heck out of it...my son at 6 loved dinosaurs..so each day I would let him pick out a dinosaur from his number of books on the subject and I would try to trace it, let him color it, and I'd have him put a star sticker on the map of where this animal came from, then we'd cut out the dinosaur and glue/paste him to our 'timeline' of all the periods (Triassic/Jurassic etc.) I'd have him tell me the top 3 things he liked about that dinosaur and we'd write them down.

 

We actually did Latin at this age (Minimus) but we did it with 3-4 other families so we had fun talking Latin and doing the creative projects with the other kids....

 

If all that fails then I would then offer a refusal to do your job....you refuse to make his breakfast, you refuse to let him watch TV..but you do it with a smile and a wink...half the time when kids buck at this age it really is because we've failed to catch their attention and make learning a joy...the other half is just plain testing of the wills/laziness and we have to be diligent to not let this take hold. Our job as parents is not to be taskmasters, we teach them in the same manner that we raised them those early years, with gentle guidance, love, encouragment and creativeness...we have many arrows we can pull out and try new techniques and tweak our paths...all to make learning a joy not a chore.

 

Tara

 

This was my exact thought also! If he's bored and not wanting to do the work then *I* have failed. I make it my personal challenge to ensure that each kid is getting joy out of what they're learning and exploring. Otherwise they really aren't getting it. Dry, boring material that you have to learn simply for the sake of learning will not be retained and I really don't even see the use of learning it.

 

I prefer to engage and challenge.

[beansprouts]

I just saw an awful flashback of the day a little girl who was once very stubborn sat here at the school table for three hours refusing to read 12 words on a phonics page.

 

:glare:

[bookmomma]

I just saw an awful flashback of the day a little girl who was once very stubborn sat here at the school table for three hours refusing to read 12 words on a phonics page.

 

:glare:

Okay, I'm wondering whether you're talking about yourself or your daughter? Just curious:)

[beansprouts]

Okay, I'm wondering whether you're talking about yourself or your daughter? Just curious:)

 

That was my daughter. I am happy to say that she has matured into a very sweet, cooperative child who loves to learn and will do pretty much anything she is asked. She is a perfect student. :001_wub:

[Denisemomof4]

What happens when he refuses? Does he eventually get to go play or watch tv? Some kids are very stubborn, and they will sit there for three hours if the result is no school work.

 

You have to make it more of a hassle for HIM if he doesn't comply. If he refuses to do his school work, simply refuse to let him do anything else. Let him sit there all day, no play time, no tv, no toys, until the work is done.

 

With a brother nearly the same age, surely he is not going to be content to sit for hours at the table, staring at the wall, while his sibling gets to run outside, build with legos, or watch tv? I can't imagine that lasting for very long!

 

My personal choice is to impose consequences for both backtalking and disobeying. So, while a very young child might get away with a warning for a quick outburst, a 6 yr old who shows a pattern is going to get punished at my house.

 

First would be, "I've already told you that refusing to do schoolwork is not allowed, so please go to your room and sit on the bed while I work with your brother. Then we will return to your work."

 

And it would just get uglier from there as needed! But really, just remember that you hold all the power. This kid can't do much without your say-so; he can't eat fun snacks or ride his bike or stay up till his usual bedtime unless YOU allow it. So, if he refuses schoolwork, don't allow it.

 

whole heartedly agree. I'd also withold lunch until he's accomplished at least something, and if you're serving a treat for lunch, give him something else instead...... a healthy food he'll eat if he has to but doesn't exactly enjoy it. IF he fusses, tell him you won't reward bad behavior.

 

I had to do this with my adopted daughter. It never once was an issue with my bio kids. It took a year for her to realize that doing schoolwork = FUN day and good food, even a treat. I also had her sit out when we were with the homeschool group (I looked like a bad mom) and cancelled playdates until she realized that she was only ruining her life. She got to see her sister having a blast and she couldn't join in. When her brothers got home from school and everyone ate a special snack, she got none. She held out for a LONG time. I let her know that I was sad that she was making bad choices to ruin her day and NEVER let it show that it bothered me in any way at all.

 

Denise

Edited January 9, 2009 by Denisemomof4

[Denisemomof4]

Assess if you're doing too much drudge work...many will try to emulate a 'school-at-home' schedule and it's down right tedious. I am the type of homeschool mom who is very hands on..I started out being the former type and soon realized that I was going to wreck the love for learning the children naturally possess and it's our role to foster and grow it.

 

You just can't do that with busy work....For a 6 year old it was pretty simple...

 

Read aloud (LOTS AND LOTS...) lots and lots

 

A little bit of math goes a long way...make it fun..there were days I would sit and do his math sheet for him and really struggle (pretend time) to answer some..the key was that he had to check MY work and correct any wrong answers..he LOVED being the teacher and he was learning without thinking he was doing the work.

 

Find something they LOVE and explore the heck out of it...my son at 6 loved dinosaurs..so each day I would let him pick out a dinosaur from his number of books on the subject and I would try to trace it, let him color it, and I'd have him put a star sticker on the map of where this animal came from, then we'd cut out the dinosaur and glue/paste him to our 'timeline' of all the periods (Triassic/Jurassic etc.) I'd have him tell me the top 3 things he liked about that dinosaur and we'd write them down.

 

We actually did Latin at this age (Minimus) but we did it with 3-4 other families so we had fun talking Latin and doing the creative projects with the other kids....

 

If all that fails then I would then offer a refusal to do your job....you refuse to make his breakfast, you refuse to let him watch TV..but you do it with a smile and a wink...half the time when kids buck at this age it really is because we've failed to catch their attention and make learning a joy...the other half is just plain testing of the wills/laziness and we have to be diligent to not let this take hold. Our job as parents is not to be taskmasters, we teach them in the same manner that we raised them those early years, with gentle guidance, love, encouragment and creativeness...we have many arrows we can pull out and try new techniques and tweak our paths...all to make learning a joy not a chore.

 

Tara

 

Oh, oh, oh I AGREE! If your school work is too dry, perhaps that's the problem? I knew that wasn't my issue with my daughter. I guess I should read ALL the responses before I respond myself.

 

I think this is fairly common with homeschoolers. I know I've seen this come up SO many times before. My boys did their work, but all the dawdling was MADDENING. Once they realized that they could be done with their work by NOON and have the res of the day to themselves (in the younger years), they were ALL about getting their work done in a timely manner so they could play for the rest of the day. I am sure your son will come around and the path of your journey will once again become a delight!

Edited January 9, 2009 by Denisemomof4

[Pamela H in Texas]

It sounds to me like you're handling it just fine.

 

I also worked with DS on the situation of CHOOSING to be miserable or happy (or anywhere inbetween). He really didn't get, for a LONG time, that HE decided his attitude, feelings, thought patterns, etc. He was making himself much more miserable. I wouldn't allow him to make ME miserable.

 

But in time, he "got it." If he just did his work, his day continued, including having a life. And if he chose to think positively, he'd feel better and he had a better day doing what he had to.

 

Some kids are tougher than others :)

[WTMindy]

Refusal to do work on their part would result in refusal to allow privileges on my part.

Privileges would include all but basic needs of food, clothing, shelter and the like.

 

Yup! That would be our response as well. And the food wouldn't be very good!! :-)

[dirty ethel rackham]

Great advice thus far. One additional thing I would recommend is physical activity. Not ready to do schoolwork? Do something physical that gets you winded. Jump on a mini-tramp. Can you do more push-ups than mom? I often would try to convert the lesson into something physical and social.

[bookmomma]

Thank you for all of your replies. It is reassuring to know I'm not the only one dealing with extremely stubborn children:)