What am I dealing with here?

[bethben]

I am getting to a point where I cannot homeschool anymore due to my own mental health.  I'm not quite sure what I'm dealing with here or even know how to get help.  My daughter is adopted and has "trauma brain".  In a large classroom, she presents as having ADD due to her scanning for trouble.  In a small classroom, I'm not sure if she has trouble paying attention or chooses not to.  Right now, she goes to a co-op type program for 10th grade one day a week where she takes Biology, World History, and World literature/composition.  She is almost failing History.  Her teacher says she doesn't listen to the lectures and is always drawing.  She had to drop Algebra because the pace was going too fast and she was failing.  I have taught her math every single day even when she was in public school because she never was able to understand.  She was always placed in the slow math class.  She does OK with literature as long as she's interested in the story.  Composition is OK - She can get solid Bs.  She is currently "reading" Pride and Prejudice while listening to Adventures in Odyssey even though I've offered audio versions and also to read it to her to help with comprehension.    I have given her a worldviewcourse that she should be able to do herself as her reading ability is high, but she always forgets to do it and misses out on social activities because she hasn't finished (multiple reminders).  I want to send her to public school, but due to past history with her, she will most likely fail math at minimum, possibly other subjects.  The high schools around here are large and crowded which sets off her ADD tendencies.  How do I get help?  We did testing 5 years ago and beyond oppositional defiant disorder, she tested low intelligence, but not disabled or ADD.  

 

I don't know what I'm needing to ask for or how to get help.  Please don't suggest tutors as I need someone several hours a day 5 days a week and at $30-$50 an hour (what has been quoted me), it's almost half of my husband's take home pay.  

Thanks.

Edited February 16 by bethben

[kbutton]

The school is required by law identify her needs. Did she have an IEP before?

I would put her in public school and be ready to hire an advocate to be sure they put her in appropriate classes.

You’ve been overwhelmed a long time.

This is a hard profile of issues to compel the school to serve, and she might have to fail some stuff to get the right help. I would emphasize that she needs transition services so that she can be employable and see if they will connect you with your state’s vocational rehab also.

I think you would benefit from a break!

Did they look at language issues? Some really good language resources are compatible with helping kids with trauma communicate (Mindwing Concepts). I would ask to have language evaluated also.

I think trauma tends to be both overlooked and overly blamed depending on who is looking and what they do or do not want to service.

[bethben]

I’m a little scared because when she did go to public school in elementary, she came home crying daily.  And then somehow I had to get her calm enough to do homework…And teach her everything she didn’t understand…At night when I was ready to unwind.  As it is now, shes huffing and puffing around the house angry when she’s home.  But nights are ok as she works early night and comes home exhausted.  She has never had an IEP because I was essentially acting like a resource room teacher.  So she never fell behind.  I can’t anymore.  I guess I just have to talk to the school.  See what they can offer and what it takes to get those things offered.

[kbutton]

1 hour ago, bethben said:

I’m a little scared because when she did go to public school in elementary, she came home crying daily.  And then somehow I had to get her calm enough to do homework…And teach her everything she didn’t understand…At night when I was ready to unwind.  As it is now, shes huffing and puffing around the house angry when she’s home.  But nights are ok as she works early night and comes home exhausted.  She has never had an IEP because I was essentially acting like a resource room teacher.  So she never fell behind.  I can’t anymore.  I guess I just have to talk to the school.  See what they can offer and what it takes to get those things offered.

Be entirely up front about your level of support. Definitely talk about the mental health aspect. Ask for every evaluation you can justify if you use the school for that part—it’s one of the first pieces after you ask for an evaluation in writing!!! Language, everything. If they don’t find in favor of an IEP, disagree and ask for an independent educational eval and get an advocate/attorney.

She needs support, and you’ve carried this a long time.

Other Health Impairment is a category that covers anxiety, ODD, etc., and you might read up in supports under IDEA. Try to find Facebook groups supporting parents in your state through this process.

 

[PeterPan]

I will pm you. 

[PeterPan]

2 hours ago, bethben said:

As it is now, shes huffing and puffing around the house angry when she’s home.

Teens are notoriously unstable, also her D could be low with winter, leading to more instability.

Would the insurance pay for a private OT eval with someone with experience with trauma and interoception? Has she had trauma work?

[Ottakee]

Does your district offer an alternative high school?  Or smaller charter school?

[bethben]

10 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Teens are notoriously unstable, also her D could be low with winter, leading to more instability.

Would the insurance pay for a private OT eval with someone with experience with trauma and interoception? Has she had trauma work?

She just started OT with a place that is trauma informed and deals with kids with autism.  She needs trauma work and I’m using the OT to get her comfortable with the agency so she can get actual therapy.  
 

I forgot about Vitamin D.  It’s sunny here in the winter so I’m not noticing the seasonal blues as much in me so I don’t think about it.

[PeterPan]

1 hour ago, bethben said:

She just started

Wow, you're doing a lot of great things!!!!! 

Yeah, the vitamin D thing is genetic. Some people have a defect in their vitamin D receptor and benefit from vitamin D year round. Trauma affects self awareness (body and emotions) so she may not be in a good position right not to self advocate. Hopefully that will change with all the good help you're getting her!! https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2451902224000223  Here's an article Kelly Mahler of the Interoception curriculum just posted on her FB. 

How receptive is she to the idea of a grade adjustment or super senior year?

Edited February 17 by PeterPan

[kbutton]

2 hours ago, bethben said:

She just started OT with a place that is trauma informed and deals with kids with autism.  She needs trauma work and I’m using the OT to get her comfortable with the agency so she can get actual therapy.  

Good job! 

[bethben]

3 hours ago, PeterPan said:

 

How receptive is she to the idea of a grade adjustment or super senior year?

She’ll already be 19 when she graduates so not too receptive.  She has a late birthday for her grade and was behind developmentally due to the Chinese orphanage thing.  She could even hear well until she was 3 and got hearing aids (she doesn’t need them anymore due to several factors).

[PeterPan]

23 hours ago, bethben said:

She’ll already be 19 when she graduates so not too receptive.

Then I wouldn't do it. I would make a brief hit list of the most important things (mental health, trauma therapy, interoception work, employability) and lick/promise everything else to prepare her to launch. She's going to launch whether she's ready to or not, so you need to do the things that will be most protective. 

[prairiewindmomma]

 I think the fact that she's going to OT to work on regulation is fantastic.

 

[Ottakee]

On 2/17/2024 at 2:28 PM, bethben said:

She’ll already be 19 when she graduates so not too receptive.  She has a late birthday for her grade and was behind developmentally due to the Chinese orphanage thing.  She could even hear well until she was 3 and got hearing aids (she doesn’t need them anymore due to several factors).

Has her hearing been checked recently?  Tested for auditory processing?

I work with young adult with hearing impairments and for some they lose hearing and need hearing aids again as young adults.

[Megbo]

I'm curious about the "low intelligence" aspect - wondering if it could be low enough to possibly explain all the academic difficulties? 

I don't have personal experience with this, but a close friend who has two adopted teenage sons was always told (based on school testing) that both boys have "below average" intelligence. She's spent the last 10+ years working with them, hiring different kinds of tutors, and attending IEP meetings to advocate for interventions, accommodations, etc. that she was told they needed in order to keep up and stay on track to graduate. Within the last year, one of the boys ended up seeing a psychiatrist who looked at his test scores and was floored that this kid was taking regular high school classes. He thought the mismatch between ability and expectations was likely contributing to the emotional/behavioral issues and recommended retesting - which turned into a diagnosis of Mild ID. She had her other son retested as well and he scored too high for an ID diagnosis, but his school experiences were similar so they ended up making some major changes to his high school program as well.

If your daughter's testing is 5 years old, the report shows that she has a disability (ODD) along with some other areas of concerns (low IQ), and she's struggling now (co-op grades show this), she should easily qualify for updated IEP testing at the public school. Going through the IEP process would allow you to find out exactly what attending public high school would look like for her - what services she qualifies for and how they'll be provided. That might be the info you need to decide whether public high school is ever going to be an option for her?