nm

[Clarita]

5 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

I have done some stuff. 

I picked green beans.
I visited with my daughter. I cut up squash and zucchini for lunch.
Got my haircut.
Then joined the exchange students at an activity and picked them up.
Hubby cooked the green beans and potatoes he dug up. Grilled chicken and sausage. Broiled the veggies I cut up and made cornbread. I brought the girls home for lunch.  We had a really nice conversation.
Then I took them to the house where the students were swimming. Our daughter is going to be joining the students for Whataburger, ice cream and then the panel discussion on race. It will end late, so she will bring them home. 
Loaded the dishwasher and started it.

I talked to my mom...sigh.  I have a new list of things I need to do for her/follow-up on: 

1. There is a nurse that has been visiting her that we haven't been able to figure out where she is coming from.  Think it is from her insurance and I got a phone call so I can follow up.  
2. Need to text my step-brother to make sure he has scheduled the durable power of attorney papers/mobile notary for next week.
3. Need to call mom tomorrow to make sure she has called her primary care doc about her shortness of breath/dizziness and to see if she took her blood pressure and blood sugar numbers. ( Still a little peeved at her internist who said she didn't need to do this daily.  It is an early warning sign as both can get to be too low...)
4. Need to call the specialty pharmacy.  She is still getting her higher dose cancer meds(couldn't tolerate them) AND her lower dose ones. I have two packages of meds which has a 3000 dollar a month co-pay ( she qualified to get them free).  So someone should be able to use these unopened meds 

Started a load of laundry.

And I have spent a ton of time on here when I could have been doing my devotion or something.  I am now going to try to force myself to read more of Jonathan Strange & M. Norrell y Susanna Clarke. It was a Christmas present from my middle child and he shares my love of reading, and knows what I like. (I give him piles of books for birthdays and Christmas, and this is the 2nd book he has given me. 🙂 But the first chapter was really strange.  Having trouble getting into it. 

Sounds like lots of things done today. It seems like there's plenty to do tomorrow (all the mom stuff). That medical stuff takes a lot emotionally/psychologically to do so totally understandable if no more tasks get done above and beyond those (or even if only partial or one of those get done).

Unless it's for school or someone's paying you for your time there is no reason to slog through a book just because someone recommended it. Ask your son if it gets better.

I'm just going to put it this way. Ask for what you want always, it gives people the freedom to say no. If you ask for 100 things, that person is going to feel safe and have no issues saying no to 10 or more of those things. If you only ask for 5 things, that person actually feels like they can never say no to you. 

[TexasProud]

On 6/14/2022 at 6:06 PM, Clarita said:

 

nm

Edited July 26, 2022 by TexasProud

[fairfarmhand]

8 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

And I cannot ask for anything, ever unless I know I will get a yes.  I just can't. It devastates me. It means I am unreasonable and not worthy.  It is really, really, really hard for me to ask...  Though, a lot of times I have no opinion and don't know what I want. I mean I don't care where we go out to eat. I don't care how someone loads the dishwasher. Most stuff I really really do not care about.  Or I have no feelings. But there are a few things, yeah will never ask.

And about the book. This is the son that we have had some rough patches. At one point a few years ago, he said I never say I am proud of him and other stuff.  So yeah, even if I don't love the book, I need to make sure he knows I read it and have something interesting to say and can comment on why he would like the book.  Must be positive, not what kind of stupid book did you give me?  It needs to be a good gift.

Ummm...when your kids ask you for something or when they were small and they asked for a purple unicorn and you said no, it meant nothing more than no. Why is the answer no so emotionally laden? Sometimes it means nothing more than "This won't work for me." 

Let me put it this way, being able to accept a no without falling apart gives people freedom. You want them to feel free to be honest with you. not to feel like you can't cope when they can't/don't want to do the things you want them to do. 

Maybe you need to explore this with a therapist? 

[TexasProud]

On 6/14/2022 at 6:35 PM, fairfarmhand said:

nm

 

nm

Edited July 26, 2022 by TexasProud

[HS Mom in NC]

51 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

And I cannot ask for anything, ever unless I know I will get a yes.  I just can't. It devastates me. It means I am unreasonable and not worthy.  It is really, really, really hard for me to ask...

Call a licensed, clinical psychologist or psychiatrist tomorrow morning.  You need serious help ASAP-we can't help you here, we're not qualified. 

[TexasProud]

Just now, HS Mom in NC said:

Call a licensed, clinical psychologist or psychiatrist tomorrow morning.  You need serious help ASAP-we can't help you here, we're not qualified. 

Nope.  They think I am fine. I have been to one psych and tried 3 different counselors, one this past January.  She felt like I coped quite well with everything going on. 

[HS Mom in NC]

3 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Nope.  They think I am fine. I have been to one psych and tried 3 different counselors, one this past January.  She felt like I coped quite well with everything going on. 

Did you tell them that you can't ask for anything or hear no without being devastated because it means you're unreasonable and unworthy? Did you tell them that only in rare moments can you tell people the truth when they ask you what you want?  Because IF you explicitly stated those things to them and they told you you're fine, they committed malpractice. Find one what's willing to look into why that is. That's an entirely different subject than how well you're coping with your current struggles.

[The Governess]

Imagine your future best self: you are flourishing, feeling connected with the people/work/activities in your life in a meaningful way. What does that look like for you?What steps can you take now to get closer to that version of you? Focus on those and let the rest of the things you *can* do fall away.

[TexasProud]

2 minutes ago, The Governess said:

Imagine your future best self: you are flourishing, feeling connected with the people/work/activities in your life in a meaningful way. What does that look like for you?What steps can you take now to get closer to that version of you? Focus on those and let the rest of the things you *can* do fall away.

Interesting idea.  I will try that.

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, TexasProud said:

Trust me. The doctor said it caused it.  Also, it wasn't a stroke. 

You did not cause it.  And I know what you are talking about.  You did not cause his medical condition.  

[TexasProud]

8 hours ago, Garga said:

Maybe you just don’t need to do anything for the next …year?  I’m mostly serious about this. Maybe it’s time to “turn your clothes hangers around.”

Every year, I turn all my clothes hangers the other way around. When I wear something, I put it back in the closet the right way. After a year, anything that didn’t get worn, gets donated. I can tell it didn’t get worn, because the hanger is backwards.

Maybe it’s time to turn all the clothes hangers around on that (overwhelming and exhausting) list of things you do. Don’t require yourself to do any of them: no lists, no goals.  

And then wait and see which activities you actually bother doing over the next year. 

It’s your life. You can do whatever you want with it. If you want to hang out on the boards for the next 6 months, then hang out. Let things unfold as they will, rather than forcing a decision. 

It’s ok to be a human being, and not a human doing, for a while.

I meant to say, I really, really like this analogy.  But no lists...  Not sure how to even do that.  For one thing, I forget things now in my old age that I NEED to do like some stuff for my mom if it isn't written down.  But still, very, very good advice. Thank you. Will work on that.

[TexasProud]

Just now, Scarlett said:

You did not cause it.  And I know what you are talking about.  You did not cause his medical condition.  

Yes, I did. He was working so hard. I caused it. And yeah, I know you know from the other board. 

[maize]

1 hour ago, TexasProud said:

And I cannot ask for anything, ever unless I know I will get a yes.  I just can't. It devastates me. It means I am unreasonable and not worthy.  It is really, really, really hard for me to ask...  .

This sounds like rejection sensitive dysphoria

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/adhd/are-your-anxiety-and-depression-caused-by-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria/

 

Have you read any of Brené Browns work dealing with shame? That might help you with some insight.

[Scarlett]

58 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Yes, I did. He was working so hard. I caused it. And yeah, I know you know from the other board. 

Does he know you are telling yourself this untruth? 

[regentrude]

1 hour ago, TexasProud said:

Yes, I did. He was working so hard. I caused it.

You did not MAKE him work so hard. He is an adult with agency.

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, TexasProud said:

Nope.  They think I am fine. I have been to one psych and tried 3 different counselors, one this past January.  She felt like I coped quite well with everything going on. 

Try this.  Print  out this thread  and let your psych or counselor read it from beginning to end.  I suspect you are not being fully transparent with them.,

[Clarita]

2 hours ago, TexasProud said:

I meant to say, I really, really like this analogy.  But no lists...  Not sure how to even do that.  For one thing, I forget things now in my old age that I NEED to do like some stuff for my mom if it isn't written down.  But still, very, very good advice. Thank you. Will work on that.

Maybe forget all the goals the blog stuff, the mission stuff, all those things in the giant essay from before. You can make lists of the things you NEED to do like buy food, take care of mom stuff, etc. Then check of those things surely as you do them like you would. Also at the end of the day/week list out the other things you did as well with a little check box next to them and check them off too. 

Then you will see all the things you did do and all the things you accomplished. 

I feel wholly unqualified to help you in all the asking for what you want and your relationship with your son. The only thing I got is to tell you God Almighty knows all the things you hide from everyone, He knows all your secrets. Guess what? He thinks you are worthy, He thinks you are lovely. If a powerful God thinks that of you, who are measly people to think otherwise.