Mid Life Crisis Ideas

[TexasProud]

6 hours ago, Quill said:

Texas, is there a narrative in your head that says *YOU* are always responsible for making sure no shit hits the fan? It sounds that way to me. 
 

Bad stuff is going to happen. It’s going to happen whether you were, moments ago, enjoying a nice glass of iced tea on the deck, thinking life is good, or you were in bed, eating a donut, unable to face the day. Life is full of both. 
 

You can’t stop bad stuff from happening by being a good person, by praying a lot, by controlling circumstances. It’s true you can make some things more likely to go well with good choices, but we all have the random junk of the universe that strikes without warning. Truly, my mental health improved when I faced that truth. 
 

Recently, I have been thinking of people in Ukraine. Can you imagine how cruel it would be to have to leave your home on foot with your kids and aging parents, fleeing as refugees, leaving your husband/brothers/whomever behind to fight? City destroyed, people dead, for no reason that makes any sense; just that a dictator wants the land you have always called home and doesn’t mind killing people and destroying lives to get it? Not to say my life is good because someone else’s is shittier, but just to demonstrate that rain falls on the righteous and unrighteous alike. You can’t prevent all the bad stuff. Might as well enjoy the ice tea. 

So Jenny below said it much better than I could. No, relaxing doesn't cause it.  Yes, Ukraine is only one of the many things that keeps me up at night.  I have been part of  a local project where we sent several thousand portable water filters...really cool the way it all came together. 

3 hours ago, Jenny in Florida said:

So, I am not the person to whom these questions are addressed, but I have feelings and experiences similar to what TexasProud has described and a similar resulting fear of ever just relaxing and enjoying anything.

In my case, it's not that I believe the relaxing "causes" the bad stuff; it's that the bad stuff hits me harder when it knocks me down from a higher place, emotionally. It makes me feel like I'm being punished for being happy or proud of myself. It makes me feel like I need to always be on my guard so that the next time something awful happens, it won't hurt so much or throw me for such a loop.

To be clear: I have never thought that anything about my beliefs or lifestyle would or should "protect" me in any way from bad things happening. I don't expect my life to be any easier than anyone else's, and I readily acknowledge that many people have things a lot worse than I do. In my case, though, knowing those things and yet still feeling the way I do (despite everything I have worked really hard to try to shake myself out of it) just makes me feel like a failure.

Thank you for articulating exactly how I feel. 

1 hour ago, wintermom said:

I don't mean to tread on any toes, so feel free to completely ignore this.

Doesn't the bad stuff knock us down from whatever 'height' we are? If we are already feeling low, it feels like we're going even lower down; if we are feeling good, it brings us down. That temporary 'height' or feeling of calm, or well-being when we learn about a bad event isn't actually the biggest factor. Rather it's our reaction to the bad event. Sometimes we're already feeling overwhelmed, and trying to cope with one more bad piece of news just wipes us out.

In brain anatomy terms, if the amygdala (fight/flight) part of the brain has been overstimulated from on-going trauma or stress and hasn't had enought tme inbetween to recover, our ability to cope with more stress is reduced.

I really like this colour zone image to describe different zones of mental health continuum. Green is that wonderful on-going 'relaxed' state.

We really need loads of time in the 'green zone' to recover from on-going stress. Sometimes we need some additional support to help us get back into thes green zone.

https://navigator.nscad.ca/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Mental-Health-Continuum-Tool-PDF-EDIT.pdf

Ok, how in the world in a Covid world do we ever really get to green???? For me, it hasn't been withdrawing from friends. I have had to do things like take my mom to the doctor or NOT go to an event because no one wears masks, though honestly I did go to our church's ladies retreat. I could not completely relax as I worried about passing it on to my mom and some immunocompromised people that were there and whether they might get sick from the event.  I would love to have completely enjoyed my graduation ceremony, but we went back and forth from there to helping my mom with some stressful stuff.  And again, very few of us were masked at this event where probably 2,000 people or more were there. (400 people graduating in a megachurch environment). 

I have carried on. I graduated seminary with a 3.85. I know you guys do not believe it, but everyone in my real life, including my husband sees me as such a positive, encouraging person. I am struggling more now with my time that I have no outside accountability/goals. I have tons of possible plans, but again, it depends on what happens with my mom and what my husband is doing/going.  I have no clue how to make plans right now.  

But I am with Jenny..  It is much easier to just stay in the yellow zone, than to say..ah... I can finally be in the green and not worry and just enjoy myself and there is a major crisis with a child that caused a community wide incident and consequences.  Really, I could list 3 or 4 major incidences per year over the last decade. And again, with Covid, how do you ever get into the green. You can't.  In the last 4 weeks I have tried to plan 2 different things to meet with friends that fell through.  Getting together with friends over the last 3 years just has not worked. 

Edited June 2, 2022 by TexasProud

[wintermom]

6 hours ago, TexasProud said:

Ok, how in the world in a Covid world do we ever really get to green????

Meditaion, petting puppies and kittens, playing with our children, seeking out sources of comedy (books, TV, movies, etc.), walks in nature, talking to friends (through any medium possible), seeking ways to enhance sleep, avoiding unnecessary news sources, etc.

We can get there, at least temporarily, and keep working to get and/or stay there. It's a process, and it may require some professional support.

 

Edited June 3, 2022 by wintermom

[Jenny in Florida]

[Removed - Sorry for derailing the conversation.]

Edited June 2, 2022 by Jenny in Florida

[wintermom]

dp

Edited June 3, 2022 by wintermom

[katilac]

 

On 6/2/2022 at 2:03 PM, Lady Marmalade said:

 

Bought a large package of high quality temporary tattoos off of Amazon  

Do you mind sharing the brand? 

[Lady Marmalade]

3 hours ago, katilac said:

 

Do you mind sharing the brand? 

I bought this collection from Zomme:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0875YSKTK/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

They look so much like a real tattoo and they last! I use nail polish remover to rub them off when they start to look too faded in spots. 

[mum]

On 6/1/2022 at 6:02 PM, HS Mom in NC said:

Suffering is spiritually formative, it draws us closer to The Comforter, it's one way we become more like Jesus, it takes our focus away from the temporal to the eternal, it's a way to be reassured that our faith is genuine,

 

I have found that suffering has just about crushed my faith. I wouldn't put the worst person on the face of the earth through what I have gone through. So I wonder how God allows it. My head knows all of the usual answers  but my soul is not convinced. I would still say I am a person of faith, but I'm not sure what I have faith in.

[Guest]

13 hours ago, mum said:

I have found that suffering has just about crushed my faith. I wouldn't put the worst person on the face of the earth through what I have gone through. So I wonder how God allows it. My head knows all of the usual answers  but my soul is not convinced. I would still say I am a person of faith, but I'm not sure what I have faith in.

I’m sorry for your suffering. I would say something similar, but I did mostly give up my faith eventually.