Scarlett Posted June 15, 2020 Author Share Posted June 15, 2020 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said: You have described the relationship between yourself and your son as estranged. You show plenty of evidence that you do not like this, and just as much evidence that you would prefer to continue this way than make the required changes. There's that saying, you can be right or you can be happy. You choose to be "right" and as someone else who only has one kid, it's a mind boggling choice. You really don’t know what all is involved. And I am really tired of it being brought up. This post was about my MIL. Not my son. Edited June 15, 2020 by Scarlett Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 14 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said: You have described the relationship between yourself and your son as estranged. You show plenty of evidence that you do not like this, and just as much evidence that you would prefer to continue this way than make the required changes. There's that saying, you can be right or you can be happy. You choose to be "right" and as someone else who only has one kid, it's a mind boggling choice. this. Rosie - we should be able to like your posts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 2 minutes ago, Scarlett said: You really don’t know what all is involved. Nope. I only know what you tell us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 15, 2020 Author Share Posted June 15, 2020 7 minutes ago, FuzzyCatz said: I can't like this but I agree. You may never catch wind of any fallout of this interaction again. But if your son starts getting phone calls related to this and hears the back story, is he going to be thrilled you made the choice to stir the pot? My husband has an ex and I really in my dizziest daydreams cannot imagine him reaching out to anyone in that family no matter how old and lonely they were. He is 100% a good guy, helps our elderly neighbors regularly. But that really is just stirring the pot unnecessarily. Your intentions may have been good, but you left drama for others to deal with. There are plenty of reasons not to drag an elderly toxic person into every family drama. And given the history you've said here in regards to the wedding there clearly was some sort of drama. If you are feeling generous toward the elderly, there are lots of nursing homes that would love cards and notes from volunteers. People make different choices. I don’t regret being kind to her. I think y’all are making this out to be way bigger than it is. There was no drama with the wedding. And I don’t know what back story you are talking about. I called my son and told him about the conversation and he was like meh, he doesn’t care what she knows or what she thinks. It is way over and yet I keep getting pounded on by y’all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 15, 2020 Author Share Posted June 15, 2020 4 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said: Nope. I only know what you tell us. Which of course I now deeply regret telling anything about a very complex situation because It gets brought up no matter what the topic. My xh not telling his mom about our son getting married had NOTHING to do with my relationship or issues with my son. So I don’t know why it has to be brought up repeatedly in this thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 2 minutes ago, Scarlett said: Which of course I now deeply regret telling anything about a very complex situation because It gets brought up no matter what the topic. My xh not telling his mom about our son getting married had NOTHING to do with my relationship or issues with my son. So I don’t know why it has to be brought up repeatedly in this thread. No, I suppose not. Though it has been explained. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 15, 2020 Author Share Posted June 15, 2020 1 hour ago, Medicmom2.0 said: I feel for you. I did this recently, completely accidentally, answering a question with an answer that I thought was public knowledge and turned out to be private. I feel terrible about it, but I think you were just caught off guard and fell into her trap. I’m betting she suspected they were married and baited you. How were you supposed to know XH hadn’t told her? I’m guessing you and XH don’t talk about everything. She suspected they were living together and that is the information she was trying to get out of me. So there is nothing,—literally nothing-I could say that would not cause my xh a conversation of grief with her, which is now over by the way. The only thing that would have stopped her is for me to lie and say, ‘oh they aren’t living together, and she is a lovely girl.’ I am not going to lie to her. And I am really surprised so many of you think that is the way I should have gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 The way this conversation has gone is bizarre to me. Something Slache posted reminded Scarlett of something that happened to her recently, so she chatted about it. That's kind of what we do here. I honestly don't get the dog-piling, and I don't get why people aren't taking her at her word regarding her motivations. I think we all need some wine and cupcakes or something. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 5 hours ago, Scarlett said: She suspected they were living together and that is the information she was trying to get out of me. So there is nothing,—literally nothing-I could say that would not cause my xh a conversation of grief with her, which is now over by the way. The only thing that would have stopped her is for me to lie and say, ‘oh they aren’t living together, and she is a lovely girl.’ I am not going to lie to her. And I am really surprised so many of you think that is the way I should have gone. The entire chain of events seems odd to me. It seems odd to me that the grandmother would have enough information to assume that they were living together but not have heard through the grapevine that they were married. If there is enough chit-chat between everyone that you tell your ex-husband that you sent a card to his mother and then he tells his mother and then she calls you trying to get more information and then calls her son back, I would be surprised that she didn't just ask her son for the information she wanted in the first place. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 42 minutes ago, Bootsie said: The entire chain of events seems odd to me. It seems odd to me that the grandmother would have enough information to assume that they were living together but not have heard through the grapevine that they were married. If there is enough chit-chat between everyone that you tell your ex-husband that you sent a card to his mother and then he tells his mother and then she calls you trying to get more information and then calls her son back, I would be surprised that she didn't just ask her son for the information she wanted in the first place. you're making an assumption with that that she actually HAD that information, and wasn't guessing about them living together. can't speak about op's ex-mil - but the things my grandmother would "assume" and start interrogating people about. she was quite devious in her questioning. they were entirely guess on her part, no actual knowledge, but she'd frame it as though she already knew the answer. I only figured out what was really going on when her *guesses* proved to be close on the gist - but so far off on particulars it was obvious she didn't know what was really going on. (kinda like the x-mil asking about them living together, and was shocked to find out they were married.) it's completely possible (if the x-mil is anything like my grandmother) - she did NOT know they were living together, and was just using a guess as a ploy to get more information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 16, 2020 Author Share Posted June 16, 2020 6 hours ago, gardenmom5 said: you're making an assumption with that that she actually HAD that information, and wasn't guessing about them living together. can't speak about op's ex-mil - but the things my grandmother would "assume" and start interrogating people about. she was quite devious in her questioning. they were entirely guess on her part, no actual knowledge, but she'd frame it as though she already knew the answer. I only figured out what was really going on when her *guesses* proved to be close on the gist - but so far off on particulars it was obvious she didn't know what was really going on. (kinda like the x-mil asking about them living together, and was shocked to find out they were married.) it's completely possible (if the x-mil is anything like my grandmother) - she did NOT know they were living together, and was just using a guess as a ploy to get more information. This is exactly correct. Exactly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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