Arctic Bunny Posted March 4, 2020 Share Posted March 4, 2020 -Mom, I’m the only one of my friends who has to get off the computer/PlayStation at 9:00! It’s not fair! Why are you so unfair?! -DS15 -Because you have to get up at 6:15, and I have to drag your butt out of bed as it is. -That’s not a good enough reason! -Your only responsibilities in the morning are getting dressed, eating breakfast, brushing teeth, and putting on deodorant. You roll out of bed and leave yourself barely enough time. And you’ve missed the bus twice this week, forgotten your binder, your English book, and had to rush around looking for your wallet for driver’s ed. I make your breakfast, lunch, move your clothes to the drier when you forget... It sounds like you need more responsibility in the morning so you have a reason to get up earlier. Silence. 4 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted March 4, 2020 Share Posted March 4, 2020 Sounds fair enough! I would've simply given him, "I guess your friends are doing a better job getting ready in the morning than you are. When you show me that's not an issue for you any more, I'll be open to changing my mind." 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted March 4, 2020 Share Posted March 4, 2020 I liked what my friend's mom would say when her kids whined "it's not fair". her mom's response was: "life isn't fair, and you don't want it to be". (underlying message is, if life were "fair"- there were things they took for granted they wouldn't have. 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted March 4, 2020 Share Posted March 4, 2020 I think you're very generous. When mine turned 13 I made her responsible for what's listed below, including getting herself up on time. After a few months she was scrambling in the mornings because she was waiting until the last possible minute to get out of bed, so I told her it was clear to me she needed to be in bed an hour earlier the next night. She didn't like that. Did she want to stay up later? Then things needed to run fairly smoothly in the mornings or she'd be sent to bed early that night and then she'd have to get up earlier the next day. She tried me. I enforced it. I haven't had trouble with her more than a time or two since then. Each day screen time is earned by doing all of the following without being reminded: getting herself up on time making herself breakfast (I don't eat breakfast and my husband eats breakfast hours before we're up) fairly civil attitude starting homeschooling on time staying on task for school completing chores on time (there's a set deadline) doing chores properly getting home on time before bed prepping her lunch for outsourced classes on occasion turning in her screens on time getting to bed on time Infractions can accumulate. If she fails to do 3 of those things, she loses screens for 3 days. If she fails to do the same thing a few times in a row, she loses double the screen time and might get grounded in addition, depending on her behavior. She slips up now and then, but not very often. I just didn't want to direct, nag, cajole, argue, or remind a teen to do daily routine stuff. Sometimes we negotiate a different deadline, curfew, or bedtime when something comes up, and she seems to have learned that if she civilly specifies a reason for a change and asks civilly if it can be moved to a reasonable time, and she'll almost always get an answer she wants. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted March 4, 2020 Share Posted March 4, 2020 12 hours ago, arctic_bunny said: -Mom, I’m the only one of my friends who has to get off the computer/PlayStation at 9:00! It’s not fair! Why are you so unfair?! -DS15 -Because you have to get up at 6:15, and I have to drag your butt out of bed as it is. -That’s not a good enough reason! -Your only responsibilities in the morning are getting dressed, eating breakfast, brushing teeth, and putting on deodorant. You roll out of bed and leave yourself barely enough time. And you’ve missed the bus twice this week, forgotten your binder, your English book, and had to rush around looking for your wallet for driver’s ed. I make your breakfast, lunch, move your clothes to the drier when you forget... It sounds like you need more responsibility in the morning so you have a reason to get up earlier. Silence. My kids are not allowed screens on school nights at all (So Sunday after 6p through Thursday night). So it could be worse! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 4, 2020 Share Posted March 4, 2020 (edited) My kids try that sometimes. My usual response is - I'm not other people's mom, I'm your mom, and I decide based on what works for us. I guarantee the other kids' parents make them do things my kids don't have to do. Better not get me started on all the chores that are age-appropriate but not required of my kids. I do have one who has a rough time in the morning. I have learned it is partly related to her OCD. This morning, despite having her clothes ready and going to bed early last night, she managed to take 40 minutes just to do basic bathroom stuff and pull on her clothes. The other kid is better, but scatterbrained and too fond of reading at the wrong times. Haven't figured out a way to keep all her books from her in the morning .... Edited March 4, 2020 by SKL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted March 4, 2020 Author Share Posted March 4, 2020 Yes, it’s probably time for me to - again - go over the responsibilities of the kids of my coworker, single mom of five. And remind him that the reason I try to make it so easy is because I know how sucky it must be to have to be out the door by 7:15 when you’re 15yo! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted March 4, 2020 Author Share Posted March 4, 2020 15 minutes ago, vonfirmath said: My kids are not allowed screens on school nights at all (So Sunday after 6p through Thursday night). So it could be worse! Sounds lovely! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted March 4, 2020 Author Share Posted March 4, 2020 33 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said: I think you're very generous. When mine turned 13 I made her responsible for what's listed below, including getting herself up on time. After a few months she was scrambling in the mornings because she was waiting until the last possible minute to get out of bed, so I told her it was clear to me she needed to be in bed an hour earlier the next night. She didn't like that. Did she want to stay up later? Then things needed to run fairly smoothly in the mornings or she'd be sent to bed early that night and then she'd have to get up earlier the next day. She tried me. I enforced it. I haven't had trouble with her more than a time or two since then. Each day screen time is earned by doing all of the following without being reminded: getting herself up on time making herself breakfast (I don't eat breakfast and my husband eats breakfast hours before we're up) fairly civil attitude starting homeschooling on time staying on task for school completing chores on time (there's a set deadline) doing chores properly getting home on time before bed prepping her lunch for outsourced classes on occasion turning in her screens on time getting to bed on time Infractions can accumulate. If she fails to do 3 of those things, she loses screens for 3 days. If she fails to do the same thing a few times in a row, she loses double the screen time and might get grounded in addition, depending on her behavior. She slips up now and then, but not very often. I just didn't want to direct, nag, cajole, argue, or remind a teen to do daily routine stuff. Sometimes we negotiate a different deadline, curfew, or bedtime when something comes up, and she seems to have learned that if she civilly specifies a reason for a change and asks civilly if it can be moved to a reasonable time, and she'll almost always get an answer she wants. Ah, remembering to use a civil tone goes a long way in negotiations! Everything can just go south so quickly, otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted March 4, 2020 Author Share Posted March 4, 2020 3 hours ago, whitehawk said: Sounds fair enough! I would've simply given him, "I guess your friends are doing a better job getting ready in the morning than you are. When you show me that's not an issue for you any more, I'll be open to changing my mind." And that’s really what it came down to. Plus the civil tone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted March 4, 2020 Share Posted March 4, 2020 My kid used to complain about being the only one who HAD to do his homework at a co-op class. We were both annoyed about that one. Friggin' homeschoolers and this new "I'm not gonna stress" trend. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted March 4, 2020 Author Share Posted March 4, 2020 Just now, KungFuPanda said: My kid used to complain about being the only one who HAD to do his homework at a co-op class. We were both annoyed about that one. Friggin' homeschoolers and this new "I'm not gonna stress" trend. Which brings up another excellent point. Those friends that (supposedly) have less restrictions? Let’s take a peak at their marks, shall we? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 1 hour ago, KungFuPanda said: My kid used to complain about being the only one who HAD to do his homework at a co-op class. We were both annoyed about that one. Friggin' homeschoolers and this new "I'm not gonna stress" trend. What's with those people, anyway? Why do their parents sign them up if the parents aren't going to make sure they do the assignments? I mean, if they don't want to bother, isn't it just easier to skip all of it rather than being that homeschooler who half asses it by attending but not doing the work? I honestly don't have a grasp of their mindset. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkTulip Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 9 hours ago, gardenmom5 said: I liked what my friend's mom would say when her kids whined "it's not fair". her mom's response was: "life isn't fair, and you don't want it to be". (underlying message is, if life were "fair"- there were things they took for granted they wouldn't have. My sister’s husband uses a similar variation: “if life were fair, you would be barefoot chasing a chicken down a dirt road.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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