Night Elf Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 I've always been an extremes person. It's black and white. Go or Stop. When I'm at work at certain times, I want to be home. When I'm home on my day off, I miss being at work. I changed my schedule so I can have 3 days off per week, 2 personal days and Sunday when the store is closed. I lasted one week doing 2 days. I missed work so I now go in for half a day on my 2nd day off. I'm now working nearly full time and hate it. I want to be working no more than 28 hours or so and I'm up to 35 instead. Being on the management team, unfortunately means having to be there even when I don't want to be. So when I'm home, I want to be at work. When I'm at work, I want to be home. Still struggling with food. When I gain weight, even though I intentionally set out to do so, all I think about is dieting again and losing everything I've gained. When I restrict myself, I want to eat all the time. When I'm eating too much, I want to stop and eat nothing. When I read a book. I reread the same books repeatedly because they are familiar but it drives me crazy because I get bored with them. When I'm not reading a particular book that is on my mind, I start reading it regardless of how many books I have going at the time. When I'm reading, I skip pages because the words are so familiar I don't need to read them again. I'd love to start a new book but worry I won't like it so rather than give something a try, I reread a familiar book instead. How on earth did I get like this? Good grief!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 Have you been evaluated for OCD? That book thing and maybe some of the work thing and even maybe the food thing seem to fall into the obsessive/compulsive behavior ranges. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippiemamato3 Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 I think that's part of Bipolar - it's definitely that way for those I know with it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 17 minutes ago, Ktgrok said: Have you been evaluated for OCD? That book thing and maybe some of the work thing and even maybe the food thing seem to fall into the obsessive/compulsive behavior ranges. I agree. All of this could fall under the broad umbrella of intrusive thoughts, but it's also easily missed with other stuff going on. If you take meds, I know it's tricky to change, but maybe they can try to add in something that might help without interfering with your current meds? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 My first thought was OCD as well. Antidepressants can help both with compulsive thinking and behavior and with mood regulation. Hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted November 21, 2019 Author Share Posted November 21, 2019 I have Bipolar 2 disorder, General Anxiety Disorder and am ADD. (Not H in there though.) I am on meds but not an antidepressant because that can kick in a manic phase. I'm so tired of wondering if things that I feel or do are due to my meds. The problem is it took a while to get a combination of meds that didn't have noticeable side effects. Some of the meds I tried were scary. I hate the idea of changing meds because it means weaning off some and then adding in others slowly. That means I could suffer symptoms of my disorders and there's no telling how long that may last. It would interrupt my life in a big way. However, I will bring this up with my psychiatrist to see what she thinks. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 (edited) 39 minutes ago, Night Elf said: I have Bipolar 2 disorder, General Anxiety Disorder and am ADD. (Not H in there though.) I am on meds but not an antidepressant because that can kick in a manic phase. I'm so tired of wondering if things that I feel or do are due to my meds. The problem is it took a while to get a combination of meds that didn't have noticeable side effects. Some of the meds I tried were scary. I hate the idea of changing meds because it means weaning off some and then adding in others slowly. That means I could suffer symptoms of my disorders and there's no telling how long that may last. It would interrupt my life in a big way. However, I will bring this up with my psychiatrist to see what she thinks. Thanks. There are therapies specific to OCD as well, that are non medication related. So that might be an option if changing meds is not (if you do end up diagnosed with OCD of course). The dieting even could be an expression of scrupulosity, etc. But definitely obsessive thinking. If it was JUST related to food that would match your eating disorder diagnosis, but if that obsessive thinking also impacts other areas that sounds more like OCD and I'm wondering if that may have been missed. If you just said, "I prefer to reread old favorites" that would fly under the radar, but "I get the idea of a book in my head and can't NOT read it - I have to drop the other books I'm reading and reread that old one I'm stuck thinking about,, even if I find it boring because I know what happens" that would scream OCD to me. Edited November 21, 2019 by Ktgrok 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 So you don't have to answer this to us, but I'm wondering if as a kid you were required to do things and then punished for doing them, which would set you up for this kind of thinking. (E.g., required to finish what was on your plate and then criticized for eating so much; told to do a huge chore and then berated for doing it imperfectly or at a time you were supposed to know you should be doing something else; given too much to do and told you were not working hard enough or managing your time correctly if you didn't all get done; had fun ruined because you were made to feel you were doing it wrong... ?) If not, it sounds like an anxiety/OCD feature. Your brain is getting stuck, as the kids' book says. As PPs have said, you may be able to practice some techniques for pushing back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherE Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 4 hours ago, Night Elf said: I have Bipolar 2 disorder, General Anxiety Disorder and am ADD. (Not H in there though.) I am on meds but not an antidepressant because that can kick in a manic phase. I'm so tired of wondering if things that I feel or do are due to my meds. The problem is it took a while to get a combination of meds that didn't have noticeable side effects. Some of the meds I tried were scary. I hate the idea of changing meds because it means weaning off some and then adding in others slowly. That means I could suffer symptoms of my disorders and there's no telling how long that may last. It would interrupt my life in a big way. However, I will bring this up with my psychiatrist to see what she thinks. Thanks. Has your doctor prescribed lamotrigine (brand name Lamictal) to help prevent depressive episodes? It is one of the few drugs that usually don't cause mania and is used for bipolar depression. The black and white thinking might be from anxiety. It removes any ambiguity that anxiety likes to cling onto. Same with needing to keep an exact schedule. Anxiety thrives in uncertainty. Instead of meds for those feelings, cognitive behavioral therapy can help stop anxiety before it takes hold. Good luck to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted November 21, 2019 Author Share Posted November 21, 2019 4 hours ago, whitehawk said: So you don't have to answer this to us, but I'm wondering if as a kid you were required to do things and then punished for doing them, which would set you up for this kind of thinking. (E.g., required to finish what was on your plate and then criticized for eating so much; told to do a huge chore and then berated for doing it imperfectly or at a time you were supposed to know you should be doing something else; given too much to do and told you were not working hard enough or managing your time correctly if you didn't all get done; had fun ruined because you were made to feel you were doing it wrong... ?) If not, it sounds like an anxiety/OCD feature. Your brain is getting stuck, as the kids' book says. As PPs have said, you may be able to practice some techniques for pushing back. Actually no. My parents separated when I was four years old so my main parent was my mom and she was extremely easy going. I wasn't required to do chores. I was never told how much or how little to eat. I didn't have anything denied to me unless it was something truly expensive and then my parents would explain why I couldn't have it and I was fine with it. I honestly cannot remember ever getting in a snit over things. I remember only one spanking and it was silly circumstance and my mom told me years later than she was in a bad mood and I just happened to do something that angered my sister which in turn angered my mom. I don't remember any other punishments, not even time outs or restrictions. My mom dieted ALL the time. She was always on a new diet. However, she never talked about trying to look a certain way or reaching a certain weight. The first diet I ever went on was when I was 33 years old. I went on Weight Watchers in my 40s. I joined twice, lost 25 lbs. each time and quit thinking I'd keep going myself. I gained all my weight back both times. The last time I joined in 2011, I decided to stay with it until I hit lifetime and I did that in 2012. I lost so much weight and felt amazing. Then my doctor told me to cut out some carbs because my A1C was in the prediabetic range. I dropped another 10 lbs. fast. Watching that scale go down so fast kicked something on in my brain and that was the start of my true obsession with food and tracking and weighing. I don't think I was obsessed while on Weight Watchers. I just thought I learning a new way to eat and never felt deprived. Sorry for all the information. I can't think of any OCD like behaviors I had as a child. I did have extreme moods though which matches my bipolar 2 diagnosis. They weren't bad though. I was diagnosed when my primary care physician put me on an antidepressant. It kicked in a manic phase. It's weird though because I had been on antidepressants before that with never a problem. So who knows. Ok. I'll stop now. 🙂 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 Why is it important whether or not you like a book? Avoiding a discomfort can sometimes create more discomfort that what you are trying to avoid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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