S/O how to prepare for elder parents care

[Katy]

We had trouble with an older single female neighbor and online dating... she kept "falling in love" with men she'd never met who didn't write English properly, pretended to be rich, but always got stuck in some other country and begged her to wire money to them.  Finally convinced her to get off of online dating sites unless they were willing to meet in a local coffee shop in less than a week.

[Spryte]

32 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

I'm so sorry that happened to your mom and that you're having to deal with the fallout. A similar thing happened to a friend of my MIL. And I don't think stuff like that is limited to women--elderly men are just as vulnerable.

 

That is a good point.  Any single elderly person is vulnerable.  And not just to “romantic” relationships.  The man who did this to my mom has a pattern of this behavior and we now know of three others, one of whom was an elderly man who died penniless as a result.

I’m so foucused in how to help my mother, I’m not thinking clearly at this point.  It’s been a crazy ride for the last two weeks.

[Spryte]

1 hour ago, Pen said:

 

?  Oh no, that’s awful.

Thank you for sharing all this. I think a similar thing may be happening with a single uncle in my family and I know someone whose father almost got taken in by a young woman—so it can happen with men too. 

The hard thing might be figuring out how to avoid it in the first place. 

Other scams too. 

I think there have been articles about older people being especially preyed on and vulnerable to scams. 

 

I hope someone can step in with your uncle, and be firm about protections for him.

Its heart-breaking.

And the emotional fall out of this type of elder abuse is painful to see.

Adult protective services is not helpful, here, as this all took place in another state.  We are investigating my mom’s options but the man had her endorse and cash her checks each month and hand him cash, so we aren’t sure what options we have.

[Carol in Cal.]

I'm so sorry, Spryte.  Is there possibly a case for elder abuse to be made?

[Spryte]

23 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

I'm so sorry, Spryte.  Is there possibly a case for elder abuse to be made?

 

Yes, there is.  I called APS in our state and they would have intervened had the actual events not transpired in a different state.  They have suggested I call APS in that state.  It’s a state with poor resources, and my mom is no longer there (thankfully), so I’m not sure what they can/will do.

But we have an attorney who has taken a liking to my mom, and she’s helping us - first with protecting her from the man.  Next we will talk about options for recourse.

Our first weeks have really been spent getting her settled and to a therapist here. Though last night she told me she wants a restraining order against the man, so we might be ratcheting up the anger.

My mother is a renowned artist, has traveled the world (alone) and lived an amazing life.  She has always been the strong independent type.  I hope this is just a small snag in the tapestry of her life.

 

[Carol in Cal.]

20 minutes ago, Spryte said:

 

 

My mother is a renowned artist, has traveled the world (alone) and lived an amazing life.  She has always been the strong independent type.  I hope this is just a small snag in the tapestry of her life.

 

This kind of stuff can sneak up on anyone.  I hope she forgives herself.  And I hope they can get her funds back.

[Spryte]

23 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

 

OMG. SAME. 

(ETA my elder was complicit in bad behavior that enabled her to end up in the abusive situation. It takes a determined effort for me to refrain from victim-blaming, but I try.)

I will pm you this evening. 

Many hugs. 

 

Oh.  Wow.  I would love to talk.

Mine was/is still somewhat complicit, I hear you.