Guest kacifl Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 There is a 13 year old that lives next door. When her school friends are not around she'll play with my daughter. But when she has friends over, she completely ignores my dd. Today, they were right in front of our house and my daughter walked out. They put their heads down and walked off. Didn't even wave or say hello. I saw the whole thing. It is hard to explain, but they were so close, they might as well been on our front porch. I could tell that it hurt my daughter. I opened the door and my dog ran up to them, so I went to get it. The girl got all 'sweet'. "I then said (and I know I should keep out of it) "Gee, hope you didn't trip over " dd " while you were ignoring her." Then she says what do you mean? I said "never mind, just go be with your friends". When these girls aren't around, this girl comes over and lays it on so sweet that I'm her second mommy, etc. A couple of months back, she had a birthday party with over 25 kids and didn't invite my daughter. I told my daughter that it is ok to have neighbors and you don't have to always be friends, that is understandable. But this flip flopping is so unfair. My daughter said 'let her fight her own battles' this is true, but it really got me today. :rant::mad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 I don't have neighbors. But the next time that little snit came over I'd tell her if my dd wasn't good enough to play with all the time, she wasn't going to play with her at all. If those two girls wanted only to play with each other they should have been polite enough to stay inside out of sight. And the birthday party thing is just.........ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Are you sure this is a middle school thing? I have known many a 5yo w/similar attitudes; I've watched them grow into these type of middle schoolers. Maybe my head is in the sand, but I am really, REALLY, really hoping I've taught my daughters better... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedfamily Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 I don't have neighbors. But the next time that little snit came over I'd tell her if my dd wasn't good enough to play with all the time, she wasn't going to play with her at all. If those two girls wanted only to play with each other they should have been polite enough to stay inside out of sight. And the birthday party thing is just.........ugh. :lol: Now that is shooting from the hip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura R (FL) Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 I think it's just some people, not just the age. Both of my girls, 12.5 and 14.5 have some real classy friends, and then there are some real doozies. At the ballet school, there are some 11yo girls the same way, and some high schoolers the same way. Usually, I see the parents or peers they choose follow similar suit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BabyBre Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Here's my theory on the "cattiness" of females. In a societal circle, everyone has a place in the food chain. Males, being endowed with physical strength, fight with their fists for supremacy. Females, being endowed with shrewdness and cunning, fight with their heads. That includes these type of nasty head games. This neighbor girl's primary circle of friends is more important to her than your daughter, hence the pecking order when her friends are around. When there are only two (her and your dd), it makes more sense to just get along. Hopefully, with your help, your dd will learn to realize a good friend from an oportunistic one. I always try to see these unfortunate, often heartbreaking situations as Significant Learning Oportunities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cillakat Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 (edited) Are you sure this is a middle school thing? I have known many a 5yo w/similar attitudes; I've watched them grow into these type of middle schoolers. Maybe my head is in the sand, but I am really, REALLY, really hoping I've taught my daughters better... yeah, it's not a middle schooler thing. in my younger child's *preschool* (she's now 7) it started with 2 4 yo's. the parents thought it was so cute, so 'teenager'. giggle giggle. it was sickening. they're now in first grade and are bullying everyone in sight. it'll be the same in middle school. I'm so glad we are at another school. for my hs'd child....well it happens in hs groups too. one 9 yo girl who had been my dd's 'best friend' decided she didn't like dd anymore. which is fine. that happens. but she set out on a path to insure that no one else would play with dd9 as well. lovely. of course, the parenting from her mother was right on par with what you'd expect from someone producing a child like that. she couldn't have cared less and did *nothing*. all the while this child (the bully) would suck up to me like everything was roses and honey. *lovely* Edited November 15, 2008 by cillakat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaNY Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 I don't have neighbors. But the next time that little snit came over I'd tell her if my dd wasn't good enough to play with all the time, she wasn't going to play with her at all. If those two girls wanted only to play with each other they should have been polite enough to stay inside out of sight. And the birthday party thing is just.........ugh. Yeah, and heaven help her if she's ever caught trespassing on your yard. :scared: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 And sadly it happens at church too. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaNY Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Are you sure this is a middle school thing? I have known many a 5yo w/similar attitudes; I've watched them grow into these type of middle schoolers. Maybe my head is in the sand, but I am really, REALLY, really hoping I've taught my daughters better... Yes, that's it. This kind of stuff begins at home, and it's obviously left unchecked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jejily Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 The same thing happens to my DS11. It's not just girls, it's not just middle school (although we are getting to that middle school age). But, having gotten one girl through middle school, and an older son, as well -- I have to say that middle school GIRLS do tend to be worse than boys. My two oldest were in public school; I've only been homeschooling our youngest, DS11. I plan on homeschooling him through his middle school years for this very reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 I think it's pretty great that your daughter wants to handle it herself. While we want to run in and fix everything as a mother, she is showing independence and maturity by wanting to handle her own social situations. Sometimes it takes getting hurt by a person before we can see how their behavior is toxic. It's better to let her go through it now, and learn how to handle it, than later when she's older and the stakes are much higher. It sure is hard to see our kids get hurt, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teamturner Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 This neighbor girl is manipulative with a capital M! I don't think I'd want my dd to ever be around someone like that. I hope you can use this girl as an example of how not to be. I hope the discussions you two have regarding what is a true friend and how this girl is a snake will open your dd eyes and she will decide to end all contact with her. Perhaps you can give your dd more opportunites to get together with her real friend/s and encourage those relationships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura R (FL) Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 I don't think it's just girls. Boys have a definite pecking order, but they're not so "two-faced" about it. If they don't like each other, they just plain don't. But if one cool boy perceives another will lower his status, the uncool boy will be avoided. It's not like the cool boy will be friends with him after school or when no one is around. I've seen that happen in my years of teaching, especially in middle and high school age boys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Why? Because their mothers are, usually, from what I have seen. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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